The Wizard of SP

I was feeling a little inspired last night, so I started on this fanfic (1st attempt, so don't be too harsh). Special thanks to Jeff Plas who was the one to suggest the idea (posted in "Fanfic Idea up for grabs"), and I will try to keep it to the "traditional" characters.

<insert any legal stuff you want here>

(opening scene is a news broadcaster sitting at his desk)

News Broadcaster: And now, with your local weather forecast, a one-armed transvestite on a pogo-stick.

O-A.T. on a P-S: Thanks Dick. Well, I could tell you folks about the bizarre weather anomaly heading for our area, but no one ever believes meteorologists, so you all can just f**k off! Back to you Dick.

News Broadcaster: Thanks for the report. In other news, the earlier report of the toxic waste spill on interstate 12 having been contained was in error, it hasn't been. We regret any inconvienence this may have caused ...

(scene shift to cars driving into neon green goo and dissolving)

(scene shift to the bus stop. Stan, Kyle, Kenny and Eric are waiting for the bus)

Stan: Dude, the sky looks kinda wierd.

Kyle: It's probably just a storm blowing through. I wouldn't worry about it.

Kenny: Mmmph-mm-hphmm-mmm-hmmm. ("Maybe it's the aliens coming for Cartman's ass again.")

(Kyle, Stan and Kenny laugh)

Kyle: Yeah, those aliens couldn't get enough of his fat-ass! (laugh again)

Eric: Ay! That's not funny, Kenny! I'll kick your soon to be repossessed ass, you poor ass sonofabitch!

(Cartman starts chasing Kenny. Meanwhile, at the other end of the street, a tornado touches down.)

Stan: Holy s**t! A tornado!

Kyle: In Colorado?

(Both run for cover)

Stan: (yelling) Kenny, Cartman, look out! It's a tornado!

Kenny: (stops running) Mmph-hmm-phmp-hm? ("In Colorado?")

Eric: Gotcha poor boy! (tackles Kenny)

(The tornado, carrying cows (ala "Twister"), trucks, etc., bears down on Cartman and Kenny, sucking them up.)

Cow: Mooo?

Eric: HEEELLLPPP!!!

Kenny: MMMPHHH!!! ("HEEELLLPPP!!!")

(Kenny is thrown from the tornado, through a tree, killing him. Immediately followed by a bunch of rats being thrown from the tornado onto Kenny's body, on which they being feeding.<this has been missing in the newer eps and I miss it>)

Stan: The tornado killed Kenny!

Kyle: You bastard!

Stan: And it's got Cartman!

Kyle: You bas ... ah, who the hell cares?

Eric: (voice fading as is carried away) CRAAAP! SCREW YOU GUYS!

(scene change to inside the tornado, Cartman is being blown around and around and around ...)

Eric: GETMEOUTTAHEREYOUGODDAMNSONSOFBI ... (sees a bag of cheesy poofs being blown by him and grabs it) Kewl. (starts munching down.)

(scene change to the Minchkun village where an evil bitch, er, witch, is zapping minchkuns down left and right)

W(b)itch: Ah-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha! <zap> Take that you little bastards! <zap> And that! <zap> And ...

(Cartman falls from the sky, cheesy poofs in hand, landing on the w(b)itch and squashing her flat.)

Eric: Ow, goddammit! There's something poking me in my ass! (pulls witch's hat out from under him) That's better. (continues munching on cheesy poofs)

(The minchkuns start coming out from hiding)

Minchkun 1: That fat-assed kid just killed the wicked bitch, er, witch!

Eric: Ay! Who you calling fat-assed you little tree-hugging hippy freak?!

Minchkuns: (in unison) Yay! Our hero!

Eric: Who? Where? (looks around)

(enter the Minchkun rulers, singing)

Minchkun Rulers: We represent the snacky-cake guild, the snacky-cake guild the snacky-cake ...

Eric: Snacky-cakes? Gimme a snacky-cake!!

Minchkun Ruler 1: Um, well, we don't actually HAVE any snacky-cakes, we just represent ...

Eric: (whining) But I want a snacky-caaakke!

Minchkun Ruler 1: (softly to the other minchkuns) Are you sure this fat-assed whining kid's our hero? (they nod) <sigh>

(A glowing sphere floats into the minchkun village, electrocutes one minchkun when it brushes up against him, and Wendy, the good bitch, er, witch, appears, looking like Stan's girlfriend.)

Wendy: Ooops, sorry about that, I'm still getting used to driving a manual. What's going on?

Minchkun Ruler 1: The wicked bitch, er, witch of the East-northeast is dead!

Wendy: What? How?

Minchkun Ruler 1: That fat-assed kid came plummeting out of the sky a squashed her!

Eric: I'm not fat dammit! <munch, munch> I just haven't grown into my weight yet. Where am I any way? (finishes the bag of cheesy poofs)

Wendy: Why, you're in Minchkunland.

Eric: Oh. (pause) You got any cheesy poofs?

Wendy: (looking puzzled) What are cheesy poofs? (Minchkuns shrug shoulders, look confused)

Eric: NOOOOO! (faints. Minchkuns throw water into his face.) What the, where, oh crap! How do I get the hell outta here?!?!

Wendy: I don't know, but the Wizard of Zo could help you. Just follow the yellow brick road past the orange forest to the emerald river. When you cross it ... (scene fades for a second, comes back up as same scene labeled "20 minutes later") ... and when you get to the aquamarine city, just ask anyone where the wizard is, they should be able to tell you. Got it?

Eric: (wakes up) Huh? Oh, oh yeah (mutters) damn long-winded bitch.

Wendy: And to help you on your journey, you can wear the Wicked Bitch, er, Witch of the East-Northeast's cubic zirconian birkenstock's. (waves wand)

Eric: Wha? I don't want some damn hippy shoes on ... (notices the birkenstocks on his feet) AY! Get these damn things offa me!

Wendy: Sorry, but I'd have to cut off your feet. Only the Wizard could tell you how to remove them without removing your feet.

Eric: (mutters) Damn witches, can't even take off a pair of shoes. (Tries to take off birkenstocks, which won't budge. He starts off down the yellow-red spiral road, muttering as he goes.)

Minchkun 2: Think he'll make it?

Minchkun 3: Nah, that fat-ass is toast.

(scene change to the point where the yellow and red brick road separate, Eric is approaching at the intersection)

Eric: Oh great, now where do I go?

(Officer Barbrady comes out from behind a tree, zipping up his pants)

Barbrady: Oh that feels much better. Oh, hello there little lost boy.

Eric: Huh? Oh, hey. How do I get to the, what'd that bitch call it? Oh yeah, how do I get to the wizard?

Barbrady: Hmmm, let me see, the wizard ... (looks left, then right, then left again) The wizard would be, um, that way little boy. (points down the red brick road)

Eric: Kewl! (starts down the red brick road)

END PART I

If you folks like it, let me know and I'll finish it.

Wow! This is turning out great! It's even better than I had hoped! I can't wait to see how this one turns out. You should write more, you show a lot of promise. A word of advice, though, don't try to force it if you just don't happen to have an idea. I've seen a lot of good writers turn out some pretty awful crap, just because they felt like it was time for another story. By the way, did you used to post to this group under a different name? Anyway, keep up the good work. I look forward to seing more from you!

Jeff

In article , "Jeff Plas" wrote:

Glad you like it! The idea just sort of struck home, so I ran with it. My housemate and I did come up with an addendum to this, inspired by the "Dark Side"/Wizard of Oz "thing" (already posted it). Anyway, thanks again, I'll do another installment (I'm thinking it'll be in three parts).

The only time I ever posted to this group under a different name was: 1) when I first hopped in here (labeled as Dain Nielsen (real name)) 2) when I forgot to change my personal info back to Dain of the Iron Hills after I had been giving some neo-nazi-types utter hell one night (changed info so as not to get annoying/threatening e-mails).

Other than those two times, I've always been Dain of the Iron Hills.

Have you and your room mates tried the Wizard of Oz/ Dark Side thing yet?

Jeff

In article , "Jeff Plas" wrote:

Not yet. I was planning on trying it when I got to my folks house over Christmas (figure it would be an entertaining way to recover form Christmas dinner <g>).

Dain of the Iron Hills wrote in message ...

UK planned to rain death on the streets of Bahgdad:

A six inch three inch dwarf...? It makes no sense. Surely a 6'3" dwarf would be funnier.

(Yes, I'm a pedant).

Good story. My favourite parts of South Park have always been the midget in the bikini or a tetraplegic Swiss man on a horse, so the transvestite/pogo stick was a good start.

I was talking about the Pink Floyd "Dark Side of the Moon"/Wizard of Oz "thing" with my housemate and we came up with the following addendum:

In article , [email] (Dain of the Iron Hills) wrote:

(The MGM Lion passes by Cartman and roars three times. The sound of a heartbeat (for those of you unfamiliar with "Dark Side of the Moon", that's how the album starts) can be heard, grows lounder)

Eric: What the HELL was that? (continues munching on cheesy poofs)

(Music stops as soon as the w(b)itch is squashed.)

A little after-the-fact I know, but better late than never <G>.

Both this addendum and the first part are cool, cookies to you, and if this is your first fanfic, it's damn good. Waiting to see the rest.

There's a copy of that Pink Floyd �D lying around here somewhere, someday I may rent The Wizard of Oz just to see that...

the_"Yee-haw! The fanfic awards are *finally* open!" davester

In article , [email] (Dain of the Iron Hills) wrote:

connected to the red thing, the red thing's connected to my wristwatch ... Uh-oh."

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