Like coming home from a long brutal war and slipping in the shower.
Like shoving a man out of the way of a fast moving truck only to realize, as the truck slams into you, that the guy you saved was the one sleeping with your wife.
Like in the electric chair beside a phone that one of the guards is using to dial a 1-900 number with as the governor tries to call to pardon you.
Like from food poisioning that you got when you had oral sex with both Sal and Ella the night you got so drunk you thought the henhouse was a bar.
Like freezing to death in the mountains with a Bic lighter in your hands that you couldn't figure out how to work because of the child proofing.
Like committing suicide because of financial trouble just seconds before Ed McMan shows up at your door.
Don't forget: "Suffocating while giving oral pleasure to Sally Struthers"
It would sure beat the hell out of getting shot in the head (with a rifle or a photon torpedo), impaled thru the ear on a flagpole, stampeded by cattle, run over by a police car, decapitated, strangled by a snowman, crushed by a space station, nuked in a microwave, cut in half with a chainsaw, having ones eyes pulled out by psycho turkeys, or having a large heavy object (like a G. Washington bust or a big red seven) fall on your head.... did I forget any?
Kenny M. who likes girls with.... ah, you get the point.
AAHHHHH!!! My God!! Did you have to mention that womans nane!!?? I'd rather be caught dead, naked, in Times Square than die with my head between her legs!!
EEEWWWWW!!!! Sally Struthers and barf is GROOS!!!! -Wendy
"It isn't Death if you Refuse it... It is if you Accept it!" -J O'Barr
Oh, don't be such a baby. Eating out Sally Struthers wouldn't be THAT bad. Just roll her in flour, take her out in the hot sun and have yourself a little vagina soufflé. Mmm mmm good. . .
Wrong way to die: at your desk, at work. I think that would be the most depressing thing in the world.
Anyone watch The Tick? Once he was up against Mr. Mental, who telepathically forced Tick's own worst terror against him, to break his spirit. His worst fear ended up being a day job in an office. :-)
Quotes are entirely fictional, and not based on real people including Carlos "Froggy" May . Articles crossposted with alt.tv.southpark may contain vulgar language and should not be read by anyone:
@ Choking to death by laughing while reading Usenet and drinking Orbitz. ~~~~~~
Renting a porno for yourself and some friends, only to find
out it's a gay porno and your friends kill you.
Being Jewish, getting an RSVP to a party, then find it's a
skinhead party celebrating Hitler's b-day.
Choking on a gummy bear while watching The Care Bear Movie.
Going to see Scream 2, then getting killed by someone in a
Scream Stalker costume.
A cute girl/guy sees you buying Batman & Robin.
You accidentally got a male stripper at a bachelor party.
You accidentally got an 89 yr old male stripper at a bachelor
party.
Your new job at Chicken Chode's requires you to wear a stupid
chicken costume, then while handing out fliers for advertisement, a
run away car hits you, knocks off your costume head, knocks you into a
coma, then before you black out, you remembered that you *forgot* to
wear any underwear.
You fall down 1 step and break your neck.
Quotes are entirely fictional, and not based on real people including Plain and Simple Cronan . Articles crossposted with alt.tv.southpark may contain vulgar language and should not be read by anyone: @ Someone wrote: @ > >Dying is individual experience. There is no "right" or "wrong" way to @ > >die.
@ I'm sorry but there are wrong ways to die. Here are a few:
@ - In leather underwear strapped to a heart shapped bed in the Vatican
OK, that is a bad way to die but....
@ - Having sex with Clinton... any Clinton ~~~~~~~~~
WHOOOOOOOOSH! Hello Kitty disappears in a puff of logic!
2) All the paraphernalia with her ineffably cute face on it disappears (can't violate the space-time continuum, after all)!
3) The Japanese economy staggers; it picks itself up again but the other Asian economies are greviously wounded!
Clearly, to preserve the world economy, we all must join hands and say "I *do* believe in Hello Kitty!. . .I *do* believe in Hello Kitty!" I'm off to tell the IMF about this!
Quotes are entirely fictional, and not based on real people including Julie-Louise . Articles crossposted with alt.tv.southpark may contain vulgar language and should not be read by anyone:
@ > If they're mouthless, how can they scream?
@ 1) WHOOOOOOOOSH! Hello Kitty disappears in a puff of logic!
@ 2) All the paraphernalia with her ineffably cute face on it @ disappears (can't violate the space-time continuum, after all)!
@ 3) The Japanese economy staggers; it picks itself up again but the @ other Asian economies are greviously wounded!
@ Clearly, to preserve the world economy, we all must join hands and say @ "I *do* believe in Hello Kitty!. . .I *do* believe in Hello Kitty!" I'm @ off to tell the IMF about this!
I need to add this to the FAQ.... possible questions....
What if people questioned Hello Kitty's mouthless screams?
Hmmm... well I assume you've all seen this page... but it's nifty anyways:
http://www.greenet.com/~brion/hellokitty.html
Oh and in the animation for "Hello Kitty ate my balls" she does have a mouth...
-jj (who theorizes that HK just doesn't have any lips and the fur covers her mouth hole...)
"One of these days, the world may get used to the fact that there is a wide variety of people around. It's been an awfully long time in coming, and personally Miss Manners can't wait." -- Miss Manners (Judith Martin)
Quotes are entirely fictional, and not based on real people including Jaffo . Articles crossposted with alt.fan.richard-nixon may contain vulgar language and should not be read by anyone: @ In alt.religion.kibology, on 9 Jan 1998 09:11:38 GMT, The Philosopher @ from Hell said:
@ :Congrajulations! You've been FAQed!
@ I could use a good FAQ.
Jaffo, that was 5 months ago..... um.... what was I talking about? I don't remember saying that.
I don't remember much of anything anymore. All I remember is that I tell people to restart their computer over and over and over again all day. But somehow it's my fault. Not the Evil Empire, but mine. Because the Evil Empire must write perfect software. Otherwise how would they be the biggest sellers? My grammar sucks.
Gee, Joe, I didn't realize you liked Dylan Thomas too! That's probably one of his best, although I also like 'Rage, Rage, against the Dying of the Light!' from 'CROATOAN'. It's too bad he died at such a young age and in such a lousy way.
Quotes are entirely fictional, and not based on real people including Richard E. Nickle . Articles crossposted with alt.tv.southpark may contain vulgar language and should not be read by anyone:
@ [email] (Joseph Michael Bay) wrote in article @ ...
@ > Well, They Have No Mouths, But They Must Scream.
@ Gee, Joe, I didn't realize you liked Dylan Thomas @ too! That's probably one of his best, although I @ also like 'Rage, Rage, against the Dying of the Light!' from 'CROATOAN'. @ It's too bad he died at @ such a young age and in such a lousy way.
You mean "They Have No Mouths, But They Must Scream." is from an actual poem by Dylan Thomas, and not just a poem about Hello Kitty?
That and Rage, I gotta get ahold of a collection of his.....
^^ ^^ ^^ ^^ ^^ ^^ ^^ ^^ ^^ ^^ ^^ ^^ ^^ ^^ ^^ ^^ ^^ ^^ ^^ ^^ ^^ ^^ ^^ ^^ ^^ ^^ ^^ ^^ ^^ ^^ ^^ ^^ ^^ To those who wish to punish others--or at least to see them punished, if the avengers are too cowardly to take matters in to their own hands-- the belief in a fiery, hideous hell appears to be a great source of comfort.
Quotes are entirely fictional, and not based on real people including Joseph Michael Bay . Articles crossposted with alt.tv.southpark may contain vulgar language and should not be read by anyone: @ Jas writes:
@ >> Yes I crosspost everything to alt.fan.richard-nixon, please keep
@ >> it in followups or mouthless cats will drag you away screaming.
@ >If they're mouthless, how can they scream?
I was infering that the people being dragged away would be the ones screaming. And I believe that the grammar is correct for those semantics too.
/^\_(>o<)
\_______/
@ >Susie: "When life hands you lemons, make lemonade." @ >Calvin: "*I* say, when life hands you lemons, wing 'em right back and @ > add a few of your own."
Therapist: "When life hands you lemons, make lemonade." Hot Head: "When your therapist hands you a cliche, throw a bomb at her!"
@ Bug-Eyed Earl: "When life hands you poop, make poop-juice."
As opposed to lusting after a pre-teen cartoon cat with no mouth and making posts about putting teeth where teeth plainly don't belong so she can chew food and involving an Ex-President of the United States of AMERICA who is too dead to be able to defend himself?
Hmmm.. Actually, poop-juice is sicker than that. And can't even be blamed on loneliness, silliness, or Japanese condom manufacturers.
On 9 Jan 1998 07:49:00 -0700, [email] (Nick S Bensema) offered this unto Shub-Internet:
Lusting after a pre-teen cartoon cat with no mouth may be sick, but have you tried lusting after the EVIL Goodbye Kitty? _She_ has a mouth. And she knows how to use it, I might add.
Poop juice? Is it just me, or does poop not normally have juice? Ah, but now I see your reference. I must agree that that is exceedingly sick.
Quotes are entirely fictional, and not based on real people including Arthur Levesque . Articles crossposted with alt.tv.southpark may contain vulgar language and should not be read by anyone: @ Mike Lau ([email]) wrote: @ ML>Another really bad way to die is hitting a tree on the skislopes.
@ Seems to me that it's getting to be a popular way to die!
@ Sonny Bono was a Republican, you wouldn't have expected him to be a @ tree-hugger...
....Nah! I've already trolled this subject in alt.conspiracy, ARK and other newsfroups. Grep 'em if you got em!
On Fri, 02 Jan 1998 23:43:14 -0500, Plain and Simple Cronan wrote:
One of the funniest comedy routines I've ever seen was a stand-up comic on one of VH-1's comedy segments (I'm sorry to say I can't remember his name).
The routine was "ten words that you don't want to appear in your obituary."
The only three I can remember now (years after my only viewing) are "chunks", "freak", and "mob". Each of the ten words was accompanied by hilarious commentary from the comic -- for example, he pointed out that the problem with "mob" is that it's usually preceded by "angry", or followed by "hit".