My very first attempt at fanfic writing. It might suck, but bear with me. Any comments are appreciated.
-Megan, The Aforementioned Idiot
"Dolphins are very vicious creatures." -Paul "Beware: I can do great harm to my self and blame it on you." -A. Brilliant
The Damn Californians By Megan
(Cartman is sitting on his couch, Cheesy Poofs in hand, watching TV. For some reason, all of the channels are showing a news program. The same one on every channel)
Reporter: And today in the� Cartman: Weak. (Changes channel) Reporter: �news, earlier� Cartman: Super weak. (Changes channel) Reporter: �tragedy struck� (doorbell drowns the TV out.) Cartman: Mom! The door! Mrs. Cartman: I'll get it, snookums. (Mrs. Cartman walks past Cartman) Reporter: �small mountain town� (Mrs. Cartman walks back in with Kenny, Kyle and Stan behind her.) Mrs. Cartman: Eric, look who's here. Stan: Hey, Cartman. Cartman: Hi, you guys. (The boys sit down on the couch) Kyle: What're you watching, fatass? Cartman: (distantly) The news, and I'm not fat. Kenny: (Why are you watching the news?) Cartman: (really pissed) BECAUSE NOTHING'S ON, YOU POOR PIECE OF SHIT! Stan: Woah! Calm down, dude. Reporter: �South Park, Colorado� Cartman: Lame. (Lifts remote but Stan stops him.) Stan: Dude, this is about HERE. Cartman: So what? There's always something about here! (Shot of TV. The reporter is sitting behind a desk and over his right shoulder is picture of a burning house with ambulances and firetrucks in front of it.) Reporter: �The O'Brien family were the victims of some Californian hippies that got some bad dope. This caused them to go on a murderous rampage. The hippies are being deported to California, but before apprehended they killed Edward, Kathleen and Patrick O'Brien. The only survivor was eight-year-old Stephanie O'Brien. (Shows a picture of the redheaded girl) Kyle: Isn't she in our class? Reporter: �Now an orphan, if she doesn't get adopted in one month, she will have to live with her uncle in Ireland. This really sucks for her because Fraser O'Brien lives in the Dublin Center for the Criminally Insane. Apparently, he's convinced that he's Willie, the Evil Leprechaun and enjoys poisoning green beer. In other news... (Cartman shuts off the TV) Kyle: Dude, this sucks! Cartman: Those goddamn, tree-hugging Californians! They suck! Stan: Yeah! Kenny: (Why do we care about this chick? It's not like we know her or anything.) Kyle: I don't know, the damn Californians just piss me off. Stan: I think she's a friend of Wendy's. Kenny: (Okay, what do we really know about her?) Kyle: She's the second highest ranked in the class. Stan: She hangs out with BeBe and Wendy. Cartman: She's Irish. Kyle: No shit, Sherlock. Stan: She seems really nice; but she's really quiet. Cartman: She's got red hair. Kyle: (annoyed) Good job, fatass, how could you tell? Cartman: AY! Kenny: (And that's all?) Kyle: Pretty much. Kenny: (shrugs) (Okay.) Stan: So, how are we going to help her? Kyle: Well, she won't have to go to Ireland if she gets adopted, right? Kenny: (Yeah.) Stan: So? Kyle: So we introduce her to our parents so that maybe they'll adopt her. Stan: Yeah! Kenny: (That's a good idea. If she lives with me, I'm gonna�) Kyle: (interrupts) I really don't want to know. (Kenny shrugs)
****************************************At school the next day*********************************
Mr. Garrison: (Writing on the board) �and so in 2201 BC the United Stated fought their war of independence against the Australians, led by Mike Tyson and Daniel Johns. (the bell rings) Alright, class, it's lunch hour, but remember, there will be a test tomorrow. (the class ignores him) (sighs) Mr. Hat? Mr. Hat: THERE WILL BE A TEST TOMORROW! (class ignores him) YOU ALL GO TO HELL! YOU ALL GO TO HELL AND YOU DIE! Mr. Garrison: (sighs) Class dismissed. (As the rest of the class leaves, Stephanie stays in her desk. The boys get up to leave, but Kyle looks back and sees her.) Cartman: Come on, Jewboy. Lunch won't wait. Kyle: You guys go ahead. I'm gonna talk to Stephanie. Stan: (shrugs) Okay, dude. (Stan, Kenny & Cartman leave. Kyle walks over to Stephanie.) Kyle: Hi. Are you Stephanie O'Brien? Stephie: Yeah. Kyle: I'm Kyle Broslofski. Stephie: Nice to meet you, Kyle. Kyle: I heard about what happened to your family, Stephanie. Stephie: Please, call me Stephie. Kyle: Okay, Stephie. Well, what I was saying is that it really sucks ass that you might have to go to Ireland. Stephie: I know. My uncle's f<beep>ing crazy. Kyle: I heard. Well, anyway, me and my friends, Kenny and Cartman and Stan� Stephie: Stan Marsh? (Kyle nods) Wendy can't f<beep>ing shut up about him. It's really f<beep>ing annoying. Kyle: You really like that word, don't you? Stephie: (shrugs) Kyle: Um, we thought that maybe one of our parents would like to adopt you. We could introduce you to them, if you want. Stephie: Really? That's so nice of you! That would be great! Kyle: Okay, you can come to Kenny's house after school. Stephie: Okay. Thanks, Kyle. This really means a lot to me. Kyle: It's the least I could do. See you after school, Stephie. Stephie: Bye, Kyle. (Kyle leaves) *END PART ONE*