The capsule for "The Parent Rap" is now available at The Simpsons Archive, at "http://www.snpp.com/episodes.html". You may access it by following the link for episode CABF22.
We plan to have "Homer the Moe (CABF20)" up next, on about March 9. (This is subject to change due to schedule and resource demands, however.)
For your convenience, a copy the [pcode] capsule follows immediately. Enjoy!
The Parent Rap Written by George Meyer & Mike Scully
Directed by Mark Kirkland
==============================================================================
Production code: CABF22 Original Airdate on FOX: 11-Nov-01
Capsule revision A (22-Feb-04)
============================================================================================================================================================ [From "TV Guide"] THE PARENT RAP. Jane Kaczmarek lends her voice to a role with similarities to her Lois character from Malcom in the Middle in the 13th-season opener.
It begins with Bart and Milhouse accidentally stealing a police car.
Expecting an easy judge, Bart is instead faced with Judge Constance Harm
(Kaczmarek), a stern, no-nonsense arbiter. Noting Homer's contribution to
the incident and sensing that Bart is "crying out for adult supervision."
Her Honor orders the young troublemaker to be tethered to his father. The
plan can't help but bring the pair closer to each other, but their new ling
interferes with the relationship between Homer and Marge, who literally
cuts the cord, landing her in Harm's way as well. {af}==============================================================================
============================================================================== Blackboard: NOBODY READS THESE ANYMORE
NOBODY READS THESE / at cutoff
Couch: The Simpsons stand on the deck of a sailboat. It's a very
simply-drawn sailboat, like the one in the picture hanging
above their living-room couch. The family members all jump in
the water. Surprise! The boat *is* the one on the living-
room wall. The family makes a safe, if wet, landing on the
couch, and Homer picks up the TV remote.==============================================================================
==============================================================================
... Jimbo is in court for Homer and Marge's sentencing?
... the adorable statue of Justice, as a blindfolded girl with a sword and
balance, in front of the juvenile courthouse?Snake the Con: ... Judge Harm was born a dude?
Brian Corvello:
... Marge's hair seems to grow awfully fast?
... there are now TWO former Presidents living in Springfield, Ford and
Clinton?
... after being run over by Homer, Hans Moleman simply gets up and walks
off? (The man is indestructible!)Don Del Grande:
... Flanders apparently doesn't wear a belt? (How else could he get his
pants off by doing a hula?)
... Snake's shirt number is TF20?Joe Green: ... the broken green glass bottle in the dirt on the baseball field? ... the black man with glasses and a beard sitting next to Jimbo?
Darrel Jones: ... Judge Snyder's first name is Roy? ... the Fox censors let Marge say "butthole"?
Joe Klemm: ... Lisa knows the court officer on a first name basis? ... Springfield Juvenile Court was established in 1955?
Chad Lehman:
... Judge Harm is familiar with the KBBL Penguin Party Patrol prize? ($40)
... Homer does still have a job?
... Johnny Cochran look-alike in trial? [2nd court appearance]
... Springfield Shopper has a website URL?
... Moe either didn't take Homer's pants, or Homer has another pair of $600
Italian pants?Benjamin Robinson:
... Wiggum's police car is old enough to predate transmission shifter
interlocks?
... Marge can cram all her hair under a little burglar's hat?
... there doesn't appear to be any easy access to Judge Harm's houseboat by
land?==============================================================================
==============================================================================
- Starring
- Dan Castellaneta (Homer, Bill {cl}, Coach, Snake, Moleman)
- Julie Kavner (Marge)
- Nancy Cartwright (Bart)
- Yeardley Smith (Lisa)
- Hank Azaria (Frink, Wiggum, Kirk, Moe, Lou)
- Harry Shearer (Marty {cl}, Ned, Hobo, Snyder, Skinner, Kent, Announcer)- Special Guest Voice - Jane Kaczmarek (Judge Harm) - Marcia Wallace (Edna Krabappel)
- Also Starring
- Jess Harnell (Charlton Heston soundbite {imd})
- Pamela Hayden (Milhouse)
- Tress MacNeille (Cora, Karen, Bailiff)
- Karl Wiedergott (Clinton)==============================================================================
==============================================================================
+ "The Parent Trap" (movie) {jk}
- episode title a spoof + "Wedding Bell Blues" (song) {jk}
- correct title of song that Homer was singing at the beginning [{dj}
says the song was released by 5th Dimension in 1969 -- Ed.] + "Scooby-Doo, Where Are You?" (TV series) {jg2}
- Officer Sniffy covers his eyes and says "Ruh-roh!" - Judge Lance Ito {bjr}
- during the O. J. Simpson trial, kept little hourglasses and things on
his desk, kind of like Judges Snyder and Harm do + Judge Judy (judge and TV series, all in one)
- Constance Harm like this no-nonsense judge
- both Harm and Judy given to wacky catchphrases like, "Don't spit on my
cupcake and tell me it's frosting" [See "Comments" section for more -
- Ed.] + "(Don't Fear) The Reaper" (song) {dj}
- Homer tries to sing this 1976Blue Oyster Cult song in court ~ "Get on the Bus" (movie) {jg2}
- two of the characters in this Spike Lee film were a father and son
handcuffed together due to a court order + the 8th amendment {cl}
- bars "cruel and unusual punishment" + "rope-a-dope" (boxing move) {bjr}
- Bart uses this as a nickname for Homer + President Bush's daughters {bjr}
- Moe alludes to their being busted for underage drinking + "The Sun Also Rises" (novel) {bc2}
- Judge harm says, "If I want to hear a cock and bull story, I'll read
Hemingway," referring to this novel about bullfighting (thus the
"bull") and a man with permanent impotence (thus the... you know) + "Thumbelina" (children's story) {bjr}
- one of the pro wrestlers is called, "Rumbleina"
- "Dr. Bonebreak" the wrestler looks like Hulk Hogan back in his WWF
days ~ Princess Bride, The (movie) {cl}
- Homer's "Oh Lord, guide this cinder block" similar to Inigo Montoya's
"Lord, guide my sword"==============================================================================
==============================================================================
- [7F06] Bart watches wrestling {af}
- [7F20] Production Number on Snake's uniform (also the episode he first
appeared in) {af}
- [9F22] A houseboat is shown (OFF lives in one during 9F22) {af}
- [2F09] Homer says "Shut up!" with the same intonation he and Carl used in
this episode {jg2}
- [2F09] Homer: (quietly) "Sh-h-hut u-u-up!" {cl}
- [2F22] Frink's flying motorcycle
- [3F01] Homer and Marge found to be bad parents {af}
- [3F04] Lard Lad {al}
- [3F09] A mildly insulting banner used as revenge {cl}
- [3F21] The song "Don't Fear the Reaper" is referenced {jg2}
- [4F20] House boats shown {al}
- [4F21] Bart is punished for wreaking havoc with police property {jg2}
- [5F03] Bart mentions having ridden in the back of a police car {jg2}
- [5F03] Homer attacked by cobras while riding tricycle {ac}
- [5F03] Homer offers to hug Bart, who refuses {cl}
- [5F08] Bart takes a "joy-ride" in a car and is punished for it {dp}
- [AABF17], [AABF22] Homer is a size four {cl}
- [AABF21] Pastry pumped full of filling {cl}
- [AABF22] A Simpson takes mood-altering drugs {bjr}
- [BABF03] Homer attacked by cobras; maybe this is the cause of his night
terrors {bjr}
- [BABF09] Abbreviating 70's rock group names "I'm familiar with B.O.C."
(B.T.O. and their hit T.C.B.) {cl}
- [CABF14] Possibility of Milhouse going to "joovie" {cl}==============================================================================
==============================================================================
- Miranda teleprompter {af} +------------------+
|YOU HAVE THE RIGHT|
| TO REMAIN SILENT |
| (PUNCH IN BELLY) |
+------------------+MIRANDA RIGHTS TELEPROMPTER
- Picnic banner {bjr}
PROMISING YOUNG
ATHLETES PICNIC
|
V- People surrounding Homer and Bart after Bart hits the home run {af}
- (left to right) Lewis, Wendell, Skinner, Richard, Milhouse, 2 other kids
- Roadside punishment sign {af}
SPANK THE
BAD PARENTS
FROM
YOUR CAR- What the Simpsons think of Judge Harm {bjr}
BIG MEANIE
- Springfield Shopper headline {af}
PAIR SINKS JUDGE'S HOUSE
---------------------------
QUILT RUINED [pic of boat]
[ sinking ]==============================================================================
==============================================================================
c Audio: You damn dirty ape! Captioning: Drop the gun, Johnny. {tpl}* The police car's engine was running at one point, yet Bart never started
it. It also managed to switch from coasting backwards to coasting
forwards. {ddg}+ Since when is Judge Snyder a lenient judge? He sentenced Marge to 30 days in 9F20 for shoplifting, which is a much less then Bart did here. {af}
= Was there some sort of edit after Judge Harm's introduction? It sounds as though Marge was cut off in mid-sentence. {bjr}
* Clinton was never actually convicted of any crimes, so he wouldn't have
been sentenced to community service... and what sort of crime matches the
penalty of having to deliver mail? {bc2}= Bart's shoe changes color from blue to black after Homer loses it during his nightmare. {mg}
= In the baseball game, Milhouse's glove switched from a fielder's glove to a catcher's mitt. {ddg}
c Audio: Is that our house? Captioning: Is that Lenny's house? {tpl}
c Audio: That's my boy! Captioning: I'm...so...proud...of...you... {tpl}
Audio: The Heat's been on ever since those Bush girls've been in here.
Captioning: The Heat's been on ever since that bad tricycle wreck. {tpl}- How did Homer and Bart change clothes while they were tethered to one another? [But see Gene Poole's rebuttal in the "Comments" section -- Ed.]
c Audio: Don't use the bottle! That's what hobos do. Captioning: Don't use
the bottle! That's what animals do. [Ted S adds, "IIRC, the line in the
captioning was also used in the promo" -- Ed.] {tpl}= When Marge is talking to the judge, she is wearing green triange earrings
but when she and Homer leave the courtroom with their heads in stocks, the
earrings are gone. {mg}+ Homer and Marge have been declared bad parents before. {ddg}
- For that matter, how were Homer and Marge able to change outfits while in the stocks?
c Audio: Dr. Bonebreak just married Rumblina and they're already wailing at
each other! Captioning: Dr. Bonebreak just married Rumblina five seconds
ago and they're already going at it! {tpl}+ When Homer's freeing Marge, his arms go all the way to the armpits through
the hand holes. They could have washed the dishes much easier with full use
of their arms. {cl}= Homer puts up his side of the banner with two nails, but later shots show it is clearly hanging by one. {bjr}
* The newspaper has a picture of the boat sinking, but there didn't appear to
be any photographers around when this happened. ["My guess is Willy [took
the picture]," says {bp} -- Ed.]- Why would a juvenile judge try Homer and Marge for sinking the houseboat? {ddg}
- Wouldn't she [Judge Harm] be required to recuse herself from the case? She did have a strong personal stake in the outcome. {bjr}
- What was Snake doing in *juvenile* court? {jg2}
* As the Family hugs each other at the end, Homer's mouth opens for a split
second, as if he's about to say something, but the scene cuts away before
we do. Probably a deleted line. {tpl}c Audio: *Silence* Captioning: How's it going, boy? {tpl}
==============================================================================
============================================================================== Brian Corvello: This was one of the best series premiers I've seen in a long while. The only real bad part was that joke about the Bush daughters -- that was uncalled for. Still, I always like it when members of the family get into legal trouble (heck, with the exception of Maggie, all of them have been arrested at least twice!). Also, the way the family coped (or tried to) with the tether and stocks was hilarious (although it was rather "cruel and unusual"). The "revelation" at the end that Constance was once a guy had me ROTF. I hope we see this character again. (A-)
Don Del Grande: Is it just me, or do the one-plotline shows just seem to be going through the motions? There were plenty of chances for the old "slapstick" style humor, but they kept pounding that "cobras" gag into us instead, and the bit with Homer and Marge in stocks didn't really go anywhere either (well, except for Nelson and the extension cord). And somebody explain what that scene atop the SNPP towers was supposed to be... (B)
Alex Foley: The 13th Season starts out with a whimper as we begin the beginning of the end of the Mike Scully era. The Homer & Marge are bad parents issue has been tackled before, and better in episodes like "Home Sweet Home Diddily-Dum-Doodily". Some decent jokes here, but nothing all that memorable here. A Run of the mill episode. Jane Kaczmarek was good as Judge Harm however, which help kept the episode from being completely useless. (C)
Joe Green: Despite some good slapstick moments (Homer and Bart making each other slap themselves, Nelson using an extension cord as a whip) this show fell flat as a "message" episode, and was plagued by over-the-top "dysfunctional" gags (Milhouse and Bart almost killing the "promising young athletes", the "family court day" dialogue) and stuff that was just plain goofy (Homer and Bart sitting on the edge of the cooling tower, Judge Harm's use of the "miracle of fiberoptics"). A real letdown after last week's great Halloween show. (C-)
Zan Hecht: It sucked, and it wasn't even funny like past sucky episodes. I rate it a D-. If the premier is this bad, I don't have much hope for the rest of the season. (D-)
Darrel Jones: Maybe it's me, but the writers seem to have a knack of not using the strongest possible episodes to start the season. Still, I liked it, even if it lagged in bits and it wasn't as funny as many recent eps. 7/10 (B+)
Chad Lehman: George Meyer + The Simpsons = always funny. My favorite episode was penned by Mr. Meyer, as well as my second favorite (Homer the Heretic, Blood Feud). At first blush, there were quite a few laughs, but it seems like they were all slapstick and one-liners. An episode like this proves there is still good slapstick, and ways to write funny lines... but there wasn't much satire despite a huge opportunity to say something about our juvenile justice system. The conflict was interesting, and the plot was resolved. This is probably the best Mike Scully could do with the current formula of simple plot plus one-liners plus slapstick equals episode. (B-)
Adam Leventhal: This was a welcome sign that this season might mark an upswing. The episode was uneven, but it started very strong. The single plot line got a little tired, and the throw away jokes started to fall flat about midway through the episode. Strong cameos from Chief Wiggum and the 42nd President gave this episode some life. (B)
Yours Truly: The new season is starting out a lot like the old one ended, and given that this is a holdover episode that makes some sense. What's more puzzling is Marge's caring-to-callous (and back again) personality changes. There are some good jokes here -- I liked the school baseball scene -- but nothing to write home about. Jane Kaczmarek is fine as hard-nosed Judge Harm. On the whole, I judge the season to be off to a so-so start. (B-)
AVERAGE GRADE: B- (2.55) Std Dev.: 0.8249 (10 reviews computed)
==============================================================================
==============================================================================
Joe Green: The first few bars of "Don't Fear the Reaper," by Blue Oyster Cult, are played over the closing credits.
Darrel Jones: "Dang Me," by Roger Miller in 1964, plays on the radio at episode's end.
Benjamin Robinson: Bart's blackboard punishment, "Nobody reads these anymore," wryly suggests people aren't paying as close attention to the show as they used to.
Chad Lehman writes: I'm glad they finally cleared up the seeming confusion over Bill and Marty's identities. I've not been confused; Shearer's character has always been Marty (the red-head), and Castellaneta's Bill (the bald one). Proof? In [9F07] when Homer's driving home in the snow, Bill (Castellaneta) says "you're dead weight, Marty". I know these guys have been confused by fans before; but Bill saying (on-screen) "You know what else is nice, Marty?" should set everyone straight on their identities.
Benjamin Robinson writes: Sometime during the 50s or 60s, a vagrant named Miranda was arrested (I forget the charge; it might have been something like loitering) and put on trial. He lost. Normally, that might have been the end of it, but his lawyer made a novel appeal. Mr. Miranda was a poor man, with little knowledge of both English and the way the U.S. justice system worked. At the start, he didn't even know he was entitled to a lawyer. Miranda's lawyer argued that the cops should have advised his client of his rights after his arrest. The case eventually went to the Supreme Court, where Miranda prevailed. The rights that you are supposed to be advised of popularly became known as the "Miranda rights." Reading them to a suspect is "Mirandizing" him.
Today, when the police arrest someone they have to read that little spiel that begins, "You have the right to remain silent." (The punch in the belly is a recent addition, evidently.) To be completely on the up-and-up, some policemen read the rights from a little card, rather than relying on memory. As far as I know, nobody has anything as elaborate as Wiggum's teleprompter.
Tom Restivo: Jane Kaczmarek is no stranger to those who keep watching FOX after OFF -- she the twice Emmy-nominated actress who plays Lois, the mother with four Bart-like sons of her own (and a Homer for a hubby), on "Malcolm in the Middle". In real life, she's married to Bradley Whitford, who won an Emmy of his own as Josh Lyman on "The West Wing".
(Side note: I wouldn't be surprised if Julie Kavner did a guest appearence on MitM as -- a juvenile judge.)
Ted S. writes: I think it was Judge Judy's father who came up with [her] wacky catch-phrases. Indeed, the "Don't spit on my cupcake and tell me it's frosting" line is a take-off on the title of Sheindlin's first book, "Don't Pee on My Leg and Tell Me It's Raining", a line she heard from her father. Sheindlin's second book was titled "Beauty Fades, Dumb is Forever".
Tom Restivo: Blue Oyster Cult (The "O" is more properly "umlauted" [like this: � -- Ed.]) is a long-time heavy metal/monster band started in the late 60's and continuing into today. Their most famous hits include "Buring for You," "Godzilla", "Veteran of the Psychic Wars", "Joan Crawford", and, of course, "Don't Fear the Reaper".
Dean Humphries reminisces about Blue Oyster Cult: The Blue Oyster Cult were an important part of my Wonder Years.
This story goes wayyyyy back, back to a time that musicologists and mathamagicians refer to as the age of Heavy Metal.
These were scary times - Heavy Metals's primodial age, where bands had names like T Rex and Steppenwolf, and people actualy bought Peter Frampton records.
Moody Young Men were en vogue, they spoke an early form of grunt-like language that went on to become Billtedspeak.
The BOC were college boys at SUNY, Stony Brook, Long Island, and most likely they knew they'd never last long enough to graduate.
These guys had to help inspire Spinal Tap, at the end of their shows, they'd have everyone in the band (except the drummer) strap-on a guitar and play simultaneous leads (there were enough Bics lighted in the audience to make it day-light like).
Their lead guitar player called himself Buck Dharma and had some sort of stun-guitar gimmick that I could never quite figure out what it was all about.
This was a time that radio stations dj's were actually allowed to pick the music they played, one of the best free-form stations of this time was the local WLIR, and the BOC was at the right place at the right time (it's interesting to note that Andy Kaufman begin his career during the same time, and playing the same clubs).
They had good songs with fantasic sounding titles, like:
O.D.'d On Life Itself Before The Kiss (A Redcap) The Red And The Black Dominance And Submission Harvester Of Eyes Career Of Evil Baby Ice Dog Hot Rails To Hell Then Came The Last Days Of May Stairway To The Stars This Ain't The Summer Of Love Buck's Boogie
Unfortunately, rarely was the music as imaginative as the titles.
But back in the 70's, in one of those *you just had to be there* moments, the BOC were badass and they ROCKED.
Then they had a hit and it all went to hell and a great episode of "Behind the Music" was born.
Definitely one of Homer's fav bands during High School, I bet he even dropped acid at one of their concerts.
How did Homer and Bart change clothes? Gene Poole has a possible answer: Let me ask you this: how do hospital patients put on gowns with IV things into their arms connected to a rolling stand?
Simple: snaps. lots of snaps.
It can be done. Just because it doesn't make sense for them to have clothes like that is beside the point. Marge is just the kind of handywoman to spend an evening project on such a thing.
Joe Klemm: Many recent presidents have a family member who is known for getting themselves in trouble. For the current president, George W. Bush, that is in the form of his twin daughters. Both of them college students, the Bush twins have recently made news for getting caught drinking under the age.
==============================================================================
============================================================================== % Bart and Milhouse are on their way to school, but even before they % get there, they've learned an important lesson: Don't miss the % school bus. If you do, you'll have to get a ride from Homer, % complete with off-key singing. % % KBBL's morning DJ team take a moment to promote their latest % contest. If the KBBL Wampum Wagon spots a stuffed penguin doll on % your car, you get $40. Homer's ready for the moment, with the doll % tied to his radio antenna. Just then, Milhouse spots the Wagon. % Homer kicks the two boys out of his car and gives chase. Professor % Frink flies by on his jet-motorcycle, narrowly missing the boys. % Bart and Milhouse scramble to the nearest sidewalk.
Milhouse: If we're late for school, we'll miss our free Federal breakfast. Bart: Big deal, it's just saltines and fig paste. Milhouse: Ew, saltines? -- The breakfast of champions, "The Parent Rap"
% Chief Wiggum enjoys a donut breakfast at Cora's diner. The boys see % his police car, parked out front.
Bart: Hey, check it out -- Wiggum's cruiser! [they look in the windows] Wow, tear gas, riot club, police hat ... Milhouse: With rain baggie! Bart: Aw, man, that would really keep your head dry! [they high-five] Milhouse: Have you ever been in a police car? Bart: Not in the front. Milhouse: Hey, I just had this crazy idea! [camera reveals that Bart's sitting in the driver's seat] Bart: Really? What? -- Oh, never mind, "The Parent Rap"
% Milhouse gets in the car. The boys look at the Miranda Rights % Teleprompter. According to the machine, the opening line, "You have % the right to remain silent," is followed by a punch to the belly. % % Ned Flanders walks by.
Bart: Check this out! [gets on the loudspeaker] You there! Put your hands up. Ned: Me? [reluctant] Okay. [does so] Bart: Now, drop your pants. Ned: [stammers] But my hands are up. Bart: Hula out of them! Ned: All right, officer. [sings a Hawaiian song softly to himself, and hulas until his trousers drop to his ankles] -- "The Parent Rap"
% Bart and Milhouse have a good laugh at Ned's expense. Suddenly, % Wiggum's police dog springs up from the back seat and growls at the % boys. Wiggum tries to get his dog on the radio, but he's busy % advancing on the boys. Bart's arm nudges the transmission shift % lever, and the car begins to roll away, heading for a truck carrying % hot soup. Milhouse twists the steering wheel, and the car makes a % sharp left turn into a park. % % At the Promising Young Athletes picnic, a coach finishes up his % speech, saying, "... and that's why you young athletes are so % promising. Now, who'd like to buy a trophy?" Before anyone can % answer, the police car rams through the bushes and bears down on the % crowd. Everyone scatters as the car hits the trophy table, sending % trophies flying. One lands in a bum's lap. Accepting the trophy, % he's grateful for the recognition. % % Wiggum arrives on the scene, and takes the boys into custody.
All right, you two are under arrest for joyriding. You have the right to remain, um, uh ... [consults teleprompter] silent? That doesn't sound right. -- Chief Wiggum, "The Parent Rap"
% Later, the Simpsons show up for their day in juvenile court.
Homer: I love our court days. Marge: It's about the only thing we do as a family anymore. Lisa: [to bailiff] Hey, Karen. Karen: Hey, Lisa. -- Quality time, "The Parent Rap"
% Kirk Van Houten pleads his son's case.
Kirk: Uh, your Honor, please don't send my son to juvie. He's basically a good kid; he's just weak -- morally, and in the upper body. Milhouse: Please let me slip through the cracks. Snyder: Well, you look like a good student, what with those glasses, and I suppose boys will be boys. [bangs gavel] Case dismissed. -- "The Parent Rap"
% Bart is the next to be called to the bench. He prepares by putting % a large crucifix around his neck. He and Judge Snyder exchange a % few pleasantries before Homer prompts them to move along.
Snyder: [reads docket] Oh, my! It looks like you were the ringleader in this car theft -- and that's a felony! Bart: Yes, sir. [looks remorseful, and holds up his cross] Snyder: On the other hand, I was young once ... [cut to Homer] Homer: [aside to Marge] I'll bring the car around. [back to Snyder] Snyder: ... and I suppose boys will be -- [an alarm rings, and looks at his watch] Oh, ooh! My vacation just started. [packs up the little clown figurine he keeps on his desk] Karen: All rise for the honorable Judge Constance Harm. [a stern-looking judge walks in. Ominously, her bench decoration is a small gallows figurine] Bart: [gasps] Marge: Uh, oh. Harm: Silence in my courtroom! [reads docket] Grand theft auto? Bart: It was an accident, ma'am. Harm: Don't spit on my cupcake and tell me it's frosting. Bart: [gulps] Homer: [to Marge, menacingly] What did she say about cupcakes? Harm: According to this, your father was driving you to school. Then where was he when you stole the police car? Homer: Uh, your Honor, I was chasing the KBBL Party Penguin Prize Patrol. Harm: You abandoned your son to win $40? Homer: And a Blue Oyster Cult medallion. [holds it up and admires it] Cool. Harm: And that was more important than keeping your son out of trouble? Homer: Your honor, if may sing a little bit of, "Don't Fear the Reaper," I think you'll agree -- Harm: I'm familiar with BOC. But you have got a boy here who is crying out for adult supervision. Homer: I couldn't agree more. Perhaps some sort of court- appointed babysitter or au pair. Harm: Sorry, bub, that crow won't caw. Homer: It won't? Harm: [bangs gavel] I hereby order you to be tethered to your son. Homer: Tethered!? Harm: Tethered. Report to room 5. Homer: Room 5!? -- It's across from 101, "The Parent Rap"
% In room 5, a bailiff tethers Bart and Homer together. The tether is % a white (presumably plastic) cord about four feet long, with a % handcuff at each end. The bailiff finishes slapping the cuff on % Homer.
Bailiff: There we go. How's that? Homer: It's a little tight. [indeed -- his hand's turning purple] Bailiff: Sir, you are not a size four. Homer: I used to be. [breaks down sobbing. He runs from the room, dragging Bart behind him] -- "The Parent Rap"
% [End of Act One. Time: 5:39] % % At home, Homer complains about his sentence.
Homer: This punishment is so cruel. Marge: And unusual. Bart: Can that judge do this to us? Lisa: Creative sentencing is common these days. That's why Bill Clinton is our new mailman. [outside, Clinton tries to stuff some mail in the Simpsons' mailbox] Clinton: Dang magazines. -- "The Parent Rap"
% Marge tries to put a good spin on things, noting that being tethered % might be a good way for Homer and Bart to get to know each other % better. (So long as Bart remembers to give his father his mood % medication.) They start by racing each other to the kitchen, % accidentally clotheslining Lisa in the process. % % At school, Homer proves to be an even bigger disruption than Bart.
Edna: Today, we're going to talk about predicates and predicate nominatives. Homer: Bor-ring! Edna: Mr. Simpson, I'm trying to teach. Homer: Come on, these kids are never going to use that stuff. Edna: Mr. Simpson, will you please go back to sleep. Homer: Fine. [curls up on the floor, and starts snoring. Bart sticks one of his sneakers in Homer's mouth to muffle the noise] Edna: All right, now who can pick out the predicate in this sentence? Homer: [begins screaming in his sleep] Edna: What's wrong with him now, Bart? Bart: Night terrors, ma'am. Homer: Aagh! Cobras! -- "The Parent Rap"
% A baseball game at school goes a little better. Homer encourages % Bart to "Shut out everything but the sound of my criticism." It % must have worked, because Bart connects with the ball. He and Homer % run around the bases. Soon, Homer runs out of steam, and collapses. % Bart's able to drag Homer along to home plate for his first home % run. Homer tries to hug his son, but Bart's father looks a lot % worse for the wear after being dragged around the bases. Homer % passes out at home plate and has another of his night terrors about % cobras. % % Later that night, Homer and Bart share dinner on the top of SNPP's % cooling towers.
Homer: I thought I would hate working nights, but it's so peaceful. And there's no one here to squeal on me for shootin' mice. Bart: Can I ask you something, Dad? Homer: Sure, boy. Bart: If towns keep getting bigger, will there always be enough electricity? Homer: [chuckles] Aw, son, you know that's none of your business. Say, is that our house? [points] Bart: Uh, I don't think our house has a steeple. Homer: [laughs] Oh, yeah. I forget things sometimes. -- "The Parent Rap"
% Homer and Bart walk home. Just as Marge predicted, they are getting % to know one another better. Bart says that the tether might have % some advantages. The disadvantages make themselves clear when Homer % and Bart walk on either side of a lamppost. The tether gets caught, % whipping Homer and Bart into each other. Luckily, this happens % right outside Moe's tavern. Homer and Bart go in.
Homer: I hit my head, Moe. Moe: One beer, coming up. [Bart takes a seat on the stool next to Homer] Hey, hey, no kids in the bar! Homer: Since when? Moe: Aw, the heat's been on since them Bush girls were in here. -- At least he wasn't hiding WMD, "The Parent Rap"
% No law says kids can't stand around in front of a bar, so Homer % stations his son just outside the door, while he sits on a barstool % just inside.
Bart: I'm cold and scared. Homer: That's my little slugger. Bart: Come on, Dad, let's go. [yanks his end of the tether, which jerks Homer's hand, spilling his beer] Homer: Hey, knock it off! These pants cost $600. Moe: Really? Homer: Yeah, they're Italian. Moe: [takes a shotgun from under the bar and points it at Homer] All right, hand 'em over. Homer: Moe, what the ... ? [begins taking his pants off] Moe: Yeah, I rob now. -- Moe expands his horizons, "The Parent Rap"
% The family watches the evening news.
Kent: There's a new judge in town with a hard-nosed approach to juvenile crime: Punish the parents. Homer: Yeah, it's about time. [remembers the tether] Oh. Harm: Kids are running wild, Kent, and I blame Mr. and Mrs. Never-spank. Kent: [looks to the camera] Uh, oh, we'll have to bleep their names. Harm: You'll bleep nothing! Parents, it's time to take control. If you can't cope, you'll wear the rope! [holds up a tether and snaps it taught for emphasis] Marge: Well, you can tell she's never had kids. Look how high and firm her breasts are. Lisa: Granted, but you gotta admit constant supervision has been good for Bart. He might even make the honor roll, if Dad can control his night terrors. Homer: Well, that's a pretty big "if," honey. Bart: [gets up] Come on, Dad, I gotta go to the bathroom. Homer: Oh, I just got comfortable. Use the bottle. [hands Bart a glass jar] Marge: No, I don't want you going in a bottle. That's what hoboes do. Bart: Come on, Homer. Homer: No. Bart: Mom! Marge: Oh, jeez ... Homer, just take him to the bathroom. Homer: [gets up] Fine! I don't even know why we have a bottle. Somebody tell me! -- "The Parent Rap"
% In bed, Homer and Marge start getting a little too romantic for % Bart's comfort.
Bart: Would you mind? I'm trying to do my homework. Homer: Uh, son, it's a little chilly. Maybe you should wrap a blanket around your head. [begins doing so] Marge: Oh, Homey, no; we can't. Homer: Well, what's the -- what's the big deal? He sees a thousand times worse on that animal channel. Marge: I don't want him to see us ... expressing our love. Homer: Why not? Kids are very visual these days. -- "The Parent Rap"
% Bart tries to interrupt his parents' argument. He yanks his hand % back suddenly, which causes Homer to slap himself with his tethered % hand. Homer pulls the same trick on Bart, and soon the two are % fighting without actually coming into contact. Marge gives up and % leaves the room. Homer tries throttling Bart with the tether, but % the boy uses some of the cord to whip his Dad on the butt. % % Suddenly, Marge bursts into the room with a large knife. Lunging at % Homer and Bart, she cuts the cord binding them together. Severing % the tether must have triggered an alarm back at Judge Central, % however, because Judge Harm's image soon appears on the cut end of % Homer's tether.
Harm: That's right -- it's me, Judge Harm, through the magic of fiber optics. Homer: Hey, hey, hey. H-How about that, huh, huh? Harm: Quiet, tubbsy. You violated my order. Homer: But Constance, it only happened because -- Harm: [interrupting] Hey, hey, if I want a cock and bull story, I'll read Hemingway. [Bart and Homer stare at each other and shrug, mystified] -- They're more the Faulkner type, "The Parent Rap"
% Marge and Homer each try to accept the blame for cutting the cord. % This just makes Harm so angry, that the cut end of the tether % actually catches on fire. % % The guilty parents must stand in the courtroom and bear Harm's % wrath.
Harm: Well, I thought Dad was the problem, but apparently Mom is no prize pig herself. It's a miracle poor Bartholomew isn't robbing banks and chasing sweet lady H. Bart: I'm a latchkey kid. Lisa: You are not! Harm: [bangs gavel] Quiet, little girl. [to Homer and Marge] You two need to wake up and smell the java. And the first step is to admit that you're bad parents. Homer: I admit it. Marge: Homer, no, we're not bad parents. Harm: Yes, you are. Just say it! Marge: No, I won't. And frankly, Judge, I think you're a bully. Harm: You do, huh? Marge: You're so busy thinking up crazy ways to punish people, you can't see how much I love my kids. Homer: Uh, your Honor, I'd like to be tried separately. Marge: I don't mean to be disrespectful, Judge Harm, but we are not bad parents, and there isn't a tether in this world with enough fiber optics to make me say we are. Harm: [contemplative] Hmm ... [cut to the courtroom doors. They open, and Homer and Marge walk out with large, ungainly wooden stocks clamped around their necks and hands] Marge: She's such a butthole. -- "The Parent Rap"
% [End of Act Two. Time: 12:56] % % Homer and Marge try to wash the dishes, but this is practically % impossible. Lisa watches them for a little while, and then turns to % her brother, who is watching TV without a care in the world.
Lisa: Do you think it's fair that you're always getting into trouble, yet Mom and Dad are being punished? Bart: No, it's terrible. [loudly slurps his soda] Lisa: Well, why don't you do something about it? Bart: After wrestling. Announcer: Ladies and Gentlemen, I don't believe what I am seeing. Dr. Bonebreak just married Rumbleina, and they're already whaling on each other! [on TV, a wrestling couple attack each other with folding chairs] Lisa: When are you going to start taking responsibility for your actions? Bart: If I felt like it. Lisa: You're not even listening. Bart: I know you are, but what am I? Lisa: Ugh. [walks off] -- "The Parent Rap"
% The punishment continues. Now, not only do Marge and Homer have to % wear the stocks, but also a set of clown pants and suspenders. % Chief Wiggum makes them stand by the side of the road so passers-by % can spank the couple from their cars. Captain McAllister and Comic % Book Guy are the first to do so (and CBG says they're the "Worst % parents ever"). Nelson rides by on his bike and whips Homer and % Marge with an extension cord, something Wiggum disapproves of. % % That night, Homer tries to convince his wife to give in to Judge % Harm.
Homer: You know, we could get out of these stupid things if you just tell the judge you're a bad mother. And you don't even have to say, "bad." It could be, "negligent," or, "unfit," or, "drugged-up" ... Marge: I just can't do that, Homer. It's a matter of principle, and I need you to support me in this. [Homer and Marge look at each other] Homer: You're right. It's time to stand up to that firm-breasted judge. -- Uh, not that I noticed, or anything, "The Parent Rap"
% Before they can do that, though, Homer and Marge have to shed the % stocks. Homer and Marge try to use Ned's table saw to break the % lock. Ned hears the noise and comes down to the garage, holding a % candle for light. He startles Homer and causes him to shave a % lopsided curl into Marge's hair.
Ned: You're using my table saw to violate a court order? Homer: Well, we tried all those other tools. [gestures to a pile of broken tools] Ned: Gee, I always like to help you, Homer, but I don't want to be an accessory to some sort of shady doings. And it does raise a whole host of ethical questions ... [Homer uses the flame from Ned's candle to open the stocks] Homer: Woo hoo! [He and runs away, taking Marge] -- "The Parent Rap"
% Free of the stocks, Homer and Marge embark on Operation Judge-Get- % Back-At. Dressed head to toe in black, they take the bus to Harm's % neighborhood and begin skulking to her home at 1 Oceanview Drive. % They get there (after being distracted by the milkman) only to find % no house at the address.
Homer: This address must be wrong. Marge: No. No, there it is. [points to a houseboat docked behind a chain-link fence] Homer: She lives in a houseboat!? Wow, she's so cool! Marge: We hate her, Homer. Homer: I know, I know, fight the power. -- "The Parent Rap"
% A police cruiser shows up and shines a spotlight on Homer and Marge % just as they start climbing the fence in front of the dock. Marge % and Homer begin kissing, hoping to look like they're just a couple % out for a night of romance.
Lou: Aw, ain't that sweet, Chief? Wiggum: It sure is, Lou. Those two longshoremen found love. -- Springfield: The tolerance city, "The Parent Rap"
% The cops resume their patrol. Homer and Marge scale the fence and % sneak up to the houseboat.
Homer: [peering through a window] Look at her in there, washing her body. Marge: Get away from that window, and help me with this banner. [Homer and Marge begin nailing up a banner] Homer: [giggles] I hate to call a judge dirty names, but there's only one way to describe a nasty super-witch like her. [unfurls his part of the banner, which reads "BI"] [soon, the banner is up, and we can see that the banner reads, "BIG MEANIE"] -- Actually, maybe there's two ways, "The Parent Rap"
% Homer and Marge try to retreat from the houseboat, but a seal blocks % their path. It barks, alerting judge Harm to the Simpsons' % presence. She steps onto the dock and starts to look for the % intruders. As she closes in on Homer and Marge, Homer tries to % throw a cinderblock at her. Fortunately for Judge Harm, he misses % her. Unfortunately, the block hits her boat instead, quickly % sinking it. % % The next morning, Judge Harm studies the newspaper coverage of the % sinking, which mentions that one of Harm's quilts was ruined.
Harm: Agh! That quilt was made by my grandmother. Homer: So ... it cost you nothing. Harm: Shut up. You two are not only horrible parents, you're violent criminals, and I'm going to lock you up 'till frogs do fractions. [Marge and Homer look apprehensive] Bart: [approaches the bench] Your Honor, may I say something? Harm: Well, it is highly unorthodox, so no. Bart: Please, your Honor? [puppy-dog look] Harm: Oh, I can't resist that look. You remind me of me, when I was a little boy. Bart: Your Honor, it's not easy being my parents. I'm always screwing up in school, and getting in trouble with the law. But if I grow up to be a halfway decent person, I know it will be because of my Mom and Dad. Everyone else might give up on me, but my parents never will. Lisa: [sniffles] That's my brother. Snake: Um, did she say she used to be a dude? -- "The Parent Rap"
% Bart finishes up his plea on his parents' behalf.
Bart: So your Honor, if you're going to punish anyone in this courtroom today, I ask that you punish me. Harm: Okay, I will. Bartholomew Simpson, I hereby sentence you to five years in juvenile hall. [Homer and Marge gasp] [Judge Harm is about to bring the gavel down when Judge Snyder comes into the room and stops her] Snyder: Well, I'm back from vacation. Harm: But I was just about to bang my gavel, making the sentence official. Snyder: Sorry, I've already put my clown down. [indicates his clown figurine] Harm: But I was just going to -- Snyder: [insistently] The clown is down. Harm: Augh! [runs from the courtroom] Lisa: Judge Snyder, motion to declare a writ of "boys will be boys." Snyder: Motion granted. [bangs gavel] Case dismissed. Family: Woo hoo! -- Justice, Springfield style, "The Parent Rap"
% The family happily drives home from the courthouse.
Marge: All right, we got lucky that time, but I want everyone in this family to raise your hand and promise not to break the law for one full year. Homer + Bart + Lisa: We promise. [Homer notices he's about to run a red light. He gasps, and hits the breaks] Homer: Whoo! That was close. Moleman: Please drive off me. [Homer looks out the window and sees Moleman under the car's front tire] Homer: [apprehensive noise] Marge: Hmmm, what's that noise?. Homer: Uh, just the radio, dear. [turns on the radio] -- "The Parent Rap"
% The light changes, and Homer drives away. Moleman gets up, dusts % himself off, and crosses the street. % % [End of Act Three. Time: 22:10] % % The opening bars of Blue Oyster Cult's "Don't Fear the Reaper" (with % plenty of cowbell) play during the start of the closing credits. % The Gracie Noise is Homer screaming, "Cobras! Cobras!"
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============================================================================== {ac} Alex Cain {af} Alex Foley {al} Adam Leventhal {bc2} Brian Corvello {bjr} Benjamin Robinson {bp} Benyamin Powers {cl} Chad Lehman {ddg} Don Del Grande {dj} Darrel Jones {dp} Dante Petrick {imd} Internet Movie Database {jg2} Joe Green {jk} Joe Klemm {mg} Mariah G {tpl} T P Laing
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============================================================================== This episode capsule is Copyright 2004 Benjamin Robinson. It is not to be redistributed in a public forum without consent from its author or current maintainer ([email]). All quoted material and episode summaries remain property of The Simpsons, Copyright of Twentieth Century Fox. All other contributions remain the properties of their respective authors. The Quote and Scene Summary itself is Copyright 2004 Benjamin Robinson. This capsule has been brought to you by the Promising Young Athletes Association.
This work is dedicated to Raymond Chen, James A. Cherry, Ricardo Lafaurie, Frederic Briere, and all of those who made episode capsules what they are today.