This is my first ever fanfic, and as ever, all crits/messages of encouragement are welcomed wholeheartedly.
The Cartman Curse
[Insert regular legal crap here]
[The boys are, as ever standing at the bus stop, and Cartman's cat is sitting with them]
Kyle: Cartman, your goddamn cat has followed us to the bus stop again!
Cartman: Well done Kyle, good to see your Jewishness doesn't affect your obvious intelligence.
Kenny: {Isn't that your mom's pussy Cartman? Everyone in town's seen that}
Kyle: Sick dude!
Cartman: Ay! Shut the hell up Kenny, go buy some new thread to mend your scraggy clothes!
[Kenny hits Cartman]
Stan: Go for it, hit the fatass!
[Suddenly, kitty jumps on Kenny]
Kenny: {Aaaaggghhh! Get your cat the fuck off me!}
Cartman: I don't want to. (in a matter-of-fact tone)
Stan: call your cat off Cartman!
Kyle: Yeah!
Cartman: Ok, ok, leave the very poor child alone kitty.
[Kitty dismounts Kenny, and sits there, as if nothing has happened]
Stan: What the hell was that all about Cartman?
Cartman: My mom sent Kitty to this special school for animals, where they learn to fight and protect their owners. It wouldn't do for your dog though Stan, 'cause he's a gay homosexual, and he wears leather pants.
Stan: Shut up Fatass!
[Bus draws up, door opens]
Ms. Crabtree: Get on boys!
Kenny: {Fuck off and die bitch, and go suck an elephant's dick}
Ms. Crabtree: What did you say?
Kyle: Erm� Nobody ever knows, we usually have to guess.
Ms. Crabtree: Oh, ok.
[Boys get on, and bus leaves for school]
[In class, Mr Garrison is introducing an oriental-looking person in white judo thing and black belt]
Mr Garrison: Now children, this is Hai San Wan, from the martial arts training college in Middle Park.
Hai San Wan: Challo Shildren. Kyle: Is this guy for real?
Mr Garrison: Hai san is going to teach us the ancient martial art of Judo.
Cartman: My mom says that oriental people eat rice and that's why they're poor and live in really small houses.
Kenny: {Your mom is fucked up}
Cartman: Ay!
Hai San: I need a volunteer.
Stan: Fatass'll have a go.
Cartman: I'm not fat, my clothes weigh more than I do, I have to wear many layers because I am allergic to the cold.
Kyle: Shut up dude.
Hai San: Ah, so you there with the blue hat, you want have go?
Cartman: No way!
Hai San: Good, good
[Walks over to cartman, grips him by the neck and throws him over his head]
Cartman: Ay!!!! You son-of-a-bitch!
Mr Garrison: Now Eric, do you want me to send you to Principal victoria?
Cartman: no sir.
Mr Garrison: well take your beating like a man then.
[Cartman uppercuts Hai San in the nuts]
Hai San: You are most dishonoulable fighter.
Cartman: cool.
Hai san: I put an ancient curse on your whole family.
Cartman: Ay! Take that back!
Stan: ha ha, Cartman's cursed, Cartman's cursed!!
[Cut to cafeteria]
Chef: Hey my little bundles of white trash, how you doin' today?
Cartman: bad.
Chef: Why bad?
Kyle: cartman got a curse put upon him by that visiting judo dude.
Kenny: {Cartman fought like a pussy}
Cartman: Ay!
Chef: now that's not very nice young Kenny.
Stan: What's for dinner today chef?
Chef: No dinner today children, I had to stay in bed this morning with a beautiful lady friend of mine.
[Chef waves at Principal Victoria as she goes past]
Cartman: Goddammit, no dinner, ah shit!
End of part 1
Hoped you liked it, please give me feedback! Regards
Tom Arthur
"I kicked him square in the nuts, and he cried like Nancy Kerrigan." - Cartman