Well here it is, my first post to this newsgroup, and also my first fanfic. It has a few inside jokes that you'll only get if you watch The Simpsons, and a few inside jokes for South Park fans. Alright, enough talking.... enjoy!
STAN God damnit, this Godzilla vs. King Kong movie sucks!
KYLE I know, dude, how come crossovers suck so much?
KENNY (muffled) That's because writers think it's good enough that they're racking up money by putting two famous cultural icons together, so they don't bother writing well.
STAN You said it, Kenny. It's all for the mindless viewers who'll watch anything.
CARTMAN (laughing) BAAAAAAA-HAAAAAA! Godilla an' Kong're climbing up the same building!
=========================
MARGE Let's go, let's go! We should've been on the road an hour ago!
BART (charging down the stairs with backpack slung over shoulder) Alright! Why do we have to go to Colorado now anyway?
MARGE Um.... Just get in the car kids!
(Car horn sounds)
HOMER Come ON! (leans on the horn)
BART Alright, dad, don't have a *bleep*'n cow!
MARGE Bart! Language!
LISA (pointing to upper left) No, mom, look! TV-MA!
MARGE Oh, fudge.
=========================
(Cartman, Kenny, Kyle, and Stan at the bus stop.)
(The Simpson car, packed with vacation stuff, whizzes by. Kenny jumps back into the snow.)
STAN Oh my god, they kil....
KENNY (hops up) (muffled) No, I jumped out of the way!
STAN Oh, nevermind.
STAN Hey, you see those guys? They were yellow!
CARTMAN My mom says a lot of yellow people live in Springfield.
STAN Where's that?
CARTMAN How the hell should I know?
=========================
(Principal Victoria's office)
PRINCIPAL VICTORIA Mr. and Mrs. Simpson, there seems to be a problem. Most of our classrooms are filled to capacity. Only one of the third grade classrooms has two openings.
HOMER (chewing on some M&Ms from P.V.'s desk) So?
P.V. So we have to put them in there until Officer Barbrady here talks to the mayor.
BARDRADY Correct! I'll go and talk to her now! (takes the saftey off his gun, and starts to walk.)
P.V. Barbrady! I said TALK!
BARBRADY Exactly Principal, I'll talk to her! (spins his gun around and whistles, starting to walk again.)
P.V. No, really TALK... this time....
BARBRADY (really excited) YES MA'AM! (he walks to the closet, presses a few buttons, and a hidden panel opens. He takes out a rocket launcher, and walks out the door.)
MARGE Mmmm....
P.V. Don't worry, Mrs. Simpson, Bart and Lisa will be in their normal grades by next month.
MARGE But we're only going to be here two wee....
P.V. A MONTH.
HOMER Got anymore of these M&Ms?
=========================
(The South Park kid's classroom. Kids fill into their seats.)
MR. GARISSON Okay students, today we have some new students joining us. Class, say hello to Bart and Lisa Simpson.
BART (to Lisa) Why are we back in the third grade?
LISA (shrugging) (to Bart) I don't know.
MR. GARISSON Bart and Lisa come from a town called Springfield. Lisa, could you point out Springfield on this map?
LISA (pointing) Sure, it's right here!
CARTMAN See, it's right there! I told you!
KYLE No you didn't, fatass! You said you didn't know!
CARTMAN No I didn't!
MR. GARISSON Eric, shut the hell up! Now Bart, you'll be sitting next to Stan. And Lisa, you'll be seated next to Kenny.
(Bart and Lisa take their seats)
PIP (behind Bart) Mr. Garisson? I can't see!
MR. GARISSON That's great, Pip, nobody gives a crap. Now we'll be continuing our lesson on reading. Now in this sentence....
BART (to Lisa) This sucks, we already know how to read!
LISA Just try to fit in.
BART Really? (while Mr. Garisson writes on the blackboard, Bart readies his slingshot. He knocks Mr. Hat right off Mr. Garisson's hand.)
(Kids laugh)
CARTMAN Kick ass!
MR. GARISSON Who the *bleep* did that?
(the class is quiet)
(Mr. Garisson picks up Mr. Hat.)
MR. GARISSON Now you've got Mr. Hat all pissed off!
MR. HAT You all go to hell! You hear me? You all go to hell and you die!
(Bart gulps.)
(Mr. Garisson goes back to his lesson.)
STAN Hey new kid, that was cool, you wanna come to my house after school?
BART Yeah!
LISA What about me?
STAN We can watch Terrance and Phillip!
BART What's that?
KYLE Just this really cool show from Canada!
BART Okay, I'll be there!
LISA What about me?
(The kids pretend to pay attention.)
=========================
(School cafeteria. Lisa comes up to Chef for some food.)
CHEF Why hello new children! How are you today?
LISA Bad.
CHEF Why bad?
LISA My brother's making all these new friends, but I'm not making any!
CHEF Oh yeah, the boy who shot Mr. Hat with a slingshot! Nice kid, sorry, I can't do anything for you. (He happily goes back to his work, humming a tune.)
LISA Hey, that's by Bleeding Gums Murphy!
CHEF That's right! You a fan?
LISA Yeah! I knew him!
CHEF You knew Bleeding Gums Murphy?
LISA Yeah... until he died.
STAN (Overhearing) He died? When's he coming back?
LISA He's not coming back, he's dead!
STAN But he's coming back, right?
LISA No!
(Everyone looks confused, especially Kenny.)
=========================
(Stan's couch. The South Park kids sit on the couch, watching TV, when the doorbell rings. Stan gets up and opens this door.)
STAN Oh, hey Bart! Who's that? (pointing to Lisa.)
BART Oh, that's my sister. My mom made me take her.
LISA No, I beat you in basketball, remember?
BART Uh... no?
CARTMAN Ha-ha, Bart was beaten by a giiiiirrrl!
BART (changing the subject) Hey, Itchy and Scratchy is on!
STAN What?
BART It's a show, on Fox!
KYLE Oh, no wonder we never heard of it! (he turns it on)
(On the screen, Itchy slices Scratchy in half with a chainsaw. Everyone laughs.)
STAN Hey, the cat died! Wasn't he like a main character?
BART Oh, he dies every episode!
KYLE I hate when they bring back characters that were dead!
KENNY (muffled) Yeah!
LISA And you know what I really hate about cartoons? Those stupid catch phrases!
(Everyone agrees.)
(Suddenly, a laser beam crashes through the roof, hitting Kenny.)
STAN Oh my god, they killed Kenny!
KYLE You bastard!
(Everyone rushes outside to see what's going on. A huge alien spaceship* hovers over South Park.)
*=Simpsons aliens, not the South Park ones.
CARTMAN Ah! Aliens!
ALIEN Humans! We are taking over your town because all of the good towns have already been taken over by our Lord, Jerry Springer!
KYLE Dude, I knew something was wrong with that guy!
(in the backround, rats drag Kenny's body out the door.)
=========================
(The kids ring Chef's doorbell.)
CHEF Who's there?
KIDS CHEF! IT'S US! LET US IN!
CHEF (opening door.) What the hell are you kids doing out here with all these aliens running around? And on a school night!
STAN Chef, Jerry Springer and his alien army are tearing apart South Park!
CHEF I know that, children! We have to get rid of them some how!
BART How do we do that?
CHEF By killing the head alien!
LISA Marilyn Manson?
CHEF No, children! Jerry Springer! (thinking) Of course it wouldn't hurt if we got him out of the way, too....
KYLE Cool! Thanks Chef, bye!
CHEF Bye children, see you in school tomorrow!
=========================
(Kyle's house. Kyle runs in, grabs his jacket, and starts to leave.)
MRS. BROFLOSKI Kyle, where are you going?
KYLE Oh, we're just going to go kill Jerry Springer!
MRS. BROFLOSKI Okay, but take your brother with you!
IKE Zeebernanner!
KYLE Damnit! Alright, c'mon Ike.
(They leave.)
=========================
(The Jerry Springer set. The opening music plays.)
JERRY SPRINGER Today, on Jerry Springer. Humans take it out on the aliens who destroy their cities. Our first guests are Stanley Marsh, Kyle Broslofki, his brother Ike, Eric Cartman, Bart Simpson, and his sister Lisa.
(The kids nod as their names are called.)
JERRY So kids, what seems to be the problem?
CARTMAN Well, you see Jerry, these aliens are all comin' in our town and breaking everything!
JERRY Well what if I told you that two of those aliens are here right now?
(the audience cheers)
JERRY Kang, Kodos, come on out!
(two slimy aliens come out and wave their tentacles, and the audience cheers even more.)
JERRY Kodos, what is your opinion of this mess?
KODOS Well Jerry, it's not our fault that these humans are so inferior to us!
AUDIENCE Yeah! He's right! (In case you're looking for it, the hidden South Park alien sits in the upper row, all the way to the left.)
KODOS The only way we can save them is to put them out of their misery!
CARTMAN Damnit, shut the hell up!
(Cartman throws a chair at Kodos. Kodos's helmet cracks, and he puffs up like a baloon, then explodes, sending slime everywhere.)
CARTMAN Kick ass!
KANG Oh my Lord Springer, you've permanently disabled Kodos!
JERRY You bastards! Now you will face the wrath of Lord Springer! (he rips his skin off, revealing a huge alien wearing a gold crown on top of a gold toupee.)
STAN Whoa, dude, this is pretty *bleep*ed up right here!
LORD SPRINGER Now, do you have any last words?
LISA Break his helmet!
BART What are you, the narrator?
KYLE Kick the baby!
LORD SPRINGER What?
IKE Don't kick the baby!
KYLE Kick the baby! (he punts Ike straight through Lord Springer's helmet.)
LORD SPRINGER Nooooooooooooooooo!!! (he puffs up, then explodes.)
AUDIENCE (screeching) (they puff up, too, then explode.)
IKE Oh, I fly in the sky.
LISA It's all over....
CARTMAN God damnit, girl! Shut the hell up!
KYLE Wait, something's missing!
STAN Oh, yeah, does anyone have a final thought?
KYLE I do!
STAN What's that?
(Kyle farts loudly.)
(Everyone laughs.)
=========================
(South Park is cleaning up the slime from exploded aliens. The kids approach the Simpson's rented house.)
MARGE Bart! Lisa! You're okay! (she hugs them and covers them with kisses.)
CARTMAN (pointing at the Simpson group hug.) Baaaaaaaaa-haaaaaaa....
(Ms. Cartman runs up and hugs him.)
MS. CARTMAN Sweety! Are you okay? I was worried sick about you!
CARTMAN God damnit woman!
(Kyle and Stan smirk. Even Ike looks like he's smiling.)
KYLE Dude, you think there's a moral to all of this?
STAN Yeah, if a bunch of yellow people move into your town, get out, because it'll be taken over by aliens.
KYLE No, I think it's that no matter how unpopular you are, you can always make friends by kicking the living *bleep* out of a bunch of aliens.
CARTMAN (rejoining the group, covered in lip-stick kisses.) Dude, that was beautiful! (he starts to cry.)
(Bart and Lisa rejoin the group, too, covered with kisses.)
KYLE The only bad part is that we missed Terrance and Phillip!
STAN No, I set up my VCR when we left the house!
BART Damn, that was smart!
KYLE Yeah, Stan, you're like, the smartest one here!
LISA Hey, I got the idea to smash Jerry Springer's helmet!
(she's not heard.)
STAN C'mon, let's go watch Terrance and Phillip!
CARTMAN (whining) I get the first box of Cheezy Poofs!
(They all walk off, leaving Lisa behind. Grumbling, she follows them.)
THE END