Part 2 here for your enjoyment, apologies to Lyssie for using Lenni and Kendra without asking, And thanks to kyle for letting me use Sheila
[Insert usual legal gubbins here]
Southpark/Duckman crossover part 2
Bernice goes to get some paper for cartman
Duckman:Phew, the fat kid saved me from another kicking Bernice:[offscreen]I'll deal with you later Duckman Duckman:Or maybe not Cartman emerges from the bathroom Kenny:{Enjoy yourself?} Cartman:Yeah, er AY Kenny laughs
Charles and Mambo walk through the door, followed by Ajax
Duckman:These are my sons, Charles, Mindy and Ajax Mambo:It's Mambo dad Duckman:Whatever Cartman:[looks worried]He's got two heads Duckman:Whaddya mean two heads, They're two sons with one body Cartman:(Quietly)Need. Cheesy. Poofs. Stan:Have you any cheesy poofs for fatass Duckman:cheesy poofs? Stan:Guess not, Snacky cakes? Duckman:No Cartman(quietly)Weak Ajax:Dod what are these children doing in our house Duckman:They hired me to find a missing baby Charles:They hired you? Mambo:They must be desperate
Scene Dinner table, everyone except Cartman is eating as if someone will steal their food if they stop Kenny finishes his first Kenny:{that's the best meal I've had in ages} Kyle and Stan look to Cartman expecting a joke about Kennys family Cartman says nothing, His food looks untouched Bernice:Aren't you hungry Cartman:I don't feel so good, I think I'll go to bed now Duckman:He needs to lose some OWWWWWWWWWW, Bernice what did you do that for Bernice glares at Duckman Duckman:Ok sorry Kyle:This is weird, Fatass hasn't eaten Stan:Yeah, and he didn't joke about Kennys family being poor
Scene is the next day at breakfast, Cartman looks really haggard and somewhat thinner Stan:Dude I'm worried about Cartman Kyle:Yeah, he's acting really weird, Well have to do something Stan:Like what Charles:Cornfed should be able to help Kyle:I hope so Mambo:It's nice to know that in this self centred age that some people are still prepared to give a little thought for their friends Kyle:We don't care about fatass, but if Sheila sees him like that we wont be able to sit down for a week Ajax:Why's that Stan:Sheila has a rather unorthodox way of using pinwheels Kyle:She likes to shove them up peoples asses Ajax:Oh. I just found this really weird looking piece of cereal [holds up an extremely phallic looking cornflake] Kyle and Stan look expectantly to Kenny Kyle:Where's Kenny Stan:Oh my god th Suddenly we hear Kenny and Duckman arguing offscreen Kenny:{Playboy dammit} Duckman:Never, Penthouse is way better Kenny:{what has Penthouse got that Playboy hasn't} Duckman:This [Holds up centrefold from Penthouse] Kenny:{I wouldn't kick her out of bed} Duckman:Now *That* I can agree on
Duckman and Kenny enter the room
Bernice:And what were you two talking about? Duckman:We were discussing our preferred reading materials Mambo:The only reading you do is when you copy the numbers from phone sex ads Duckman:I never call those numbers Bernice:The phone bill came today [holds up 6' long piece of paper with several 1-800 numbers on it] Duckman:Well, maybe that was a bit of a white lie
There is a knock at the door
Duckman:That'll be Cornfed, let him in someone Bernice:Do it yourself, we're eating breakfast
Duckman lets Cornfed in
Cornfed:I think I have found Ike, If we make our way to the office I shall tell you more there
Scene, The boys, Cornfed and Duckman are stood in Duckmans office
Kyle:We need you to help get Cartman back to normal Stan:He's gone really quiet Kenny:{And he hasn't insulted anyone for hours} Kyle:And he's gone off his food Cornfed:I think I may have the answer
Cornfed leaves the room and re-enters dressed as a hippie, carrying some joss sticks and a hurdy gurdy. He sets the joss sticks up in a circle round himself and cartman, lights them and sits cross legged in front of cartman Cornfed:This should help release him from his pain and suffering Cartman:(whispers) Nooo Cornfed starts to play the hurdy gurdy and chants something to Cartman, Cartmans eyes widen with fear and then seem to glaze over Stan:Dude, I don't think you're helping Cornfed:Everyone has their off days, I'm sure he will come round as soon as he gets home. Anyway, My detective work has shown that Ike is right here [points at map] Duckman:The pizza shop next door? Cornfed:Or more precisely their back room
Scene, The group enter the backroom of the pizza shop Ike is playing with some toys at the far side of the room, a figure is seated in a chair with his back towards them. He swivels round
Duckman:King Chicken!, I didn't know you ran a pizza shop King Chicken:I don't, I'm just renting the back room Kyle:You kidnapped my brother King Chicken:Yes, in an attempt to uncover Duckman as a heartless and cruel person when he refused to help you, and I suppose you want to know why I wished to expose him? Kenny:{Because Duckman made you an outsider in grammar school and now you want to make him an outsider in society, Mwa ha ha, Bock Bock Bock} Stan:How did you know that? Kenny:{I have ways and means beyond your comprehension} Duckman runs to get Ike, King Chicken tries to stop him, but trips on a carpet Kyle:Duckman, Kick Ike to me Duckman kicks Ike, King Chicken starts to get away, Duckman grabs a knife and throws it at King Chicken, but it hits a beam and bounces into Kennys chest Cornfed runs toward Kenny and starts to take his pulse, Ajax walks in
Ajax:I heard a ruckus and decided to investigate Cornfed:Oh my god you killed Kenny Ajax:You bastard Duckman:Oops Kyle:Now we have Ike, How do we get home Cornfed:You arrived through a space-time anomaly, the only way back is to find another one Duckman:But how do we generate a space-time anomaly, and what kind of weird machine would we need to do it with The others are patiently staring at a large machine covered in buttons and lights with a large sign which reads space-time anomoly generator Duckman:I saw that, I was just testing you Duckman runs to the machine and starts pressing buttons at random, Lenni and Kendra appear, Lenni is as fat as cartman, and Kendras body appears to be a large slice of salami Lenni:What the... Turn me back Kendra:You came out of it ok, I'm a spicy meat product, this is not in the least bit amusing Duckman presses more buttons and they dissapear Cornfed:Perhaps you should leave this to me, I shall set the time to a few seconds after your departure that way no-one shall notice your absence He presses some buttons and a wormhole appears, Ike bounces through, Stan and Kyle Drag the prone Cartman through
Stan and Kyle:Bye guys They disappear Duckman:Yknow, I'll miss them Ajax:Parting is such sweet sorrow
scene is back in southpark, a wormhole opens up above the unconscious Sheila. Ike, Stan, Kyle and cartman fall through and land on her bringing her round.
Sheila:Hey Ow Ah Getoffame
Sheila stands up and sees cartman
Sheila:Cartman Cartman:... Sheila:*CARTMAN* Cartman:.... Sheila:WHAT HAVE YOU DONE TO MY DARLING SEXY CARTMAN, YOU WILL FEEL THE WRATH OF THE PINWHEELS FOR THIS Kyle:Don't blame us blame the author, He's responsible Sheila:Oh really
Scene, a 17 year old boy is sat in front of 2 monitors, typing into a computer, Sheila appears behind him
Sheila:You will feel the full power of my pinwheels for this I turn round Me:Ah Sheila my old nemesis, we meet again, but this time the advantage is mine MWAaHaHa Sheila:[Pulls out pinwheel. it turns into a string of sausages] What is this! Me:This is my domain, your powers are useless here Sheila:Damn you, Damn you to hell Sheila vanishes
Back in southpark Cartman still responds to nothing, Kyle and Stan are poking him gently with pinwheels
Sheila:[reappears] Leave this to me She puts her arm round Cartman and waves some cheesy poofs under his nose, his eyes go back to normal, he hugs Sheila and starts crying Cartman:It was terrible <sniff>, there were talking pigs and two headed boys and no cheesy poofs and hippie talking pigs and I was scared and i tried to think of you but it became too much for me and I was seized by a kind of madness Sheila:There there, it's all better now [glares at Stan and Kyle] Stan:You know I think I've learned something today Kyle:what's that dude Stan:That cartman is even more screwed up than we thought Cartman:Ay, I will kick you in the nnnnuuts
Fin
And it is over, Comments and Suggestions always welcome, lots of love to ya all ===Secret Vampire=== ICQ# 20957015 What the hell are you looking at? In another life maybe, we'll all be ginger and free - - David Devant and his spirit wife, Ginger remove _spam_ to mail me