Reply to this plz, I need to build my confidence to finish another "top secret" fic.
dave.
South Park: The Two Sheilas
[The Broslofski house.]
Mrs. B: Come on, Sheila, we have to get a move on.
Sheila: Why do we have to go all the way to East Park to get me a stupid dress?
Mrs. B: The prices are so much better in East Park.
Sheila: But it's two hundred miles away!
Mrs. B: That's not so far. I once went to Los Angelos for a shoe sale.
Sheila: <under her breath> That crazy old bird. Dragging me all over creation for a God damn dress that I can buy downtown.
Mrs. B: What are you muttering about?
Sheila: Nothing.
Mrs. B: Good, now get ready. We're leaving in two minutes.
[In the car, driving through town.]
Sheila: Can't this bucket go any faster?
Mrs. B: I never drive over forty miles an hour. Driving is very dangerous.
Sheila: <under her breath> Only for the people coming up behind you.
[As the car leaves South Park, we see a sign reading "East Park - 200 miles. West Park - 15 miles."]
Sheila: <after seeing the sign> Why can't we go to West Park?
Mrs. B: They don't have quality items.
Sheile: <thinking> My pinwheels are quality item and I'd prove that to you, if you weren't my Aunt.
Mrs. B: Don't worry honey, the miles will fly by. Let's play a game. <a pause> How about we count out of state licence plates. Look there's one from Texas.
Sheila: <thinking> That's it, I'm in hell!
[Back at the Broslofski House.]
[Stan, Kyle, Kenny and ol' fat ass are lying on the floor in front of the TV.]
Cartman: This bites me like a rainbow.
Kyle: Do you eat paint, Cartman, is that why you're such an idiot?
[Stan, Kyle and Kenny laugh.]
Cartman: Just wait, ass lickers. When Sheila gets back, she'll rip you a new hole.
Kenny: (Kyle's mom doesn't seen the type.)
Cartman: AY! Not Kyle's bitch mom, I mean Sheila. My Sheila!
Kenny: (Has she helped you play with your fireman yet?)
Cartman: AY! I don't need any help!
[Stan, Kyle and Kenny start laughing again.]
Cartman: <while the others are laugh at him, he thinks> I wonder when Sheila is getting back.
[In the middle of no where.]
Sheila: What do you mean, the car stalled!
[Mrs. B tries to start the car again. Nothing happens.]
Mrs. B: I'm sorry, sweetie, the car won't start.
Sheila: This is just perfect. Cartman is at home. I'm stuck here. What else could go possible go wrong!?!?
Mrs. B: <thinking> This may not be the best time to tell her that I left her bag of pinwheels at home.
Sheila: What are we going to do, Aunt Sheila?
Mrs. B: We walk.
Sheila: Walk? Are you out of your mind?! It's more than a hundred miles back to South Park!
Mrs. B: Oh, honey, we're not going back to South Park. We're still going to East Park and buy you a dress.
Sheila: What have I done to deserve this!
[Flashback of every time she used a pinwheel on some one's ass. It last's for thirty minutes.]
Sheila: Wow! That was hella-long.
Mrs. B: Come on, it won't be that bad.
Sheila: <thinking> Says the crazy old lady.
[They walk ten feet and look back at the car.]
Sheila: Dammit! What happened to our car!
[The car has been stripped clean and is now resting on cinder blocks.]
Mrs. B: It doesn't hurt anything. It was broken down anyway.
Sheila; But still! It was our car!!
Mrs. B: Oh, that wasn't our car. Mrs. Cartman let me borrow hers.
Sheila: What?!
[Flashback of Cartman saying, "When I'm sixteen, my mah is giving me her car."]
Sheila: Can we at least hitch hike?
Mrs. B: No!
Sheila: But it'll take forever to walk and besides, we'll miss the sale.
Mrs. B: Oh my God! We'll miss the sale!
Sheila: <silence>
Mrs. B: <a long pause> Don't you have a line to say.
Sheila: <crossing her arms> No, I do not.
Mrs. B: Have it your way.
Sheila: Fine.
Mrs. B: Fine.
[They stand by the side of the road. Mrs. B sticks her thumb out and waits. No one stops, no one even slows down.]
Sheila: Show some leg, Aunt Sheila.
Mrs. B: What, what, what!
Sheila: Oh, you were just itching to say that, weren't you?
Mrs. B: <shrugs>
Sheila: If you show a little leg, we might get a ride.
Mrs. B: I should tell you that I haven't shaved my legs for three months.
Sheila: <shudders> Oh, gross!
Mrs. B: Do you still want me to show some leg?
Sheila: NOOOOO!!!!
Mrs. B: Well, it looks we're back to walking.
Sheila: <thinking> Screw this!
[She walks with her fingers on her temples.]
Sheila: <thinking> Eric, my love, I need your help.
[Back at the Broslofski house.]
[Ike is bouncing around the room, holding a box of Cheesy Poofs. Cartman is doing is best to chase him down.]
Cartman: AY! Get back here!
[Stan, Kyle and Kenny are laughing so hard that their faces are red and they're out of breath. Cartman suddenly stops.]
Cartman: <eyes going to pinwheels> Yes, I hear you, my sweetie-pie and I understand.
Sheila's voice: Do I hear laughing in the background?
Cartman: <eyes still pinwheels> Yes.
Sheila's voice: Are they laughing at you?
Cartman: <eyes still pinwheels> Yeppers.
Sheila's voice: Damn that Kyle! You can use my pinwheels, which Aunt Sheila left by the front door.
Cartman: <eyes still pinwheels> See you soon.
[His eyes returns to normal and he smiles.]
Cartman: <thinking> This is going to be so sweet!
[A few minutes later, Cartman leaves with Sheila's bag of pinwheels over his shoulder and we hear moaning coming from the house.]
Cartman: That was hella-cool.
[He walks down the street to Chef's house. He rings the doorbell and Chef answers the door.]
Chef: Hello, Eric. How you doing?
Cartman: Skip it! I need a lift.
Chef: I'm sorry Eric, but I have a date coming over.
Cartman: Tough.
[He digs in Sheila's bag and pulls out a hair brush.]
Cartman: God dammit, of all the . . .
[He digs in the bag again and pulls out a pinwheel.]
Cartman: Ah ha! Now listen to me, tubby, I have a loaded pinwheel and I have no idea how to use it, so you better do what I say. My girlfriend is in trouble and since I'm her boyfriend, she can boss me around and she said get my buff and sexy ass out there and save her!
Chef: Tubby? Your call me tubby?
Cartman: Look at you. You're a big giant fat ass.
Chef: That's like the pot callin' the kettle black.
Cartman: You callin' me black?
Chef: Forget it. Let's go and you better hope we get back before my date shows up or I'll . . .
Cartman: Hey, what ever. Let's roll!
[In the middle of no where, but closer to East Park.]
Mrs. B: I'm thinking of something white and cold.
Sheila: <thinking> If I'd only had a pinwheel.
Mrs. B: Can you guess what I'm thinking about?
Sheila: Are you thinking of snow?
Mrs. B: That's great, Sheila. Now I'm think of something. . .
Sheila: <thinking> My kingdom for a pinwheel!!
[On the road, in Chef's green panel station wagon.]
Cartman: What's with the shag seat covers?
Chef: Women dig them. Plus it tickles when I drive in the nude.
[In the middle on no where, but even closer to East Park. Sheila has a big rock and is currently stalking up behind Mrs. B.]
Sheila: <thinking> They'll never convict me. I'll plead temporary insomina.
[dream sequence begins. Sheila is sitting in the witness box, dressed in prison issue clothes. Sheila defense atterny is standing before her.]
Atterny: So you say you were tortured by the late Mrs. Broslofski.
Sheila: Yes! She made up stupid games and then made me play them.
Courtroom members: GASP!
Sheila: Then she started talking to me like I was her best friend and told me all her woman troubles.
Jury Foreman: <standing up from his seat> We've heard enough. WE the jury find that Mrs. Broslofski was an evil bitch and deserved to die.
[End dream sequence.]
Sheila: <thinking> Sweet!
Mrs. B: Sheila, what are you doing with that rock?
Sheila: Um, I thought it was a turtle.
Mrs. B: Well, it's not so drop it and lets keep going. Only 95 more miles to go.
Sheila: What?! We have been walking, like, forever!
Mrs. B: Well, I kind of got us lost and we've been going around in circles.
Sheila: <pointing at Mrs. Cartman's stripped car> I knew that car looked familiar!!
[In Chef's station wagon.]
Chef: So that was the time I made love to the first lady, but that paled in comparision to the time....
Cartman: Ay! I don't care!
[Cartman starts rubbing his temples.]
Cartman: <eyes going pinwheely> Eric calling Sheila, Eric calling Sheila, Eric calling Sheila.
Sheila's Voice: Hi, I'm currently out of my mind. Please leaves a messages after the screesh and I'll get back to you as soon as I'm sane again....SCREEEEECH!
Cartman: <eyes returning to normal> Ay! Goddammit!
[Middle of you know where.]
[Sheila is busy chasing Mrs. B around in circles when a tow truck pulls up. The driver gets out and watches. The tag in his shirt reads "Greasy Adams".]
Sheila: <noticing the driver> Well, don't just stand there, help me catch her so I can hit her with a big rock and plead temporary insomina.
Greasy Adams: I'm just here to haul that car in to East Park.
Mrs. B: East Park! Well what are we waiting for?!
[Two hours later. Sheila and Mrs. B are standing outside the East Park Mall.]
Sheila: Finaly!
[Twenty minutes later, after Mrs. B made Sheila try on 25 dresses.]
Sheila: What do you mean you forgot your credit cards?!?!
Mrs. B: They must be in my other purse.
Sheila: Don't you have any money at all??
Mrs. B: Oh, I don't carry any cash on long trips. Thats how people get robbed.
Sheila: <steam coming out of her ears> YOU ARE SO DEAD!!!!!
Mrs. B: Uh, oh!
[Chef's station wagon.]
Chef: Are you sure that thing is working right?
[Cartman has his eyes closed tight and is holding a pinwheel out in front of him.]
Cartman: Ay! Fer the hudredth time, I'm letting the pinwheel guide me to my Sheila. It's her pinwheel and they never fail her.
[They come up to a border station.]
Guard: Welcome to Canada.
Cartman: We're close, I can feel it.
Chef: <thinking> This is the last time I listen to a carcker.
[Afterwards.]
[The Broslofski house.]
Mrs. B: I think we all learned something today.
Kyle: I know I did.
Stan: What's that, dude?
Kyle: I learned that I like it when Sheila is on another city.
Cartman: I learned something too.
Kyle: Unlikely, but go ahead, fatass.
[Sheila gets out a . . . . large trout and slaps Kyle around with it. (IRC JOKE)]
Cartman: I learned that bribing border gaurds can get Chef into deep shit.
Sheila: Was I supposed to learn something from this?
Cartman: Not really, I was reading from the script.
Sheila: Script? What script?
[Mrs. B, Stan, Kyle, Kenny and Cartman each pulled out their scripts and showed them to Sheila. Sheila looks around for hers.]
Sheila: HEY! Where's my script!
[A script falls from the ceiling and thunks Sheila on the head.]
Sheila: <reading from the script> I've learned something today, too. I've learned that pleading temporary insomia isn't a good defense when your charged with assualting your crazy old aunt with a rock.
[Fade out.]
[Fade in again.]
[Kenny is walking home when we see a chipper/shredder that has been carelessly left turn on. Uh, oh, guess what happens next. Yep, that right. Kenny slips on a patch of ice and slides head first into the chipper/shredder. Chunks of blood stained orange parka is shot out the other end. A subtitle appears at the bottom of the screen and it reads, "Oh, my God! They killed Kenny! You bastards!"]
[Fade out again.]