How to give your farts greater loudness

Oct 19, 2003, 8:38 PM ET14 posts by 9 posters
14 posts
iggy17ren

Most people lift their legs when they fart, however, this reduces the noise normally because they also move there leg away. To achieve the greatest volume, stand on one foot and bring the opposite knee toward your chest, also slightly outward, creating a seal. Wait until you feel the pressure will be the greatest, then forcefully release. Do this in public, I assure you people around you will be sure there is an elephant or horse nearby.

Other tips: Do this in areas which have a large amount of elderly people: it is well known that among the elderly that old people have no control.. yet farting remains socially unacceptable, ESPECIALLY if the farter does not confess. No one will suspect the only teen.

Also, I recommend to increase the foul smell, eat LOTS of cauliflower the day before, this will generate much smell. I recommend AGAINST beans, because although beans produce more gas, they do not smell, so what is the point. Cauliflower produces farts that reek. Do this and fart away in crowded restaurants, no one will know it is you and even if they find out, WHO CARES since everybody farts even if they don't admit it.

Mr. Costingtoniggy17ren

"iggy17ren" wrote in message news:3f935b64$0$40211$[email]...

That was quite insightful. What group were you trying to post to??

iggy17renMr. Costington

There are many fart newsgroups.. perhaps your server does not carry them.

Mr. Costingtoniggy17ren

"iggy17ren" wrote in message news:3f936d93$0$43853$[email]...

them.

Oh wow, so many fart groups indeed.

And to keep the post on-topic for this group, AABF19 Blackboard: I DID NOT WIN THE NOBEL FART PRIZE

Sydney AssbasketMr. Costington

alt.christian.farts

Remove "moc" to reply.

Whoever says "Nothing is impossible" has never tried to slam a revolving door. - Willy Walker

Rebeccaiggy17ren

"iggy17ren" wrote in message news:3f935b64$0$40211$[email]...

LOL.

Interesting. The rest is pasted from google groups:

____________________________________________________________________________ __ Search Result 1 From: iggy17ren ([email]) Subject: Re: Classical Gas View: Complete Thread (35 articles) Original Format Newsgroups: alt.tv.simpsons Date: 2002-09-10 00:57:02 PST

one

than

Homer farted once, while walking around in Grimes's office. But I supposed you jackasses could argue that he made a farting noise with his lips. I say that that is not what the writers intended because they are trying to portray Homer as irritating as possible.. and smell of others farts are the most irritating. I really don't have time for this shit.

By the way I fixed your top posting.

iggy17renRebecca

Wow! I had forgotten about this! Well I guess this discussion in on topic here after all.. Has anyone mentioned the scene yet in "king sized Homer" where Bart implies that Homer frequently farts? (obviously "off-camera")

That Guyiggy17ren

"iggy17ren" wrote in message news:3f936d95$0$43853$[email]...

Homer: "Son, you don't have to follow in my footsteps" Bart: "I don't even like using the bathroom after you!"

Beans, beans, the musical fruit. The more you eat, the more you toot.

"Who'll get 4 rings first: the Lakers or J-Lo?" -Pardon the InterruPTIon, 11/19/02 You'll shoot your eye out!!!

Beans beans. they're good for your heart, the more you eat, the more you........

Avert your eyes, children, he may take on other forms!!!

Aboiggy17ren

iggy17ren raved thus:

But... But... But... <Make him stop, make him stop!!!>

Abo

How come you don't see mouse flavoured cat food?
d w a c o niggy17ren

"iggy17ren" wrote in message news:3f932e92$0$43854$[email]...

noise

You left out the part about open flames...

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