This is my first attempt a South Park Fanfics, so here goes.
South Park Star Craft by Viper1 [The worlds science teams have joined together to make the Aries: A warp drive ship. Finally, Human Life will make contact with other civilizations. The Aries is armed with nuclear weapons, just in case. Sheila is a character by Kyle Broslovski. Shot of The Kids in class] Mr. Garrison: And so, children, the Aries is the latest in technology. And Jenny McCarthy is an Aries. (to himself) And same with George Clooney, that sweet thang. Class: Huh? Mr. Garrison: Nothing. Cartman: It it just me, ir is Mr. Garrison getting gayer all the time? Kenny: I bet he'd Jack off with that fucking Puppet Any time. Stan: Dude, can't you wait for the news coverage of the Aries flight? Kyle: No! I got the whole basement of my house set aside for viewing it! Cartman: Will there be food and toilets? Kyle: There will be a good amount of food, seeing that we have to prepare for fatasses like you, and as for toilets, we will just pee in the laundry room sink. Cartman: Oh that's good and AY! GODDAMMIT! Stan: Sweet! This weekend is gonna kick ass! We will be witnessing history! Mr. Garrison: ... And so, the soldiers of WW2 were mostly underage, a lot about 13 or 14. Any questions? Clyde: What does that have anything to do with The Aries flight? Mr Hat: (To Mr. Garrison) Whats the excuse now? Mr. Garrison: Um... Errr... You could become astronauts in the near future! Class: Oh. Sheila: Garrison is DEFINATELY gay! Why doesn't he shove his puppet up his ass while he's at it?
[At Kyle's house. Kyle, Stan, Kenny, Cartman, Wendy and Sheila are there. The Flight of the Aries is on.] TV: Welcome to The flight of the Aries. I am Dan Rather. With me is Walter Kronkite, (I seriously do not know how to spell it. Screw you.) Newscaster of the Apollo 11 mission. Walter: Good Evening, Sure is good to be here, Dan. I see you have done a good job of taking my seat. (Laughs) Stan: I don't get it. Dan: And here we go. 5.... [Suspense Music] Dan: 4.... 3.... 2.... 1.... BLAST OFF! Kids: Yeah!!!! Kenny: Way to go! Cartman: Kickass! Stan: Yay! Kyle: Whoo-Ha! [Soon the Aries looks like the Phoenix off Star Trek 8. It goes into warp, and all the sudden there is a mix of colors in in the path of the Aries. Stars look like long lines. Soon, the Aries pulls out of warp. They were in Alpha Centurai.] Dan: There. You could see the outside of the ship because of our new video systems. Astronaut 1: I see it. A blue sun. Astronaut 2: Look, there are some of the Inhabitants of this system coming up to us. What the hell??? [Some Mutalisks(to be reffered to flyers in the rest of the episode) come up to the Aries, Shoot a bone wepon at them. It cuts a deep Gauge in the Fuselage. A1:AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! [Astronaut 2 is sucked out of the Aries, and is destroyed by the Flyers.] Dan: Oh my god they Killed Buddy! Walter: You Bastards! Kyle and Stan: You stole my line! A1: We have no choice but to fire a nuke into their fleet. [Fires a nuke into the great army of things. There is a brief flash, and the alien fleet is destoyed] A1: There is a pile more, so I had better get into warp, and leave. [Gets into warp, and we see the lights and crap. The kids sit there shocked] Cartman: Well at least its not the Anal Probers. Kenny: What the Fuck? How could you say that when we are in danger of an Intergalactic war? [Stan Barfs, not for love, but for fear] Kyle: This is very fucking weak. [The Next Day. Everyone is walking around with pale faces and nervous looks. Jesus' telephone line is VERY busy. Shot of Classroom] Mr. Garrison: Well, we are facing inescapeable doom. Right Mr. Hat? Mr. Hat: That's right. we are all going to DIE! Kenny: Welcome to my world. Cartman: This is very UN-Sweet. Shiela: Damn Pinwheels(Referring to Aliens). They should die. All of them. Mr. Garrison: Oh, Children! Good News! The world has declared war on these aliens! Hurrah! Cartman:I think it won't work. It will be like that movie, independence day. We will be half destroyed, before we start getting good. Stan: Shut up, Assman. It won't be like that. Besides, That movie sucked ass.
[2 months later. Shot in Stan's house.] Dan: We now have Pretty good technology, and we are starting to kick ass. Finally. Commercial:There is one enemy that earth has. And that is the Zerg. We need men. Good men. Join the Terran Army. Stan: That is the answer. Cartman: What? Stan: We have to save the world. Kenny: But we are only 8! Stan: Remeber when Mr. Garrison said that 13 and 14 year olds got in because they lied? Let's do that! Kids: Yeah! [Army Induction] Kids: We want to serve this planet. Army dude: Sure. Go ahead. Kyle: I don't know about this... Stan: Come on! It's the only way. Kyle: Well... fine. [They took the tests, and all worked fine. Shot in the Co-ed showers] Kenny: Woa! Co-ed! Kickass! [The rest try and look away, for fear of the stiffy] Mr. Garrison: Children, wha... what are you doing here? Kyle: Serving the world. Why? Mr. Garrison: Oh. Good. [Distracted because he is looking at some Male Inductee's gonads. Mr. Garrison Gets an Erection] Cartman: Eeeeeeew!!! Gross! [Everyone showering backs off] Mr. Garrison: Was looking at the women! AAAAAAARRRRGGGGHH! [Crowd goes back to normal]
[We see scenes of boot camp, and games of "Capture the flag" Boot Camp is over. We see the leaving party.. thing] Wendy: (To Stan) I hope to see you again, in one piece! Sheila: (To Cartman) Come Back soon.
[ A week later. Shot of the Gang in a Transport Ship, putting on Marines' Gear. AUTHOR'S NOTE: It order to completely get this you have to play Star Craft at least once. But just in case, The Terran Army things look about what they sound like, Only REALLY armoured. The Infantry guys look like armoured modern astronauts, only with bigass guns. Zerg goes like this: Warriors: Look like Velociraptors, only bigger, and badder. Plus they have claws and teeth that can go through Armour. Hydralisks: Top-half is Biped-like, Bottom-half is slug-like. Ultralisks: Look like A badass Elephants with very strong tusks Mutalisks: Basically Wings with a spine. At the bottom of the spine, there is a missile-like bone that can shoot out and kill things. Scourge: They are a Kamilkaze-loving thing that sacrifices its life to destroy. They look like a flying piece of crap. Queen: Infests Non-Zerg Bases. Infested Human: Product of Infested Bases. A Land Scourge. They look like a walking piece of crap. Larvea: Looks like that thing that went into Chekov's Ear in Star Trek 2. Only they are half the size of Chekov.
Protoss: They are more advanced than Terrans. Goliath: Like a Marine, Only Tougher, More Armoured, and Has Lihtsabers. Dragoon: Looks like a spider, and shoots Laser balls. High Templar: Like a priest. Take 2 and Make a Light-thing Light-Thing: These are tough Motherfuckers. Takes a lot to kill em' Scout: Like a protoss fighter ship Juggernaught: The Bigass ship for the Protoss. Makes little fighters. Reaver: Like a Cockroach. Only this is HUGE, and it shoots laser balls]
Cartman: It's about time we got to the kicking ass! Stan: How the hell can you fit in that thing, fatass? Really? Kyle: Yeah, really, wouldn't it bust or something? Cartman: Gaddammit!!! Kenny: (Shooting a zerg) It's on bitch! Stan: Kenny, why did you start before us? Kenny: Because you were fucken taking forever! Kyle: Sorry, we had to give Cartman the what-for. Kenny: (Laughs) Stan: Whatever. [They all start shooting zergs left and right, until they reach the zerg base] Cartman: What the fuck is that? Kenny: Shoot it! At all cost! [They shoot it down, then they got back to the Terran Base WHere they were promoted to Captain, and they rode the log ride (Hey, Some things never change) The Zerg Desroyed Most of The Protoss and Terran Army. Until, the final battle. Kyle, Cartman, and Stan were in seperate StarShips, while Kenny was in a juggernaught, leading the battle]
Kenny: This is it, we have been opressed for too long, and the line draws here! And we will stop the Zerg from destroying all life! For life! For Aiur!!!! (Crowd Cheers) Stan: Dude! There is the Overmind! Kyle: Fire main Phasers! (Phasers barely scratch the Overmind) [a bunch of flyers and scourges try to destroy Cartman's ship. He fires phasers] Cartman: Hah! Take that, hippie! (blows away some more) Kenny: (To his crew) Crew! Leave of this place! [They leave] Stan: It can't be done. Kenny: Wait, I think I can conjure up some of the Dark Templar Magic! Kyle: What are you doing? NOOO!! Kenny: I must. Those fucken flyers will rip this thing apart anyway. Leave, now! Stan, DO NOT FORGET THIS DAY. NOT FOR AS LONG AS YOU LIVE. LONG LIVE THE CONFEDERACY!!!!!! [Kenny Starts up his Magic, and as the flyers are shooting his his half-wrecked fuselage, the Juggernaught, His ship turned into a ball of blue fire! The Blue Orb then Smashed into the overmind. It destroyed it, and the entire planet. The rest of the Gang got out]
Stan: Oh my god, they killed kenny! Kyle: You Bastard! [As they are leaving, we see a large ghost of kenny Laughing] [Kenny's Funeral] Stan: He was a true Warrior. Kyle: Yes, very brave. He Sacrificed his life to destroy the zerg. Cartman: Yeah, and now he has been blasted to smithereens. Kenny: (Holding an Ice Cream cone) Hey guys, I'm back! Stan: No wait... you're dead.. this can't be... [Shot of Stan waking up in a sweat] Stan: Woa dude! [Calls Kyle] Stan: Hey Kyle.. Kyle: Yeah? Stan: I dreamed we were The People of Star Craft. And Kenny Sacrificed his life to destroy the Zerg, Like Tassadar. Kyle: You have GOT to quit playing it so much. Stan: Yeah. [fin]