(For you on the Star Wars groups) Here's the Star Wars/South Park story I mentioned a few days ago...enjoy!
(For you on the South Park group) I hope you enjoy this demented little story...!
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[Kyle, Stan and Kenny are standing at the bus stop.] Kyle: Dude, where's Fat Ass? Stan: I dunno. Maybe he got stuck coming out of the front door again. Kenny: *mhmhmmmhhffmfmmh* Stan: What about his monkey...? [All three get it and laugh. Enter Cartman, who is suddenly much taller and has more of a baritone voice than before] Kyle: Here he is. Hey Fat Ass! "Cartman:" Foolish child! I'll teach you to call me...Fat Ass... [Kyle suddenly grabs his throat and hovers into the air, hacking and gagging.] Stan: Whoa! Check it out! Kenny: *hmhmmfmmfmfmmfmhh!* Kyle: Dude...quit...choking...me! "Cartman:" You will not call me...Fat Ass...ever again. I'm big boned! Got it, boy? Kyle: You...got it... [Kyle immediately drops to the ground, and starts coughing and massaging his throat.] Stan: Cartman, that was cool! "Cartman:" Yes, that was...cool. In fact, it was...kick ass. Kenny: *hmhmfhmmmmhmfmmhh!* Kyle: You...said it, dude. "Cartman:" What? I couldn't understand what he said. Stan: Oh come on, Cartman. You can understand what he says Who can't? Kenny: *mhmffmfhmmhmfhmmh!* "Cartman:" No really, I can't understand what the fuck he's saying... Kyle: No need to get get all violent on us now, Fa...big boned. Stan: Yeah, "Cartman:" Hey, you cut the crap, buddy, or I'll...kick you in the nuts. Stan: Whoa, no way man! "Cartman:" Anyway, I can fix this problem real quick. ["Cartman" pulls an object from his belt.] Kyle: What's that, Cartman? Kenny: *hmhmhfmfhmmhmfhmmh!* Stan: Yeah, it does look like a dild... "Cartman:" Hey! It is not...that! Watch this! [The object flicks on, and a red saber emerges.] Stan: Wow! Kyle: Sweet! Kenny: *fmhhfmfhmmhmfhmfmh!* Stan: What're you gonna do with that, Cartman? "Cartman:" Why, I'm going to cut Kenny a mouthpiece... Kyle: Careful with that thing, you wouldn't want to cut his head off or something. [As "Cartman" begins to cut through Kenny's mouthpiece, the bus pulls up and Ms. Crabtree opens the door.] Ms. Crabtree: Get on the bus!! "Cartman:" Gaahh! [The bus driver's yell frightens "Cartman,"making him lose his concentration and accidentally cut Kenny's head off.] Stan: Oh my God, they killed Kenny! Kyle: You bastards! "Cartman:" Hey, it wasn't me! It was the bitch. Ms. Crabtree: What...did...you...say? "Cartman:" Uh...I said...oh, fuck you. [Cartman reachs out to Ms. Crabtree, and moments later, she slumps over dead on the steering wheel.] Kyle: Cool! Stan: I guess that means we can't go to school today... "Cartman:" Let's go back to my house. I got "Cheesy Poofs," and Terence and Philip should be starting in a few minutes... [The three leave.]
---Meanwhile, in outer space...---
[The Super Star Destroyer Executor, surrounded by several warships and fighter craft, soars toward the Hoth System] Captain Piett: Lord Vader is on the bridge, Admiral. Admiral Ozzel: Very good, Captain. [Admiral Ozzel signals General Veers, and the two approach the short, stout and big-boned Dark Lord of the Sith.] Ozzel: My lord, we have the scans you have requested. "Vader:" Very good, Admiral. You may leave me. Ozzel: Uh...my lord? "Vader:" I said go, or I shall roshambo you! [Ozzel looks at Veers, who is also confused.] Ozzel: My lord...what is a "roshambo?" "Vader:" Oh. Well. That is when I take my foot here and kick you right in the nuts. Observe. ["Vader" jumps up and boots General Veers right in the "who-ha".] Veers: Aaa...son...of...a...bitch...! "Vader:" You see. *That's* a roshambo. Ozzel (covering himself): I see, Lord Vader. [Ozzel watchs as General Veers is carried away by two controllers.] "Vader:" Now, Admiral, has the ship come out of hyperspace yet? Ozzel: Yes, my lord. We've come out close enough to the system that... "Vader:" What? How close to the system? Ozzel: Just enough so that the Rebels would be able to detect us. "Vader:" Dammit! Ozzel: Well, I thought surprise would be wiser... "Vader:" Screw you, Admiral. You have failed me for the last time! ["Vader" begins to choke Admiral Ozzel to death with the Force.] "Vader:" Captain Piett. Piett: Yes m'lord? "Vader:" I'm making you admiral now. Piett: Th-thank you, my lord. [Ozzel tries to say something.] "Vader:" You have something to say, Ozzel? (from the side of his mouth). Yes, Lord Vader, I just wanna say that I think that's a cool idea, and I think you are a big piece of crap. (back to normal) Well thank you Ozz...hey!! ["Vader" presses harder with the Force and kills Ozzel, dropping him to a lifeless heap onto the floor.] "Vader:"Now Admiral Piett, make ready to land our troops beyond their field, deploy the fleet so that nothing gets off the system. Piett: Yes my lord. I won't fail you. "Vader:" See that you don't, Admiral. Otherwise I'm going to have to kick your ass. Piett: Y-yes my lord. [Admiral Piett leaves, and "Vader" signals for Ozzel's dead carcass to be removed. A controller runs up to Lord Vader.] Controller: My lord, the Emperor commands you to make contact with him. [Vader retreats to his private chambers, and a hologram of the Emperor appears.] "Vader:" What is...thy bidding...my master? "Emperor:" Hello children...!