OT, but funny

Mar 7, 2003, 4:36 PM ET7 posts by 6 posters
7 posts
That Guy

It has been said that true artists must suffer. Well, suffering has certainly brought out the creativity in a lot of movie critics, who have written some of their most creative, and in some cases downright hilarious reviews about "The Maser of Disguise." The Incidentally, out of 85 reviews features on rottentomatoes.com, it has only gotten two good reviews for a rating of approximately 2%. I believe this is a first. Here are some excerpts from the reviews:

"'The Master of Disguise' opens the floodgates of suck, unleashing a torrent of rock-bottom idiocy on poor innocents who want to live in peace: the moviegoing public. Mere words cannot convey the pain.... The idea that this film was made in the genuine belief that it would entertain anyone is too nightmarish to contemplate. The only explanation is that it was green-lighted by an insidious extraterrestrial inhabiting the shell of a studio executive. It was released as a test, and if anyone laughs we'll be death-rayed en masse because we're too stupid to make good slaves." -- Colin Covert, Minneapolis Star-Tribune

"It's as if you're watching a movie that was made in 1978 but not released then because it was so weak, and it has been unearthed and released now, when it has become even weaker." -- Chris Hewitt ST. PAUL PIONEER PRESS

"In a big corner office in Hell, Satan is throwing up his hands in surrender, is firing his R&D people, and has decided he will just screen The Master of Disguise 24/7." --MaryAnn Johanson FLICK FILOSOPHER

"No one but a convict guilty of some truly heinous crime should have to sit through The Master of Disguise." -- Jonathan Foreman NEW YORK POST

"At times, it actually hurts to watch." -- Mick LaSalle SAN FRANCISCO CHRONICLE

"It doesn't matter that the film is less than 90 minutes. It still feels like a prison stretch." -- Elvis Mitchell NEW YORK TIMES

"Cruelly and brutally unfunny." -- Steven Rea PHILADELPHIA INQUIRER

"A painfully unfunny mess." -- John Monaghan DETROIT FREE PRESS

"Mostly this happy train wreck feels like a longer, better movie that was chopped up and reassembled by retarded monkeys." -- Gregory Weinkauf

"I really wanted to get up and walk out, but morbid curiosity held me in my seat to see if it ever got any better. It didn't. This blows beyond imagination." -- John Venable

"Surrealistically horrid." -- Frank Swietek

"so misconceived on every level, it's almost fascinating to watch. If you don't mind pain, that is. This movie knows how to make you hurt..." -- James Sanford

"A terrible disappointment for fans of Dana Carvey -- also for fans of comedy and fans of movies." -- Nell Minow

This dopey collection of gags masquerades as a movie, but it's not likely to fool many. --Robert Denerstein, Rocky Mountain News

It's the shoddiest, cheapest, most infantile joke in movies... --Jack Matthews

"...so bereft of comic invention that it flatlines during the opening credits. The Master of Disguise is awful. It's Pauly Shore awful." --KIM LINEKIN

Sort of makes me want to rent it, just to see how bad it really is.

Daniel DreibelbisThat Guy

In article , "That Guy" wrote:

those are some truly funny bits of hyperbole - but it still doesn't beat what I think is the single funniest putdown of a movie by a critic:

"If this movie were any more of a dog, it would shed" - a critic giving his true feelings for _At Long Last Love_

Dan Dreibelbis, Guitar Nerd - Better Living Through Home Recording song #5 - "Cranked Old Man" - now available http://www.mp3.com/dan_dreibelbis
Alan HamiltonThat Guy

On Fri, 07 Mar 2003 21:36:09 GMT, "That Guy" wrote:

Oh, there's worse. "Ballistic: Ecks vs. Sever" got 0 for 97. The 2002 live-action "Pinocchio" 0 out of 49. There is a distinction, though. Most of the critics thought "Ballistic" was dumb and a waste of time, but they HATED "Pinocchio": http://www.rottentomatoes.com/m/Pinocchio-1119026/reviews.php

You can search for films with a 0-9% rating. <http://www.rottentomatoes.com/videodvd/browser.php?movietype=2&genre=&tomatometer=0%25s&mpaa=&decade=&x=54&y=2> The reviews are often funny for the real bombs.

/ / * / Alan Hamilton * * [email]
Jig JewThat Guy

Just seen a story on the local Fox news station (well, the one I get here in Canada anyway.) There was a story about the war (of course) and the reporter was in Kwait talking to people having tea at a streetside cafe, discussing the war. Pretty lame story IMO, but the ending line was priceless:

"War is temporary, Tea is forever."

Fox news, sigh

Mr. CostingtonJig Jew

"Jig Jew" wrote in message news:DIsea.3946$[email]...

Those crazy Fox News anchors... here's a video of a rather humorous anchor slip of the tongue. http://www.badmouth.net/graphics/video/j-lo_bj.wmv
Jig JewThat Guy

Just seen a story on the local Fox news station (well, the one I get here in Canada anyway.) There was a story about the war (of course) and the reporter was in Kwait talking to people having tea at a streetside cafe, discussing the war. Pretty lame story IMO, but the ending line was priceless:

"War is temporary, Tea is forever."

Fox news, sigh