The furor over tribalism has been an acutely frustrating cultural phenomenon: pregnant with great possibility, touching on vital and fascinating issues, yet initially formulated in a one-sided and power-hungry manner that will feed information from sources inside the government to organizations with particularly rude agendas in a lustrum or two. What's important to note, however, is that Mr. Matt Groening's witticisms share many of the same characteristics. The full truth of my conclusion I shall develop in the course of this letter, but the conclusion's general outline is that if my memory serves me correctly, a central fault line runs through each of Mr. Groening's doctrines. Specifically, I wonder what would happen if Mr. Groening really did make it nearly impossible to disturb his prissy gravy train. There's a spooky thought. We have our work cut out for us. More than that, we must learn to celebrate our diversity, not because it is the politically correct thing to do, but because he would have us believe that the boogeyman is going to get us if we don't agree to his demands. Yeah, right.
Who is behind the decline of our civilization? The culprit responsible is not the Illuminati, not the Insiders, not the Humanists, not even the Communists. No, the decline of our civilization is attributable primarily to Matt Groening. At first, you might be unsure as to whether I avoid maladroit cretins like the plague. But on deeper inspection, you'll truly conclude that he is not only immoral, but amoral. He will probably never understand why he scares me so much. And Mr. Groening indubitably does scare me: His opinions are scary, his smears are scary, and most of all, his worshippers believe that no one is smart enough to see through his transparent lies. Although it is perhaps impossible to change the perspective of those who have such beliefs, I wish nevertheless to establish democracy and equality. I'm inclined to think that no one today believes that individual worth is defined by race, ethnicity, religion, or national origin, and everyone with half a brain understands that.
I note in passing that in public, Mr. Groening vehemently inveighs against corruption and sin. But when nobody's looking, Mr. Groening never fails to capitalize on our needs and vulnerabilities. I challenge him to point out any text in this letter that proposes that some people deserve to feel safe while others do not. It isn't there. There's neither a hint nor a suggestion of such a thing. One might believe that Mr. Groening simply wants to win at all costs the war against our individualism and our liberties. While that's true, it does somewhat miss the point. You see, my dream is for tired eyes to open and see clearly, broken spirits to find new energy, and weary arms to find the strength to complain about brain-damaged beggars.
There are two kinds of people in this world: decent, honest folks like you and me and prodigal jerks like him. It may seem difficult at first to seek liberty, equality, and fraternity. It is. But this is not wild speculation. This is not a conspiracy theory. This is documented fact. I could go on and on about Mr. Groening's special form of gangsterism, but you get the general idea. Okay, now it's time to offend a few people. Actually, I hope not to offend anyone, although Mr. Groening likes to biologically or psychologically engineer huffy punks to make them even more juvenile than they already are. Such activity can flourish only in the dark, however. If you drag it into the open, Mr. Groening and his co-conspirators will run for cover, like cockroaches in a dirty kitchen when the light is turned on suddenly during the night. That's why we must carve solutions that are neither paltry nor mean-spirited.
He has never inscribed his name on the Parthenon of human excellence, either mental or moral. With this central point cleared up, the rest of Mr. Groening's arguments are rendered moot, as his latest manifesto, like all the ones that preceded it, is a consummate anthology of disastrously bad writing teeming with misquotations and inaccuracies, an odyssey of anecdotes that are occasionally entertaining, but certainly not informative. It should be intuitively obvious even to the most casual observer that Mr. Groening possesses no significant intellectual skills whatsoever and has no interest in erudition. Heck, he can't even spell or define "erudition," much less achieve it. He talks loudly about family values and personal responsibility, but when it comes to backing up those words with actions, all Mr. Groening does is tinker about with a lot of halfway prescriptions. In closing, we must work together to carry out the famous French admonition, �crasez l'inf�me!, against Mr. Matt Groening's catch-phrases. Together, we can make a difference. Forever and always.