[A big area is cleared in the street, and replaced by a giant Scrabble board, the tiles weigh about 400lbs]
Kyle: Wow, look at the size of those Scrabble tiles! Stan: I bet they weigh 400lbs!
[We see THE Bill Gates and Dwarf Bill Gates at either side of the Scrabble board]
Dwarf Bill Gates: You go first. THE Bill Gates: Haven't you got the courage? Dwarf Bill Gates: No, I've already planned the whole game. THE Bill Gates: Oh. How many letters do we get? Dwarf Bill Gates: 12. THE Bill Gates: How long is the game gonna last? Dwarf Bill Gates: One word! Officer Barbrady: One word? THE BIll Gates: That was my line! Crowd: Gasp!
[We see THE Bill Gates trying to shift a giant Scrabble tile. He is struggling. Suddenly, he has a burst of strength and flips it up. It flies over and lands on Kenny, squashing him.
Stan: Oh my god, they killed Kenny! Kyle: You bastards! THE Bill Gates: Oh well.
[Next day. Still in the road, THE Bill Gates is just tidiying up 'CAN' as his first word. Everyone is asleep, the scamps are only just awake]
Dwarf Bill Gates: That's a bit lame isn't it? THE Bill Gates: Have you felt the weight of these fuckers? Dwarf Bill Gates: My turn.
[Dwarf Bill Gates double-time's his move, effortlessly spelling out 'VAS DEFERENS']
THE Bill Gates: That's not a fucking word! Dwarf Bill Gates: Look it up, dumbass!
[THE Bill Gates pulls a pocket out of his dictionary and looks it up]
Stan: What's it say? What's it say? THE Bill Gates: <straining to read> Either of... a pair... of vert... ebrate ducts... that carry sperm from the... Ewwww! That's discusting. Darf Bill Gates: Well, it beats the shit out of 'CAN', and I get a triple word score! I win! I win! <evil laugh> AHAHAHAHAHAHAH!
[Officer Barbrady hits Dwarf Bill Gates in the head with his nightstick]
Officer Barbrady: That's it Mister, its jail for you. Crowd: YEAH! Dwarf Bill Gates: But why? Officer Barbrady: You beat Bill Gates. I loved him in the 'Voyage to Uranus' story. Noone beats up my Bill Gates. Kyle: But you can't read dude! Stan: Yeah! How'd you know about it? Officer Barbrady: I saw the animated version on Cartoon Network. My favourite bit was at the beginning where they had to make a trade with the martians to get the tools they needed to mend their spacecraft. THE Bill Gates: Uhhh... that was 'Bill Gates and the Voyage to Mars' Officer Barbrady: It figures! Oh well, I'm off to take this criminal to jail. <drags off Dwarf Bill Gates> Dwarf Bill Gates: You beat me this time, brother. But beware, you will never be save from my wrath. I will strike down upon thee with great vengeance and furious anger those who attempt to poison my brothers, and you will know, my name is The Lord, when I lay my veng...
[Officer Barbrady hits Dwarf Bill Gates over the head with a nightstick]
Officer Barbrady: That's enough out of you!
[The slow piano music starts up]
Stan: You know, I learned something today. Kyle: Yeah? Stan: It doesn't matter if you've been in Mexico for twenty-odd years gathering knowledge about some stupid board game, there's always some billionaire computer tycoon out there who's better than you. Kyle: Yeah. Cartman: And Bill Gates kicks ass!
[THE Bill Gates comes over to the boys]
THE Bill Gates: I can't thank you enough boys. Stan: What did we do? THE Bill Gates: Nothing. But you're the only people still here.
[The camera pans around. It's deserted apart from Chef, the kids and Bill Gates. There is the same sort of rubbish in the 'venue' as there was after the concert in 'Chef Aid']
Kyle: Oh.
[Bill Gates walks off into the sunset. A banjo plays C & W in the background]
Cartman: Bye Bill Gates! Kyle: Micrsoft Windows '98 Plus! was the best software package EVER!
[Chef walks up to the kids]
Stan: Chef, are they gonna lock up that mean old dwarf forever? Chef: I sure hope so Stan, that was one mean old cracker. Kyle: Yeah! No more Dwarf Bill Gates... EVER! Cartman: Kickass! Chef: Say what happened to that Steve Buscemi guy? Stan: What the guy on stage? Chef: Yeah. Stan: He grabbed the diamonds and ran out of the warehouse, but the police got him in the end, they always do. Kyle: You guys, Terrance and Phillip is on! Cartman: Kickass!
[end]