What's yours in your opinion?
Bazilla
Best quote ever!
Dec 18, 2001, 12:16 PM ET140 posts by 72 posters
140 posts
I've got 2 questions......
- Where's the fife.
- Gimme the fife.
"Bazilla" wrote in message news:[email]...
"Mmmmmmmmm............something"
"Incubus" wrote in message news:vnLT7.96008$[email]...
"Look how loud I have to yell......"
"Incubus" wrote in message news:7qLT7.96009$[email]...
"I'm a fluffy pink cloud......"
"Incubus" wrote in message news:zqLT7.96010$[email]...
" The clown tried to kill me and the toasters been laughin' at me"
"Incubus" wrote in message news:6sLT7.96011$[email]...
" Shutup Flanders"
"Incubus" wrote in message news:_vLT7.96012$[email]...
" Hands off my china hutch"
"Incubus" wrote in message news:gwLT7.96013$[email]...
What's the record for longest uninterrupted thread by one person?
Dr Music P.S. Parking was ample.
"Incubus" wrote in message news:lzLT7.96014$[email]...
18, by Sergio P in rec.sport.pro wrestling
Purple Monkey Dishwasher
I was a sinner, a real bad kid. What thou shalt not, I shalt did. Neighbor's cat I tried to neuter, Took a whiz on the school's computer.
Weird how many of them are by Homer!
Bazilla
"Gsmith0697" wrote in message news:[email]...
He took a whiz oh yes he did.
Bazilla wrote:
That's hardly the best quote ever. Sincerely, Little Girl
(to the tune of "The Flintstones" theme):
Simpson, Homer Simpson, He's the greatest guy in history
I think the last line is "He's about to hit a chestnut tree."...
Austin
On 30 Dec 2001, WFarrell421 wrote:
-Flawless. -We also would have accepted, "tell me what you think of me."
/ Kristian +-------------------------------------------------------+ |Kristian Ronge |[email]|[email]| |d99, datateknik, KTH (Kungliga Tekniska H�gskolan) | |d99, Computer Science, Royal Institute of Technology | +-------------------------------------------------------+ -"If ignorance is bliss, why aren't there more happy people?"
Confused, would we? Sincerely, Little Girl
I see you've played knifey-spooney before. Sincerely, Little Girl
"Me fail English? That's unpossible."
"Mrs. Krabappel and Principal Skinner were in the closet making babies and I saw one of the babies and the baby looked at me."
"Bushes are nice 'cos they don't have prickers. Unless they do. This one did. Ouch!"
"My cat's breath smells like cat food."
"Stupid sexy Flanders!"
"Can't talk. Seeing Flanders. Later, sex."
"Uh oh, we drew Judge Schneider. Is that bad? Well, he's had it in for me ever since I kinda ran over his dog. Really?! Well, replace the word "kinda" with the word "repeatedly," and the word "dog" with "son."
"Homer that crazy lady who lives in our trash pile attacked me again" "Thats not the way she tells it"
On Tue, 18 Dec 2001 19:08:41 +0000, �obbiejm wrote:
I've gotta say I just LOL at that one! LOL!
That's why your the judge, and I'm the law-talkin guy!
"Only two synonyms? I'm losing my perspicacity!"
Brad
[email] (Brad Filippone) wrote in news:9vq990$3va$[email]:
It's always in the last place you look.
Ahoy-hoy
"The electric yellow's got me by the brain banana"
You can call him Ray, and you can call him Jay...."
Yours Truly, Ray Jay Johnson
I suspect you need more practice working your telephone machine !
I'll thank you to stop pinching my Boticelli...
T
I gotta go the damn weiner kids are listening
You don't win friends with salad.
I can call my ma from up here. Hey ma, get off the dang roof!
Oh Bartholomew, I feel like St. Augustine of Hippo after his conversion by Ambrose of Milan. Wait, Homer, What did you just say? I said shut your ugly face, Flanders.
Okay, okay, don't panic. To find Flanders, I just have to think like Flanders! I'm a big four-eyed lame-o and I wear the same stupid sweater everyday, and - The Springfield River!
Gentlement, you've both worked ver hard, and in a way, you're both winners. But in another more accurate way, Barney's the winner.
And for some reason, I really really like the part in Simpsons Files where Leonard Nimoy orders a hot dog, and the greasy teen asks him what he wants on it and Nimoy says "Surprise Me" and the greasy teen looks left and look right, and then slops a whole blob of gross sauerkraut-type stuff on there. That gets me every single time.
Well Homer, I guess you're the winner by default. De fault - the two sweetest words in the English language!
Yeah, maybe I HAVE got the right - what's that stuff?
Hey I'm just trying to get *in* to heaven, I'm not running for Jesus.
If you survive, come again!
I guess we lost the case. Here's your pizza. But we won. That's ok, the box is empty!
"Bazilla" wrote in message news:[email]...
"My satansense is tingling!!"
Disco Stu doesn't advertise !!
"it *can't* be turned off!"
...I don't want to kill you, but I will...
Cheers, Jocko
Bazilla wrote:
My two favourites:
"You don't understand, Marge. I'm the one out there everyday putting his ass on the line and I'm not out of order, you're out of order! The whole freakin' system's out of order! You want the truth? You want the truth? You can't handle the truth! 'Cause when you put your hand into a pile of goo that used to be your best friend's face, you'll know what to do! Forget it, Marge! It's Chinatown!"
"Oh, look at me, I'm making people happy! I'm the magical man from happy land who lives in a gumdrop house on lollipop lane!"
Some other notable mentions:
"Sweet merciful crap! My car!"
"Oooh! He card reads good!"
"Hello, I'm Leonard Nimoy. The following tale of alien encounters is true. And by true, I mean false. They're all lies, but they're entertaining lies, and in the end, isn't that the real truth? The answer... is no."
"I used to be with it, then they changed what it was. Now what I'm with isn't it. And what is, seems wierd and scary to me."
On Tue, 18 Dec 2001 20:23:22 GMT, "Michael J. Astrauskas" wrote:
Oh, that one is hilarious, does anyone have that as a sound file!?! PLEEASE!?!
AndrewR wrote:
Check out www.wavking.com It's from "Flaming Moe"
That is a great site..but Season three is broken. Out of the whole site, the season with that gem is missing. Dang.
"Greg Bair" wrote in message news:[email]...
On Thu, 20 Dec 2001 01:37:59 GMT, "Chemboy" wrote:
DANG! Thanks for the info.
[email] (AndrewR) wrote in message news:...
On 13 Jan 2002 03:32:40 -0800, [email] (Bojan Bugarin) wrote:
Good but it doesn't have the bit where Homer says "I'm being sarcastic by the way"... and marge says "we duh".
You Can't Make Friends With Salad "AndrewR" wrote in message news:[email]...
news:...
"It's JUST a litle airborne! It's still good! It's still good!" "It's gone, Dad." "I know"
"Pray for Mojo"
"Bazilla" wrote in message news:[email]...
He lied to us through song! I HATE when people do that!
"It's a ring-toss game!"
You've taken four minutes of my life and I want them back- Hans Moleman
He didnt give you gay, did he did he??
"Greg Bair" wrote in message news:[email]...
"You keep using words like "Pasghetti" and "Momatos"...you make numerous threatening references to the UN...and at the end, you just repeat the words "Die Flanders" over and over"
Drunk and full of pie, Nim wrote:
Screw Flanders?
I wash myself with a rag on a stick!
Cheers, Jocko
Yeah. That was pretty good.
...It's a ring-toss game.
That's all it is with you isn't it!
Always with the ring toss game, well I quit!
Bazilla
Drunk and full of pie, Bazilla wrote:
Are you looking for "Mr. Bribe", wink-wink?
I'm proud of starting this, who knows how many replies have I had to this, it's done quite well for me.
Bazilla
Bazilla wrote:
it's resume fodder to be sure.
"dave h." wrote:
no no, not resume, it's RESUME!
'We're talking about S-E-X. In front of the C-H-I-L-D-R-E-N.'
'SEX CAULDRON?!?! I thought they closed that place down!'
This time, its personal...
In on Tuesday 18 December 2001 12:16, Bazilla ([email]) pulled this out of its ever growing ass:
"37?"
It's more like "37?!?!?!?!?"
- mirilidium
"Honest Abe" wrote in message news:9vp4jg$bqh$[email]...
growing
hahahha...
this job'd be great if it weren't for the fucking customers....
Cute cat. What's it's name? Annoying customer.
- mirilidium
On 18 Dec 2001 17:16:44 GMT, [email] (Bazilla) wrote:
"You'll have to speak up, I'm wearing a towel!" ;o)
"Can't talk, been robbed, go hell."
AndrewR wrote:
LOL.
"Don't you hate pants?"
Cheers, Jocko
Marge, no matter what happens in the future, promise me you won't vote for Lenny
"And then we'll roll him up in a carpet and throw him off a bridge!"
"Homer, when are you going to give up this crazy sugar scheme?" "Never, Marge! Never. I can't live the button-down life like you. I want it all: the terrifying lows, the dizzying highs, the creamy middles. Sure, I might offend a few of the bluenoses with my cocky stride and musky odors -- oh, I'll never be the darling of the so-called 'City Fathers' who cluck their tongues, stroke their beards, and talk about 'What's to be done with this Homer Simpson?'"
The year was nineteen dickity-six. we had to use the word dickity, because the germans took our word for two.
or....
A women is more like a beer, they look good, they smell good, and you would step over your own mother to get one!
Erin Murphy wrote:
Highly Dubious!
Cheers, Jocko
Drunk and full of pie, Erin Murphy wrote:
But, you can't stop at one. You wanna drink ANOTHER woman.
On Wed, 19 Dec 2001, The Rack wrote:
...an' then I told 'im... "Yeah.. well if you want your money - come get it, 'cause I dunno where it is, ya baloney! You ... make ... me .. wanna ..WRECK!" [passes out]
/ Kristian +-------------------------------------------------------+ |Kristian Ronge |[email]|[email]| |d99, datateknik, KTH (Kungliga Tekniska H�gskolan) | |d99, Computer Science, Royal Institute of Technology | +-------------------------------------------------------+ -"If ignorance is bliss, why aren't there more happy people?"
Kristian Ronge wrote:
actually, it's wretch. That makes more sense, at least to me.
On Thu, 20 Dec 2001, Greg Bair wrote:
I must have phrased that badly. My English is, how you say, inelegant. I meant to say: "May we have a brief friendly chat?"
/ Kristian +-------------------------------------------------------+ |Kristian Ronge |[email]|[email]| |d99, datateknik, KTH (Kungliga Tekniska H�gskolan) | |d99, Computer Science, Royal Institute of Technology | +-------------------------------------------------------+ -"If ignorance is bliss, why aren't there more happy people?"
Drunk and full of pie, Kristian Ronge wrote:
Once again, you have failed.
On Thu, 20 Dec 2001 21:01:30 GMT, Greg Bair wrote:
Er, try "retch".
=v= "If only real chicks went down as easy as these ones."
How'd they get that past the censors? .--.
<_Jym_> / |\
|\/\/\/| __/____| \Censors are funny like that. They let a lot of double entrandes go through. I guess they figure the people too young for that kind of joke won't get it anyway. Family Guy seems to get away with a lot of stuff like that.
Kevin
No! Not Lenny!
"Quebec's got the bomb!" -- President Clinton
"Nothing can possiblii go wrong, I mean possibly go wrong..... thats the first thing thats ever gone wrong" "Roudy Rod and Typhoon Todd" Wolfcastle-"The hunt begins"
"we have programs for dangerously under- weight people such as yourself" "Push out the jive and bring in the love"
No way, man. No way, man! Get yourself another patsy, man. No way am I wearing a freakin' wire!
"You can dance, you can dance.....everybody look at your pants."
"Sleeping bags on the floor and a roaring fire. It'll be just like that time I got thrown out of the camping shop."
"Yes yes I work in a convenience store. I know the procedure for armed robbery."
"...eatthepudding eatthepudding eatthepudding eatthepudding eatthepudding eatthepudding ...."
"I'm somewhere where I don't know where I am"
"Trampampoline!"
<at the airport> "Look Bart, this is a crazy person"
"Bazilla" wrote in message news:[email]...
"Link" wrote in message news:...
...after getting his own bowling alley Homer gives a prayer of thanks...."Dear Lord,the gods have been good to me...."
"Miracles are your department Reverand!"
"Oh, a sarcasm detector. That's a *really* useful invention."
"Well the uh... the real humans won't uh... won't burn quite so fast. Mm-hey."
"Can't sleep, clown'll eat me. Can't sleep, clown'll eat me."
"Bees are on the what now?"
"I wish I had my reaching broom."
"Urge to kill... Rising."
You shot who in the what now?
Life is one crushing defeat after another until you just wish Flanders was dead
it's like Speed 2 except with a bus instead of a boat
PI is exactly three !
aaaahhhh
I'm sorry it had to come to that
Why can't you be a little more supportive?
Because I don't care!
Cheers, Jocko
HOMER: Well, crying isn't gonna bring him back unless your tears smell like dog food. So you could either sit there crying and eating can after can of dog food until your tears smell enough like dog food to make your dog come back, or you can go out there and find your dog.
BART: You're right, i'll do it.
HOMER: Rats. I almost had him eating dog food.
"Bazilla" wrote in message news:[email]...
"i've got a funny story about that, actually it's not so much funny as it is long."
"Save me Jebus!"
"Stop kissing that cat and get in the car"
"(singing) Stealing, stealing, stealing a car for Moe da-da da-da da-da da-da insurance Fraud Today!"
Moe: Geez, this hot rod is souped up six ways from Sunday! Never had you figured for a gearhead Homer. Homer: Oh yeah, I'm a real expert. Moe: What is that, a six barrel holleykauf? Homer: You betcha! Moe: Pedal block intakes? Homer: Nothing but. Moe: Miya half lifters? Homer: Ah yeah. Moe: I made that last one up Homer: I see.
'Science, whats science ever done for us?, TV off'
'Extended warranty?, How can I lose!'
'Daddy isn't allowed in the big people library anymore, there was some...unpleasantness...I can never go back'
'It's a handgun, isn't it great, this is the trigger and this is the bit you point at whatever you want to die'
'Oh, I hope they don't reveal that this is a comb-over!'
'Wait I'm no missionary, I don't even believe in Jebus'
'I love these REAL saturdays, unlike that FAKE Saturday that almost got me fired'
'Remember when I took that home wine making course and forgot how to drive'
"�obbiejm" wrote in message news:[email]...
"Defence! HOO HOO! Defence! HOO HOO!"
Spring forth my burly protector, and save me!
On 18 Dec 2001, Bazilla wrote:
-Just eat the damn orange!
/ Kristian +-------------------------------------------------------+ |Kristian Ronge |[email]|[email]| |d99, datateknik, KTH (Kungliga Tekniska H�gskolan) | |d99, Computer Science, Royal Institute of Technology | +-------------------------------------------------------+ -"If ignorance is bliss, why aren't there more happy people?"
"Bazilla" wrote in message news:[email]...
Homer: "Shut up, netface." Lenny: "Hey wait a minute Homer, your face is in the net too." Homer: "I said shut up, netface!"
In article , bazboy666 @aol.com says...
(Sea Captain) "Aaargh.. I'm not attractive"
"Don't worry Smithers, I'm putting YOU where the ACTION is!" "Mmmmm alpine fresh... this isn't so bad..." "Oh Man! I really gotta..." "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"
"New feelings brewing inside of Duffman! WHAT... would Jesus do?!"
(Who Shot Mr Burns inquisition - Moe takes the lie detector test)
"He checks out... OK sir you're free to go" "Good 'cos I got a hot date tonight! (BUZZ!) Cold date (BUZZ!) Dinner with friends...(BUZZ!)...dinner alone...(BUZZ!)...watching TV alone!... (BUZZ!) Alright! I'm gonna sit at home alone oggling at the girls in the Victoria's Secret catalogue!(BUZZ!)...[sigh]..Sears catalogue.(DING!) Now will you get this thing offa me...I don't deserve this kinda shabby treatment!(BUZZ!)"
Because I loved them once and they broke my heart. Let that be a lesson to you, sweetie. Never love anything.
"Tumasae" wrote in message news:[email]...
Duffman says a lot of things!
Homer The Heretic is full of great quotes:
Kids, let me tell you about another so-called ``wicked'' guy. He had long hair and some wild ideas. He didn't always do what other people thought was right. And that man's name was........... I forget. But the point is.........I forget that, too. Marge, you know what I'm talking about. He used to drive that blue car?
And also:
Oh, Doctor! A 98-yard triple-reverse ties the score at 63--63! We have seen nothing but razzle-dazzle here today, three visits from Morganna the Kissing Bandit, and the surprising return of Jim Brown!
Whoo-hoo!
John
Drunk and full of pie, John Gonzales wrote:
Hey, Moe. We don't know nuthin' about manipulatin'. You heard the lady. Grab a spine, and start crackin'. [crack] Wooba wooba wooba Why you--! [knock] Hey!
Heh heh. Moe is their leader.
On Thu, 20 Dec 2001, The Rack wrote:
All right, here's the 4-1-1, folks. Say some gangsta is dissin' your fly girl. You just give 'em one of these.
/ Kristian +-------------------------------------------------------+ |Kristian Ronge |[email]|[email]| |d99, datateknik, KTH (Kungliga Tekniska H�gskolan) | |d99, Computer Science, Royal Institute of Technology | +-------------------------------------------------------+ -"If ignorance is bliss, why aren't there more happy people?"
Homer: Who was your last employer?
Shary Bobbins: Lord and Lady Huffington of Sussex.
Homer: Marge, do we know them? Marge: No. Homer: Come on! Isn't he the guy I bowl with? That black guy. Marge: That's Carl. Homer: Oh yeah! So! You worked for Carl, eh?
When Smithers tells Mr Burns " with all your attorneys and tax loopholes, you're only paying about three dollars a year" and Burns says " We're getting screwed!"
Maybe it's not a quote, but the Ayatollah Assahollah T-shirt has gotta be the best "written" thing in the series ...
On Thu, 20 Dec 2001, Mr Snrub wrote:
-Can we get rid of this Ayatollah T-shirt? Khomeini died years ago! -But, Marge! It works on *any* Ayatollah! Ayatollah Nakbade, Ayatollah Zahidi... Ayatollah Razmadah and his fanatics are consolidating their power, *even as we speak*!
/ Kristian +-------------------------------------------------------+ |Kristian Ronge |[email]|[email]| |d99, datateknik, KTH (Kungliga Tekniska H�gskolan) | |d99, Computer Science, Royal Institute of Technology | +-------------------------------------------------------+ -"If ignorance is bliss, why aren't there more happy people?"
Just thought of two more -
".......maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow, but someday. Later that day we set sail......."
<Bart grudgingly tells Homer about the father son boat trip......Homer replies>
"Ha...you don't have a son"
"Bazilla" wrote in message news:[email]...
On 18 Dec 2001 17:16:44 GMT, [email] (Bazilla) wrote:
"Does this mean she's a virgin too?" "HA!"
"She's faking it"
"She always leaves the toilet seat up"
"It's a secret." "Shhh! Shutup!"
"I'm going to ask if they know their servents' last name. Or in case of butlers.. their first."
[email] (Bojan Bugarin) wrote in message news:...
"i've asked you nicely not to mangle the merchandise! you leave me no choice but to ask you nicely again!"
"hey you two! this isn't a lending library! put down that magazine or i'll blow you're heads off!"
"in this job, you WILL be shot. here's a tip: try to take it in the shoulder."
Quimby: "Oh God, can't this town go *one day* without a riot?"
Burns: You there, fill it up with petroleum distillate, post-haste!
Homer(after eating the insanity peppers): Heh heh, don't quit your day job, Chief! Whatever that is...
Homer: LISA!!! QUIT PLAYIN' THAT SAXOPHONE!!!! Lisa: But Dad, I have to practice! Homer: I'll practice YOU!!! Lisa(walking away): You'll practice me. What does that even mean? is it some sort of a threat?
Homer: Yep, just a dog-danglin' afternoon...
Professor: ....and after class, I'll be holding an optional study session. Any questions? Homer: Do we have to? Professor: Well, no... Homer: Then kiss my curvy butt goodbye!(runs out and chases squirrels)
Skinner's mind: I know you can read my thoughts Bart, so read this: the minute I have proof you skipped school, your ass is mine. That's right. I think things I would never ever say. Homer: I know you can read my thoughts too, boy. Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow!
"larry flint is right! you guys stink!"
"That house is on fire!" "Motivated seller!"
Sam wrote:
"Seymour! The house is on fire!" "No, mother, it's just the Northern Lights."
"Well Seymour, you are an odd fellow, but I must say, you steam a good ham."
"Was I not misinformed?"
Drunk and full of pie, Darryl Andrews wrote:
The answer you are looking for is "yes".
Marge: "oh good, the curtains are on fire".
Fiddle dee dee. That will require a tetanus shot.
Drunk and full of pie, EDF wrote:
One of my faves, too.
i think freddy quimby should walk out of here a free hotel
"That uh could be anyone's ass in that pictcha!" Sincerely, Little Girl
Clancy!!
"The following tales of alien encounters are true. And by 'true' I mean false. They're all lies. But they're entertaining lies, and in the end isn't that the real truth? The answer...is no."
"Mmm... unexplained bacon."
"See you in hell, candy boys!"
"This is a charming Hamburglar adventure. The jumble has already been solved by a child using crayons. The answer is fries."
Mr. Burns on Smithers' screensaver......"Hello Smithers, you're very good at turning me ON"...lol
Buut noooo! You had to be TEN!
I am so smart! I am so smart! S-M-R-T....I mean S-M-A-R-T.
Abe Simpson "Johnny Unitas, now there's a haircut you can set your watch to".
"You are such a Phoebe"
OH I get it, I get jokes.
"Did you hear something?" "No." "Did I?" "I don't know." Sincerely, Little Girl
Ned " I think we hit something!" Homer "I hope it's Flanders!"
I love that one.
"Quick, chew through my ball sack."
"And we'll all be having golden showers!"