Ext. estab. of south park elemtary school - day
int. classroom - day
The kids are all sitting in their desks. Mr. Garrison walks in front of the class.
MR. GARRISON
Okay, children, let�s settle down... We have a very special guest today to tell us about Thanksgiving. All the way from the Pagan State of California, Mr. Jay Leno!!
The kids look confused, only one claps. Jay walks in.
JAY LENO
Hiya, kids! It�s great to be here. I just flew in to the Denver Airport - talk about slow! They should-
STAN
WOA! CHECK OUT HIS CHIN!!
KYLE
YEAH, DUDE!!
The kids just sit there and stare.
KENNY
Mph rmph rm rmph rm.
STAN
Kenny wants to know if that�s your real chin, or if you had a silicon implant.
JAY LENO
Okay, kids, very funny... Believe me there isn�t a chin joke you can tell that I haven�t already heard.
KYLE
I bet you go through about Forty Razors when you shave, huh?
JAY LENO
Let�s talk about Thanksgiving-
CARTMAN
Did you have to check that in to oversize baggage on the plane?
JAY LENO
Okay that�s enough! Alright?
The kids just sit there.
JAY LENO
Now, does anybody know why we celebrate Thanksgiving?
The kids think. Finally, Cartman raises his hand.
JAY LENO (cont�d)
Yes, little boy?
CARTMAN
Do you have to put your chin in a baby chair when you drive?
JAY LENO
WE�RE TALKING ABOUT THANKSGIVING!!!
CARTMAN
(To Stan)
I bet he does.
KYLE
Yup.
JAY LENO
Come on kids, I want to know what you children are thankful for this season!!
The children ALL raise their hands.
JAY LENO (cont�d)
BESIDES the fact that you don�t have my chin.
The children ALL lower their hands.
Finally Stan thinks of something.
STAN
I�m thankful for cable television. Because you can say words like (BEEP) and (BEEP).
KYLE
Yeah, and �Stop (BEEP) my (BEEP) you dirty (BEEEEEEP)�.
CARTMAN
How about �Why don�t you (Beep) your dad�s (Beep) so he can (Beep) the (BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP)
JAY LENO
Woa! Mr. Garrison, you let them talk this way in school?
MR. GARRISON
Oh, I can�t control them, the little (BEEP) say whatever the (BEEP) they want.
(To kids)
Now children, let�s talk about what we�re thankful for. That�s what Mr. Big Shot Hollywood Man is here for.
CARTMAN
I�m thankful for stuffing and pie.
STAN
You would say that fat ass.
CARTMAN
I�m not fat! I�m big boned!
STAN
No, Jay Leno�s CHIN is big boned - YOU are a big FAT ASS!
CARTMAN
YOU SON OF A (BEEP)! I�LL KICK YOU IN (BEEP)!!
The boys all start fighting, yelling and screaming.
JAY LENO
OKAY LISTEN UP!!!
The kids all shut up and look scared.
JAY LENO (cont�d)
I DIDN�T WANT TO COME HERE AND TALK WITH YOU FOUL MOUTHED LITTLE BRATS BUT THE NBC EXECS SAY CUTE KIDS GET US THE RATINGS ON HOLIDAYS!! SO SHUT UP AND TALK ABOUT THE JOYS OF THANKSGIVING DAMMIT!!
Silence...
JAY LENO (cont�d)
Now... You, fat kid-
CARTMAN
I�m not fat I�m big-
JAY LENO
I don�t care!! What does Thanksgiving mean to you?
VERY Sappy music begins to play as Cartman stands.
CARTMAN
(Sappily)
It symbolizes the pilgrims dinner... When they ate with the Indians, who taught them how to plant, and harvest food. And they gave thanks for the food and for the Indians.
JAY LENO
(Calming down)
Okay, very good. But the politically correct term is �Native Americans�.
STAN
They ate Native Americans?
KYLE
Cool!
JAY LENO
No!
STAN
If the pilgrims would have had Jay Leno�s chin they could have plowed their fields with it!
JAY LENO
OKAY, THAT DOES IT!! SCREW YOU GUYS I�M GOING HOME!!
Jay storms out, but on the way, his chin knocks over a marble bust of George Washington that lands on Kenny�s head, knocking Kenny�s head off and remaining on Kenny�s shoulders. Rats immediately enter to eat Kenny�s head.
STAN
OH MY GOD! JAY LENO�S CHIN KILLED KENNY!!
KYLE
YOU BASTARD!!!
JAY LENO
Oh, who cares he dies every episode. I�m outta here!!
Jay hits a button on his neck - his chin opens up and a large helicopter propeller comes out and starts up.
The propeller hoists Jay up, and he flies away into the sky.
STAN
WOA!!
CARTMAN I had no idea his chin had such magical powers...
MR. GARRISON: Boy, Hollywood people are so weird.
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