Thanks to all the people who replied to "A Work Of Fart" and thanks for all the positive feedback! :) Sorry I couldn't respond to y'all personally, but I've been really busy this week, and then some of the replies disappeared--my ISP gets rid of posts on its own, cuz it's an asshole.
I have quite a bit of catching up to do, with reading posts and fanfics, so if you didn't hear from me, I'm not being a bitch--I just didn't get around to it yet! :)
Well, here goes my attempt (note: "attempt") at a Halloween special. I haven't really written a story with a "theme/set topic" of sorts before <hopes it doesn't suck>
<insert legal crap here>
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[The kids are carving pumpkins in Kyle's house on Halloween day]
[And, now for a musical interlude!]
Cartman and Sheila: [singing, to the tune of Winter Wonderland] Screech owls hoot, are you listening?; Beneath the moon, all is glistening; A real scary sight, we're happy tonight; Waiting in a pumpkin wonderland!; In the patch, we're waiting for Great Pumpkin; We've been waiting for this night all year; For we've tried to be nice to everybody [after this line, Kyle snickers. Sheila hits him on the head]; And to grow a pumpkin patch that is sincere; Later on, while we're eating; What we got trick-or-treating; We'll share all our sacks; Of Halloween snacks; Waiting in a pumpkin wonderland!
[Note from author-I did not write that song. We just got it in chorus class, and I really don't know who wrote it]
Stan: Dude! What the hell was that?
Sheila: A Halloween carol.
Kyle: Dude! There's no such thing as a Halloween carol!
Cartman: Keep you thoughts to yourself, you son of a bitch, ummm, *UNBELIEVERS*!!! Unbelievers, the lot of you are! The Great Pumpkin is real! As real as you or me!
Stan: Cartman, what the hell are you talking about?
Cartman: [sophisticated] Simple minds won't understand.
Kyle: Well, your ass is so big that everyone is gonna mistake it for the full moon tonight!
[Stan, Kyle, and Kenny laugh]
Cartman: SCREW YOU GUYS!!!!!
[Sheila picks up a pumpkin and shoves the thing on Kyle's head]
Kyle: [inside pumpkin] Sheila! What the hell are you doing? Get me outta this thing!
[Kyle tries to take the pumpkin off his head, but it's stuck]
[Cartman and Sheila start to laugh. Stan and Kenny laugh after trying, unsuccessfully, not to]
Mrs. Broslofski: [entering] What's so funny in here?
[She sees Kyle in the pumpkin and laughs hysterically]
[She exits]
Kyle: Son of a bitch!
[In a candy factory]
[Mephisto--is that how it's spelled? I dunno. I've seen it spelled various ways--and Kevin are standing by a candy-maker machine thingy, with a test tube of this green liquid]
Mephisto: And, so now I've finally invented a liquid that, if you drink it, helps you to grow four or five asses, depending on how big a dose you take! Now, I shall test it out on these mice in this candy factory.
[He sets the test tube of the stuff on a platform, that is just level with the mixing bin for the candy ingredients]
Mephisto: Here, mousy mousy mousy!
[Kevin stands up on the platform and tries to reach in and grab some of the candy that is being made. He accidentally bumps into the test tube, and knocks it in the mixing bin. We see the green mixture being mixed in with the candy]
Kevin: Oopsie!
Mephisto: [still trying to catch mice] Oopsie! That isn't good, an oopsie! What happened?
[Keving points at the candy mixing bin. Follow Mephisto's view down to the conveyor belt, where the finished product of candy is coming out. It is glowing]
Mephisto: You knocked that mixture into the candy, didn't you?
[Kevin nods]
Mephisto: Oh, fiddlesticks!
[And, later that night, at Kyle's house. It is trick-or-treat time]
[We see Sheila and Kyle waiting near the front door for the rest of the group to arrive. Sheila is dressed as Princess Leia, and Kyle is dressed as Luke]
[The doorbell rings. It's Cartman, who is dressed as Han Solo]
Kyle: Uh oh!
[The doorbell rings again. It's Stan and Wendy. Stan is also Han Solo and Wendy is Princess Leia]
Sheila: AAAHHH!!!! You're cloning me, Wendy!
Cartman: [whining] Stan, why are you copying meeeeeee!!!!!
Stan: Dude! Shut up! I'm not copying you! Go be one of your beloved Ewoks!
[Kenny enters. He is Darth Vader]
Sheila: [observing Kenny's costume] How appropriate!
[Cartman grabs Kenny's lightsaber]
Cartman: There must be only *one* Han Solo!
[Cartman whacks Stan over the head with the lightsaber]
Sheila: Hey, Cartman! You know, lightsabers are perfect for shoving up people's asses!
Cartman: Hey! Yeah they are!
Stan: Don't even think about it, fatass!
[Mrs. Broslofski enters, with a tray of candy]
Mrs. B: Great costumes, everyone!
[Notices Kenny's costume]
Mrs. B: How appropriate!
Kenny: {I don't get it}
Sheila: Is that candy for us?
Mrs. B: No. It's for the other trick-or-treaters.
Sheila: Oy! Spatzel!
Kyle: All right, everyone! Let's go!
[All exit. Mrs. B sets the candy down on a nearby table by the door. She exits the room. Pan back to the candy. It moves on its own. It opens its eyes. They are glowing red. Now, we see what Mephisto's chemical thingy did to the candy. The candy floats in midair]
Candy #1: I hate Halloween!
Candy #2: Yeah! People always eat us! That really, really sucks ass!
Candy #1: You know, I think we should give them a taste of their own medicine!
Candy #3: You don't mean...
Candy #1: Yes, I do! We will eat all the humans! Happy Halloween to us, boys and girls! Now, let's trick-or-treat!
[All of the candy laughs evilly as it floats out the window onto the streets of South Park. We see more candy coming out the windows of other houses]
Mrs. B: [enters] Now, who on earth did I just hear talking in here? [notices empty tray of candy] Dammit! Some kids must've snuck in here and ate it all! Oy!
[Mephisto's Lab Place]
[Mephisto is watching TV, munching on a bowl of candy corn]
Mephisto: IT'S ALIVE!!!! MWAH-HA-HA-HA-HA!!!!!!!!!!!!
[Looks at camera]
Mephisto: Erm, sorry 'bout that. Heh, heh. I, umm, just always wanted to say that.
[Back to the six kids--Stan, Kyle, Cartman, Kenny, Wendy, and Sheila--who are trick or treating]
[Lady is handing them candy at door]
Lady: Oh, what marvelous costumes!
[She goes down the line, handing them candy. First, Stan and Wendy, Kyle, and Kenny. She stops when she comes to Sheila and Cartman]
Lady: What?!? I just gave you two some treats! You little brats think you can trick me into giving you more candy by moving to another place?!? I saw through your little scheme!
[Slams the door]
Cartman: Goddammit! Thanks, Stan! See what happens when you have to copy me? Now I'm not going to get any candy [whining fit]
Kyle: Dammit, Cartman! Like you need any candy?!? You're fat enough already!
[Kyle happens to glance in his trick-or-treat pail]
Kyle: HOLY SHIT!!!!!!!!
[His candy flies out, screeching]
Candy: Hmm, now which one should we eat?
[The kids look on in disbelief]
Stan: Dude, this is pretty <bleep>ed up here!
Kenny: {What the hell is going on?}
Candy: Every year, we have to suffer with the humans eating us. Now, we have our revenge! We will eat the humans!!!!! Now, which one first?
[Looks at Cartman]
Candy: *That* is definitely a full course meal. Looks quite tasty!
[The candy starts to move in on Cartman. Pan around the streets of South Park. We see some candy eating other trick-or-treaters. People are screaming and running around]
Kyle: Why is it that, every Halloween, something just *HAS* to terrorize South Park, kill people, and totally <bleep> everything up?
[The candy starts biting Cartman's ass]
Cartman: AY! Quit biting my ass, you dildos!
[Cartman farts. The candy moves away from his ass]
[More and more people are being eaten by the candy]
[Mayor's Office]
Mayor: This is an absolute disaster! Candy eating the citizens of South Park! Whoever is responsible for this is not going to get away with it! Quick! We must call in the nation's defenses to stop this disaster!
[A few hours later]
[The remnants of the National Guard, army, military, etc. are heading home, looking half dead]
Mayor: Damn.
[Back to kids]
Stan: Dude, well it looks pretty hopeless for us, we're all gonna die, and a bunch of other sucky things. What should we do now?
Sheila: When all else fails, trick or treat!
Cartman: Kick ass! [candy bites his ass] OWW!!!
[They go up to a house and ring the doorbell]
[A man and lady answer the door]
All: Trick or treat!
Lady: Oh, how darling! It's the Brady Bunch!
Man: We'd give you some candy, but it's busy eating Junior right now. Sorry about the inconvenience.
Cartman: Dammit!
Kyle: Dude! I'll bet every single piece of candy in this whole entire town is evil! We're hopeless! No candy on Halloween!!!! NOOOOO!!!!!
Sheila: OH, THE *HUMANITY*!!!!
[The streets are practically deserted now]
Cartman: This totally sucks ass!
Wendy: Umm, guys?
Stan: Dude! No candy! We won't be able to survive until next Halloween!
Wendy: Guys?!?
Cartman: And...and.....[breaks into tears]
Sheila: I feel your pain, dude!
[Sheila hugs Cartman]
Wendy: GUYS!!!!!!!
Kyle: Dude, Wendy! What?
Wendy: I think we may have a *little* problem here!
[Pan out. We see every single piece of evil candy staring hungrily at our favorite kids. No more people are left on the street. We see a few half-eaten people here and there]
Sheila: Something tells me that we're seriously screwed here.
Kyle: No shit, Sherlock!
[The candy starts to move in on them]
Cartman: I love you Sheila!
Sheila: I love you too Eric!
[Smoochies]
[Sheila looks at Stan and Wendy]
Stan: Dude! What?
Sheila: You guys are gonna die, and you haven't ever kissed yet!!!
[Stan looks at Wendy and turns green]
Sheila: You dare to puke and I will shove 50 pinwheels up your ass, one at a time, until your head explodes, and then I will tear your spleen out *WITH MY BARE HANDS* and show it to you before you die!
Kyle: *DUDE*!
Stan: Sheila, calm...calm down.
Sheila: [to Stan] Kiss her!
[Stan looks at Wendy; starts to turn green; looks at Sheila, who is waving a bunch of pinwheels at him--these pinwheels just magically appeared for this scene; and turns back to normal color]
[Stan and Wendy stare at each other for a few minutes. The candy is watching this, amused]
Sheila: DAMMIT!!!!!!!! WHAT THE <BLEEP> IS *WRONG* WITH YOU PEOPLE?!?!?! JUST KISS ALREADY!!!!!
[Stan and Wendy stare at each other some more]
Sheila: AAAAAAARRRRRRGGGGGHHHHH!!!!!!!
[Sheila pushes their heads together so that they're kissing]
Stan: *DUDE*!!!
Wendy: Hey, cool!
Sheila: *THANK* you!
[The candy now starts to attack again]
Sheila: YAAAAAHHHH!!!!!!!
[She grabs a piece of living candy and attempts to eat it. As she eats it, she makes a lot of weird faces]
Sheila: That wasn't a very good idea. You really shouldn't eat candy while it is trying to eat you. I *REALLY* hope that thing is dead. If not, it's busy munching on that sandwich I ate for dinner. And, when it's done with that, it'll move on to the main course--Sheila souffle.
[The candy is now starting to snack on the kids]
Cartman: OWW! My ass!
[The kids are trying to fight back with their toy lightsabers]
Cartman: There must be only *ONE* Han Solo!!!!!
[Cartman hits Stan with the lightsaber]
Stan: Dammit, Cartman. You are such a stupid fat <bleep>!
Sheila: [waving pinwheel] STAN....YOU....*BASTARD*!!!!!!!!
[Sheila waves pinwheel around, in anger. No one notices that the pinwheel is starting to glow and an orb of sorts is forming around the top of it]
Sheila: YAAAAHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!
[She waves the pinwheel around, and the orb is released. It magnetizes the candy towards it]
Candy: Aaahhh!! What is going on here?
[Now, a huge swarm of candy is being engulfed by the orb. Stan, Kyle, Cartman, Kenny, and Wendy notice this. Sheila is screeching, with her eyes shut]
Wendy: Sheila! You're saving us! I think.
[All of the candy is now inside the orb, and the orb disappears]
Sheila: [stops screeching] *DUDE*! What the hell did I just do? This pinwheel kicks ass!
Kyle: Dude, Sheila! What is it with you and pinwheels? How on earth did you do that?
Sheila: I...I seriously don't know!
[The survivors start coming out of their houses. The Mayor comes out of that City Hall place]
Person #1: Well, all the candy is gone now. Even though the evil candy was killed, saving us, we now don't have any candy at all!
Person #2: Yeah! Halloween just isn't Halloween without candy!
Mayor: I'm sorry to say this, but there isn't going to be a Halloween in South Park. There just isn't any candy!
[And, here starts a semi-reference to a certain Halloween special that aired on TV, that I have on videotape somewhere--what on earth is it called? I forget the title. Cookies to whoever can tell me the title of this Halloween movie/thingy]
[An alien spaceship lands. A little blue alien comes out and hands a stone to Kyle]
Kyle: Dude! What's this for?
[Kyle looks around, and notices that somehow everyone is near Stark's Pond]
[Kyle stares at Stark's Pond]
Kyle: Ok! I get it now! The stone skips three times, and our wish for Halloween will come true!
[He throws the stone in the pond, and it skips three times. Immediately, candy falls from the sky and fireworks go off in the sky]
[The crowd cheers and catches the candy]
[Our favorite kids are all shown, sitting together, by the pond, stuffing their faces with various types of candy]
Stan: You know, Halloween is much better when we're eating the candy, than it is when the candy is eating us.
Kyle: Yeah! Tell me about it!
Wendy: I wonder, who the hell is responsible for the living candy anyway?
Stan: Dude, I don't think that really matters now. All that really matters is that we got our candy!
Cartman: YEAH!
[A cow falls from the sky and lands on Kenny--this is a reference to something, not something that has to do with Halloween though, or that thing I referred to before. Again, cookies to whoever can name this reference]
Stan: Oh my God! They killed Kenny!
Kyle: You bastards!
Cow: Moo.
Cartman and Sheila: [singing--as in beginning] Later on, while we're eating; What we got trick-or-treating; We'll share all our sacks; Of Halloween snacks; Waiting in a pumpkin wonderland.
Full Cast: [with kickass harmony, singing] Waiting in a pumpkin wonderland!
Cartman: There must be only *ONE* Han Solo!
[Credits start to fall--they hit Cartman on the head]
Cartman: Goddammit!
[END]
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Comments, criticisms, etc. please! <hopes it doesn't suck!>
~Kyle Broslofski~