Hey there, my first fic, hope you like it. Please give me feed-back, be it good or bad.
By:::Stumpy the Grasshopper
South Park: The Cheesy Game Show
MR. GARRISON: Hey there! (Waves to audience.) Welcome to South Park: The Cheesy Game Show.
AUDIENCE: YAY!
MR. GARRISON: OK, today, we'll have four teams. Tell us who they are Mr. Hat.
MR. HAT: Well Mr, Garrison, (mumbles) you emotional screw up.
MR. GARRISON: What was that?
MR. HAT: Nothing Mr. Garrison. OK, on team 'Team Poof' Are Eric and his lovely friend, Pip.
CARTMAN: Why the hell did I get lumbered with Pip?
KYLE: Because Cartman, your the emotional cripple no one likes.
CARTMAN: SCREW YOU SON-OF-A-BITCH! I'LL KICK YOU IN THE NUT SACK!(Pip taps him on shoulder) WHAT SH*T MINER!!??
PIP: I was wondering, Eric old pal, can be the captain.
CARTMAN: Oh let me think (pause) NO YOU FILTHY PEICE OF DITENDED RECTUM!
PIP: Well, I'm sorry, but you Eric are the worst person ever to grace the face of this wonderful earth.
CARTMAN: You've been talking to that tree-hugger Wendy haven't you?
PIP: Well, I'm going home to watch true british comedy!
STAN: Like what? Monty Pithon and his flying freak show?
PIP: IT'S CIRCUS!?!
KENNY: (Mumbles.) I hope it's Monty Pithon and the flying brothel.
KYLE: Kenny, your twisted.
MR. HAT: SHUT UP YOU LITTLE BASTARDS! (Pip runs off wimpering.) OK, on team (blinks at cards)'That time of the month?'
KYLE: Yeah, when my mom gets all pissed, my dad goes 'oh god, that time of the month again'.
CARTMAN: and I always get screwed by it.
KENNY: In more ways than one
MR. HAT: OK, on team 'Salsbury Steak' we have Chef and...some hot momma?
CHEF: Hello children!
KIDS: Hey chef
CHEF: How's it goin'?
KIDS: Good.
CHEF: Why good?
KIDS: If we win, we win some kick ass prizes!
CARTMAN: Like a years supply of Snaky Cakes and Cheezy Poofs.
CHEF: OK, good luck children!
MR. HAT: Introduce us to your partner.
CHEF: This here is Mrs. Cartman.
CARTMAN: Mom?
MS CARTMAN: (Drops plate of cookies and puts on a red sweater) Uh no hon, I'm....Mrs.....Dartman
CARTMAN: Oh, OK
STAN: How come Fatass and Kenny don't have team mates?
MR> GARRISON: That's because Kenny's partner died. And cartman....no one likes him.
CARTMAN: AY!
STAN: So, who does Cartman get on his team?
MR. GARRISON: Uh, he can have Wendy.
CARTMAN: NO! I DON'T WANT NO TREE-HUGGIN' HIPPY!
MR. GARRISON: ANd kenny can have my left shoe. Here's lefty. (Throws it at Kenny.)
KENNY: I Ain't goin' on a team with a fuckin' shoe.
MR. GaRRISON: Yes you are.
KENNY: Screw you queer.
MR. GARRISON: what did you call me?
KENNY: Queer.
MR. GARRISON: Oh, ok. Our first round is the general knowledge round. Mmmkay, first question. Why was Barbara Striesland bent on getting Kyle's triange?
CARTMAN: (Bzzz) Because he is a pompus freak that wanted to control the world, that's why Saddam Hussien started the Gulf War.
Mr. GARRISON: Eric...do you remember what I said?
CARTMAN: Gay people are evil?
MR. GARRISON: The other one Eric.
CARTMAN: Er, no.
MR. GARRISON: There are no stupid answers, just stupid people.
STAN: (Bzz) Because she wanted to be really really famous?
MR. GARRISON: Give that man a prize.
STAN: Kick Ass! What did I win?
Mr. GARRISON: Nothing, it's just a figure of speech.
STAN: That sucks!
MR. GARRISON: next question, what is the main ingrediant in 'salsbury steak?'
CHEF: (Bzzz) Uh, salsbury steak?
MR. GARRISON: Correct. What is an element?
CARTMAN: That's when a chicks unconscious, and she's pregnent and they can't do a ces..eriam, so they use pliers too pull the baby out.
MR. GARRISON: Once again Eric your stupidity astounds me. They're forceps.
CARTMAN: Really?
KYLE: That's maybe why your so stupid fatass, the doctor pressed too hard!
KENNY: Or maybe his mom induldged in some undecent things and Cartman got poked one too may times.
CARTMAN: SCREW YOU GUYS TO HELL AND BACK!
WENDY: Eric, can I answer some questions?
CARTMAN: Oh, I think I hear the magical tree faries calling. What? What is it? Your trees are going to die? We must stop reading newspapers and using cardbard containers.
WENDY: Must you continuly mock me?
CARTMAN: Yes I must.
Mr. GARRISON: Ok, final question of the round. Why does Kenny Die?
KENNY: Oh, oh, because God is an Evil bastard that loathes my family.
MR. GARRISON: Correct! OK, our next round is the 'wheel of mis-fourtune'. Kenneth has been strapped to the wooden wheel. (Kenny hangs from the wheel and Cartman stands holding a gun.) If Eric can shoot the apple off your head, everyone gets a hundred points. Fire away Eric.
CARTMAN: Sweet. (Wheel starts to spin. Kenny starts to prey. Cartman lines up his shot, and fires a few times.)
MR. GARRISON: OK, let's see how he did. (The wheel stops and Kenny's forehead brandishes 'Eric woz ere'
STAN: OH MY GOD! FATASS KILLED KENNY!
KYLE: YOU BASTARD!
MR. GARRISON: OK, we have a tybreak situation here. Whoever correctly answers this, wins. Am I gay?
EVRYONE: (Bzzz) YES!
MR. GARRISON: (frowns.) LISTEN UP! D**KHEADS! I AM NOT GAY!
BIG GAY AL: Sure you are little buddy,
MR. GARRISON: YOU GO TO HELL AND YOU DIE!!!
BIG GAY AL: Well! I'll return the lavender coloured leather pants! (Garrison eyes up the pants)
MR. GARRISON: Oh look, time for a final round. (Throws cards over shoulder) 'Everyone in South Park is a dick'
CARTMAN: AY!
MR. GARRISON: Why is Cartman a fat idiot?
CARTMAN: This is some serious bullsh*t!
MR. gARRISON: I'll tell you why, he's a fat f*ckhead that no one will ever marry of even sleep with him! (Laughs and runs for him. There's a scuffle and the lights go out.)
TECHNICAL DIFFICULTYS
STAN: So how did Mr. Garrison Die?
KYLE: Maybe Cartman sat on his face
STAN: Sick dude!
CARTMAN: Yeah, AY!
KYLE: Oh check it out, Ike's here.
STAN: Kick the baby?
KYLE: Kick the baby!
IKE: Don't kick the baby.
KYLE: No, your right. Stan... (Stan kicks Ike and causes him to hit the coroners hauling away Garrison.)
STAN: You know, I've learn't something today.
KYLE: What dude? STAN: Uh, I dunno. Nothing I guess, so realy, today was pretty pointless. Let's go home and watch terrence and philip.
CARTMAN: Sweet!