Hey all, again
I just finished this fanfic and deemed it ready for posting. If you want me to keep writing Kenny/Agent Orange fanfics. LET ME KNOW!! If you want to coment on this fic, or any others, please do so. I want to hear what you have to say.
<legal crap goes here>
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South Park/Agent Orange: The Saviors of South Park
[Note: Little Sheila Broslofski is used with permission from Kyle_Broslofski. THANK YOU, KYLE!!!]
[The boys are at Stan's house. It's afterschool and their watching Terrence and Philip on television.]
Terrence: Just relax, Philip, you might feel some pressure.
Philip: Hold on a minute, Terrence. I have to fart.
Terrence: Let me get a better look.
[Philip farts and a dark cloud envelopes Terrence.]
Stan: Did the Visitors give you a rectal examine before shoving that probe up your ass.
Cartman: Ay! That's none of your business!
Kyle: I bet they did! Did they use one finger or two, Cartman?
Cartman: Screw you guys! I'm going home!
[Cartman gets up and leaves.]
Stan: Wow, dude! Cartman actually did it!
Kyle: Hey, Kenny, you didn't tease him.
[Stan and Kyle turn to see Kenny talking on a cell-phone.]
Stan: Kenny, is that a cell-phone?! I thought you were supposed to be poor.
[Kenny, who just notices that Stan and Kyle are looking at him, shakes his head vigorously and puts the phone down the hood of his parka.]
Kenny: Mmmghrmmmmmphmmhgmmmmm.
Stan: You're leaving? Why? Terrence and Philip have only farted on each other twenty-one times. You'll miss the last forty-five minutes of the show.
[Kenny shrugs and leaves.]
[The McCormick house. Actually under the McCormick house, in the secret headquarters. For those of you who read my other "Agent Orange" fanfic, it's the same one. For you new readers, Kenny isn't really a poor pervert that always mumbles. Kenny is an eight year old super-spy that is code-named Agent Orange.]
Cheif: I'm glad you could make it on such short notice.
Kenny: This better be important.
[Note to new readers: Kenny doesn't mumble when he's around the Cheif. He only mumbles around his friends to make sure his life as Agent Orange is kept secret. None of the other scamps know about his other life.]
Cheif: I'm afraid so. It's really bad.
Kenny: Mephisto?
Cheif: Worse.
Kenny: Chicken-herpies?
Cheif: No. It's P.M.S.
Kenny: Oh my God! Nooooooo!
Cheif: I understand your grieve. I really thought we had them beat last time.
Kenny: I really hate the _P_ersecuted _M_ime _S_ociety.
[Note: You didn't really think I'd write about that PMS, did you? I'm a man, what do I know about it?]
Kenny: Have they started their scheme yet?
Cheif: We have reports coming in.
[He tears off a computer print out.]
Cheif: <reading> Two Mines were seen by City Hall, three at the Police Station, and four at the Post Office.
Kenny: <pulling back his hood> Are they locals?
Cheif: No. You elimated the agents of P.M.S last month.
Kenny: That's right. Why can't I get rid of P.M.S once and for all?
Cheif: I'm afraid I can't answer that.
[A curvy blonde walks up and hands Kenny a drink.]
Kenny: Milkshake, strawberry not chocolate?
Blonde: Of course, Mr. McCormick.
[Note: I couldn't resist that part. Sorry.]
[Kenny watches the blonde walk away.]
Kenny: <to the Cheif> How many are in town?
Cheif: <from the printout> Three hundred so far and more are on the way.
Kenny: That's bad, mmmkay.
Cheif: What?
Kenny: Private joke.
Cheif: Oh.
Kenny: Is there P.M.S activity anywhere else in the world.
[Cheif checks his P.M.S monitor.]
Cheif: 'Fraid so and it looks they're all coming to South Park.
Kenny: Mmmmm, I wonder.
Cheif: Have you figured their scheme out?
Kenny: I believe so. South Park is a cess pool of hill-billies and idiots. They won't have reason to invade SouthPark, unless . . .
Cheif: You don't mean.
Kenny: Yes! South Park is hugely popular at the moment. It only makes sense that once P.M.S take over the town, they'll take control of South Park, the TV show. After that, the world would be at their finger tips.
Cheif: Those Bastards!
Kenny: That's not the worst of it.
Cheif: What can be worse than Mimes taking over the world?
Kenny: Mimes taking over the Internet.
Cheif: I think I need to sit down.
Kenny: If P.M.S takes over the Internet, their global domination will be absolute. Alt.tv.Southpark will be their first target. The fanfic writers in the news group won't stand a chance against mimes with world dominance in mind.
Cheif: You have to save them!
Kenny: That's my job.
[Downtown South Park.]
[Kenny walks down the street. He is absolutely horrified at what he sees. Mimes are everywhere and their teaching the citizens of South Park the art of Pantomime.]
Kenny: <thinking> It'll be years before this town will be de-mimed.
[Up ahead we see Stan, Kyle and Cartman.
[Stan is doing "walking against the wind". Kyle is doing "lifting a heavy object". Cartman is doing an excellent job "trapped in the box".]
Kenny: <thinking> Oh my, God! They mimed my friends! Those Bastards!
[He knows that they are beyond help at the moment. He has no choice but to leave them and worry about the Grand Mime.]
[Kenny rounds the corner and bumps into Sheila Brosloski, who is doing "walking a tightrope".
Kenny: <thinking> Oh, no, they got Sheila.
Sheila: Kenny!
Kenny: Thank God, they didn't mine you.
Sheila: Hey, your not mumbling!
Kenny: <thinking> Dammit! My secret is exposed. <out loud> It's a long story.
Sheila: Tell me later, we have to get out of sight.
[They do "walking a tightrope" to Jimbo's gun shop and sneak inside. Jimbo and Ned are doing "tug of war" with each other.]
Sheila: <looking out the display window> I had to fake being a mime so they won't convert me.
Kenny: That was smart.
Sheila: <looking at him> Your keeping a secret from me, aren't you.
[Kenny shrugs and explains about being a super-spy.]
Sheila: Cool. Can I be one, too?
Kenny: That's up to Kyle.
Sheila: My cousin doesn't have a say in it.
Kenny: Not Kyle Broslofski your cousin, "Kyle_Broslofski" the writer.
Sheila: Oh, her.
Kenny: Ask her later, we have work to do.
[City Hall.]
Grand Mime: <addressing several high ranking mimes in sign langauge> Agents of P.M.S, my fellow mimes, we have acheived success. The citizens are under mime control. Soon Comedy Central will be ours. Then .. . .
[Note: All mimes use sign language. Their not talking with their mouths, their taking with their hands. Only Sheila and Kenny talk out loud.]
Mime #1: Sir, we have two young mimes requesting an audience with you.
Grand Mime: Can't you see that I'm ranting here!
Mime #1: Sorry, sir, but they say they important information.
Grand Mime: Oh, very well. Show them in.
[Kenny and Sheila do "walking against the wind" into the room.]
Grand Mime: What information do you have?
[Kenny looks at Sheila and gives her a wink.]
Sheila: EAT MY PINWHELL, YOU ASSHOLES!!!!!
[She pulls out a pinwheel and charges at them.]
[Kenny pulls out his special gun and shoots several mimes. Sheila looks at the dead mimes.]
Sheila: What are you shooting them with . . . a dildoe gun?
Kenny: <nodding>
[Note: Jem Alexander debuted the dildoe gun in his fics and I'm using it ~~WITHOUT~~ his permision. Please don't be mad me, Jem!!]
[The mimes are no challenge for Kenny and Sheila. All that left is the Grand Mime.]
Grand Mime: You can't defeat me!
[He starts doing "climbing a ladder". Then does "swimming up stream".]
[Sheila's eyes glaze over and she starts doing "trapped in a box".]
Kenny: <thinking> She doesn't have the anti-mime training that I had. I'm on my own.
[Sheila does "rowing the boat".]
[Kenny ignores her and aims his dildoe gun at the Grand Mime. He pulls the trigger and nothing happens.]
Kenny: <thinking> God dammit! I'm out of dildoes!
[He looks around and sees Sheila favorite pinwhell. He picks it up and throws it like a dagger. It hits the Grand Mime in the chest and he falls against the Mayor's desk. On the way to the floor, he tries to do "climbing the rope", but it doesn't work and he dies on the floor.]
[Kenny looks at Sheila, who is doing "leaning on an object'. He looks down at a dead mime and gets an idea. He pulls the dildoe out and whacks Sheila over the head with it. Sheila falls to the floor.]
Kenny: Sorry.
[afterward.]
[The people of South Park have been restored. The agents of P.M.S are in custody and Sheila has no recollection of Kenny's secret life thank to the blow on the head from Kenny.]
[end.]