South Park: Trolls.
Note: a *BIG* thanks goes out to Kim for her help on remembering the lyrics for three of the songs down below.
enjoy!
[The scamps are waiting for bus, but they aren't alone. Several kids are around them.]
Kid #1: South park sucks ass.
Kid #2: Matt and Trey are the devil's bastard sons.
Stan: What the hell is your deal?
Kyle: Totally, dude.
Kid #3: Matt and Trey are gay.
Kid #4: Your all going to hell and get butt fucked by Satan.
Stan: Dudes, go away.
Kid #5: South Park is a bad influence on the kids of today.
Kyle: Quit saying that.
Kenny: Mmmmmpfhmmmohmmmm.
Stan: I'm not giving them my lunch, dude.
Kyle: I think he means your feeding them, like talking to them and stuff.
Cartman: Your sooooo wrong, but your Jewish, so I forgive you.
Kyle: Shut up, fat boy!
Kid #1: Cartman is the anti-christ.
Stan: What the hell is going on?
Kenny: Mmmmghgmmmmm.
Kyle: I thought trolls lived under bridges and ate homeless people.
Cartman: Ay! Keep your oral sex fantasies out of this!
Stan: I think he was talking about cannibolism, dude.
Cartman: Oh, weak!
Stan: How do we get rid of trolls, Kenny?
Kenny: Mmmmmmgmm.
[Stan, Kyle and Cartman look at one another.]
Stan: That can't be right.
Kyle: Totally, dude. I don't think ignoring them will do anything at all.
Kenny: Nnnnmhgmmm.
Stan: There has to be a more violent way to take care of them. There always is.
[Cartman had started wandering around between them.]
Kid #4: Matt fucks goats as Trey jacks off.
Cartman: AY!! Ya sons of bitchs!!
[Cartman bends over, drops his pants, lights a match and farts! The troll is engulfed in flames, but he's not moving.]
Kid #4: Trey molests puppies.
Stan: Dude!
Kyle: Dude!
Kenny: Mmhn!
[Cartman lights another troll on fire, but still nothing happens.]
Cartman: <whiny> I don't understand, why aren't they leaving!!
Kenny: Mmghmmmmnnmmm.
Stan: I think we should listen to Kenny.
Kyle: Totaly, he knows all about the weird shit that always happens in South Park.
Kid #5: Matt uses Satan's cum as a face cream.
Kyle: <covers his ears and sings>
I'm a little teapot, short and stout. Here is my handle, here is my spout. When I start to steamed up, then I shout, 'Tip me over and pour me out!'
[Cartman decides this is a pretty sweet idea.]
Cartman: <sings>
I love Cheesy Poofs, you love Cheesy Poofs, if we didn't eat Cheest Poofs, we'd be lame.
Kenny: <sings muffled lyrics>
Mmmmmmghrhmmm, mmmhgmmmphm, mmmmmghmmmmghmpnpmmn, mmmghmmghm.
Stan: Sick, dude! You didn't have to sing *that*!
Kenny: Mmmghgmm?
Stan: You bet I have a better song, dude. <starts singing as background music plays>
Every night in my dreams, I see you, I feel you, that is how I know you.
[The record screechs to a stop and everyone begins to stare at him.]
Stan: What?
Kyle: That was *totally* gross.
Stan: Kenny's song was way grosser than mine, dude.
Cartman: Hehe, I kinda liked Kenny's song.
Stan: Cartman! He was singing about big juicy titties, dude.
Cartman: No, it was.... <starts singing>
I love cute kitties, you love cute kitties, if you didn't wanna pet them, you'd be lame.
Kyle: Knowing Kenny, he was singing about big juicy titties.
Kenny: <nods>
Stan: <looks around> Hey, where did those troll dudes go?
[The bus stop is empty, except for the scamps.]
Kyle: Dude, they must have left when we started ignoring them.
Stan: Maybe, its true what they say about ignoring yours problems and they'll go away.
Cartman: Sweet.
[End.]
Note for those you are curious, Kenny's lyrics were........
I love big juicy titties, you love big juicy titties, if you didn't wanna suck on their nipples, you'd be lame.
dave.