The capsule for "The Old Mand and the 'C' Student" is now complete. SNPP's web server isn't cooperating right now, so I can't put the capsule on the web site until tomorrow. Once it *is* available, you'll find it at "http://www.snpp.com/episodes.html". You may access it by following the link for episode AABF16.
We plan to have "Monty Can't Buy Me Love (AABF17)" up next. (This is subject to change due to schedule and resource demands, however.)
While you're waiting for the capsule to appear at the archive, you can read a copy here in <alt.tv.simpsons>, starting right now.
The Old Man and the "C" Student Written by Julie Thacker
Directed by Mark Kirkland
==============================================================================
Production code: AABF16 Original Airdate on FOX: 25-Apr-1999
Capsule revision A (12-Aug-2001)
============================================================================================================================================================
(TV Guide): After Springfield loses the Olympics to Shelbyville because of
Bart. The Kids are forced to do Community Service and Bart is forced to
work at the Springfield Retirement Castle he tries to make the Castle a
little more lively on the Simpsons episode "The Old Man and the C Student"
Sunday, April 25 (8:00-8:30 PM ET/PT) on FOX. (SI-1016) (TV-PG D; L)
{es} (Canadian TV Guide): Bart is forced to volunteer at Springfield's
retirement home after costing Springfield the Olympic Games. Convincing
that the elderly are young at heart, Bart takes the seniors on a trip they
soon won't forget and teaches Lisa a lesson on the way. Jack LaLanne
guests voices as himself. {hl}==============================================================================
============================================================================== Blackboard: LOOSE TEETH DON'T / NEED MY HELP
LOOSE TEETH DON'T / NEED MY HEL at cutoff
Couch: The family runs in to watch some TV, only to find what seems
like the entire city sitting in their living room. They are
lined up in rows, as if in a movie theater. Homer sneaks some
popcorn from Comic Book Guy, who is sitting in the next row.
[Recycled from 5F21.]==============================================================================
==============================================================================
... the Olympic rings are consistently shown upside-down? [{jg2}
conjectures, "I'm pretty sure this was done for legal reasons; the 1980
US Olympic stamps replaced the rings with stars for the same reason."]
... Homer uses a picture of Abe to open the delivery crate?
... Burns's yacht is named "Gone Fission II"? ["What happened to "Gone
Fission I?'" asks {dj}]Ben Collins:
... how terrified Maggie looks just before being "bounced"?
... the title "A Bart Day's Night" disappears when more room is needed for
the credits?Don Del Grande:
... NRBQ performed "Can't Buy Me Love"?
... at IOC headquarters, the Olympic rings are unlinked?
... Martin had to perform community service despite not being in the kids'
choir?
... "Gone With the Wind" was "edited for seniors"?
... Maggie with springs doesn't have her hair ribbon?
... in the "A Bart Day's Night" ending, Homer's eyes are only partially
open?Yuri Dieujuste:
... Nelson and Alison in the children's choir?
... Snowball II belongs to Lisa?
... the response of the Swiss delegate is in German? [It's one of the
official languages of that country, along with French -- Ed.]
... the store called Tony's in the background in front of city hall?Jordan Eisenberg: ... Lenny is apart from Carl?
Andrew Gill: ... the Springfield Shopper now costs 50 cents?
Joe Green: ... the Canadian Olympic delegate wears a Mountie uniform?
Darrel Jones: ... the casino pamphlet said "Prop. 217" on the back cover?
Haynes Lee: ... this is the first episode with an alternate title at the end?
Andrew Levine:
... the Argentinean representative looked a lot like Shari Bobbins?
... the Polish representative seems to have been drawn to look like Lech
Walesa? [See "Comments" section for more -- Ed.]
... Lisa says everyone else in her class wrote to the Backstreet Boys--
presumably that includes Allison Taylor and Rex?
... one of the seniors on the boat looked like an aged John Swartzwelder?Ondre Lombard:
... the Swiss woman can understand an English insult but does not respond
in English?Patrick McGovern:
... this is the 2nd non-THoH ep to use something different from the regular
font at the end credits (Viva Ned Flanders was the 1st)?
... apparently Ralph likes the Backstreet Boys (Lisa said she was the only
one in her class who didn't write to them)?Travis McLemore, Jr.: ... the "candy-puppy-fireworks" store has pinwheels out front? ... the only padded chair has exposed stuffing? ... Lisa uses pedal boat to get to the cruise ship?
Benjamin Robinson:
... despite being in the "children's choir" at the time of Bart's
disastrous stand-up, Lisa is evidently unpunished?Evan Ross: ... Jimbo washes the statue of Jebediah Springfield?
Samuel Sklaroff: ... Maggie isn't on the "A Bart Day's Night" cover?
Gary Wilson:
... Homer didn't answer Bart when asked if he used the dogs eyes for his
mascot, and SLH wasn't seen at all during the episode?
... it's 9:00 when the Olympic committee comes?
... Homer *was* talking to the beer, not Marge, when he said "I love you"?
... Homer and Skinner were the only two adults who were amused by Bart's
comedy act?
... there are shoes hanging on the telephone wires?
... Lisa talked about the elderly craving predictability, just as Homer's
wacky sub-plot began?
... Bart has apparently seen Gone With the Wind before?
... Marge extinguishes the fire on the stove before thinking to extinguish
the fire on Homer's face? [{ag} writes, "Well, Homer was rolling all
over the place. She probably did more good by extinguishing the
curtains, first."]
... the seniors wear life jackets while in a room, but not while actually
on the ship?
... Jack LaLanne calls Bart pudgy?
... "Children Are Our Future" was actually choreographed by someone (George
Meyer?)
... the full credits were shown for the first time in awhile?==============================================================================
==============================================================================
- Starring
- Dan Castellaneta (Frenchman, Homer, Quimby, Nelson, Abe, Moleman)
- Julie Kavner (Marge, Patty, Selma)
- Nancy Cartwright (Bart)
- Yeardley Smith (Lisa)
- Hank Azaria (Mongolian Rep, Wiggum, Japanese Rep, Chalmers, Crazy Old
Man, Delivery Man, Original Rhett {je}, Moe, Chief)
- Harry Shearer (Chairman, Russian, Brockman, Burns, Skinner, Jasper,
Dubbed Rhett {je}, Orderly, Lenny, Cap'n, Smithers)- Special Guest Voice
- Jack LaLanne (Himself)
- Also Starring
- Pamela Hayden (Argentinean Rep {je}, Milhouse)
- Tress MacNeille (Swiss Rep, Garter Lady, Nurse {je}, Scarlett, Agnes
Skinner)
- Russi Taylor (Martin)==============================================================================
==============================================================================
+ "Old Man and the Sea" (novel)
- title obvious, but good, take on the Hemingway novel + Juan Antonio Samaranch (IOC official) {bjr}
- head of Olympic committee sounds (but doesn't look) like the real-life
head of the committee + Russian financial crisis {ji}
- $1 = 1,000 rubles + Motown {bjr}
- usually it's the nickname for Detroit ("Motor town") and home of the
famous R&B record label + Yugoslavian civil war {hl}
- civil war at Sarajevo decade after its Winter Olympics - "There's Something About Mary" (movie) {tml}
- Snowball II in a cast - Ronco Hair-in-a-can {bjr}
- the grass-in-a-can Willie uses inspired by this product - "The Adventures of Pete & Pete" (TV series) {al}
- spray-painting dead grass on a lawn green in order to make it look
presentable + the Muppets {ag}
- Rizzo the rat ~ Olympic bribery scandal
- Quimby offers cash and other things to the Olympic committee as
tribute; echoing allegations that Salt Lake City bribed the IOC to
host the 2002 Winter Olympics
- [Marked "~" because the scandal broke a few months ago, likely after
this episode had been written -- Ed.] + ABC's Monday Night Football (TV series) {tr}
- "Are you ready for the children?" similar to "Are you ready for some
football?" + "Proud Mary" (song)
- "Children Are Our Future" sung to the tune of this Credence Clearwater
Revival song + Eastern German Olympic team {hl}
- Bart jokes about East German women athletes being masculine due to
steroids + "Battleship" (board game) commercials {tr}
- Jasper jokes, "You sank my battleship!" + "Gone With The Wind" (movie)
- The Retirement Castle shows a senior-friendly version of the film
[{tr} wonders, "Maybe they found it with the 'alternate ending'
Casablanca?"] - "Romper Room" (children's TV series) {dj}
- Lisa's list of dogs, "I see Petey and Spot and ..." mimics the closing
of this show + Long John Silver (pirate) {tr}
- "Long Bart Silver" + "One Flew Over The Cuckoo's Nest" (movie)
- Native American man throws things through an institution's window
- inmates surreptitiously take a boat ride {ag} + "A Hard Day's Night" (movie)
- old folks' romp resembled scenes from the film - "The Honeymooners" (TV series) {tml}
- "Chef of the Future" episode had something like Homer's "kitchen
springs" spiel - "Flubber" (movie) {ddg}
- the sequel to "The Absent-Minded Professor" also had a scene where a
baby bounced off the floor + Harlem Globetrotters (novelty basketball team) {ddg}
- Homer handled Maggie like a basketball
- he also hums "Sweet Georgia Brown" while bouncing her around {jg2} + "99 Bottles of Beer in the Wall" (song) {tr}
- Homer rewords this song for springs - "Kick the Can" ("Twilight Zone" episode) {ag}
- elderly assembled in a room to discuss doing something childish - "Popeye" (cartoon) {tr}
- Bart calls Lisa "Sea Hag" + "Titanic" (movie)
- Smithers' drawing of Mr. Burns similar to the one of Kate Winslet's
character
- sinking scene [{er} notes specifically that people hang from the boat
as it sinks, and that it sinks vertically -- Ed.]
- the way the two ships collide similar to the Titanic-vs.-iceberg
collision {pmg} + "A Hard Day's Night" (album)
- "A Bart Day's Night" similarly titled
- the closing credits title resembled this album's cover==============================================================================
==============================================================================
- [7G03] Bart thinks the school bus is headed for the fireworks/slide/puppy
dog factory {je}
- [7F17] Grampa takes the retirement home gambling {hl}
- [7F18], [3F31] Nude depiction of Mr. Burns {ji}
- [7F24] The Chief appears in a mental institution
- [8F06] Bart offends the audience with his impressions/jokes {dj}
- [8F07] Firemen hose down the equipment before the person {je}
- [8F08] The Springfield Tire Yard fire {gw}
- [9F17] Fountain-throwing scene from "One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest"
parodied
- [1F01] Insulting comedy act fails to amuse audience {gw}
- [1F06] The Simpson and Flanders boys are lost at sea {bc}
- [1F14] Homer abusing a family photo {je}
- [1F17] Homer sells sugar door to door {hl}
- [1F21] Jackie Bouvier swallows a wedding ring {je}
- [1F21] the lady wheelchairing in the pool was the one who wanted to come
with Grampa {dj}
- [2F20] Mr. Burns sucks up his cold fillings and swallows them {je}
- [2F20] Jasper's wooden leg {dj}
- [2F31] Confusion between a mole and a boil (cf. pimple and a boil) {gw}
- [2F31] Homer pulls the spring snakes gag (it was a lot funnier in 2F31 too)
{gw}
- [3F10] "Someone" is going to break the toilet {je}
- [3F14] NE-AT&T-IDY {bc}
- [3F15] Homer flushes something non-flushable down the toilet {gw}
- [3F19] Another adventure at sea with Grampa and Bart {bc}
- [3F23], [3G04] The UN is seen {dj}
- [3G04] Smithers was in the navy {gw}
- [4F01] Chalmers yells at Skinner but isn't actually angry {gw}
- [4F17] Similar premise/title with Lisa {hl}
- [4F19] Homer enters the children's "Design Your Own Nuclear Power Plant"
contest {bc}
- [5F01] A basketball is shot {cj}
- [5F04] Homer is jealous of the elderly for being pampered {gw}
- [5F04] Homer resents having to use any effort to perform everyday tasks when
he can have them all done for him at the old folks' home {bc}
- [5F11] A group of countries represented in Springfield {er}
- [5F11] The Model UN {bc}
- [5F11] Jokes about Poland {er}
- [5F14] Everyone ends up in the ocean {bc}
- [5F16] Lapland dance {hl}
- [5F21] A happy ending replaces a tragic one in a classic movie {al}
- [AABF02] "It's the job/breakfast of tomorrow ... today." {je}
- [AABF05] A bag of money with a $ is seen {er}
- [AABF07] The children are given community service for breaking curfew {bc}==============================================================================
==============================================================================
- In the couch gag {es}
- Back row: Skinner, Agnes, Homer, Marge, Maggie, Lisa (Bart is hidden),
Krusty, Mel, Apu
- Middle: Jimbo, Kearney, CBG, Ned, Maude, Burns, Smithers
- Front: Lenny, Moe, Hans, Ralph, Rod, Milhouse, Willy- IOC HQ sign {bjr}
INTERNATIONAL
OLYMPIC
COMMITTEE[rings]
NOW WITH MYANMAR!
- Countries at the IOC meeting {er}
- Russia, Argentina, Saudi Arabia, France, Mongolia, Japan, Germany,
Switzerland, Poland- "Springfield Shopper" headlines {bjr}
Town Prepares
For Olympics Pickpockets
Call Up Reserves- Pro-solar button {bjr}
THE
SUN
is #1- Bus banner {bjr}
JUNIOR "VOLUNTEERS"
- Boat cruise sign {bjr}
BOAT CRUISE $5
NOT RESPONSIBLE
FOR LOST LUNCHES==============================================================================
==============================================================================
= Whenever the Olympic logo is shown, it's upside down. {ss}c Frenchman to IOC -- Said: I await your reply. CC: And now we wait. {ag}
* Actually, the site of the "next" Olympics is chosen before the "last"
Olympics start. The only exceptions were when there was a break because of
war or when a city was selected but later withdrew, like Denver did prior
to the 1976 Winter Olympics. {ddg}- Also, the site is selected by the entire IOC membership, not just the head. {ddg}
* The IOC says that they don't want to hold another Summer Olympics in the
U.S. until at least 2016. [Of course, it's a commission's prerogative to
change its mind -- Ed.] {al}* Even if Springfield lost the Games to the town right next to them, they
would still host a few events for sure, since Shelbyville definitely does
not have all the necessary facilities. No Olympics have ever been held
exclusively in one city. {al}* Springfield couldn't lose its Olympics bid at the last second to
Shelbyville because each country can only have one city nominated in the
final stage of determining the host city. {al}- Myanmar has been an Olympic nation for at least two decades, until recently under the name Burma. (It really should've been "Now with Eritrea!") {al}
c Burns on his "solar" power plant -- CC: No nukes. Said: nothing. {ag}
c Wiggum, on perks of IOC members -- CC: women, guns, dope; Said: [...] money. {ag}
= The third row of the choir changes people. {er}
- Chalmers implies that Nelson is in the eighth grade, but how many elementary schools go that high? {jg2}
+ The Springfield Tire Yard has been burning for 25 years, but the sign says "since 1989." {gw}
+ Chalmers said he was from Utica in 3F18 (I took notice as my mother was
born there) but he claims to have been born in Queens in this episode.
[See "Comments" section for more -- Ed.] {gw}= Martin is talking to no one when he steps out of the bus?
+ If Hans Moleman is in his thirties, what's he doing in a retirement home? {jg2}
= Lisa has one of those cool cartoon watches that only materialize on your wrist when you need to know the time. {bjr}
= When Lenny has the spring get caught in his eye, it mysteriously switches from the right eye to the left. {ji}
- When Homer sings, he's up to 999 springs. When Marge stops him there's no flushing or singing heard, yet when he continues, he's up to 996. {es}
+ Captain McAllister's having a glass eye is inconsistent with many past
episodes, as well as his ability to see none of the elders were "lookers"
earlier in [AABF16]. {dj}+ I doubt Grampa could have been at Pearl Harbor, sailed on PT 109 (as he
said in [3G04]), and served on the European front of WWII (as suggested by
[3F19]). [Andrew Krupowski reminds us, " Grandpa's senility voids all
claims of goofs when his stories are analyzed. :)"] {dj}= Not one person fell off the sinking boat despite the fact that the deck was as vertical as a steep cliff? {ddg}
= When Grampa talks at the very end, his mouth doesn't move. {je}
==============================================================================
============================================================================== Nate Birch: Unfortunately we seem to have another episode on our hands, that lacks any actual plot; instead we have a bunch of only sorta related events, mixed with some few laughs at the old folk's expense. Grampa Simpson has always been one of the funniest characters and the scenes at the old folk home weren't too bad, but could have been better (what was with the native guy jumping in and out of the window?), but the Homer subplot was idiotic, and in light of the recent Olympic scandal, this episode completely failed to make fun of the Olympic committee, Bart's "comedy routine" was one of the least humorous things I've ever heard him say, need I go on? Oh yeah, animation sucked too, and I mean ever worse than usual for season 10. (C-)
Ben Collins: This outrageously lame episode starts with an over-the-top ridiculous scenario and goes downhill from there. It shamelessly borrows bits and pieces from other episodes, from the title on. The humor is horribly timed, and the gags have that annoying "in-your-face" quality. At the end, it turns out that the episode exists for one reason and one reason only: for a "Titanic" spoof, which doesn't go over very well. It also turns out that Mike Scully hired writer Julie Thacker for one reason and one reason only: because she's his wife. (D)
Lucas Cox: Ick, I know some of you folks liked this one, but I didn't care for it at all. I found Bart's comedy routine irritating and cliched, and this episode really didn't tell us anything about the old folks home that we didn't already know IMO. The spring subplot was ok, Homer bouncing Maggie around like a basketball was a pretty good scene, but the rescue of the sinking ship was yet another contrived ending of the likes I'm getting really sick of. Also, what's with all the repeated lines? "You sunk my battleship" "Not a looker among them!" and a few others. (D+)
Nathan DeHoff: The plot didn't really go much of anywhere, but it was creative, and contained many good laughs. The references to "A Hard Day's Night" and "One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest" were excellent. (Yes, I know they've already referenced the latter, but the references in this episode were still funny.) The spring subplot was basically just an excuse for silly visual gags, but it was amusing, and fit into the episode fairly well. It was also nice to see an episode where Homer wasn't the main focus (although the current writers don't seem to be able to write an episode without at least a subplot devoted to him). (B+)
Don Del Grande: This one actually had the laughs going for it, although the ending was a little thin, but the entire Olympics opening bit just stood there like a breakdown on the freeway. (B+)
Yuri Dieujuste: I guess Bart no longer deserves decent episodes. The whole plot line of giving the Springfield the Olympics should have been replaced with a typical Bart got in trouble line. The only enjoyable part of the episode was when the elderly population of Springfield was spending the day in the park with "Can't Buy Me Love" as the background music. I won't even bother with Homer's dumb-ass sub-plot. (F)
Jordan Eisenberg: A refreshing plot idea that kinda' sorta' works. The Homer subplot was a stupid and lame premise that ended up giving us some of the funniest things in the episode, and at least it tied back in with the main plot (in a very cartoonish way). The setup was the best part of the show, as usual, but they could've thought up so many other ways to have Bart insult the other nations! A real wasted premise. I laughed a few times, and it wasn't really painful to watch, but the new episodes are just getting harder and harder to look forward to. (B-)
Curtis Gibby: Meh. I didn't dislike this one for any particular reason, it just didn't speak to me. There were several good gags (one being the Native American throwing the drinking fountain *back* into the room through another window to get his hat), but on the whole, not a terribly funny episode, which is a main reason I watch the Simpsons. (C+)
Andrew Gill: On the whole, I liked this episode. This episode had much to offer in the way of subtlety, and much to offer in characterization. When we get down to the nitty-gritty, however, this episode suffers from serious lapses in believability. Bart's interests show once again that he is someone who seriously cares about people, and that he's working to make a difference. The spring thing was kinda stupid, and a bit too cartoony for my tastes. We are, however, on the right track. (B)
Joe Green: This was an OK episode. The premise was a good one, and the fact that it didn't revolve around Homer was refreshing. On the other hand, the absurd ending and the gratuitous Jack LaLanne cameo took things down a notch. (B-)
John Isles IV: This episode had a good first act, but faltered at the start of act 2, and dropped dead halfway through the episode. The thought of an Olympic-based was a good idea, and should have been built on instead of being dropped. Unfortunately, the sub-plot with the springs was bad at best. The only really good portion of this one was Bart vacuuming Abe. (F)
Carl Johnson: More Season 10 numbness. The Cuckoo's Nest thing has been done before, but throwing the water fountain back into the room was slightly funny. I'd have to say I like the ending-- it actually ties in with the otherwise pointless subplot. The plot is pretty well defined, unlike most of Seasons 9 and 10-- that is, all the loose ends are tied up in this episode. It does meander, but that's to be expected these days. The writer didn't do a very good job with the issue of "living it up." It wasn't done much better in "Old Money." The jabs at old people were kind of immature, and the Battleship line was only slightly amusing-- the first time. I guess that's what the Simpsons is now-- immature. The writers don't seem to go deeper than what's there. [...] I guess it wasn't that bad for Season 10, though. (B)
Darrel Jones: Another decent Season Ten effort. Homer's spring subplot was a delightful diversion. The best parts included Jasper vs. the Crazy Old Man (caneplay), the re-lighting of the Tire Yard Fire, and the unexpected rescue of the boat. Not much stood out, though, especially after a funny Family Guy. A 7/10 (B-)
Haynes Lee: The Bart plot would have been good if the bonehead Homer plot didn't ruin it. And another 5 second guest star role. The spring scene in the bar was especially painful to watch. (C-)
Jake Lennington: Well, it wasn't the most emotionally deep episode that has ever aired, but the stockpile of hilarious cartoon gags saved it from being another bland season ten showing. IMO, the best sight-gag was Maggie bouncing around the kitchen and landing in her high-chair! Also, the idea of Bart working in an old folks home was simple and effective, while the Homer vs. the springs subplot was a nice diversion. (A-)
Andrew Levine: The Simpsons often has jokes that stereotype old people, and they're often funny (such as Abe's pointless stories and the Crazy Old Man's antics). It is NOT funny when you throw 31 (by my count) senior citizen jokes in one episode. It didn't help that we never got acquainted with any of the seniors, so we couldn't even feel sympathy for them when we were supposed to. The springs in the eyes were one of the most disgusting things I have ever seen on the show. Homer was a class-A jerkass and I only liked the Hard Day's Night parodies. I hoped that after "Homer's Enemy" I would never have to give out an F grade again. I was wrong. (F)
Ondre Lombard: The whole Springfield-Olympics part was a good idea, but it's
too bad it carries over into the main plot in a relatively predictable
manner. ("Everything's going so well, and then Bart gets on stage -- fill
in the blanks.") To get to the point, there's not a lot that's special
about this episode, but there were some isolated gags and one liners that
made me laugh (including parts of the overall dumb as hell Homer-spring
plot). Bart the hero is fine by me; Lisa is fine by me; but who else is
tired of old people being portrayed as warped, absent-minded aliens who
require all of this oddball special help? And I don't think I need to
reiterate how boring "wacky Homer idea" plots are. (C)Patrick McGovern: Not incredibly strong, but fairly funny nonetheless. Some gags (The entire Titanic thing, Bart's comic routine) were truly funny. Others (Skinner punching Homer over and over, the saving of the ship) weren't. But still, it definitely had shades of season 4 in the characterization. But while I'd give bonus points for the entire Native American Casino bit, they get taken away because of the gratuitous (And pointless) Jack LaLanne cameo. They could've done a lot with that, but they didn't. Still fairly good. (B-)
Tom Rinschler: What a wonderful episode! It possessed both a good plot and subplot, lots of screen time for Bart and Lisa, some nice commentary on the boring life of the elderly, and loads of laughs as well. Granted, the Native American scene was puzzling, the spring-in-the-eye scene was a bit macabre (if guiltily funny as well), and both the pulling-the-sinking-ship and the bouncing-sinking-ship scenes a bit over-the-top cartoonish, but these were minor blemishes on an otherwise solid episode. (A)
Gary Wilson: It was written by a new writer (I think) and it showed. It had a couple of decent gags, but the whole show seemed odd and not a single joke was worthy of more than a chuckle. The main plot was a nice idea and Bart's character was handled well, however, I really thought Homers sub-plot (should the word "plot" be used?) was ridiculously inane. (C+)
Yours Truly: It's a decent surreal episode, but would have been better as a more "realistic" satirical show. The writers did better with their decision to make Bart, rather than Lisa the central character. It was a pleasant break from audience expectation, plus the task of livening up the old folk's home suits his personality well. Homer's spring-selling subplot was uneven, but had its moments. On the whole, I'd give it a C+, but a high (C+)
AVERAGE GRADE: C+ (2.32) Std Dev.: 1.1696 (24 reviews computed)
==============================================================================
==============================================================================
Joe Green: The Beatles' "Can't Buy Me Love" is played after the seniors escape.
Several people noted that NRBQ performed the song for the show. Gary Lambert adds: this was the Q's third (and most extensive) soundtrack appearance on "The Simpsons" this year, and the first recorded especially for the show (the first two were very brief snippets of older songs -- "Wild Weekend" on the Super Bowl episode, and "12 Bar Blues" in the Homer-as-trucker show).
Mike Scully, Executive Producer of "The Simpsons" is a huge fan of NRBQ, and has declared them "unofficial house band" of the show.
Darrel Jones: "Limbo Rock" by Chubby Checker played during the episode [in the limbo scene].
Benjamin Robinson writes: Having the Olympics booked in your town is something of a mixed blessing. On the up side, your community is memorialized forever as being one of the preeminent spots on the globe. Hordes of journalists descend on the city, providing free tourist publicity as well as sports coverage. Speaking of tourists, the Olympics are obviously a big draw, and some of those people might decide to return to the area after the festivities are over.
The drawbacks aren't as readily evident until it's too late. Explosive growth of the games brings more people to the city than the infrastructure can reasonably handle (and this is true for just about any place on the globe). Building or upgrading facilities is often a heavy drain on city coffers, diverting funds critics contend are best spent on more long-range goals. Further, the boom can be quickly followed by a bust. Barcelona's economy went south after the 1992 Olympics closed, and former Olympic status didn't stop civil war from breaking out in Sarajevo. (I think most of fighting has now shifted to the south, though.) That's if everything goes perfectly. Munich and Atlanta have had to contend with terrorist attacks, and officials in Salt Lake City stand accused of bribing officials to host the games, which will cast a pall on the festivities in 2002.
Speaking of Sarajevo, Evan Ross has this to say: During Principal Skinner's speech on how hosting the Olympics could help Springfield's economy, he mentions how the Olympics caused a "boom" in Sarajevo. Sarajevo held the Olympics in 1984, and after the event, civil war broke out and Yugoslavia turned into a war zone. Landmines, grenades, and armed troops all became commonplace during the fighting. The war was supposed to end when Yugoslavia split into different nations, but now [30 April 1999, when this was written -- Ed.] it still isn't the case. Just one look at Kosovo would tell you that. That wouldn't be something I would think Springfield would want.
Patrick Geahan adds: Sarajevo did experience an economic boom after the 84 Olympics. At the very least, they experienced an economic upswing. Yugoslavia was a nice little country until Slobodan Milosevic got in there and mucked it all up. There's a book I read when I took a class on the Yugoslav deal, and it showed a picture of the Sarajevo Olympic stadium in 1984, and the empty killing field where it is now. Very haunting photo.
Andrew Levine informs us: In case you didn't notice, the Polish representative to the IOC seemed to resemble Lech Walesa. Walesa was the leader of the Solidarity movement in Poland in the 1980's that ended Communist rule there. He was elected the first president of Poland in 1991.
Lisa may not be thrilled with the Backstreet Boys, but they like her. Joanna Boese explains: Nick Carter (The blonde one for those not in the know) says this is one of his favorite series. And in some interviews, AJ (The one with the tattoos and different hair color every week) has been known to do a little Homer imitation. D'oh!
Lucas Cox: The Atlanta "Whatzit" was the mascot of the 1996 Olympic games, or at least, it was supposed to be. I remember when it was first announced that the games were to be in Atlanta, it was all over the place, but pretty soon some people began complaining that it was stupid, and that it would turn the city into a laughing stock. So the "Whatzit" barely even showed up during the games.
Benjamin Robinson adds: The reaction to "Whatzit" was almost immediately negative. The mascot looked like nothing so much as a giant spermatozoa made out of sparkle gel toothpaste. "What is it," indeed! "Whatzit" was essentially shunned from souvenirs and graphics, and American television network NBC even had some fun at his expense, making a "mockumentary" of his fall from grace into a rehab center. Oh, well, at least memento makers had four years to scale down their production plans, to avoid taking too much of a bath on "Whatzit" merchandise.
Lucas Cox, again: The "Montreal Vampire" I think is just a reference to how poorly the games were handled by Montreal in 1976, I believe the city went bankrupt because of them.
John Jensen: [Intercourse, PA] is for real, no foolin'. And within 30 miles are also Paradise, Blue Ball, and Bird in Hand
Andrew Gill confirms this fact: The USGS at <http://mapping.usgs.gov/www/gnis/gnisform.html> lists 5 references to Intercourse, but only two towns
Feature Name: Intercourse Feature Type: populated place Elevation: 353 State: Alabama County: Sumter USGS 7.5' x 7.5' Map: Bellamy Latitude: 322458N Longitude: 0881425W
Feature Name: Intercourse Feature Type: populated place Elevation: 425 State: Pennsylvania [This would be the one to which Chalmers was referring -- Ed.] County: Lancaster USGS 7.5' x 7.5' Map: New Holland Latitude: 400215N Longitude: 0760619W
Jessi Cuellar: Personally, I like Bald Knob AK, and Knob Lick, MO.
Dale G. Abersold adds: Let's not forget Humptulips, WA. Washington: Home of more amusing place names than any other state.
Dave Gauvin: There's a town in Newfoundland, Canada called Come-by-Chance, and another called Dildo. There's a bay called Placentia Bay. It's true, check your atlas.
Todd Emerson: And let's not get into how they pronounce "Regina" up there ...
Matt Rose: A guy on the radio recently said he drove from Medicine Lodge, KS to Protection, KS to Straight, OK to Hooker, OK. He stopped at the medicine lodge for protection so he could go straight through hooker :) (I actually checked this on a map ... turns out you'd have to backtrack a little, but eh, close enough)
Benjamin Robinson: The places Chalmers mentioned are all real. Queens is the
most famous; it's one of the boroughs of New York City. (Brooklyn is in
Kings county, completing the pair.) Ball State University is in Indiana,
which is not called the Ball State. Instead, it is named for the Ball
corporation, a maker of glass jars for food preserves. David Letterman is
the arguably the university's most well-known alumnus. Intercourse is a
town in Pennsylvania's Amish country [as we've seen -- Ed.]. Finally, Lake
Titicaca is in South America. According to the "Beavis & Butt-Head FAQ"
("B&B" used this joke, too), Titicaca is located at one of the highest
altitudes on Earth.[The point has pretty much been made, so we won't be adding any more Funny Place Names to this capsule -- Ed.]
Benjamin Robinson: Without reading the other reviews, I can predict that someone will call as a goof the fact that Chalmers omitted Utica from the list of places he's from. (He claimed to be from Utica in "Twenty-Two Short Stories About Springfield (3F18).") I argue that he was born in Queens, but spent part of his early childhood in Utica before going to Indiana's Ball State University. He just didn't feel it was worth mentioning to Bart. Besides, you can't make double- entendres out of "Utica" like you can with "Intercourse, PA."
Even a joke in passing can have a story behind it, as Ben Collins proves: The 1998 election was a blockbuster for ballot initiatives. Debates over such issues as gay marriage and "partial-birth" abortion played out at the ballot box. California, the state that started the national tax revolt in 1978 when Proposition 13 was overwhelmingly approved, had a few controversial initiatives. One of them was Proposition 5, which sought to preserve the right of California Indian tribes to operate gambling casinos.
For the past 20 years or so, Native American tribes have had the federally- guaranteed right to run gambling casinos on reservation lands, provided that the profits go to reservation improvement projects. The funds have gone to assist non-gaming reservations as well as gaming tribes, in many cases providing basic services such as running water and electric power to remote regions that have never enjoyed such benefits. In response to a campaign spearheaded by Nevada casino interests, with the support of then- Governor Pete Wilson (R-CA), to tighten regulations on California tribes, several of the major tribes gathered signatures to put an initiative (Proposition 5) on the ballot for the 1998 gubernatorial election. They called themselves Californians for Indian Self-Reliance, and ran an intensive advertising campaign. The initiative mostly preserves the current system, but loosens some regulations, mostly on the types of games and slot machines available for use in tribal casinos. The Nevada casinos responded aggressively, pooling their resources into an organization they christened the Coalition Against Unregulated Gambling. The Coalition ran an aggressive campaign against Proposition 5, which cited dire predictions of increased crime and deceptively alleged that a minority of tribes were seeking a "special deal" for exemption from environmental laws. Given the California Indians' tradition of respect for the environment and regard of all living things as a gift from the Great Spirit, the No on 5 campaign made a fatal move accusing Indians of spoiling the environment. The initiative overwhelmingly passed, with more than 60 percent of the vote. The Nevada casinos sued immediately, and the initiative is still lost in the courts as of now. All in all, considering both the Yes on 5 and No on 5 campaigns, it was the most expensive ballot-measure campaign in California history, perhaps in the history of the nation.
Tom Rinschler gives us the origins of this phrase: When Bart yells "Damn the torpedoes!", he is quoting Admiral David Farragut, who said it during the Battle of Mobile Bay in 1864 when the ships under his command were moving timidly to avoid the minefields instead of resolutely forward as he wanted.
Haynes Lee: Jack LaLanne is the host of the longest running exercise show and turned 80 in 1994. As a child he was addicted to sugar which caused him to pull some Bart Simpson pranks such as setting his parents' house on fire. As a result he was put on a health regime which set him straight.
Don Del Grande: Jack LaLanne really does (or at least did) pull boats in the water.
Ondre Lombard adds: Recently in the 90s he started peddling a juicer in infomercials (just as Jay Kordich did), and a fruits and vegetables diet for health. At some point (I don't know if he still does this), on each birthday, he would pull as many boats as his age while swimming. This was often displayed in his infomercials for the Juice Tiger juicer.
- Is Smithers Gay?
Haynes Lee: [He] got discharged from the U.S. Navy for his suggestive paintings.
Someone known only as "GRiM" counter: Smithers didn't say he was discharge *for* the paintings, he just said he used to paint them *before* he was discharged.
- Where is Springfield?
Evan Ross: Since this episode confirms that Springfield has a beach, that must mean Springfield borders either the Atlantic or Pacific Oceans. Such a quantity of needles couldn't happen in a lake or river, and I don't think that the cruise boat at the end would be in danger of sinking in freshwater.
Ryan Mead observes: I believe this is the first time in Simpsons history that the 20th Century Fox Television logo was not played with its dramatic fanfare.
Alex Flandonwittsy: You know, I noticed that too. Ever since Futurama has been toying around with the coveted name(30th Century FOX), I think the execs at FOX have loosened up some.
The Haynes Lee alterna-title for this show is: The Spring Olympics
Jordan Eisenberg's Alterna-alterna-title: "A Forced Volunteer Story"
Andrew Andagainma suggests: Five Rings and a Thousand Springs
Jake Lennington suggests: The Good, the Bad, and the Springy
Andrew Andagainma: Bart a C student? Doesn't that overrate his academic performance?
Don Del Grande: I wonder if those IOC rings would have been correct had this been an NBC show?
Steve Portigal: I missed the standard Simpsons font during the end credits. Kinda freaked me out.
Tom Rinschler: The sign in front of the Olympic Committee HQ says "Now with Myanmar!". Myanmar is the country known until a few years ago as Burma.
==============================================================================
============================================================================== % The International Olympic Committee has gathered to decide the site % of the next Olympiad. Representatives from each country lobby the % chairman to choose their homeland. The French representative claims % France would be a good site, but when asked to explain why, % contemptuously throws wine at the chairman. (The chairman responds % in kind.) A Russian suggests Moscow, but has to keep updating his % exchange rate as the Russian economy collapses. The man from % Mongolia wants the Games in Motown -- as in Mongoliatown. The % remaining representatives bicker amongst themselves until the % chairman interrupts.
Chairman: People, people, please! You're forgetting what the Olympics are all about: giving out medals of beautiful gold, so-so silver and shameful bronze. [crowd murmurs] I have here a letter from a little girl named Lisa Simpson. She says her town might not be important enough to host the Olympics, but she asks if the torch could just past by so that she could experience the glow that we feel every day. Well, I say we don't bring her the torch I say we bring her the Olympic Games. Who is with me? [silence] Well, I don't care -- it's my decision. -- Meticulous selection process, "The Old Man and the 'C' Student"
% Naturally, this is big news back home.
Brockman: Springfield was shocked today to learn it will host the next Olympics. Economists predict our city will experience the same boom Sarajevo enjoyed after the 1984 Games. Marge: And it's all because of your letter, Lisa. Lisa: Well, actually, I just wrote it for a school assignment. Everyone else wrote to the Backstreet Boys. Brockman: To honor the arrival of our foreign friends and enemies, Channel 6 is sponsoring a contest to find a Springfield Olympic Mascot. The winner will join such other memorable mascots such as The Atlanta "Whatzit" and the Montreal "Vampire". Homer: A mascot contest! I'm sure to win that -- unless one of you jinxes me. Marge: No one's gonna jinx you Homer. In fact, we're rooting for you. Bart: Yeah, go for the gold dad! Homer: Shut up, Shut up, Shut up! [flees from the room] -- "The Old Man and the 'C' Student"
% Some time later, Homer unveils the fruits of his labor -- Abby the % Olympic Tabby. When the cat's eyes move, Lisa realizes that Homer % has paper-mashayed Snowball II, and frees her. % % Homer moves to Plan B.
Homer: Knowing you always hate my first idea, I prepared a backup. [he pulls up his construction hat and a spring with google eyes, two Styrofoam balls for hands, one holding an American flag, and the other an Olympic flag] How about a big Olympic "hello" for Springy, the Springfield Spring! Bart: Those aren't the dog's eyes, are they? Marge: Hey, that's cute! Lisa: Good work, Dad. Homer: It's fun for the whole family, and the ends are razor sharp to protect are nation and its interests. Bart: [touches the end and gets pricked] Ow! Homer: God bless America. -- "The Old Man and the 'C' Student"
% The rest of Springfield prepares for the Olympics, too. % Groundskeeper Willie spray-paints a brown grass spot green. A "LAP % DANCING" sign is changed to "LAPLAND DANCING". Chief Wiggum % threatens to kill the rats if they don't leave." As the rats troop % out of town, one turns back and stares at Wiggum with a sad puppy % dog look. "Aw Cinnamon, don't make this harder then it already is," % Wiggum asks. Elsewhere, Springfield's tire fire is put out. % Everybody cheers as the flames are extinguished. % % The IOC arrives to inspect the town. The chairman climbs out of a % manhole opening, and pronounces it the cleanest sewer he's seen. % The Japanese representative is impressed by what he thinks is Mr. % Burns's *solar* power plant. To seal the deal, Chief Wiggum % promises the IOC anything they need: even women, guns, and cash.
Quimby: And that's not all -- we've just chosen our official Olympic Mascot. [they pull a big curtain, revealing Springy. Everyone claps] Homer: [gasps] They picked Springy! In your face, Patty and Selma! [Patty holds a discus throwing man made out of cigarettes] Patty: Well we still love ya, Ciggy. Selma: Yeah. [they each take a cigarette off and light it] Mmm, that glue really gives it a pop. [Patty nods] -- At least it's not a total loss, "The Old Man and the 'C' Student"
% The ceremonies continue.
Skinner: And now, because the children our are future, here are the children or Springfield Elementary, with a song they call, "The Children Are Our Future." Children? [a lively tune begins] Children: [singing] Children, Children. Future, Future. Milhouse: Are you ready for the ... All: Children, whoa, whoa, whoa. Lisa: The future is a ... All: Comin' hey, hey, hey! Children, Children. Future, Future! Homer: I've never wanted a beer worse in my life. [Marge pulls a beer from her purse] Homer: [gasps] I love you, honey! Marge: Are you talking to me, or the beer? Homer: To you, my bubbly long-neck beechwood aged lover. -- That clears things up, "The Old Man and the 'C' Student"
% The children continue singing.
All: Children, Children, Children are our future! [the song comes to an end] KIDS! [everyone cheers and claps and yells "yay" and "bravo"] Chairman: Muy Bueno! It gives me great pride to officially declare that the next Olympics will be held right here in ... Skinner: Wait, wait; we have one more act. Patriotic comedy stylings of Bart Simpson [the people sit down groaning and looking at the time] Bart: Thank you, thank you. [walks up to Russian man] So, you're from Russia huh? Russian: Da. Bart: Ya drunk yet? Russian: [depressed] Da. Bart: [continues working the crowd] Poland, eh? Huh, too easy. How you doing, Germany? Here's my impression of an East German woman. [he turns around for a second, and turns back with a fake mustache] [imitating a German woman] Kiss me or I'll crush you! [everybody laughs] Homer: [laughing] He says what we're all thinking. Marge: I'm not thinking that. Bart: [to the Swiss representative] Hey, Swiss Miss, [laughs] there's no missing you, babe! [chuckles] Lay off the cocoa. [everybody laughs] Swiss Rep: [subtitled] "Well I never!" Bart: Now I'd like to say one last thing to our Olympics Representatives. If there were a medal for most horrible audience, you'd get the gold. Peace out! [he walks away while the people look mad. The mic makes a feedback noise] -- "The Old Man and the 'C' Student"
% The IOC members are horrified, and storm off into their limousines. % The representative from Germany throws his ciggy out the window, re- % lighting the town's tire fire. % % Chalmers berates Skinner for his decision to put Bart onstage. % Skinner weakly protests that the act seemed funny during rehearsal.
Chalmers: Laugh it up, you punks, 'cause you and Jan Murray here just cost our town the Olympics. Bart: Hey, Chalmers, where are you from? Chalmers: Well, I was born in Queens, went to Ball state, then made the move to Intercourse, Pennsylvania. Uh, why do you ask? [Bart is about to say something when Skinner Quickly puts his hand over his mouth] Skinner: Uh, don't worry, sir. I'll teach these children some respect for their town. I'm assigning each of you 20 hours of Community Service. [the children walk offstage, groaning and moaning] Ralph: Intercourse? -- "The Old Man and the 'C' Student"
% Skinner enforces his assignment by threatening to hold the students % back a grade if they don't cooperate. Nelson doesn't see what the % problem is with that. Chalmers, on the other hand, thinks it's a % good idea.
Now if you'll excuse me, I'm off to my vacation at lake Titicaca. [to Bart] Let's see you make a joke out of that, Mr. Smart guy. [Bart looks at Skinner to see if he can, and Skinner waves his hands "no"] -- Superintendent Chalmers, "The Old Man and the 'C' Student"
% Skinner is as good as his word. The next day, the students are % riding the bus to their service assignments around town.
Skinner: All right, Martin, for your Community Service you'll be setting up a midnight basketball program for inner-city street gangs. [they stop at a basketball court. Martin gets out with a basketball] Martin: All right gang -- Shirts and Skins, let's hustle! [a gun fires and the basketball is popped] [the bus drives to its next stop] Skinner: Milhouse, do you like the beach? Milhouse: Who doesn't? Skinner: Good! I want you to pick up all this medical waste that's washed up on the shore here. [Milhouse walks out with a garbage bag and pricks himself] Milhouse: Ow! I pricked myself! Skinner: Well, just keep working. You'll prick yourself with the antidote sooner or later. [Skinner and the children ride off] Bart: What are you gonna do to me? Skinner: Bart, not all Community Service is gang warfare and dangerous infection, and to illustrate that point here's where you'll be working. [he points, apparently, to a storefront] Bart: [excited] The Fireworks, Candy, and Puppy dog store? Skinner: No, no, no. Next to it. [Jasper and the crazy old man are sitting outside. Abe comes out] Abe: Settle a bet: Boil or mole? [points to it] Bart: [groans] -- Inner-city street gangs don't look so bad now, "The Old Man and the 'C' Student"
% [End of Act 1. Time: 8:16] % % Bart steels his resolve, and walks into the Retirement Castle. As % the Muzak plays "Zippitey Doo Dah," the old people start walking up % to him like zombies. Trying to get away, Bart runs into a guy % resembling Eisenhower. Then, he bumps into a cart of false teeth % and shrieks as they chatter all over. Two old men and two old women % start to fawn over the adorable new youngster. The last old lady % asks Bart to snap her support hose to her garter, a task Bart does % not relish. A nurse announces recreation time, and Bart tries to % make his escape. The Garter Lady repeats her request, but Bart % manages to get away and hide out in the Recreation Room. % % Bart has stumbled onto the daily Bingo game. Lisa is the number % caller.
Bart: Oh, no, Lis, they've got you too? Lisa: Got me? What are you talking about? I've been volunteering here for a year. Crazy Old Man: Hello, let's hear some numbers! I've got a nice diagonal going here. Lisa: [pulls out a ball] B-3. Jasper: You sunk my battleship! [everybody laughs] Lisa: [pulls another ball] G-52. Jasper: You sunk my battleship! [everybody laughs] Abe: Oh! I got a Bingo. What do I win? Lisa: A banana. Abe: A whole one? Lisa: Yep! Bart: That's the prize? A banana? Lisa: Their natural mushiness prevents choking and promotes regularity. Bart: They're not babies, Lisa, give 'em something fun, like cigars or booze. Lisa: We tried giving them eggnog at Christmas but it led to wide spread de-shawling. Crazy Old Man: That's what you get for wearing such tight little shawls. [takes the shawl off of Garter Lady, to her surprise] Nurse: Okay, 4:00 nap-time. [the old folks all start sleeping in an instant] Bart: You tell them when to sleep? Lisa: Shh! Don't wake them. [the nurse and Lisa start vacuuming the old folks' faces with mini-vacs] Nurse: While they sleep, we suck up excess dirt and crumbs. [Lisa hands the vac to Bart] Lisa: Here you go -- make sure you get into every crevice. [Bart walks over to Abe and starts vacuuming. When he does, he sees it makes him look like Homer] Bart: Cool! [alternatively pressing the vacuum to Grampa's face and removing it] Grampa, Homer. Grampa, Homer ... Nurse: Don't play with the faces. -- "The Old Man and the 'C' Student"
% Bart discusses the day's events with his family.
Marge: So, Bart, how was your first day of forced volunteerism? Bart: That place sucks! The nurses don't let Grandpa do anything. They practically chew his food for him. Homer: [struggling to cut his steak] Lucky stiff; I'm working my ass off here. [looks at Marge. Marge gives him a mean look] Good steak, honey. Lisa: The elderly aren't like you or me Bart. They thrive on consistency, predictability, and a life of no surprises. Marge: Sounds good to me! -- I figured it would, "The Old Man and the 'C' Student"
% The doorbell rings. It's a delivery man with a big box of springs, % which Homer had been planning to use as raw material for his mascot. % Even though Springfield has lost the Olympics to Shelbyville, Homer % thinks he'll have no problem unloading 1,000 springs. Why the idiot % population alone should account for more sales than that! % % Back at the retirement home, the old folks are watching "Gone with % the Wind."
Scarlett: Oh Rhett, Rhett! Oh, Rhett, where will I go? What'll I do? Rhett: Frankly my dear, [switch voices] I love you. Let's remarry. [The end credits come up, reading, "THE END -- EDITED FOR SENIORS." Everyone claps and whistles] Garter Lady: Oh, what a lovely ending. Abe: That's sweet. Bart: They cut out the best word! Moleman: Didn't that movie used to have a war in it? [two guards walk over to him] Orderly: Come on, get up. You've been warned. -- This picture not suitable for adults, "The Old Man and the 'C' Student"
% Lisa leads the old folks in something called, "imagination time."
Lisa: Picture yourself on a beautiful sailboat. [the tape plays relaxing ocean noises while the people sit in life preservers and sailors hats imagining themselves on a sailboat] Ah, can't you just feel the sea breeze in your hair ... or scalps? Bart: Hey, I hear a foghorn: BOOOR-RRRRRING! Nurse: Come on, Bart, we don't want to over-stimulate these people. They just had pudding. -- That could get messy, "The Old Man and the 'C' Student"
% Homer, wearing a suit covered in springs, walks up to the Skinners' % house and rings the doorbell. Agnes answers.
Homer: Hello, little girl, is your mommy home? You'll need to ask her for $5 to buy Mr. Bouncy Best-friend. Agnes: I know you -- your little smart-mouth boy cost this town the Olympics. [slaps Homer] Skinner: Who is it, mother? Agnes: It's Bart Simpson's father. Skinner: Oh, I'll be right down. [He comes down and punches Homer. Homer falls down, but the springs push him back up. This repeats six times] -- "The Old Man and the 'C' Student"
% Since door-to-door sales didn't pan out, Homer tries another % strategy. Remembering the novelty can of nuts that hides a spring- % loaded fake "snake," he crams one of the springs in a phony can of % nuts. Unfortunately, the spring is far too powerful. When Lenny % opens the can the spring pounces out, and catches him in the eye. % (Ouch!) As Lenny stumbles around in pain, Moe asks Homer to leave % the tavern. Homer offers Moe a can of party nuts, which Moe % accepts. Surprise! It has another one of those springs in it -- % and it lodges around Moe's eye. He and Lenny bump into one another, % and their springs get caught together, trapping the two men. Lenny % instinctively pulls back, causing more pain for him and Moe. % % At the retirement home, imagination time draws to a close.
Lisa: Now we're pulling into port ... [gasps] and who's waiting for us at the dock? Why, it's all your childhood dogs! I see Petey, and Blackey, and Schnoodle ... Bart: Oh no! Pirates! Jasper: Pirates!? Bart: Ahoy Mateys, it's me, Long Bart Silver. And I'm gonna rip you a new IV hole [everybody gasps] Lisa: Bart, what are you doing? Bart: I'm just trying to liven things up around here. These people need to ride motorcycles and play rockin' guitars like the old people on TV. Crazy Old Man: Excuse me, but when those pirates boarded I swallowed my wedding ring for safe keeping. Get some ipecac; I'd like to expunge it. [Lisa leaves to get the ipecac] Bart: Okay, she's gone. Let's break out of here and have some fun. [The old people murmur amongst themselves] Abe: If I get up, somebody'll take my chair. Jasper: You got that right. It's the only one left with padding [the old people touch the padding and say, "padding," in a monotone voice] Bart: [to an old Native American man] What about you, chief? Don't you wanna be free like the eagle? Chief: Oh, I don't live here. I'm dropping off Indian Casino Pamphlets. Vote yes on prop 217. [The chief leaves by braking the window with a water fountain, and jumping through the broken glass. Crazy Old Man comes over] Crazy Old Man: You know, the door was open, Chief Break-everything! Bart: Come on people, you don't want to stay in a place where they vacuum you while you sleep. Jasper: They do what know? Bart: Now's our chance. Let's go! [the old people agree and follow Bart. Lisa comes back] Lisa: Oh no, Bart has stolen the elderly! [the chief breaks the window with another water fountain, and jumps back in] Chief: Forgot my hat. [gives Lisa a pamphlet, then runs away] -- "The Old Man and the 'C' Student"
% [End of Act 2. Time: 5:30 Running time: 13:46] % % "Can't Buy Me Love" plays while the elderly, followed by Bart run % out. While they are running the Crazy Old Man falls, but no one % notices. Jasper, Garter Lady, and three others lay down so when % they stick their hands out they make a star, when seen from above. % Grandpa jumps into the air. The shot is in slow-motion, making it % look as though he is floating in mid-air. The old people roll % around an empty pool like they're skateboarding in a half-pipe. % Garter Lady is then seen floating in the air, like Grandpa was. % % Jasper and Crazy Old Man are fighting with their canes, holding them % like swords. When Crazy Old Man knocks the cane out of Jasper's % hand and has him cornered at a wall, Jasper takes his leg off and % defends. % % The Crazy Old Man is floating. Cut to a shot of the old folks % running the other way, and Crazy Old Man falls down again. Jasper % side-hops to one side and falls down. Jasper, Garter Lady and the % three other people are shown in the star again. Jasper hops to the % other side and falls down. More skateboarding in the pool. The % footage of the cane fight is shown again, running backward. They % run forward and Crazy Old Man, Garter Lady, Abe and another person % fall down in the star position. Abe pricks himself with the grass, % and complains that grass today is sharper than when he was a boy.
Bart: Hey everybody! How'd you like to go on a real boat trip? [all of them agree and run onto the boat] Cap'n: Argh, not a looker among em'. Bart: Full speed ahead. Damn the torpedoes! Abe: What'd he say? "Put on our tuxedos?" Crazy Old Man: I want some Taquitos. -- "The Old Man and the 'C' Student"
% Homer tries yet another use for his cache of springs.
Homer: Welcome to the kitchen of tomorrow ... today. Marge, how much would you pay for a self-flipping hamburger pan? Marge: Nothing. Homer: Don't answer yet. Watch how easy it is to flip hamburgers with the help of God's greatest creation ... the spring! [Homer has attached springs to the bottom of a pan. In the pan, some hamburgers are frying. Homer uses the springs to flip the pan. The burgers fly up vigorously, then come back down hitting the oil. The oil spatters on Homer and the curtains, setting both aflame. Homer rolls around, trying to put the fire out. Marge gets the fire extinguisher, and puts out the curtains, the pan, and Homer -- in that order] Marge: Are you okay? Homer: Some second-degree burns ... but some first-class burgers! Marge: [groans] I want you to get rid of these springs. Homer: But you haven't seen the baby of tomorrow! [picks up Maggie, who is covered in springs] Ta-dah! Now if I drop her, no more tears. [hums "Sweet Georgia Brown" while spinning the baby on his finger, then around his shoulders] Marge: Give me my baby! Homer: [starts dribbling Maggie] D it up Marge, I'm going to the hole! [Marge tries to stop him but he gets around her and dribbles Maggie up to the table. He shoots, and Maggie bounces off the wall and into her chair] Marge: I want these springs out of our house today! -- "The Old Man and the 'C' Student"
% Homer obliges his wife.
Homer: [singing to the tune of "999 bottles of beer on the wall"] ... you flush one down, it swirls around, 999 springs to flush down. Marge: You're not flushing those springs down out toilet are you? Homer: Of course not! [continues singing. The toilet flushes and we hear the sound of metal scraping across porcelain] 996 springs to flush down, 996 springs ... -- ... you flush one down, it swirls around ..., "The Old Man and the 'C' Student"
% On the party boat, 40s dance music is playing, and the old folks dance on the deck.
I haven't felt this relaxed and carefree since I was watch commander at Pearl Harbor. -- Abe Simpson, "The Old Man and the 'C' Student"
% As Bart grumbles about the lack of Russian subs in the area, Lisa % walks up and startles him.
Lisa: Bart, are you crazy? We've got to get the old folks home to the old folks' home! Bart: No way, Lis, they're finally having some fun. [Abe is at a limbo stick] Abe: How low can I go? [He goes under the stick cracking his back while underneath it] Oh, that's it Lisa: Hey, maybe you're right. They don't even seem to care that it's medication time! Old Folks: Medication time! Hot dog! I want the blue ones! [etc.] Bart: But I set you free! No more nap time. No more bingo. You can do whatever you want ... Garter Lady: Let's play Bingo! [everybody murmurs agreement] Jasper: You sunk my battleship! [everybody laughs] Bart: Oh ... -- "The Old Man and the 'C' Student"
% In the meantime, Burns and Smithers sail on Burns's yacht. Smithers % paints a nude portrait of Burns, assuring his boss that he painted % all his Navy buddies that way. (Until he was discharged.) % % Back on the party boat, Abe tells Bart the old folks were following % Bart aroun [truncated]