This fanfic will be my greatest one yet. (That's why I am previewing it] You will get to meet Kyle's family. Kenny will finally be unmasked. Alicia will try to break up with Kyle. Cartman will look for his real mother. Stan will go crazy.
[The opening guitar riff of "Iron Man" by Black Sabbah is playing in the background]
The Fanfic will be up January 9, 1999. Be there.
-Viper1
In article , [email] says...
Yes. That riff kicks ass.
Joining the collaberative fanfic trend, Kyle and I wrote this one.
This is a story when Kyle goes to Denver for a family reunion. Enjoy!
[Fanfic] The Gathering
[Split-screen of Kyle and Stan both talking on the phone]
Kyle: Hey I'm going to a family reunion in a week!
Stan: Wow! Can you bring any friends?
Kyle: (Yelling to his mom) MOM!! Can I bring any friends?
Mrs. B: Okay!
Kyle: (to Stan) Yep.
Stan: Cool! It's okay with my mom this time!
Kyle: Good. I'm going to get Cartman and Alicia on.
[There is a line dividing all of them]
Kyle: (to Cartman and Alicia) well, I am going to a Family reunion next week. Do you want to come?
Cartman: Is Sheila going to go?
Kyle: You Stupid ass! Of course she's coming!
Cartman: Then I'm coming.
Alicia: (Thinking) Who the hell is Sheila?
Kyle: Alicia, how about you?
Alicia: Yeah.
Kyle: Then it's settled! I'll tell Kenny about it in the morning!
[Kyle hangs up the phone. Sheila comes]
Sheila: Who is this "Alicia" person?
Kyle: Um� Nobody.
Sheila: OOO you got a girlfriend! You know what that means!
Kyle: No! Not that!
Sheila: Oh yes! THE LOVE PINWHEEL!
[The love pinwheel is just a normal pinwheel with a drawing of a heart on it. She sticks it up his ass]
Kyle: AAAAAAGGGHH!!!
Sheila: EEEHEHEHEHEHE!!
[The next day. Shot of the Kids at the Bus Stop]
Kyle: ...And so Kenny, it's next week.
Kenny: Okay.
Alicia: Kyle� I want to ask you a question�
Kyle: What?
Alicia: (pointing at Sheila) Who the hell is that?!?!?
Kyle: You don't know?
Alicia: No!
Kyle: Sheila. She's my Cousin, Cartman's Girlfriend, And the Queen of Pinwheels.
Alicia: Pinwheels?
Kyle: (Whispering) She likes to give people pinwheel enemas.
Alicia: I see�
[Bus pulls up]
Ms. Crabtree: Get in! AAAARRRGGGHH!!
Sheila: YEESH! For crying out loud, keep your pants on! For all our sakes!
[Kids laugh]
Ms. Crabtree: WHAT DID YOU SAY?!?
Sheila: I said, 'For frying a cow, clean your pans and give me cake!'
Ms. Crabtree: Oh. Although I don't see how cake has anything to do with frying cows�..SIDDOWN AND SHUT UP!!!!
[The kids all take their seats]
[And, after the bus ride, in Mr. Garrison's classroom]
Mr. Garrison: OK, class. Time to shut up with your little fanciful skylarkings. Today we're going to learn about the situation in the White House. Ok, Mr. Hat, tell them.
Mr. Hat: Well, Mr. Garrison, Dennis Rodman, the President, is being tried for impeachment because of his affair with a Teletubby in the Oval Office. The prosecution lawyer is Don King and�..
[Mr. Hat continues to ramble on in the background]
Sheila: (sitting behind Kyle, poking him with a pinwheel) HEY! Kyle! Wake up!
Kyle: What do you want?
Sheila: Did you see my nuclear weapons?
Kyle: WHAT?!?
Mr. Garrison: Kyle! Sheila! Does there seem to be a problem?
Sheila: Yeah, there is! My nuclear stuff isn't here! Someone stole it!
[Mr. Garrison goes behind his desk and picks up a little purple box]
Mr. Garrison: Does this look familiar?
Sheila: YEAH! That's it!
Mr. Garrison: Now, Sheila, you should know better than to bringing nuclear weapons to school!
Mr. Hat: That's right, Mr. Garrison. Now, Sheila, I'm going to keep this here, where stupid bitches like you won't be able to get it.
Sheila: SCREW YOU!!!
[Sheila pulls out a remote control and hits a button. The little purple box explodes, and Mr. Hat flies out the window]
Mr. Garrison: YOU KILLED MY GAY LOVER!
[Mr. Hat flies back in�somehow]
Mr. Garrison: Or not�.BUT YOU ARE IN TROUBLE! So, get your bitch ass down to the principal's office NOW!
Sheila: Don't wanna!
Mr. Hat: GO TO THE OFFICE OR I WILL SHAVE YOUR HEAD AND TURN YOU INTO A MONK!
Sheila: AAAAAHHHHH!!! I'm goin', I'm goin'!
[Sheila exits, grumbling to herself]
[Recess]
[The boys are all talking, along with Alicia. Sheila walks up]
Sheila: All right everybody! Let's get our asses over to Kyle's house!
Stan: Dude! What? Why?
Sheila: [sarcastic] I've been suspended. So, looks like, if I don't have to be here, we can start our trip early!
[A few hours later�outside of Kyle's house. Mrs. Broslofski is running around with a checklist, and the kids are all packing the station wagon with their suitcases]
Mrs. Broslofski: [doing a head count] Ok, there's me, Gerald, Kyle, Ike, Sheila, Eric, Stan, Kenny, and Alicia. Looks like we're all ready! Let's go!
Everybody: [sing songy] ROAD TRIP!!! YEAH! ROAD TRIP!!!!
Stan: Dude! Where the hell did that come from?
Cartman: I don't know�I just don't know.
[A few minutes later, in the station wagon, driving down an interstate. Everybody is squished in, hardly enough room]
Kyle: I'm bored!
Cartman: I'm hungry!
Sheila: Are we there yet?
Mrs. Broslofski: Calm down, everyone! We'll be there soon! Oh, how about a little game? It's called, "Identify That Corpse!"
Stan: What?
Mrs. Broslofski: All you have to do is, spot a corpse by the side of the road, and say who it is! Oh, look over there! [points out the window] It's the Backstreet Boys! [we see a bunch of dead warthogs]
Kyle: Oh..ok.
[The kids look out the windows, except for Cartman, who is squished up against the back window]
Cartman: Seriously�you guys�.need�more�.room. Can't�..breathe�.seriously�
[Sheila attempts to pull Cartman out of his little corner]
Kyle: [looking out the window] Look! I see RuPaul's corpse!
Stan: Dude! I think I see James Taylor!
Mrs. Broslofski: All right, everyone! Time to stop and take a break!
[They stop at a truck stop]
[Fifty minutes later�Back on the road. After five minutes]
Mrs. B: Pitstop!
Alicia: Didn't we just stop at a truck stop back there?
Mrs. B: Yes, but we have to do this after every five minutes of driving! It's the only way to ensure a safe trip!
[Finally, after about 50 hours of driving, and then stopping at truck stops, the Broslofskis reach the park in Denver, where they're holding the reunion. By the park entrance, there's one of those cheesy banners that says, "Broslofski Family Reunion '99" The Broslofskis park the station wagon in the parking lot, and everyone gets out of the car. They all walk to the picnic tables, where the rest of the Broslofskis are wandering around. Some guy comes up, and hands everyone bright orange T-shirts]
Kyle: [reading T-shirt] "Broslofski Reunion '99. I love you, you love me, we're a great big family!" What the hell is that?
Cartman: Yeah, it sounds like that Barney and Friends theme song!
Kyle: Dude! You watch Barney?
[Stan, Kyle, and Kenny laugh]
Cartman: NO! I was just sayin', that's all! SCREW YOU HIPPIE!
Alicia: [looking around] Dude! Kyle! You're family is�.weird!
Kyle: Why'd you say that?
[A few feet away, we hear some shouts]
Alicia: Look over there! [points]
[View shows two girls, about 8 years old, fighting]
Kyle: Oh, they're just my cousins, Rachel and Amanda.
Rachel: You asshole! You cut off my tail!
Amanda: What the hell are you talking about? You never had a tail!
Rachel: YES I DID! And, you cut it off with that big cleaver!
Amanda: I did not, you stupid bitch!
Rachel: YES YOU DID!
[Rachel punches Amanda, and Amanda gets a big fork off of a picnic table and attacks Rachel with it]
Stan: Whoa, dude! Something tells me that this family reunion is gonna be totally <bleep>ed up!
Kyle: Don�t worry. They have been at each other�s throats since day one.
Stan: Well it�s still strange to see two family members fighting at a reunion!
Kyle: Oh well. At least the rest of us enjoy ourselves.
[Lucia (Sheila�s mom) walks over to the 6]
Lucia: Sheila! It�s been a while!
Sheila: Mom!
[They hug]
Sheila: What have you been doing?
Lucia: Nothing much, except rehab.
Sheila: Oh, well that�s good!
Mrs. Broslofski: well people, we have to go to our tables!
Kyle: Uh, mom?
Mrs. B: Yes?
Kyle: Do we *have* to wear these T-shirts?
Mrs. B: Yes you do!
Kyle: (In a whiny tone) but mom, They suck!
Mrs. B: It shows you love your family, and you want to be a part of this!
Kyle: But-
Mrs. B: No buts! And you all have to wear these!
Cartman: Aw, Dammit!
Kenny: Shitty!!
[They all put on the T-shirts. The shirts are baggy, except with Cartman(Of course). They get to the tables]
Uncle Martin: Hello, and welcome to the Broslofski Reunion �99. We have people coming from places ranging from New York, LA, SnowCalico, and South Park.
Crowd: YAAAAAAAAAAY!!!!!
Uncle Martin: well I�m glad you could all be here. This is a very special week, where we will be visiting, and having a lot of fun together. Now let�s eat! Go to the Barbecues for Hot Dogs and Burgers, then go to the east picnic tables for some salad and other stuff!
Kyle: Hmm.. there is only 3 tables, Cartman will eat it all in 3 seconds!
Sheila: (Waves a pinwheel in his face)
Kyle: Er.. I mean he won�t!
Cartman: Yeah, that�s right, Shut your bitchass hole!
Stan: Well, let�s get some food already!
Alicia: Yeah, I�m starved!
[They all get to the tables. Cartman grabs about 3 platefuls of food]
Stan: Dammit Cartman, Leave some for us!
Cartman: Well I�ll have you know that I like�. What the hell is this crap!?!?!?!
Stan: Blech!! It looks like�. A mix of cabbage and stewed crap!
[We see a yellowy-brown mixture. It has assorted meats, and vegetables. It is bubbling]
Cartman: Yech! (Puts the stewed crap back in)
Stan: (To Kyle) Why dude, why does your family serve stewed crap for picnics?
Kyle: What do you mean? It�s pretty good!
Cartman: Reminds me of what I want to do to Metallica after they made the Crapfest called "Reload"
Stan: and it smells like ass!
Kyle: Well, uh�. Yeah. But taste it!
Stan: Fine. (He Tries some of it, and then starts gagging) AAAAAUUUGH!!! That was the worst crap I�ve tasted!
Cartman: (tries some) Blaaaauuughh!!! I�m sorry Kyle, I didn�t deserve this!
Sheila: Well then have some hot dogs!
[Hours pass]
Uncle Martin: Well that was the meal, So now we can go to our Hotels, or a Relative�s place!
Mrs. B: Well, kids, let�s go to Grandma Broslofski�s house!
Kyle: (mumbling) Dammit!
Alicia: Why Kyle?
Kyle: �Cause She�s a horrible bitch!
Cartman: Well that explains your mom!
Kyle: Shut up Cartman!
Mrs. B: Get in the Car!
[They all get in the car. And hour passes, and they end up at a trailer on the north part of Denver]
Cartman: Damn, man, this smells worse than the food at the picnic!
Kenny: Hack hack hack!
Kyle: Well we gotta go in! come on!
[They all go to the door. Kyle opens it, showing�]
TO BE CONTINUED�
Now tell me, was it good, or did it suck??
-Viper1 and Kyle Broslofski
In article , [email] wrote:
Yay! I can totally relate to this one! I've actually been to a family reunion where the cheesy t-shirt's were given out (I was seven at the time), but the reunion was still very cool. Can't wait to see how this one ends.
<clears the table of stewed crap and brings out several trays of cookies>
In article , Viper1 writes
It was very, very good. It was a fanfic that I think most people can relate to, it wasn't heavy going and the characters were all realistic. Alicia seems to be a really cool character, I want more Alicia fics Viper!
On Sun, 10 Jan 1999 21:13:15 GMT, Viper1 wrote:
its a cool collaboration. the story is easy going and works well. was surprised to lucia there doing nothing... other than that, hurry up and write the next part!! =-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- i love you guys... ah screw you guys. (Cartman) remember, when you're up to your nose in it, keep your mouth shut Narf!