ROCKY HORROR SOUTH PARK SHOW A South Park/Rocky Horror Picture Show Crossover By Arthur Levesque ([email]) and Karen Savage ([email]) This is a work in progress -- for the full story to date: http://www.erols.com/backslash/text/rh-sp.txt
Frank: I didn't make him FOR YOU! He carries the South Park Genetic Engineering Ranch's seal of approval!
ONE ASS
(to the tune of "The Charles Atlas Song") BIG GAY FRANK
A monster having only one ass
Is just useless to me; I've failed in my task
But there in the tank with chemicals that stank
I spliced all his cells and they started to swell
I'll make him from Stan... James Dean...
And Mister Hat, and just a little bit of Bean
He's a freak and quite mean
He'll be a strange man. Oh honey... TRANSYLVANIANS
You're a deranged man... BIG GAY FRANK
He'll drink some Weight Gain 4000
Take exercise class
Try to bulk him up nicely
To super-fine ass
Then, my monster, if you only knew what will pass
I think I'll love you... FRANK & TRANSYLVANIANS
Even with your one ass... He'll scare children, aliens, cows and cops, and other jerks
And Mr. Garrison, we're through with his quirks
Everything I needed I learned in his class
Maybe I can love you, oh baby...
Even with your one ass...[A loud knocking sound comes from a closet door off in a corner of the lab]
Frank: What? Who?
Kathy Lee: Regis?
[Mr. Garrison comes out of the closet(snicker). There is a bloody stump where his right hand (and Mr. Hat) used to be]
TOILET HUMOR
(to the tune of "Hot Patootie") GARRISON
Whatever happened to Saturday shows
All those classic cartoons that we watched long ago?
It don't seem the same since Fritz the Cat
Showed us all that cartoons fucked, cursed, and shat
Now we watch the Simpsons every Sunday night
And listen to Beavis and Butthead fight
The Japanese have cartoons you must see to believe
When the Warners sing about Uranus I really have to grieve Toilet humor, it's the thing
A waste of time and demeaning
Toilet humor, it's the thing
Innuendo and name-calling
Toilet humor, it's the thing
Flatulence makes your buttocks sing
Toilet humor, it's the thing
Work those muscles like the chicks in Beijing I had green apple splatters, boy did they smell
When kids question Mr. Hat he damns them to hell
I'd slip out of the class at night and then meet a swine
Forget about elephant DNA, the piglet was mine
Go to the store, pick up "Crack Whore" mag
Mrs. Cartman was posing like a desperate hag
With excuses about prostates they try to get out of class
All those dirty words, woo! like diarrhea, fart and ass Toilet humor, it's the thing
A waste of time and demeaning
Toilet humor, it's the thing
Innuendo and name-calling
Toilet humor, it's the thing
Flatulence makes your buttocks sing
Toilet humor, it's the thing
Work those muscles like the chicks in Beijing[Frank pulls walks over to an "In Case of Fire" box hanging on the wall, breaks the glass, and pulls out an axe. He chases Mr. Garrison around the lab, swinging the axe wildly. One of his swings hits Kenny, flinging him into the closet.]
Kyle: Oh, my god! They killed Kenny! YOU BASTARDS!!!
[Mr. Garrison trips and falls to the floor. Frank catches up and decapitates him. Kathy Lee is screaming, the kids are cheering, Rocky is just confused]
Rocky: Bachewy chomp?
Frank: Oh baby! Don't be upset... It was a mercy killing... He had a certain naive charm, but no choreography...
ONE ASS (reprise)
(to the tune of "The Charles Atlas Song(reprise)") BIG GAY FRANK
But DNA from a monkey
Some swiss cheese and a donkey[Frank boogies with a midget in a bikini]
BIG GAY FRANK
I can, oooh, splice
Makes me want to take Rocky Horror for some vi-i-ice FRANK & TRANSYLVANIANS
In think I'll love you even with your one ass BIG GAY FRANK
I don't want no laxatives, just gluteus maximus KATHY LEE
I want some sweet loo-ove BIG GAY FRANK
In think I'll love you even with your one ass
I think that you pass!
In think I'll love you even with your one ass[The big heavy curtains are raised and Frank leads Rocky off into the bedroom... You know the drill!]
Transylvanians: Frank and Rocky, rah-rah-rah! Frank and Rocky, rah-rah-rah! Frank and Rocky, rah-rah-rah! [etc.]
Kyle: Dude, this is seriously fucked-up right here.
Kenny (emerging from closet): Mmf mmmff mmfmf mff mmfmmff!
Stan: Hey, look, Kenny's all right!