(They start running away from the huge, growing hole in the ground.) Jimbo: Holy smokes, Ned! Will you look at that?! Is it suppose to cave-in on itself like that?! Ned: MmmmI don't know, Jimbommmm, but I'm getting out of heremmmm. Jimbo: Yeah. Yeah, I think you're right, Ned. All that dust will clog up our intake valves. Come on, let's do a one-eighty before it's too late! (The helicopters turn and head away.) Wendy: We're not gonna make it, Stan! Kyle: Yeah, the ground's going way too fast, dude! Why the hell didn't we just use crappy special effects for this?! Stan: Dude, you're the one who wanted it to be authentic! Kyle: Yeah, but not THIS [bleep]ing authentic! (The hole reaches the dome and engulfs it.) Kyle: Stan? Stan: Yeah? Kyle: If we don't make it, I just want you to know... (The ground gradually stops shaking.) Kyle: Oh, never mind. Wendy: Hey, guys! I think it's stopping! Stan: Yeah, I think you're right, Wendy (They stop running and look back. The dust starts to settle into the two-mile-wide hole. Everything gets quiet.) Stan: Whoa! This is pretty [bleep]ed-up, right here. (Slowly, something starts to rise out of the hole.) Kyle: That can't be what I think it is. Stan: Yeah, dude. I think it is. Kyle: Yeah, but how the hell can it still be in one piece?! (They watch as the object clears the hole and hovers in the dust above it.) Wendy: Oh, my god! Stan, the Visitors are back! What are we going to do?! Stan: That's not really a Visitor ship, Wendy. It's just a big balloon we made up to look like one with a bunch of cardboard and tin foil. Wendy: Really, Stan? It looks so real! (The balloon centers itself directly over them and stops.) Stan: Uh, shouldn't someone tell Kenny we're not doing the movie, anymore? Kyle (shouting upward): Hey, Kenny! Come on down! We've stopped doing the movie! (A circular hatch opens in the bottom of the balloon, revealing an anti-matter ray gun covered with electricity.) Wendy: Uh, guys? Stan: Don't worry, Wendy. Uncle Jimbo got that thing from the same place he got the nuke from. They've got a whole line of stuff left over from S.D.I.. Kyle (putting his hands around his mouth, shouting): Kenny! You can stop now! Stan: I don't think he can here you, dude. (A light-blue targeting ray suddenly shoots down and engulfs them.) Stan: Dude, I'm starting to get really worried, here. If Kenny can't hear us, then he thinks we're still doing the movie...and he's gonna fire that thing! Kyle (shouting): Kenny, you [bleep]ed-up, [bleep]ing piece of [bleep]!!! Turn that [bleep]ing thing off!!! Stan: It's no use, dude. That gun is just too loud. Jimbo: All right, Ned. I think that's far enough. (They turn the helicopters around and stop. Looking back, they see the Visitor ship balloon shooting the targeting ray on Stan, Kyle and Wendy.) Ned: Mmmmlook, Jimbommm. Mmmmit's a spaceshipmmmm. Jimbo: Yeah, I see it, Ned! And it's got Stan and the others! So, they think they can keep messing with my family, huh? Well, think again, you damn aliens! Stay here, Ned! I've got a score to settle, and, this time, it's personal! (Jimbo throttles the helicopter and it flies forward.) Jimbo: Dammit! Why the hell are they just standing there? Why don't they move?! (The anti-matter gun starts pulsing with electricity as it prepares to fire.) Stan: Oh, my god! Kenny's gonna kill us! Kyle (raising his fist): You bastard! (Inside the balloon, Kenny is looking down at them. He laughs meanly.) Kyle: Dude, I think Kenny's enjoying this way too much. Stan: Yeah, it must be all those times he was the one that got killed, or something. Wendy: Stan, I don't want to die like this! Stan: Don't worry, babe. If we die, we'll die together, and that's what counts. Kyle: Hey, look! I think your Uncle Jimbo's coming to save us! Stan: Hey, yeah! It is! Jimbo: All right, you alien bastards! It's Miller time!!! (Jimbo pulls the helicopter up and it starts flying up the targeting ray.) Jimbo: Hello, boys!!! I'm baaaaaaaaaack!!! (He sees the anti-matter gun pulsing and suddenly gets sober again.) Jimbo: Wait a minute! What the hell am I doing? I was never abducted by aliens! (He reaches down and pulls the ejection handle on his seat. The canopy flies off and rockets under the seat fire, thrusting him out of the helicopter, narrowly missing the rotors. A parachute deploys and he drifts down to safety. Kenny watches as the helicopter comes up from below.) Kenny: {AW, FUCK! FUCK! FUCK! FUCK! FUCK! FUCK! FUCK! FUCK...} (The helicopter hits the anti-matter gun and explodes. The gun is dislodged from the balloon and starts falling toward the kids. Stan, Kyle and Wendy scream as it suddenly dawns on them to move out of the way. The gun crashes to the ground and breaks apart. Fire engulfs the entire balloon and it crashes to the ground.) Stan (out of breath): Oh, my god. He killed Kenny. (Stan, Kyle and Wendy look at each other and smile.) Stan, Kyle & Wendy: Hooray! (Jimbo rushes over to them.) Jimbo: Kids, are you okay?! Stan: Yeah, we think so. Jimbo: Stan, you have to forgive me for what I tried to do back there! I was stoned out of my mind and I didn't know what the hell I was doing! I'd never let anything happen to you, you know that, right? Stan: Yeah, I guess. Kyle: You saved us, dude! What the hell are you apologizing for! Stan: Yeah, Uncle Jimbo! You're a hero! Wendy: Yeah! Hey, I've got an idea! Let's all go to Happy Burger and celebrate! Kyle: Yeah, I'm starved! Jimbo: Great idea, Wendy! Who's buying? (Stan, Kyle & Wendy look at each other.) Stan: We don't have any money. Jimbo: I'm just kiddin' around with you guys, Stan. Come on, let's go. It's on me. (They start walking away.) Stan: Kyle, let's not ever do anything like this again, okay? Kyle: Yeah, this whole thing was a disaster. Wendy: You guys know what? Stan: What? Wendy: If you ever do try anything like this again, I'm going to have to do something about it. Kyle: Yeah? Like what? Wendy: Well, I was thinking, maybe, boiling both you guys in battery acid, or something along those lines, because I'll be [bleep]ed if I'm going through anything like this ever again! Stan: Good idea, Wendy. Kyle (chuckling): Yeah.
THE END
----- Steve Sutton Springfield, Georgia N 32 21 13 W 81 17 56