SnowCalico, please clip this for your WWW page.
Thanks, Dave
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'South Park Hawks' {Part 1 of 3}
________________Starts with Les Claypool doing a controversial acoustic version of the South Park song.
_
Terrance is arguing with Cartman. The engineers son states "No, I'm telling you..Terrance and Phillip is getting boring..tube tuner!" Cartman "Hey!" he pauses then continues "y-you can't say that" Bill/Fossey: "And they're gay" they both laugh. Cartman simultaneously farts and angrily replies "What...you guys are all a bunch of crack pushing, doorknob sniffing mongolias!"
A suprised Stan interrupts questioningly "Mongolias?" Kyle "Are you trying to say mongoloids?" Kenny adds "Mmm mmmmm mm mmmmm mmmmmmm mmmmm!"
There are two new students in Mr Garrison's class he is introducing them. Mr Garrison: "Okay now class, I want you to meet our two latest immigrants to South Park. Please welcome Gordie and Doug Waye...they're twins from Buffalo Fall-off-Bridge, Manitoba..which is in Canada" The two boys are wearing red and white maple leaf touques and blue hockey practice jerseys. They are practically identical except for Gordie, who is missing one of his front teeth.
Pan to Eric Cartman. He blurts "You aren't real Canadians...where's your big furry jackets and spotted Lippizoid ponies?" Stan pauses and adds "Shut up Cartman, they look like real Canadians. Look at there hats" Kenny interjects "Mmmm mmmm mmmm mmm mmmmmm mmmmm" {They look like two hockey cards}
The class laughs and agrees.
Garrison interrupts "Now you just be nice to your new classmates...okay you little cheeseheads, go find somewhere to sit" As Gordie and Doug seat themselves, Gordie mutters "Look at that fat kid" To which Doug answers "Yeah, he's almost as big as mom" Cartman: "Eh!, I'm not fat.." there is a slight hesitation "I'm wearing shoulder pads" Kyle smiles and says "Canadians are cool eh?!...Do you play ice hockey?" Gordie answers "What?...yeah we play hockey. My brother and me could kick your little asses all over the ice" Cartman: "Oh yeah, well why don't you guys come to the Hawks practice tonight and prove it...I'll show you who's boss...Francois et Onree" Doug: "You got it..Newman!" Gordie (laughing) "Newman" Scene shows Bebe whispering to Wendy "They're cute"
Mr Garrison interrupts "Okay save that ridiculous hockey talk for later. Now what was I talking about?" Stan puts up his hand "You were telling us why that Tommy Lee guy slapped Pamela Anderson" Garrison: "Oh thats right. The real reason he beat her up was to show the world that a skinny little drummer can be really tough to" Kenny interrupts "M mmmmmmm mm mmm mmmmmmm mm mmmmmm mm mmm mmm mmmm mmmmmm...mmm mmmm mmmmm mmm" {I thought it was because he wanted to see her tits jiggle...but they never did}
Gordie elbows Pip in the head. Pip dissapears from the frame horizontally.
Garrison responds "Very good suggestion Kenny, you go ahead and put youself a gold star up on the wall chart... Now, does anyone know where silicone comes from?" Cartman confidently adds "It comes from the sweaters of girls who live in California...my mom told me" Stan blinks and adds "Silly-cone is mined in Africa ..like those shiny things" Doug questions "Quarters?" Stan: "Yeah..I mean no" Garrison interrupts "You're both partially right ..silicone is actually grown in Argentina... where the degos live"
*
Scene switches to the Mayors office. She is talking with her two henchmen. Mayor: "No, I really do have to get out of this terrible little pee pot crap of a town" Man1: "Hmm...I know..Why don't you make up an enormous chrisis...and solve it yourself" Man2: "Ooh, that's good. You'll come out looking like a hero" Mayor: "Brilliant idea... what kind of chrisis could I triumph over" Man1 hesitates and announces "A volcano?" Man2: "That's been done. How about aliens..no, nobody would believe that" Man1: "Mutant turkeys?" The mayor adds "Mutant turkeys is a great idea, but didn't we done that to?" Man2: "Yes, that wouldn't be right...I know, we could pretend that South Park is being sold to a Japanese businessman for a big bundle of cash?" Mayor: "...Very good!" Henchman1 looks at henchman2. Man2: "...Yes very good and I know just the person who can help us. But first, we must hold a press conference immediately"
*
Change of scenes to the Channel 4 news desk. Chet Greenpeas is the announcer. He states "We must interrupt your viewing at this point. The Mayor of South Park is having a press conference. Here now with Channel Four-live is our latest correspondant Hugh Jaynus..Hugh" Hugh "Thank you Clint, we'll just go straight to the mayor now" Camera pans to reveal the mayor at a podium. Man1 and Man2 are at her sides. Not realizing the microphone is on she calmly says "..show these small town cardboard people how to really spin a yarn" She continues "Ahem mmm..it is with a heavy heart that I tell you what I am about to tell you...Unnavoidable circumstances have made it necessary to..sell South Park to a Jap.. ..anese man...so I must leave now..goodbye" The mayor and her assistants rush off the podium. Cries of 'no!', 'you can't!' and 'nips!' can be heard. Pan to a surprised Hugh. He says "...What the hell was that?...well... there you have it Colt. Back to you in the studio"
Croft "Thank you Hugh, we will update this story at the top of the hour"
*
Cut to the Oval Office. Clinton is talking to a Japanese businessman. The Oriental man is saying "No okay. You have to give me somefing in return" Clinton responds "I do? Like what?" Nip: "Somefing worth a rot of money..rike David Bowie" Clinton: "Now, mister Hamimoto..suzuki san...I cannot get you David Bowie.." He ponders "But I can give you a fine winter paradise peice of real estate" Jap "Wot you tok about?" Clinton: "...I'll give you...an American treasure..I'll give you ...South Park" Jap "Wot Souf Pak?" Clinton "I'm sorry, could you repeat..?" Jap "Wot Soufth Pak..you risten to me irrbirry boy" Clinton "I'm glad you asked mister F*kuota...fuji san. I will take you their right now in Airforce 3.02" They get up and are leaving the Oval Office. The Japanese man asks "Wot free point oh two mean? Clinton "Oh, it's my new ride. My brother made it for me in his shed last summer"
*
Scene changes to the mayor and her two assistants knocking on a front door. A gong sounds and Yoshi answers the door. He is wearing a happy-jacket, has some jazzy headphones on and is singing in his remarkable Japanese accent; Yoshi "..a hub-cap-diamond star haro! You dirty shreet and you my girl". Man1 loosens his collar and whispers to himself "ooh, I love T-rex". Yoshi continues singing for a brief second "Bang a Gong...ge i on" The mayor tries to get Yoshis' attention "Ahem...mmm!" Yoshi removes his headphones and accuses "What you want here taxi driver rady?" The Mayor angrily states "I am THE mayor mister Hirohito..fujisumi..san?" There is a slight pause followed by a pissed off Yoshi insultingly asking "What a fr*ck you tok abow?" Man2 interjects "I think his last name is Honda...m'am" Mayor: "You're last name is Honda?" A slight pause and the mayor adds "Yoshi Honda?" Man1 coughs. They all laugh except Yoshi. Yoshi turns to camera and madly says "Orry megaron! you go away. Go to commerciaw or somefing"
*
Go to commercial. When we come back, the scene is on the ice at the South Park Hawks practice. Chef is the coach. The boys are all wearing new Hitech yellow and black uniforms. Doug and Gordie are in their old blue Buffalo Fall-Off-Bridge Salmonbellies uniforms.