Gangsta's Paradise Coolio
"Fat-Ass Paradise" Music Video
Eric Cartman, f/Fat Abbot and the S.P. G's "Fat-Ass Paradise" Kyle's Mom's A Dirty Bitch Weight Watcher Records
((We see Cartman in a darkened street alley, dressed as a rapper, and he has those little black braid thingies that Coolio had in his hair. He's talking to Michelle Phiefer from Dangerous Minds))
As ah walk through mah kitchen and ah glance on mah shelf I take a look in mah cheesy poofs and realize there's none left
((Cut to Cartman opening the cabinet door to find that the Cheesy Poofs are gone))
'Cause I've been eating and chugging so long that Even mah Ma thinks that my stomach is gone
((Cut to Ms.Cartman staring strangely at Eric))
But I aint never crossed a dude that didn't deserve it Me be treated like a punk, you know that's unheard of You better watch how you romping, and where you chomping Or you and your homies might be lined in chalk
((Cut to Stan and Kyle playing with sidewalk chalk))
I really hate to diss but I gotta lope As ah watch that hippie Wendy play wit her jump rope.. Foo
((Cut to Wendy jumping rope with some other girls))
I'm the kinda G that little Ike wants to be like On mah knees in da night, saying prayers in da fridge light
((Cut to Ike jumping up and down, then Cartman kneeling in front of a fridge))
((Fat Abbot takes a drag of a ciggerate and sings the chorus))
They been spending most their lives eating in the Fat-Ass paradise They been spending most their lives eating in the Fat-Ass paradise We keep spending most our lives living in the Fat-Ass paradise We keep spending most our lives eating in the Fat-Ass paradise
((Cut to Cartman and Michelle again))
They got the situation, they got me facing I can't live a normal life, I was raised by mah Ma So I gotta be down with the hood team Just like Kenny (he's so fuckin poor it makes me scream)
((Cut to Kenny, yelling "MMMMPH RMMM MMMMP, MMMMF!" Translation: "Fuck you, Cartman!"))
I'm a stupid-ass fool with food on mah mind Got mah happy meal in my hand and wittle Kitty at mah side
((Cut to Kitty staring questioningly))
I'm a loped out gangsta set trippin banger And mah homies is down so ah'm smoking crack.. dude
((Cut to Mr.Mackey frantically waving around a sign which reads "Drugs are BAD!!!.. Mmmkay?"))
Death aint nothing but a heart beat away That don't sound good fo' Kenny, what can ah say
((Cut to Kenny tightening his hood))
I'm eight years old never will I live to see nine The way things is going right now I don't know
((Cut to Fat Abbot again))
Tell me why are we too obese to see That the ones we hurt are you and me
They been spending most their lives eating in the Fat-Ass paradise They been spending most their lives eating in the Fat-Ass paradise We keep spending most our lives eating in the Fat-Ass paradise We keep spending most our lives eating in the Fat-Ass paradise
((Cut to Cartman marching down the alley, followed by Stan, Kenny, Kyle, Tweek, Clyde, Craig, Damien, and Pip, who are also all dressed as Coolio. They recite this part with him.))
Power and the hungry, hungry and the power Minute after minute, hour after hour Everybody's running, but half of them aint stopping Somethin's sweeeeet in the bakery, but I don't know what's cooking
((Cut to Chef, looking confused))
They say I've got to learn to diet but nobody's here to teach me If they can't understand it, how can they reach me
I guess they can't I guess they won't I guess they suck That's why I know mah life is out of luck ... foo..
((Fade out. Cartman looks at two skeptical musical producers))
Cartman: Soooo.. Did ya like it? Producer 1: We'll think about it. Cartman: Kiiiick ass! So do ah call you? Producer 2: No, we'll call you. Later. Producer 1: MUCH later. Cartman: Aww, sweeeet, you gahs! YES!! ::runs out of the studio happily:: Producer 1: Idiot. Producer 2: ::nods:: (Suddenly, the lights flash off and on for a few moments.) Producer 1: What the-- (We hear a very faint "OMG, they killed Kenny!" followed by "You BASTARDS!") (The lights flicker back on.)
~ * ~ AnDi ~ * ~ We ARE the weirdos, mister.
"Why did Abba cross the road?" "Because they were stapled to the Ace Of Base!" "It's simple as Geography, folks!" --Sifl & Olly (Believe this and you believe liars.)