(Garrison leaves. Later, after midnight, Cartman is in his bed, asleep. A banging sound outside his window wakes him up. He gets up and goes to the window and the banging sound stops. Looking down, into the street, he sees Petey standing in the middle of it, looking up at him. He rubs his eyes and looks again. Petey is gone.) Cartman: Great, now I'm starting to dream about the asshole. (He goes back to bed. A few minutes later, a rattling sound wakes him up. He opens his eyes and sees a cobra posturing on his chest.) Cartman (quietly, to himself): Holy crap! (He reaches down, beside the bed, picks up a convenient stick and hits the cobra with it. The cobra gets a stupid look on its face and collapses. He looks at it for a few seconds, then throws back the covers and it along with them. He, then, jumps out of bed and rushes out of the room.) Cartman: Ma! There's a [bleep]ing snake in my God damn bed!!! (Dawn comes. Ranger Dick Hertz is on the scene and picks the cobra up with a pair of tongs and examines it.) Dick: Yep, definitely poisonous. If this snake had bitten your son, he would've died almost instantly. Mrs. Cartman: Oh, my! Dick: But, first, he would've twitched uncontrollably, like a hamster does before it dies, when you inject it with human blood. Then, his eyes would've swollen, turned reddish-purple and popped, like a wolf's balls, when the animal has had its penis sewn shut. He would've been in such agony, Mrs. Cartman, that he would've gladly welcomed death when it came. Mrs. Cartman: Oh, dear! Well, I'd just like to thank you for coming over on such short notice, Ranger Hertz. Dick: My pleasure, but you really should've called your local animal control department, and not the park service. This isn't normally my job. Mrs. Cartman: I'll remember that. (Dick puts the cobra in a container and closes it.) Dick: Well, I guess I best be off, then. Mrs. Cartman: Thanks, again, Ranger Hertz! (Dick leaves.) Mrs. Cartman: So, how are you feeling, hon'? Did that nasty snakey- wakey give momma's boy a big scare? Cartman: No, ma, I'm fine. Can I go to school, now? Mrs. Cartman: Hon', I really think you should stay home, today, and give yourself... Cartman: Ma! I really want to go to school, today! Mrs. Cartman: Oh...well, if you're sure you're up to it. Cartman: Good! Now, get out of here so I can get dressed. Mrs. Cartman: Whatever you say, dear. (Mrs. Cartman leaves and Cartman starts getting dressed. Later, the guys are sitting in their seats, at school, waiting for the first bell to ring. Cartman is watching the door like a hawk, waiting for Petey to show up so he can whip his ass.) Stan: Boy! It sure is amazing what a good night's rest can do. Kyle: Yeah, I don't feel half as bad as I did, yesterday. Cartman: He's dead, you guys. I hope you know that. Kyle: Who? Petey? Stan: Dude, it was probably just a dream. Just forget about it. Cartman: It was not a dream, God dammit! That son of a bitch put a God damn snake in my room last night and it almost bit me! Kyle: Cartman, it probably just crawled up from the sewer, or something. Stan: Yeah, get a grip, dude. Cartman: I'm going to get a grip...around Petey's [bleep]ing neck, the second he comes through that door! (The bell rings, and everybody takes their seat.) Stan: Looks like he's not coming through that door, today, Cartman. I guess you'll have to wait 'til tomorrow to kill him. (Kenny laughs. Cartman's face turns red and he, eventually, nukes out. He jumps out of his seat and starts beating the crap out of Kenny. After a few minutes, he stops. Kenny doesn't move.) Cartman: Oh, my god! I killed Kenny! Kyle: You bastard! (The rats come and start to drag Kenny off. Kenny suddenly sits up and brushes them off. They scurry away.) Stan: Oh. Well, that's a relief. Garrison: Class, can I have your attention, please? I've got some sad news about the school cafeteria worker, Chef. Clyde: Is he dead? Garrison: No, he's not dead. He just overdosed on some of that spicy meatloaf of his last night. He's in the hospital, if any of you want to go visit him. Kyle: Can we go now? Garrison: After school would probably be better, Kyle. Stan: Mister Garrison, are they gonna replace Salisbury steak with that crappy meatloaf, like Chef wanted to do? Garrison: Probably not, Stan. Any food that sends people to the hospital in violent spasms doesn't belong in an elementary school cafeteria. Stan: That's good. That stuff made us sick. Kenny: {Yeah.} Garrison: Anyway, do any of you know if Wendy or Petey are here, today? Stan: Wendy's not here? (Bebe raises her hand.) Garrison: Yes, Bebe? Bebe: They're not here, Mister Garrison. They're spending the day together... (She looks at Stan.) Bebe: ...at his house. (Silence.) Stan: They're WHAT?! Cartman: Well, it looks like I'm not the only one that little pisser's screwing around with, doesn't it, Stan? Garrison: Oh, well, I guess they both get "F"s for the day, then. Stan (getting up): Mister Garrison, can I leave now? I have to go kick someone's ass. Garrison: Is it that little Petey bastard's? Stan: Yeah. Garrison: Go ahead, Stanley. Kyle: Dude, do you even know where he lives? Stan: No. Damn, I didn't even think about that! Bebe: Miss Crabtree probably does. Garrison: I'll tell you what, Stan. I'll just lie to her and say it's a field trip and she'll take us there. We can all go. Stan: Fine, let's just go. Garrison: Okay, everybody, single-file, now...
TO BE CONCLUDED...