Captain Infinity,
Hi! Just wanted to let you know you're pathetically stupid and lame, y'know what I mean? Like, you suck. You suck in all sorts of ways, drooling around hard cocks, and thick nutty turds, and whatever else anyone cares to stuff in your mouth, 'cause you let them, 'cause you like the attention.
How many times did you say, "I taught it to fly", in reference to kicking a cat across the room? Twice, was it? Maybe three times. You thought it was clever enough to say once, that's pathetic enough. And let's look at what you're bragging about: KICKING A CAT. Hard. The smaller and weaker of the two most popular pets, and you're boasting about kicking this small, delicate creature across the room.
My god, what a pathetic and impotent little man you must be. Hell, you can't even kick a wolf, or a leopard, or a Saint Bernard or anything. No, you have to kick an ordinary, domestic little pet pussy kitty CAT. Holy Christ, your penis must be small and always drippy, producing a cold little puddle in your briefs, resulting in your constant discomfort and petulance. You must be exceedingly uptight and miserable, itchy with flaming red acne all over your face -- and, naturally, people swerve to avoid you, lest you leak your disgusting infected pus on them.
"Captain Infinity". Fuuuck. You're not the Captain of anything -- you couldn't dominate a DILDO. Try "Captain Skidmark". Hmm. "Captain Manboob"? There you go. "Captain Chucklefart. Now we're getting somewhere!
What's more, I bet you never actually DID kick a cat -- you're just pathetic enough of a fat fuck turd to think it's worth LYING about, to BRAG about! Like your eleven-year-old boogerloving crusty-butthole friends might look up to you for it. "I taught it to fly, heeyuck, chortle, fart." What a stupid fuck turd you are! Let me know if you need me to elaborate on this, okay?
Now, be sure to PLEASE print this post out, and tape it on your mirror, so you can read and reflect upon it each morning.
Sincerely,
Ben
P.S. Fuckface! Hey, Fuckface! I know where there's some GAY COCK to stuff in your FAT FUCKMOUTH, you UGLYWEED FUCKFACE! You want some GREASY DICK for your LONELY STUPID MOUTH?!? 'Course you do, ya pimple- lipped polesmoker! That's you, CAPTAIN FUCKFACE, eating turds by the pound! And I'd say "You go, girl", if it made you happy (why not? sure! why NOT be a flabby $12 throatfuck whore, working out of your Dad's basement? fuck it! nothing matters! it's all stupid, everything's stupid, nobody understands you!), but that's the sad and pathetic part: FUCKFACE, you're NOT HAPPY, and you NEVER WILL BE.