Rocky Horror/South Park crossover, Part I

ROCKY HORROR SOUTH PARK SHOW A South Park/Rocky Horror Picture Show Crossover By Arthur Levesque ([email]) [This is a work in progress -- last modified, 30 Sep 1997]

[The opening sequence is a combination of Rocky Horror's (song is song by a set of lips, but done in Terry Gilliam/"South Park" animation style) and South Park's (behind lips is assembled picture of South Park, with various scenes echoing the lyrics of the song, with various cows and flying babies mixed in for effect).]

               COMEDY CENTRAL CARTOON FEATURE
       (to the tune of "Science Fiction/Double Feature")

     Eric Cartman was fat when he ignited his cat
     But his mother said he was big boned
     And then Kenny was there in orange winterwear
     Mumbling everything in muted tones
     But something's amiss between Stan and his sis
     She attacked him with a lawnmower
     Terrance and Phil brought a smile to the face of young Kyle
     But they just made his mom fume and glower

     It was the...
     Comedy Central Cartoon Feature
     There are four butts on that strange creature
     See aliens kidnap Stan's little brother
     And the chef gets everyone's mother
     At the late-night Comedy Central Cartoon Show

     I saw the great Scuzzlebutt weave, bite and cut
     When a volcano sent lava downhill
     And I laughed quite a lot when I saw Kenny get shot
     Zapped, impaled, stampeded, and killed
     Mr. Garrison said that we should ask Mr. Hat
     Who screamed that we'd go straight to hell
     But when the bus arrives, screams the woman who drives
     "Sit down and shut up, or else I'll tell!"

     It's a...
     Comedy Central Cartoon Feature
     There are four butts on that strange creature
     See aliens kidnap Stan's little brother
     And the chef gets everyone's mother
     At the late-night Comedy Central Cartoon show
     I wanna go...  Oh, oh...
     To the late-night Comedy Central Cartoon show
     Ike's a dildo...  Oh, oh...
     To the late-night Comedy Central Cartoon show

I love it!!! And I wanna see more!!

Dave ([email]) wrote: D>I love it!!! And I wanna see more!!

     OK, just be patient... :)
     I already know how I want most of the scenes to go, and how it'll
end...  Just got to work out the details and get it all written out...

ROCKY HORROR SOUTH PARK SHOW PART II A South Park/Rocky Horror Picture Show Crossover By Arthur Levesque ([email])

(This is a work in progress... To see Part I, visit http://www.erols.com/backslash/rhps.html)

[Scene: The bus stop. Stan, Kyle, Cartman, and Kenny are waiting for the bus]

ALL (that annoying singing thing): Thank god it's Friday! Thank god it's Friday!

Stan: Just a few hours until my Uncle Jimbo takes us camping again!

Kyle: Here comes the bus.

Driver: Sit down! Shut up!!

[Children board bus. Stan and Kyle head towards their seat in the back]

Stan (mutters): I'd like to beat that fucking bitch...

Driver: What did you say?!?

Stan: I said, "I like to eat ducks and fish."

Driver: Oh.

[Driver hits bump, all children get tossed one seat forward]

[New scene, school cafeteria. Stan, Kyle, Cartman, and Kenny are standing in line; various other children (Pip, Wendy, etc.) are at tables eating]

Stan: I guess he finally did it, huh.

Kyle: I don't think there's any doubt about that. I can't believe Mr. Garrison finally flipped out and disappeared.

Cartman: I can't believe you guys. Everyone knows that Mr. Hat is the psycho and Mr. Garrison is just a victim.

Stan: Dude, Mr. Hat is just a goddamned puppet! He can't do anything to Mr. Garrison!

Kenny (muffled by hood): Mmf mmmff mmfmf mff mmfmmff.

Kyle: Yeah, and someone probably sticks his hand up Cartman's butt all the time, too.

Cartman: You would want to stick your hand up my butt you dildo!

Chef: Good morning, kids. How's the new substitute teacher?

Stan: She's OK.

Kyle: Yeah, she hasn't given us a test all week.

Kenny: Mmf mmmff mmfmf mff mmfmmff.

Chef (laughing): Yes, I'd like to give her that myself. In fact today, when she comes in for lunch, I'm going to sing her a special song I wrote just for her, to welcome her to South Park Elementary.

Kenny: Mmf mmmff mmfmf mff mmfmmff.

Chef: Who knows!

Stan: Well, so long Chef.

Cartman: Salisbury steaks -- kick ass!!

[Children go to table to eat. Enter Janet Gannet, the substitute teacher]

Janet: This looks delicious! All the children say you're a wonderful little cook.

Chef: Speaking of delicious, I've got something to say.

Janet: Uh huh.

Chef: I'd just like to sing you a little song to welcome you to our elementary school family.

Janet: Oh Chef!

                      DAMMIT, JANET
     (to the tune of "Dammit, Janet" -- obviously!)

[Children sing the "Janet" replies]

Chef:My passion's so hot they might ban it (Janet)
     Your body is mine, let me man it (Janet)
     So please, don't make me right-hand it (Janet)
     I'm down on my knees praying
     Dammit, Janet, let's make sweet love!

     My rod is long, let me ram it (Janet)
     There's a fire in my loins, let me cram it (Janet)
     My love tool for you's hard as granite (Janet)
     I'm down on my knees praying
     Dammit, Janet, let's make sweet love!

     Give me a ring, I'm getting stiffer
     Let me tell you how big I'll grow
     That's three times bigger than Frank Gifford's
     Oh, J-A-N-E-T Let's make sweet love!

[Janet looks shocked, drops her tray and runs out of room. Children laugh. Fade to commercial]

Oh, my.

I can hardly wait to see how 'Touch-a Touch-a Touch-a Touch Me' gets used...

I originally ended the "Dammit, Janet" parody half-way in; since the Chef never gets to finish his songs and it didn't think it would work to have the woman reply. However, my roommate Karen suggested having the children finish the song; so here is the extended "Dammit, Janet" parody. Visit http://www.erols.com/backslash/rhps.html for the complete script so far...

ROCKY HORROR SOUTH PARK SHOW A South Park/Rocky Horror Picture Show Crossover By Arthur Levesque ([email])

                      DAMMIT, JANET
     (to the tune of "Dammit, Janet" -- obviously!)

[Children sing the "Janet" replies]

                          CHEF
     My passion's so hot they might ban it (Janet)
     Your body is mine, let me man it (Janet)
     So please, don't make me right-hand it (Janet)
     I'm down on my knees praying
     Dammit, Janet, let's make sweet love!

     My rod is long, let me ram it (Janet)
     There's a fire in my loins, let me cram it (Janet)
     My love tool for you's hard as granite (Janet)
     I'm down on my knees praying
     Dammit, Janet, let's make sweet love!

     Give me a ring, I'm getting stiffer
     Let me tell you how big I'll grow
     That's three times bigger than Frank Gifford's
     Oh, J-A-N-E-T Let's make sweet love!

[Janet looks shocked, drops her tray and runs out of room. Camera moves to children sitting at table with lunches. Close-up on Cartman's tray, which is stacked to capacity with food (picture John Belushi's lunch tray in "Animal House". He also has a big bag of Cheesy Poofs with a "Farley Flavors Food" logo on it...]

                        CARTMAN
     Oh, it's nicer than Salisbury Steak...  Beefcake!
     Now I'm so buff and I'm no fake...  Beefcake!
     Someday on TV I'll be so great...  Beefcake!
     I've one thing to say and that's food, you're good,
     For me too...  Oh, food...

                          KYLE
     Goddammit!

                        CARTMAN
     You're good...

                          STAN
     You fat ass!

                        CARTMAN
     I'm buff...

                          STAN
     You're a super fat ass...

                        CARTMAN
     There's much more left to eat...  That's sweet...

[Kyle says "Dammit!"s]

                          STAN
     You're such a fat ass we can't stand it (Dammit!)
     When we saw all the food that you cram it (Dammit!)
     Made us start to get sick and then panic (Dammit!)
     Now I've one thing to say and that's Dammit, Cartman,
     You fat ass!  Dammit, Cartman...

                        CARTMAN
     Beefcake, BEEFCAKE!!

                          KYLE
     Dammit, Cartman!

                      STAN & KYLE
     You fat ass!

ROCKY HORROR SOUTH PARK SHOW A South Park/Rocky Horror Picture Show Crossover By Arthur Levesque ([email])

[Wendy Testaberger walks by and drops a note on Stan's tray without saying a word. Cut to the set of "Jesus and Pals". The Lord is sitting in his chair by the phone, and looks up at the camera]

Jesus: I would like, if I may, to tell you a strange parable. Yea, it seemed a fairly ordinary night when Stan Marsh and his friends Kyle, Eric, and Kenny; four young, ordinary, healthy kids, went into the woods on a camping/hunting trip with Stan's uncle Jimbo, and Jimbo's war buddy Ned. It's true there were liquor bottles, heavy, full, and 80-proof, from which they were driving. It's true, also, that Jimbo's sense of direction wasn't very good even on those few occasions when he was sober... But yea, they were not going to let a little thing like getting lost spoil the events of their evening, were they? On a night out... it was a night out they were going to remember... for a very long time. Amen.

[Inside Uncle Jimbo's new truck. Jimbo and Ned are in the front seat; Stan, Kyle, Cartman, and Kenny are in the back seat]

Kyle: Dammit, Cartman, that's the third bag of Cheesy Poofs you've eaten already!

Cartman: Shut up, you damned Jew! I don't complain when you eat all your goddamned Jew foods around me!

Kyle: Cartman, what the hell are you talking about? I eat all of the same things you do! You just eat ten times as much you fat pig!

Cartman: I'm not fat! I'm big boned!!

Stan: What's the matter, Uncle Jimbo?

Jimbo: I think we might have taken a wrong turn a few miles back.

Stan: Don't tell me we're lost!

Jimbo: OK, I won't tell you.

Ned: I don't recognize anything here...

Jimbo: Well, I guess we'll just have to turn around and find the road again.

[Suddenly, there is a loud bang and the car comes to a halt. The car is filled with flying Cheesy Poofs]

Cartman: Son of a bitch!

Stan: What was that bang?

Jimbo: We must have blown something.

Kenny: Mmf mmmff mmfmf mff mmfmmff?

Ned: Oh man that's disgusting!

Jimbo: And I just got the insurance company to buy me this truck after my last one blew up! Well, this looks as good a place as any to set up camp.

Cartman: But we didn't have dinner yet! Where will we find food in the middle of nowhere?

Jimbo: It is a hunting trip, son. We'll go out and shoot some grub. Come on, let's get our gear out of the truck.

                    THE HUNTING SONG
     (to the tune of "Over At The Frankenstein Place")

                         JIMBO
     Move quietly you all
     Up against the wall
     Standing tall, there's a grizzly beer
     But we're hunters; nothing to fear

                          NED
     Kumbaya...

                         JIMBO
     Look out, it's coming right for us!

                          NED
     If they're so sma-a-art...

                         JIMBO
     Why do they live igloos?

                          NED
     There's a shotgun, shotgun

                         JIMBO
     In the gun rack for every one of us.

[Wendy has stowed away in the back of the jeep. She sings softly; none of the men hear her]

                         WENDY
     This hunting must stop
     Through the forests of God's creatures
     Go, hunters, go
     Go to sleep, let Stan and I walk
     Into the woods...  Into the woods...

                          NED
     Kumbaya...

                         JIMBO
     Look out, it's coming right for us!

                          NED
     If they're so sma-a-art...

                         JIMBO
     Why do they live igloos?

                          NED
     There's a shotgun, shotgun

                         JIMBO
     In the gun rack for every one of us.

[Jimbo blasts the cute, innocent bear. Cut to "Jesus and Pals" set, with Officer Barbrady standing in between Jesus and the camera]

Barbrady: Nothing is happening, there's nothing to see here... Or is there?

Hehehehehe...Time Warp would be next, wouldn't it? Can't wait.

MisinYou ([email]) wrote: MY>Hehehehehe...Time Warp would be next, wouldn't it?

Yep. I'm workin' on it.

MY>Can't wait.

Thanks!

AL> See aliens kidnap Stan's little brother

Change this to

See visitors kidnap Kyle's brother

It's more accurate, and scans better.

So, who's up for writing the parody of "Dammit, Janet?" :)

*** THE READER V4.40 [unregistered]

        Pab Sungenis, Traffic Director: WMGM, Atlantic City, NJ
+------------------------------------------------------------------------+

+------------------------------------------------------------------------+
          My opinions!  You can't have 'em!  MINE!  MINE!  MINE!
  Illegal to use this address for unsolicited commercial E-Mail: 47 USC