The teacher's lounge. GARRISON and MR. HAT are arguing.
GARRISON: You shut up, asshole!
MR. HAT: Ha! When I subjugate the world, you will be the first to fall under the iron embrace of Hatashu!
GARRISON: We'll see about that!
MR. HAT looks at a grandfather clock by the wall.
MR. HAT: We will, Irving Garrison.
GARRISON: Huh?
The clock begins to chime.
GARRISON: Nooo!!
He tries to pull MR. HAT off his hand, but can't. The clock chimes twelve times. MR. HAT begins to enlarge, while GARRISON shrinks.
MR. HAT: At last... the oath is complete!
MR. HAT continues to enlarge as GARRISON shrinks. In a thunderclap and burst of energy, they combine to form HATASHU. HATASHU looks like a ten foot tall version of MR. HAT with legs, wearing a GARRISON PUPPET on his hand.
HATASHU: Let's go slaughter them all, Mr. Garrison!
HATASHU uses the GARRISON PUPPET to talk, like the way GARRISON originally did with MR. HAT.
GARRISON PUPPET: Sure thing, Mr. Hat.
HATASHU stomps out of the building, knocking a huge hole in the wall.
A line of PEOPLE. Pan across the line, revealing it to be incredibly long. At the end of the line, STAN, KYLE, CARTMAN, KENNY and WENDY enter. Their costumes are gone.
STAN: Dammit!
KYLE: All this line over nothing except the one of the biggest single concerts in history!
WENDY: Well Stan...
STAN: Yeah?
WENDY: If we can't get into the concert, maybe we could...
STAN: Yeah?
WENDY: Go to our respective houses and eat the small amount of candy we managed to get?
STAN: Dammit!
CARTMAN: Let's just break into the place.
WENDY: Cartman, you idiot!
KYLE: No, maybe he has a point. We can get in through the skylight.
CARTMAN: Yeah!
KENNY: (I'll hold the line for you.)
KYLE: Great!
The kids, except for KENNY, climb up the side of the school. Angle on the moon, completely full. A bestial howl. Angle back on the line.
MAN: Hey, what's that?
WOMAN: I... don't know.
METALHEAD: Whoa, man... this is cool!
A WEREWOLF that looks a bit like the TEACHER jumps out from behind a bush. It advances on the METALHEAD.
METALHEAD: Too cool! Hey man, you wanna toke up with me?
He produces a big bong. The WEREWOLF bites his arm off.
METALHEAD: What was that for, man? Oooh...
He collapses. The WEREWOLF pounces on him and chews him up.
MAN: Hey, great costume! I can't even tell who you are!
The WEREWOLF growls savagely.
MAN: Oh, you're Tom! I should've known!
He turns to the WOMAN.
MAN: Laverne, this is my old high school friend Tom!
WOMAN: Charmed.
She tries to shake the WEREWOLF's hand. It pulls her hand off and feasts on her brain before turning on the MAN.
MAN: Tom you bastard!
The WEREWOLF rips him apart, then slowly walks off.
MAN NO. 2: Hey, what was that all about?
MAN NO. 3: That guy had one hell of a costume! Let's go say hi!
MAN NO. 2: Yeah!
LOTS OF PEOPLE: Me too, sure, etc.
They go off, chasing the WEREWOLF. Long shot of the line, now much shorter.
KENNY: (Yeeha!)
The door opens. Everyone goes into the auditorium. Inside, it's full of people, with KENNY in the front row. There's nobody on the stage yet.
On the roof, the other kids are kneeling around the skylight. CARTMAN shakes it.
CARTMAN: It's locked.
STAN: Oh well. We have a good view from here.
Inside, PRINCIPAL VICTORIA comes on stage with a microphone.
VICTORIA: People, we have a great musical mix for the dance tonight.
VOICE: Hey, where's our programs?
VICTORIA: Good question. Well, nobody took the time to print them up, so all the bands will be playing at once. You can just listen to whichever ones you want.
VOICE: Wait, that doesn't make any sense!
VICTORIA ignores the VOICE.
VICTORIA: So without any further ado, I bring you the music of-
A MAN whispers to her.
VICTORIA: The bands aren't quite ready yet. Well, do we have anything yet?
The MAN whispers to her again.
VICTORIA: Well, while we wait, we have the song stylings of Albert Yankovic.
VICTORIA leaves the stage and goes out of the auditorium quickly.
On the roof.
EVERYONE: Nooo!
In the theatre, WEIRD AL comes on stage. The crowd boos him savagely.
AL: Aww cmon, give me a chance! Hey, can metal bands do this?
He launches into one of his stupid pop songs. After a second, an electric guitar comes flying from the wings to smash him in the head. He falls to his knees, moaning. The crowd begins to cheer. About thirty METAL GUYS come out from the wings and begin to bludgeon him with musical instruments; he is then tossed into the crowd and passed around.
METAL GUY: Are you ready to ROCK?
CROWD: YEAH!
METAL GUY: Hit it, everyone!
Somebody begins to play a guitar solo; it quickly becomes part of an incredibly loud cacophony of insane sound.
On the roof.
CARTMAN: Kickass!
KYLE: Dude, something's not right.
STAN: I sorta feel that too...
KYLE: Don't you think that somebody didn't realise something?
CARTMAN: Yeah... I kinda feel that too.
STAN: What could it be?
Inside. The sound is incoherent and insane. Many different songs are being performed at earsplitting volume. On KENNY, headbanging.
KENNY: (Yes!)
KENNY pauses. The music becomes even louder as the pupils of his eyes become blood red. One of his eyes begins to bleed.
KENNY: (Oh no!)
He begins to tremble. Abruptly, the top half of his head explodes.
On the roof.
STAN: Oh my god! They killed Kenny!
KYLE: You bastards!
CARTMAN: Cool!
Inside. The heads of the audience begin to explode. Suddenly everyone begins to panic and runs out, leaving WEIRD AL dazed on the floor.
AL: This wouldn't have happened if they stayed with me.
A METALHEAD kicks him in the head while running out.
On the roof.
STAN: What the hell's going on?
KYLE: I dunno.
On the stage. The music gradually subsides.
METAL GUY: There.
METAL GUY NO. 2: You think he'll come?
METAL GUY: He heard us. He's got to.
METAL GUY NO. 3: He's got to.
HATASHU bursts through the wall.
On the roof.
KYLE: Nooo!
STAN: He won! There's no more hope!
KYLE: Dude, let's get out of here.
WENDY: At least Weird Al died.
CARTMAN: Yes, every cloud has a silver lining.
KYLE: Totally.
STAN: We should hide in the school basement.
WENDY: But... it's full of twisting passageways. We could easily be separated and one by one be cut down by a savage creature like so many kids in a monster movie.
Jarring chord.
STAN: So?
WENDY: Okay, okay. Lead the way.
Inside. HATASHU is on the stage with all the METAL GUYS.
METAL GUY NO. 1: We knew you would come. Don't tell me you weren't bored with possessing that stupid teacher.
HATASHU: Perhaps.
GARRISON PUPPET: I'm much more fun now, Mr. Hat.
METAL GUY NO. 1: Our souls are unclean. You will be much more nourished by them, and we're more willing to exchange temporary fame and money for eternal damnation.
HATASHU: You make a strong case. I guess I won't destroy everything after all. I'll just incubate inside one of you for another thirteen years, and shatter the world then.
METAL GUY NO. 1: Killer. Take me, then.
METAL GUY NO. 2: You?
METAL GUY NO. 1: Why not?
METAL GUY NO. 3: You're not nearly evil enough.
METAL GUY NO. 1: Me not evil? You wear girl's panties!
METAL GUY NO. 2: You wear girl's panties?
METAL GUY NO. 3: I do not wear girl's panties!
METAL GUY NO. 4: I think you wear girl's panties.
METAL GUY NO. 3: Up yours, skunk*BLEEP*er!
METAL GUY NO. 1: Hatashu, take me instead of these fools!
METAL GUY NO. 5: Don't take him! He writes sensitive poetry!
METAL GUY NO. 3 Sensitive poetry? You wimp!
The METAL GUYS begin to fight while HATASHU looks on. After a while, the WEREWOLF enters and begins to attack the METAL GUYS.
HATASHU: You're all insolent cretins!
He walks off, knocking another hole in the wall in the process. Everyone continues to fight, until a METAL GUY picks up a guitar and starts to hit people with it. He accidentally knocks one of the huge speakers over.
METAL GUY: Oh crap.
The speaker topples and explodes, setting off many chain reactions of exploding speakers. Shot of the outside of the school, as part of it explodes in fiery cataclysmic destruction. All sorts of people run out in panic as the rest begins to burn.
Inside, STAN, KYLE, CARTMAN and WENDY run down a corridor. They reach a door.
STAN: In here!
They get in. It's a small closet. STAN lifts a trapdoor in the floor and they jump down it. Inside, it's dark and claustrophobic.
WENDY: So this is the school's forgotten underground.
CARTMAN: I thought there'd be candy, but there's just spiders. Unless...
He grabs a cobweb and bites into it.
CARTMAN: Nope. No candy.
KYLE: Why'd you think there was candy?
CARTMAN: Oh, never mind.
He eats the rest of the cobweb. They slowly walk through the basement.
WENDY: There's light up ahead!
They run towards the light, entering a big room where CHEF sits on a crate holding a flashlight.
CHEF: Hello children!
KIDS: Hi Chef.
CHEF: How's it going?
WENDY: Bad.
CHEF: Why bad?
WENDY: Chef, the theatre exploded and the entire school's on fire.
CHEF: Dammit! Oh children, I knew this would happen. Did you see what happened to Garrison?
WENDY: I think Mr. Hat won the battle. He's probably tearing the place up now.
CHEF: Children, if that's all that Hatashu's doing we're lucky.
KYLE: Huh?
CHEF: Garrison mentioned his powers, many long years ago.
In the flaming theatre. Hatashu walks around in it, unaffected by fire. He spots KENNY's charred body, picks it up, and goes out. He throws it on the ground outside and quickly draws a pentagram around it.
HATASHU: Dark Prince aid me!
SATANIC VOICE: Go away. I'm busy.
HATASHU: But Father...
SATANIC VOICE: No buts! Go away!
HATASHU: Stupid bastard.
SATANIC VOICE: What was that?
HATASHU: I said, you're looking particularly evil today.
GARRISON PUPPET: You go to heaven! You go to heaven and you die!
SATANIC VOICE: You want me to smite you?
GARRISON PUPPET: Sorry, Mr. Beelzebub.
HATASHU: All right, all right, I'll do it myself.
He peers at KENNY, then says a lot of weird magical gibberish. Actually, what he's saying is 'Wake up you bastard or I'll kick your dead ass' played backwards. KENNY slowly gets up as his head grows back on.
HATASHU: Go into the school and steal the children's' souls so that I may feast.
GARRISON PUPPET: You got it, Mr. Hat.
KENNY walks into the burning school.
In the basement. HATASHU walks in. Everyone screams and huddles into a corner except for CARTMAN.
CARTMAN: Will evil never rest?
HATASHU: Ha ha ha! I'm going to kill you, ha ha ha!
CARTMAN: But how to change without revealing my secret identity?
He ponders. HATASHU conveniently sits there.
CARTMAN: Hey, look at that!
He points to a spot on the wall. Everyone is fooled and gazes at it. He removes his clothes to reveal a superhero costume underneath.
CARTMAN: It is I, come to do battle with the fiend!
STAN: Cart Man!
KYLE: But how?
HATASHU: I promise I won't hurt them, Cart Man!
CARTMAN: I doubt that.
He launches himself at HATASHU, quickly hitting him with a powerful uppercut that makes him fly through the ceiling. WENDY embraces CARTMAN.
WENDY: Oh, Cart Man!
CARTMAN: Just doing my job, baby.
They kiss passionately as STAN looks on jealousy, his face turning red.
WENDY: Oh, Cart Man...
CHEF begins to shake CARTMAN.
CARTMAN: What the hell?
Cross-dissolve to the actual room. CARTMAN is laying on the ground, being shaken by CHEF.
CHEF: Boy, how can you fall asleep when we're in a mess like this?
CARTMAN: Huh?
On the door frame. KENNY stands there, in silhouette. He advances toward them.
WENDY: Hey, Kenny's okay!
STAN: Hi Kenny.
KENNY grabs STAN.
STAN: What the hell?
KYLE: Dude, Hatashu has him!
CARTMAN: Will evil never rest?
STAN: Gee, I dunno.
CARTMAN: Now, how to change without revealing my secret identity?
WENDY slaps him.
CARTMAN: Ow, you bitch!
She slaps him again. Cross-dissolve to the actual room again.
WENDY: How can you fall asleep when something like this is going on?
On KENNY, choking STAN.
KYLE: Kenny! Don't do it! I know you can hear me!
STAN: Kenny... stop... please...
KYLE: If you're still Kenny, stop! Can't you see you're killing him?
CARTMAN: Oh, to hell with this.
He walks over and hits KENNY in the head. KENNY staggers back.
CARTMAN: Hmm, that got it.
KENNY grabs CARTMAN by the neck. CHEF pulls a pistol on KENNY.
CHEF: You move an inch, and you're a dead cracker!
HATASHU enters.
HATASHU: Well, what are you waiting for? Finish him off!
CHEF: You kill him, I kill you.
STAN: What suspense!
KYLE: Totally.
HATASHU: Go on! Finish it!
KENNY reaches up with one hand and pulls the zipper of his parka down a bit. Part of his mouth can now be seen, and his speech can sort of be heard. He begins to talk.
KYLE: Whoa, dude!
KENNY: Now wait just a second! Why is it that it's always me who has to die? I'm sick of it! Goddammit, why can't fat-ass over there die sometimes?
CARTMAN: Huh?
KENNY: And look at Stan! And Kyle! And Wendy! They never died! But I died a billion times! It's not fair!
He releases CARTMAN.
GARRISON PUPPET: Life's not fair, kiddo. Get used to it.
Weird rays spring from the GARRISON PUPPET's eyes. They hit KENNY. He bursts into flame.
HATASHU: Who's next?
KENNY: Nooo!
He leaps at HATASHU, setting him on fire. They stagger around before crashing to the floor.
STAN: Oh my god! Kenny sacrificed himself so we could live!
KYLE: But he saved Cartman.
WENDY: You bastard!
HATASHU gets up, still on fire.
HATASHU: You'll die a slow, painful death. I promise you that.
STAN: We're doomed.
KYLE: Oh, dammit.
ODERUS enters, smacking HATASHU in the head.
ODERUS: Nobody slaughters the innocents but us! Get out of here, you guys... there's a fire escape north of here!
ODERUS pulls out his bomb. The kids and CHEF run out.
ODERUS: If we can't hold the world for ransom, we can sure blow you to hell.
End of Act 3.
CHEF and the kids stand outside the school.
CHEF: Well, at least the fire's gone out.
CARTMAN: Dammit!
KYLE: What's taking them?
STAN: I don't know.
CARTMAN: Maybe... they stopped because they suck?
STAN: Shut up Cartman. They're giving it all to destroy Hatashu.
CARTMAN: Who?
In the school basement. ODERUS is standing there with his bomb while GWAR holds HATASHU down. Closeup on the bomb. The digital readout reads 00:01 and then becomes 00:00. On ODERUS. Zoom in quickly to his eyes; fade to white.
Outside. CHEF and the kids stand on the kids. A small, faint squishy noise can be heard.
CARTMAN: What the hell was that?
CHEF: I've heard bombs, children. That wasn't no bomb.
In the basement again. Everything's covered with maggots.
ODERUS: BEN!!
GWAR GUY: Yeah?
ODERUS: Did you put maggots in the time bomb?!
GWAR GUY: Sorry, man. I thought it would make it better, you know.
ODERUS slaps him really hard.
ODERUS: Why the hell do I hang around with you simpletons?
HATASHU: What is it with GWAR and maggots?
ODERUS: Maggots... maggots!
HATASHU: What? I'll kill you now, foolish one.
ODERUS: Yes! Maggots!
HATASHU: Huh?
ODERUS: Ben, you're a genius.
ODERUS takes a whistle from his pocket and blows it. Maggots start to crawl into the room. Soon everything's knee-deep in maggots.
ODERUS: Sic!
The maggots swarm HATASHU, tearing him apart.
GARRISON PUPPET: Oh, the humanity!
They withdraw, leaving only various scraps of HATASHU and the GARRISON PUPPET behind. In a flash of light, the GARRISON PUPPET turns into MR. HAT and an unconscious GARRISON. ODERUS picks him up in a fireman's carry.
ODERUS: We should give him to those kids.
GWAR GUY NO. 2: Look at this. I'm gonna keep it as a souvenir.
He picks up the bomb and shakes the maggots off of it. On the bomb. The readout says 00:30 and starts counting down.
GWAR GUY NO. 2: Hey, look. The bomb works after all!
GWAR GUY NO. 1: You stupid *BLEEP*!
They run out in a panic, ODERUS carrying GARRISON.
Outside the school. GWAR runs up to the kids as the school explodes.
ODERUS: Here ya go.
He drops GARRISON on the ground.
ODERUS: Well, I guess we have to go now.
STAN: But where can you go?
GWAR GUY NO. 1: There'll always be more innocents to slaughter.
GWAR GUY NO. 2: More music to mangle.
GWAR GUY NO. 3: More maggots to eat.
GWAR: Yeah...
GWAR turns and walks off into the sunset.
STAN: Bye... have a nice Halloween.
A huge sign, reading 'SLAYER LIVE TONIGHT.' Pan down to show GWAR in their cardboard box. Caption: One Day Later. A METALHEAD walks by, into the end of the massive lineup.
ODERUS: Hey buddy, you have any money?
The METALHEAD kicks him in the mouth. He falls backwards, toppling the box over.
On the kids again. STAN grabs MR. HAT and hurls him into the school's smoking wreckage. GARRISON opens his eyes.
GARRISON: What happened?
KYLE: Never mind.
GARRISON: Where's Mr. Hat?
STAN: Um... he had a heart attack.
GARRISON: Well, at least I have his brother.
He takes another MR. HAT out of his pocket.
GARRISON: Well, bye.
He gets up and wanders off.
CHEF: I'd better keep an eye on him. See you, children.
CHEF follows GARRISON. The four kids stand alone in front of the school's rubble.
CARTMAN: Well, that was weird.
KYLE: Totally.
Credits. The song is the normal South Park song, but played as heavy metal. Fade to black.
Caption: This episode is dedicated to all the metalheads out there. This whole thing was your fault.
Fade out.