ROCKY HORROR SOUTH PARK SHOW A South Park/Rocky Horror Picture Show Crossover By Arthur Levesque ([email]) This is a work in progress -- for the full story to date: http://www.erols.com/backslash/text/rh-sp.txt
[Jesus, sitting at KJ's Buffet, in a scene reminiscent of "The Last Supper]
Jesus: Yea, food has always played a vital role in life's rituals. Take this and eat it, in memory of me.
Random South Park Citizen: Eat *this*, Jesus!
[Jesus doesn't even acknowledge the comment, but lightning from the heavens swift and sure incinerates the RSPC]
Jesus: However informal this meal might appear, you can be sure that there was to be very little bonhomie. [pause] Could someone please pass the ketchup?
[Cut to the castle's dining room. Kathy Lee Gifford, Rocky, and all of the children are gathered at the table. Big Gay Frank is at the head of the table, and Grandpa Marsh is at the other end. Grandpa has seven forks, and is testing each one to see if he can reach a power outlet and kill himself.]
Grandpa: God damn it!
[Riff Raff and Magenta enter with a large hunk of meat on a tray, which the drop in front of Frank for him to cut.]
Cartman: What? No appetizers?
Stan: Shut up, fat ass!
Cartman: I'm not fat, I'm big boned!
Kathy Lee: No, Frank is big boned, you are a fat ass.
[Kathy, Stan, and Kyle laugh]
Cartman: I don't get it!
Kyle: That's not what I heard! Why are you sitting so funny, Cartman?
Cartman: Hey! Nothing happened, and if you think anything did, I'll kick you in the nuts! Besides, Stan should be sitting funny if you ask me.
Stan: Huh?
Cartman: Well, I mean, after the infamous Stan/Riff buttfuck scene and all...
Stan: Cartman, what the hell are you talking about?
[The children start to argue and swear at each other as Riff and Magenta walk around the table filling glasses. Finally, Frank clears his throat to get their attention.]
Frank: A toast... to absent friends...
All: To absent friends.
Frank: And Rocky. Happy Birthday to you, Happy Birthday to you! Happy Birthday dear Rocky... Shall we?
[Only Wendy tries to sing the final line. Stan glares at her.]
Dr. Scott: I came here to get killed, you son of a whore!
Kyle: Well, just drink more of this wine. Ewww!
[Riff and Magenta serve meat to all of the guests. Rocky wolfs his slice down and tries to grab Cartman's]
Cartman: No, Rocky, that's my steak! No, Rocky! That's a bad Rocky Horror! Frank, Rocky's being a dildo!!
Frank: Again? Hmmm, I made him better than I thought...
Cartman: What?
Kyle: I still can't believe Kenny's dead.
Stan: Yeah, and we never did find out what happened to Mister Garrison.
Kathy Lee: Mister Garrison? Where? Where?
[Kathy Lee runs out in fright]
Frank: That's a rather tender subject. Another slice anyone?
[Everyone stops eating except for Cartman and Rocky, who immediately start fighting over everyone else's food]
Grandpa: God damn it, why is it everyone is getting killed except me? Billy, when are you going to be a good boy and kill Grandpa?
Stan: We've already been through all of this, Grandpa!
Grandpa: Well, what about you, you big fairy! Are you going to kill me? You've wanted to for years!
Kyle: Hasn't there been enough killing already?
KENNY
(to the tune of "Eddie's Teddy") KYLE
From the day that we met
He had troubles
He had no pet
'Cuz his family's poor
We give him Pez STAN
But we're never sure just what Kenny says KYLE
We won't hear him anymore
From the day that we met
All that he had
A hand-me-down coat
And some gasoline
Getting plastered STAN
He was a dirty cheap little bastard KYLE
Never managed to reach thirteen STAN & KYLE
When Kenny said "Mmf mmmff mmfmf mff mmfmmff"
You knew he was a sick, poor kid
But when he gave up his life
To a gun or knife FRANK
What a gaff GRANPA
Makes you laugh CARTMAN
And I did WENDY
Everybody killed him
The microwave, it grilled him
I said, hey, listen to me
Oh God, they just killed Kenny
But he lost his eye to a mutant turkey KYLE
But he must have just known
Something's coming
And so he warned
Us in a note which reads... ALL
What's it say? What's it say? KENNY'S VOICE
Mmf mmmff mmfmf mff mmfmmff
Mmf mmmff mmfmf mff mmfmmff
Mmf mmmff mmfmf mff mmfmmff[Stan and Kyle look at each other in concern. Cartman and Wendy look shocked. Frank smirks. Grandpa is still trying to kill himself with the silverware. Only Riff and Magenta are confused, because they can't understand a word of the Kennyspeak]
ALL
When Kenny said "Mmf mmmff mmfmf mff mmfmmff"
You knew he was a sick, poor kid
But when he gave up his life
To a gun or knife FRANK
What a gaff GRANPA
Makes you laugh CARTMAN
And I did ALL
When Kenny said "Mmf mmmff mmfmf mff mmfmmff"
You knew he was a sick, poor kid
But when he gave up his life
To a gun or knife FRANK
What a gaff GRANPA
Makes you laugh CARTMAN
And I did ALL
Kenny...[Frank stand up and pulls the tablecloth off of the table; revealing the gutted body of Mister Garrison! The children scream!]
Children: Scream!
Frank: What's wrong? Mister Garrison turns himself inside-out all the time!
Grandpa: Lucky stiff!
[Wendy runs toward Stan, who immediately throws up. So, she runs past Stan and jumps into Rocky's arms]
Frank: Rocky! How could you?
Rocky: Me bad?
[Rocky goes on a rampage and starts throwing furniture around. Frank pulls out an axe from under the table, and decapitates the clone. Mister Hat twitches twice. The children run off in different directions, with Frank in pursuit. Only Riff and Magenta remain]
Riff & Magenta: Ha ha ha ha ha ha
Riff: Shut UP!