Well, I finally finished it. Let me know what you think!
Legal Crap: All characters except the Druid and Nurse Gardner are property of their respective creators, yadda yadda yadda, you know what I'm talking about.
************************************************************************** ******* The Nexus of All Realities, Part Trois: The final, incoherent chapter. -------------------------------------------------------------------------- -------------------------- Announcer: Last time, nothing much happened. The time before that , however, Eric Cratman
Cartman: THAT'S CARTMAN, GODDAMMIT!!
Anouncer: Sorry. Eric CARTMAN swallowed a cheesy poof containing the Nexus of All Realities, and now strange things, mostly random celebrities and cartoon characters, are coming out of his anus. Now, we're going to attempt to end this thing.
<Opening credits>
<The operating room. Cartman is lying face down, his buttocks pried apart by some bizarre aparatus.>
Cartman: Okay. We had Chinese food. Now can we please AAAAGH! <Tom Servo climbs out of Cartman's ass, and takes a look around>
Servo: I'll take my chances with "Encino Man". <climbs back in>
Druid: Okay, now we have to gather the items for the ritual. First, we need the left mitten of a perverted immortal kid.
Kenny: (Here you go.)
Stan: Dude, you have six fingers on your left hand!
Kenny: (Why don't you take out an ad?)
<A swashbuckler pops out of Cartman's ass>
Swashbuckler: Hello! My name is Inigo Montoya! You keel my father! Prepare to die!
Kenny: (Oh, shit!)
<Inigo slices Kenny's head clean off>
Stan: Oh, my god, the obligatory Princess Bride reference killed Kenny!
Kyle: YOU BASTARDS!!!
<A Rodent Of Unusual Size carries Kenny off>
Inigo: Oh, wait, it was the RIGHT hand. Sorry!
<Enter Chef>
Chef: Hello there, children!
All: Hey, Chef.
Chef: How're things goin'
Stan: Bad.
Chef: Why bad?
Kyle: Fatass swallowed a space-time anomaly in the form of a Cheesy Poof.
Chef: Uh-oh. I've seen this sorta thing before. Like on that episode of "Fantasy Island" with Malcolm MacDowell, Charo, and William Shatner. So, what do we have to do to get the damn thing out?
Druid: We must perform the ancient ritual of Zai Gezunt.
Chef: Well, we'd better get started... DAMN, woman, that tail should be registered as a lethal sexual weapon!
Nurse: You don't think I'm some sort of freak?
Chef: No, in fact, <music starts> I wanna lay ya down on the guerney wanna rub yo' creamy thah-highs gonna cover us both with cool whip, and we gonna make sweet sticky love
Cartman: Ah, Chef, ah hate t'interrupt your little menage... BUT CAN WE GET THE DAMN CHEESY POOF OUT OF MY ASS BEFORE YOU GET SOME SWEET SWEET LOVIN'?
Chef: Oh, uh sure.
Druid: Okay, we have the mitten, now we need the following things: Three pounds of Skittles, a recording of Toto's "Africa", the latest copy of "Better Homes and Gardens", one Trojan, ribbed for her pleasure, and a small goat.
Stan: Sick, dude!
<The items are gathered>
Chef: Okay, we have everything. Now what?
Druid: Well, I believe this ritual requires a troll sacrifice.
Cartman: Ahhhgh! <a fat, ugly, scabby thing crawls out of Cartman's ass. Yep, it's Doc you-know-who>
Doc: Ok gots idesa for scprit Cardsmun go to jale and him in shouwre nda he dropp sope...
<The scamps all pull out those twisty Aztec knives and advance on Doc. So do the Doctor, the nurse, Garrison, Chef, and the Druid. They stab Doc repeatedly.>
Kyle: Wow, it's a good thing these came in every box of Frooty Poopz.
Garrisson: I don't eat Frooty Poopz.
Druid: The ritual is complete! Stand back, everyone!
<Fireworks start shooting out of Cartman's ass>
Cartman: Aw, weak, not again!
<A huge vortex appears above Cartman. All the characters that came out of Cartman's ass are sucked into it.>
Druid: It's over.
Cartman: NGahhhh!!
Stan: Oh no, the ritual failed!
<Mr Hankey emerges, eating the Cheesy Poof>
Mr. Hankey: Howdy ho, boys. Gosh, it sure was awful crowded down there. Were you having some sort of convention?
<Everyone laughs. Commercial break>
Cartman: Well, I've learned something today. From now on, I''ll watch what I eat.
<Mrs. Cartman enters>
Mrs. C: Come along Eric, we're having Buttterscotch Cheeseburgers and Mayonnaise Fries!
Cartman: Sweeeeeeeeeeeeeet.
Kyle: Hey, where did Chef go?
<exterior of broom closet>
Nurse: Ohhhhhhh, Chef....
Chef: Damn, woman, that's the best fudgin' lovin' I've had in... hours.
Nurse: Want me to do that thing with my tail again?
Chef: Sweeeeeeeeeeeeeeeet.
<closing theme> -------------------------------------------------------------------------- --------------------------------
So, did that suck as much as I thought it did? <ducks rotten eggs>
Coming soon: The Intervention! This one will only be a one-parter.
JB "You know, there are many people in the country today who, through no fault of their own, are sane... It is up to people like you and me who are out of our tiny little minds to try and help these people overcome their sanity.'"- Rev. Arthur Belling