The capsule for "The Bart Wants What It Wants" is now available at The Simpsons Archive, at "http://www.snpp.com/episodes.html". You may access it by following the link for episode DABF06. Please excuse the lateness of this capsule.
We plan to have "The Lastest Gun in the West (DABF07)" up next. (This is subject to change due to schedule and resource demands, however.)
For your convenience, a copy the DABF06 capsule follows immediately. Enjoy!
The Bart Wants What It Wants Written by John Frink & Don Payne
Directed by Michael Polcino
==============================================================================
Production code: DABF06 Original Airdate on FOX: 18-May-1999
Capsule revision A (13-Jan-2006)
============================================================================================================================================================ [from TVGuide.com] Reese Witherspoon and Wolfgang Puck are guest voices as Bart and Milhouse fight over a girl.
The object of their affection -- and altercation -- is Greta Wolfcastle
(Witherspoon), the daughter of action-film star Rainier Wolfcastle (Puck).
[Jay Kormann notes this is an error. Puck played himself in this episode
-- Ed.] After Bart and his slingshot rescue her backpack from bullies,
Greta is immediately smitten. But her crush is unrequited, and the
oblivious Bart blows off a date with her in order to harass Principal
Skinner at his stand-up comedy debut. Clued to Greta's feelings, Bart
breaks off the relationship -- until Milhouse steps in. It's only then, in
the name of love, that Bart asks his parents' help to win Greta back by
following her to her dad's film set ... in Toronto. {sx}==============================================================================
============================================================================== Blackboard: THE GIVING TREE IS NOT A CHUMP
THE GIVING TREE IS N / at cutoff
Couch: Another repeat of the "chorus line" opening, where the Simpson
family joins a high-kicking line of chorus girls, and the
backdrop lifts to reveal circus animals.==============================================================================
==============================================================================
Bojan Bugarin:
... at the fair there are same balloons everywhere (always six: 2 red, 2
blue, 2 white)?
... at first, Homer holds the steering wheel with his left hand and the
torch with his right?
... when Homer says "You wait till next month" he takes the torch into his
left hand, and the wheel into his right?
... Marge throws the torch with her left hand?
... for a moment Homer is not holding the wheel at all?
... Burns is at the Basketball game without Smithers?
... the Springfield Preparatory School keeps instruments in the same room
with the Periodic system?
... at the end Mrs. Krabapple is in the audience when Skinner is talking?
(Coincidence?)Santino Ciofani:
... the school board now allows elements other than those on the Oscar
Meyer periodic chart?
... Moe has a cigarette machine in the tavern?Don Del Grande:
... Bart's bumper car had a Mercedes logo, and Bart used it as a targeting
sight?
... there was no "hidden gag" in the FBI warning on the DVD?
... the "Itchy & Scratchy" commentary included a "picture-in-picture" video
commentary, which, in this case, was a benefit?
... Bart and Greta hold opposite hands (Bart's right, Greta's left) when
they thumb wrestle?
... the left-handed Bart is thumb wrestling with his right hand?
... Bart got a legitimate 50-point bonus in Scrabble (playing "OBLIVIO" to
turn "US" into "OBLIVIOUS")?
... Homer knows where Toronto is?Brian Dreggors:
... Bart's bumper car at the prep school fair had the grill of a Mercedes
of 1960/70s vintage and the car he bumped was a Lexus?Joe Klemm:
... the screen shaking when Wolfcastle's car pulls up the Simpson's
driveway?Chad Lehman:
... Lisa counts the number elements in the table very quickly -- nearly
immediately?
... Skinner's lips read "Welcome to George W's America".
... McBain & wife are separated? (possibly a post-Maria wife; not jumping
to the conclusion it was Maria)
... the Itchy & Scratchy DVD is the full widescreen aspect ratio, with no
black bars on top or bottom? (Meaning it wasn't -- for lack of a
better term -- broadcast TV compatible?)
... Rainier's courtside seats are better than Mr. Burns' and Kent
Brockman's?
... Smithers' "prissy" male date, complete with limp wrists?
... Bart saying "I think you left your pencil at my house" sounds just like
"I think you left your pants over at my house"?!
... the irony in Milhouse proudly wearing an "Undercover Nerd" baseball
cap? (Milhouse being the ... ashamed nerd that he is)Alee Molino:
... the beginning of this episode is similar to the plotline of the "King
of the Hill" episode that immediately preceded it? (Hank is chosen to
carry the Olympic torch, but drops it in a puddle and it goes out.
With wacky results.)
... "Nyah nyah" music plays as the private school bullies toss Greta's
bookbag?
... the star of "Canadian Graffiti" looks like the recruiter for the YMCA's
"Proper Young Man" class?Benjamin Robinson:
... Smithers is in the comedy club audience ... and not with Mr. Burns?
... Milhouse brushing the hair of a Malibu Stacey doll?
... by coincidence, all three "Bart-and-a-girl" episodes are sixth in their
respective season's production order?Francis Rogers:
... Rainier Wolfcastle starred in a movie with Ross Perot?
... Maggie has a "familiar" [Bongo, from "Life in Hell"] doll in her
playpen?
... Lisa uses hair curlers, despite the fact that her hair's spiky?==============================================================================
==============================================================================
- Starring
- Dan Castellaneta (Homer, Headmaster, Butler, Itchy, Willie, Krusty, Tour
Bus driver, Actor 2, Player [?])
- Julie Kavner (Marge)
- Nancy Cartwright (Bart, Bumper-car "victim", Jackington [?], Nelson)
- Yeardley Smith (Lisa)
- Hank Azaria (Cletus, Carl, Moe, Chuck, Chief Wiggum, Lou, Officer)
- Harry Shearer (Ned Flanders, Lenny, Skinner, Auctioneer, Rainier,
Scratchy, Cap'n, Guard, Actor 1, Announcer 1)- Special Guest Voice - Wolfgang Puck (Himself) - Reese Witherspoon (Greta)
- Also Starring - Pamela Hayden (Milhouse, First bully, Jimbo) - Tress MacNeille (Teacher, Agnes Skinner, Announcer 2, Tour Guide) - Karl Wiedergott (Pilot [?])
==============================================================================
==============================================================================
+ "The Giving Tree" (poem by Shel Silverstein) {jc}
- blackboard gag [See "Comments" section for more -- Ed.] - "Wild Things" (movie) {jc}
- using an upscale prep school for a sleazy movie + "American Pie 2" (movie) {km}
- "Stiffler" (unintentionally) drinks pee + "Batman" (TV series)
- "To the Puckmobile!" similar to the cry of, "To the Batmobile!" {bjr}
- pizza logo and brass fanfare similar to Bat-logo scene transitions on
the series {jk} + "Who Put The Bomp?" (song) {jc}
- "Time to ram-a-lam these ding-dongs!" spoofs lyrics of this tune by
Barry Mann + "Life in Hell" (comic strip) {ddg}
- Bongo doll + "Frasier" (TV series) {ddg}
- Rainier Wolfcastle was a voice [See "Comments" section for more --
Ed.] + "Circus of the Stars" (occasional TV specials) {ddg}
- "Itchy & Scratchy" episode entitled "Circus of the Scars" - "A Visit from St. Nick" (poem) {bd}
- the Donderblitzen sausage is, of course, a reference to two of Santa's
reindeer [See "Comments" section for more -- Ed.] + "Commando" (movie) {ah}
- Wolfcastle says, "Remember when I promised to eat you last?" (cf.
"Kill you last?" in the movie) + "Home Alone" (movie) {bjr}
- Moe tries to imitate Macauley Culkin's face-slapping shtick + "Seinfeld" (TV series)
- bass guitar theme we hear during the establishing shot of the comedy
club is similar to the one from this show
- Skinner performs at a club with a similar backdrop {sc}
- this show had a stand-up skit after every episode, like Skinner's bit
at the end {dj} + Budweiser (beer commercial) {cl}
- the "wuzzzzzzzaaaaaaahhh" guys are mimicked by a seriously out-of-
date, and uncool Milhouse + Paramount (movie studio) {jk}
- Paramountie + Royal Canadian Mounted Police (the "Mounties") {bjr}
- combines with "Paramount" to make Paramountie Studios + "American Graffiti" (movie) {jc}
- "Canadian Graffiti" + "Bowling for Dollars" (game show) {dj}
- "Curling for Loonies" (Loonies is a nickname for a Canadian nickel) [I
heard it was their $1 coin. See "Observations" section for more --
Ed.]==============================================================================
==============================================================================
- [7G02] Bart plays scrabble {ddg}
- [7G02] Bart plays Scrabble {bjr}
- [8F06], [8F11], [8F14], [1F19], [AABF21] Phineas Q. Butterfat appearance
{am}
- [8F14], [9F08] Homer tries to pull one of his kids away from something {cl}
- [8F22] Music during Bart and Milhouse's fight the same as in this episode
{mm}
- [8F22], [CABF08] Bart & Milhouse fight {cl}
- [8F22] a girl comes in between Bart and Milhouse {jc}
- [1F18] Bart meets Rainier Wolfcastle in a posh, private setting {dj}
- [2F19], [AABF03], [DABF01] Lisa snubs a college (So where *does* she want
to go, anyway?) {bjr}
- [2F31] possibility of Homer having a "boil" {cl}
- [3F09] the threat of spraying Bart with a hose {cl}
- [3F22] Bart rides bumper cars {sc}
- [3G02] Homer easily caves in during an argument ("Why don't you make me?"
"Why?! Oh, I give up.") {cl}
- [5F03] Homer's upset that Bart's a quitter {cl}
- [5F08] Ring toss is played at a carnival {sc}
- [5F08] It's a ring-toss game! {bjr}
- [AABF17] DVD commentary has a cast member pop up in a separate window {jc}
- [AABF19], [CABF06] carnivorous elephants {cl}
- [BABF05] a sword fight with something other that swords {cl}
- [CABF04] Solar system poster turns up in the prep-school classroom {bjr}
- [CABF10] Rainier Wolfcastle willing to play a nerd to restart his career
{al}
- [CABF22] someone throws a cinder block {cl}
- [DABF04] Wiggum regarding Ziff dancing: "He'll sleep tonight!" and Bart
regarding Milhouse swimming: "He'll sleep tonight!"==============================================================================
==============================================================================
- Ring-toss stand {bjr}RING TOSS
WIN A MICROSCOPE!
- DVD copyright warning {bjr}
W A R N I N G
THE LAW PROVIDES SEVERE CIVIL AND CRIMINAL
PENALTIES FOR THE UNAUTHORIZED REPRODUCTION,
DISTRIBUTION, AND EXHIBITION OF COPYRIGHTED VIDEO
TAPES. THE AUTHORITIES INVESTIGATE ALLEGATIONS
OF CRIMINAL COPYRIGHT INFRINGEMENT (TITLE 17
U.S. CODE, SECTION 506.)- Basketball arena sign {bjr}
BASKETBALL TONIGHT:
FREE LOTION GIVEAWAY- Outside the comedy club {bjr}
OPEN
MIC
NIGHT PITY
LAUGHS
WELCOME- Scrabble board {bjr}
B
ROMANCE
Y
F
R A
I D
LOVE O
N K R
DESIRE
S
OBLIVIOUS- Ice cream parlor (this is the first time I can remember seeing the outside sign, which is why I'm including it here) {bjr}
Phineas Q Butterfat
Ice Cream Parlor- Bus OFF takes to Canada {bjr}
FIRST CLASS BUS LINES
- Bus station historical plaque {bjr}
[Paul's picture]
BIRTHPLACE OF
PAUL SHAFFER- Canadian museum {bjr}
DODGERS OF
FOREIGN WARS- Movie studio {bjr}
Paramountie
[hat-shaped]
[ mountain ]Studios
- "Canadian Graffiti" {bjr}
OBEY
THE
RULES- Wolfcastle's movie set {bjr}
CLOSED SET:
"UNDERCOVER
NERD"- Canadian sports program {bjr}
CURLING
FOR
LOONIES==============================================================================
==============================================================================
= The Olympic rings were upside-down. [See "Comments" section for more --
Ed.] {ddg}* Since 1992, the Olympics have been on every *two* years, alternating
between the Summer and Winter Games. [Dan S. responds, "True ... but
Summer TV is all repeats."] {jk}- Homer would have to go abroad to steal the torch at least some of the time, since it doesn't pass through the US for every Olympiad. {bb}
* Skinner says their periodic table only has 16 elements, all lanthanides.
There are only 14 lanthanides. [The appropriately-named "chemboy" says,
"Then again, maybe they have more elements in cartoon land."] {mg}* A school as expensive as Springfield's private school doesn't have an alarm
system? One ought to go off immediately after Principal Skinner breaks the
window. {am}= The $100 bill Flanders won was actually a $50. {ddg}
- The I&S DVD's "audio commentary" has a video image in the corner -- that's not audio commentary, then. {mg}
* With the exception of "Men in Black," DVD commentary overlay tracks don't
feature visuals of the people talking. Even with "MIB," Barry Sonnenfeld
and Tommy Lee Jones were presented in the same style as the MST3K gang.
[See "Comments" section for more -- Ed.] {jc}- You can't thumb wrestle with opposite hands. {mg}
- Apparently the animators haven't been to Toronto because the CN Tower and Sky Dome didn't really look like they actually do. {tm}
- Marge is first seen taking a picture of the Sky Dome, but the CN Tower is
not in sight. Now anyone who been to Toronto or has even seen a picture of
the skyline knows that the CN Tower is about fifty feet away from the Sky
Dome. Then when Marge is taking a picture of the CN Tower she is in a
completely different location and the Sky Dome is no where to be found.
{ns}- When Bart and Homer are on the observation deck of the CN Tower, they see a
body of water surrounded by green forestry. It is true that if you are on
the south side of the observation deck you can see Lake Ontario but there
is nothing close to trees anywhere in sight. All that surrounds Lake
Ontario is the harbor, some condos, and some factories and warehouses.
{ns}==============================================================================
============================================================================== Bojan Bugarin: This was a good episode. Greta is just great and I like the Simpsons in Toronto. Milhouse is disgusting as always. But it's not as good as "Jaws Wired Shut" or "Half-decent Proposal." (A-)
Santino Ciofani: After weeks of odd, unflowing episodes, this breath of fresh air couldn't come soon enough. A solid plot which flowed throughout the entire show is always a welcomed plus. The jokes were outstanding and lots of characters contributed to the story, instead of just being around to toss in a line or two. The Canada scene was hilarious and should have been longer, but I can't find fault for that at all. An honest (A+)
Don Del Grande: One of the better episodes, but not quite "top level", probably because some of the scenes seemed to drag on, and when they didn't, they tended to blend together to seem like they did. They didn't show Bart and Greta really do very many things together, and in Canada, most of the time was used setting up the one gag. (And that curling scene brought back too many memories ... mainly of the Canadians slapping the Americans around in their early-round match in the 2002 Olympics.) (B+)
Francis Rogers: This was one of the better episodes this season. The jokes were great. Especially the I&S DVD, Wiggum & Lou in the diner, and Skinner's stand-up comedy act. The part with the stolen Olympic torch was pretty good as well. I'd give it an (A)
Matt Rose: I found this to be a pretty hit and miss episode, with some material slightly harder to swallow than usual. I thought the interaction between Bart and Greta was sweet, and made for some of the best moments of the episode. But more should have been done with Canada, much more. Why one act? They were willing to give Australia and Japan entire episodes. They do gets bonus points for using "Take Off", though. Typical of later season episodes in that too much time is spent on one plot element and too little on another. Unlike some, I enjoyed the Skinner comedy subplot. (B-)
Stephen X: Not a bad episode but not a great episode either. It is cute to see Bart having feelings for a girl, but it has been done before a couple times. Actually, the Homer-centric moments were the funniest of the show. All in all, a solid (B)
Yours Truly: Well, I've got to hand it to the writers -- they've came up with an interesting twist onto the "Bart-meets-girl" story. Reese Witherspoon brings an endearing personality to the girl, Greta Wolfcastle, who wants to be more than just friends with Bart. The show's Canadian scenes don't arrive until almost the end, but they're pretty good and you can at least say they weren't dragged out. It's not perfect (toward the end of the story the kids act a little too grown-up, for example) but for the most part, this is a fine episode. (A-)
AVERAGE GRADE: A- (3.53) Std Dev.: 0.5202 (7 reviews computed)
==============================================================================
==============================================================================
Geoff S: As Bart follows Milhouse and Greta, "Use Ta Be My Girl" by the O'Jays is heard.
Tom Restivo: [We hear] "Take Off", credited to Bob & Doug McKenzie off their "Great White North" album in 1982, though the musical vocals are those of Geddy Lee of "Rush" fame
Matt Rose adds: The rock song played during the Canada scenes is "Take Off", from the 1981 comedy album "Great White North", by Bob and Doug McKenzie, played by actors Rick Moranis and Dave Thomas, of SCTV/"Strange Brew" fame, and features the screeching vocals of Geddy Lee, bass player from the Canadian progressive rock band Rush. It was a modest hit on both sides of the border.
(I am fairly certain that the version of the song used in the episode tonight was not the original, however.)
Darrel Jones adds: Bob and Doug McKenzie were characters on "Great White North", a recurring sketch on the SCTV TV series, which ran during the late 1970's and early 1980's. It starred Rick Moranis and Dave Thomas (who voiced Rex Banner on "Homer vs. the 18th Amendment") as two dull Canadian brothers who would talk about whatever dull things were on their minds in a rather long-winded fashion. They dressed in heavy winter gear, loved drinking beer, and always used Canadian expressions like "hoser" and "eh?". In 1982, the duo actually released an album, which sold rather well. "Take Off" appeared on this album; it was the expression the McKenzies used whenever they were pissed off. It basically meant "shut up" or "screw you".
Joe Klemm writes: The Giving Tree is a children's book (by Shel Silverstein?) about the friendship between a boy and a tree. As the boy ages, the tree gives its items to help to the boy (first it's apples, then it's branches, then it's main body). In the end, the tree, which is now a stumps, serves one more purpose as the boys, who is now an old man, dies laying on the stump.
Don Del Grande writes: The Olympic rings were upside-down (as they were in an episode of "King of the Hill" that premiered just before this episode premiered on Fox), although it's probably because the "correct" rings are copyrighted. Unlike most "symbols" like, say, the Oscar statuette, which can (and have) become public domain, the Olympic rings and name are specifically protected under USA law.
Ryan Mead replies: You can't copyright a symbol. The Olympic rings (and the word Olympic) are trademarked-as well as protected by law under the United States Code, title 36, section 220506.
Tom Restivo also replies: Actually, the AMPAS has been VERY vigilant on the Little Golden Nekkid Guy and associated references. Anytime you see an image of the LGNG as a graphic in print or video, there is a '(C)AMPAS(R)' stamped on it.
Don Del Grande: I thought I recalled a federal court decision that said that the image of the Oscar statuette was now considered public domain; I found a reference to it, but it may not apply to the Oscar statuette itself. (AMPAS sued a company that made a variation with the LGNG holding a star over his head rather than a sword in front of him.)
Brian Dreggors explains: Among the wursts (sausages) Lisa names during dinner with Rainier Wolfcastle is 'Donderblitzen.' Hopefully not an actual meat, the name donderblitzen refers to two of the original eight reindeer who pull Santa Claus' sleigh, Donner and Blitzen. In older versions of the story, Donner's name is spelled Donder, as per the German language (Donder = Thunder, Blitzen = Lightning).
Don Del Grande: Rainier Wolfcastle mentioned that he was a voice on "Frasier"; a number of celebrities have their voices on that show, as callers to Frasier's radio call-in program, and most seasons' last episodes list most, if not all, of the celebrities who "appeared" this way in that season.
Brian Dreggors: Rainier Wolfcastle owns a Hummer H1 (HUMMVEE), the quintessential suburban assault vehicle made famous during the Gulf War and by countless celebrities. During the New York Intl. Auto Show in April of 2002, General Motors unveiled the Hummer H2, a smaller, Chevrolet Suburban- based version of the original H1. None other than Arnold Schwarzenegger (whom Wolfcastle is a parody of) helped debut it. Since then, he's become the unofficial spokesman for the H2.
On a side note, Buick (another GM division) recently announced a new midsize SUV for the 2004 model year. It's name: Rainier.
Benjamin Robinson: You wouldn't know it from watching the show, but the Hummer isn't an ideal date car. The real thing has an elbow-height "tunnel" running right through the center of it, effectively separating you from your would-be paramour.
Most of the other action tonight was in the bumper car arena. Bart's car was styled to resemble a late-60s or early-70s Mercedes-Benz, the kind people drove just before they became really fashionable. The chauffeur- driven bumper limousine is modeled after the Rolls-Royce Phantom V. Bart's victim drove what appears to be a Lexus LS400- series -- note the logo on the grille.
Francis Rogers: The I&S DVD is typical of many DVDs with it's audio commentary (the Simpsons Season One DVD set has commentary). However, there is one major flaw: Commentary is usually a separate audio track, meaning it would be impossible to have the inset with Scratchy and Itchy speaking. Although it would probably be possible to have two chapters of the same content (one chapter with commentary, one chapter without), but since this is an EXTREME waste of space, it is rather unlikely.
Kevin Madden adds: Some DVDs of TV series have special editions of certain episodes where they show the full episode and then every now and then an inset will pop up and someone will talk about something. I doubt they would ever do that for a movie though, because like you said it would take up a lot of space.
Ted Schuerzinger asks: Why does Lisa need curlers? She's got POINTY hair; I wouldn't think she needs curlers for that. And we didn't see her in curlers in "Little Big Mom", the last episode where she was being a mother.
Joe Klemm: Steven Soderberg is a director whose works include sex, lies, and videotape, Erin Brockovich, and Traffic (the last one he won an Oscar for). His most recent film is a remake of Ocean's Eleven starring George Clooney.
Benjamin Robinson: Dick Cheney -- Vice President of the U.S. Skinner's sarcastic welcome to "Dick Cheney's America," as opposed to "Bush's America," might refer to allegations that it is Cheney, and not Bush, who really runs the country. This sort of talk has subsided greatly since the terrorist attacks on the World Trade Center and the Pentagon, but I wouldn't be surprised if this joke was written long before then.
Tom Restivo responds: In the weeks following the attack, the whereabouts of Dick Cheney were unknown, for security reasons. This intensifies in the minds of some even more that he _was_ running the country. One of the first post-attack political jokes that made the rounds of late show was that he was hiding out in a theater playing the Mariah Carey bomb, "Glitter".
Benjamin Robinson continues: Wolfgang Puck -- He's a popular chef, known for taking an ordinary dish (like pizza) and jazzing it up with exotic ingredients (like sun-dried tomatoes or, evidently, M&Ms).
Ross Perot -- Founder of the Reform Party and former candidate for President. Most people today think he's kind of a crank.
Paul Shaffer -- Most visible in his role as David Letterman's sidekick and musical director, Shaffer has also worked on a variety of live musical theater performances, and even cut an album or two. He was actually hails from Thunder Bay, not a Toronto bus station.
Benjamin Robinson writes: Marge's opinion of Canada nicely summarizes American feelings about that country. One the one hand, it's like a cleaned-up version of the States, without the crime, urban decay, or pollution. On the other hand, it lacks America's edgy, "hip" qualities and is perhaps even a bit dull. In other words, the kind of country where the graffiti artists might actually write, "Obey the rules."
Canada has a thriving film industry, so it isn't surprising that "Undercover Nerd" should be filming there. Toronto can stand in nicely for any number of American cities, and the cost of filming up there is far lower than in southern California.
"Curling for Loonies" is kind of an interesting concept. Curling originated in Scotland, but the Canadians are the sport's most enthusiastic fans. There are an estimated 1.5 million curlers in the world, and 1.1 million of them are from Canada. Sometimes called "shuffleboard on ice," the idea is to "bowl" the heavy stones onto precise spots on the ice. The guys with the brooms are there to help guide the stone to its final location.
As for "loonies," those are Canadian dollar coins. They have a Canadian loon on the tail side, hence the endearing nickname.
Don Del Grande: Canada's Olympic basketball team hasn't been THAT bad -- they finished fourth in 1976. (Okay, maybe with the introduction of NBA players, most of which are from other countries, they've fallen a few notches ...)
Timothy Alexander writes: Just some comments from a bitter old man who happens to live in T.O. (Toronto to you damn Yankees).
This ep of "The Simpsons" was eagerly awaited here in the Great White North (land of the Eskimo, home of the igloo, birthplace of Timbits). The entire country (except, of course, Newfoundland and Labrador) was eagerly awaiting OFF venturing north to Toronto.
So, after the first act - no damn Toronto. The second act finishes up - no damn Toronto. The third act - they are in Toronto! Mostly on a nondescript soundstage that could be ... anywhere!
Goodness gracious, this ep was as Canadian as lamb curry. When the Simpsons traveled to Australia, it was for most of the show. When the Simpsons traveled to Japan, it was for most of the show. When the Simpsons traveled to Canada, it was about 4.52% of the show. What gives?
Also, the writers for tonight's episode were neither Tim Long (Canadian) nor Joel Cohen (Canadian). I don't know, but it seems to me that if you have a Mongolian on staff, the Mongolian should write the show where the Simpsons travel to, say, Mongolia.
I'm mad as hell and I'm not going to take it anymore! I say that we here in America, Jr. deserve yet another show which takes place entirely in our home and native land! I say that Jean Chretien get his butt out of Russia and high tail it to LA! I say it's time we Canucks fought back!
Oh, I give up. I'm going to take a nap.
ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ.
Alex asks: Have you seen The Simpsons episode called "Canada, eh". Canadians don't speak much in it, but when they do, they sound rather nasty, like that TV commentator saying "Two Yankee-Doodles have turned this game into a dandy". I'm curious if the producers tried to reproduce the Toronto accent there or to exaggerate and uglify it a bit. The Canadians I knew personally, none of them from Toronto though, didn't sound like that.
Stephen Dame replies: I'm from T.O. Nobody sounds like that, nor have they ever. The elongated "O" sound that is often attributed to Canada is most often found in the Canadian Mid-West (Alberta/Saskatchewan/Manitoba) and is similar to the Minnesota accent. Lotsa Yanks just assume all Canadians sound like that. It's an old stereotype, like all New Englanders saying "Chowda."
Peter Jennings was from Ontario. Wayne Gretzky was from Ontario. Prime Minister Martin and Shania Twain are from Ontario. That's what most people from Ontario sound like.
"Defender" writes: Jennings, Gretzky, Martin, Twain ...??? Well that might represent how Ontarians talk, but we were talking about Toronto, where half the people came from outside Canada/ What about Singh, Chan, Kim and Park? They don't talk like Jennings, Gretzky, Martin or Twain. Hey, and isn't it funny that Groening comes from Saskatchewan, well his family did, his father is from there ... so maybe, just maybe, he was poking fun at the way his Dad talks?
"Blazing Laser": I was going to say something like that. Toronto is a cosmopolitan city and not typical of a 'Canadian' accent.
The Canadian accent (and personality) shown on the Simpsons is just one of many stereotypical foreign characterizations. Like that Italian chef guy with the pizza -- do you know any Italian who talksa likea that? Or those incredibly oversexed Brazilians in that episode where Lisa goes down to rescue the orphan. Or the Chinese celebrating 'Force Your Daughter to Work Day'
What would be funny about Canadians being just like Americans? Actually that would be kind of sad.
==============================================================================
============================================================================== % The Simpsons race in their car down a country road, pursued by a % black helicopter with the Olympic Games logo.
Officer: Give up, Mr. Simpson! We know you have the Olympic torch. Marge: For God's sakes Homer, give them back their flame. Homer: No! The Olympics have pre-empted my favorite shows for the last time. Bart: You can always find your favorite shows next month. Homer: *You* wait 'till next month! *You* wait 'till next month! Marge: [exasperated] Every four years ... -- "The Bart Wants What It Wants"
% Marge grabs the torch from Homer and tosses it to the helicopter. % The pilots are so entranced by the beauty of the flame that they % forget to control the helicopter and it smashes into a hillside. % Fortunately, the men aren't hurt, but the crash has extinguished the % Olympic flame. % % Meanwhile, Homer has grown bored, but not for long. He abruptly % stops the car when he sees a fair going on at the fancy Springfield % Prep School.
Lisa: Springfield Prepatory School? Dad, you told me there were no private schools in Springfield. Homer: But knowing about it would make you want to go here. -- Parental Psychology 101, "The Bart Wants What It Wants"
% The school's snooty headmaster introduces himself to the Simpson % family. Homer makes the mistake of pointing to the beer tent, and % the headmaster promptly smacks him on the wrist. "Monkeys point," % he says. "Monkeys cry," Homer answers softly. % % Marge is impressed by the school grounds.
Marge: This campus is so lush and verdant. Teacher: Yes, you probably recognize it from the film, "Calling All Co-eds." Marge: [pointing, like a monkey] Oh, is that where Boozer drank the pee? Teacher: It's *one* of the places. -- The hallowed grounds of Springfield Prep, "The Bart Wants What It Wants"
% Homer has a fun time bouncing in the moonwalk house, until he % punctures it. He apologizes to a few disappointed children as he % leaves the deflated structure. % % Looking through a window, Lisa admires one of the classrooms.
Lisa: Oh, this school has everything. Skinner: I know. Doesn't it just honk you off? Lisa: [gasps] Their periodic table has 250 elements! Skinner: And our school board's cut us back to 16 -- all of them lanthanides. Lisa: You know, we could get equipment like this through a bond issue. Skinner: Hmph. Here's your bond issue. [throws a cinderblock through the window, and then jumps into the classroom. Seconds later, he emerges with a "visible human" doll and a cello] Quick, take these. Lisa: Principal Skinner, you're just stealing. Skinner: Welcome to Dick Cheney's America. -- "The Bart Wants What It Wants"
% Meanwhile, Marge helps herself to the buffet of "frou-frou" food. % Nearby, Brandine and Cletus see someone they recognize.
Cletus: Look, Brandine, it's Wolfgang Puck. [to Puck] Mr. Puck, you make the only grub what satisfies my gut- worm, I swear. Puck: Try my Rice Krispies squares. They are wasabi- infused with a portobello glaze. And, you can buy them at the airport. Marge: I make mine with M&Ms. Puck: With M&M's? Now, that's what I call fusion. I could sell 'em on the internet! [kisses Marge] To the Puckmobile! [the "Batman" theme plays as Puck jumps one the side board of a van] [to his driver] Go, go, go! [and off they go] -- Same Puck time, same Puck channel, "The Bart Wants What It Wants"
% Bart visits the bumper-car tent. The wealthy students are driving % around in a genteel fashion, deliberately missing each other. Bart % tries to shake things up by bumping someone with his bumper car. % The other child is shaken up, and a bumper-car ambulance comes by to % carry him away. % % Homer tries to play a prank on Flanders at the silent auction. He % secretly signs his neighbor's name to a $50 bid. The joke backfires % when the item turns out to be a $100 bill. Homer is further % chagrined when Flanders pledges the money to an orphanage. % % At a ring-toss game, Carl and Lenny win a pair of microscopes which % they use in their "research." Evidently, they are researching the % best way to sword-fight using microscopes. % % Meanwhile, a trio of highborn bullies is playing keep-away with some % girl's backpack. Bart rises to her defense, using his slingshot to % fire Rice Krispies squares at the bullies. The boys beat a hasty % retreat ... to the Hamptons.
Greta: You were so brave to take on all those bullies. Bart: Those weren't bullies. *That's* a bully. [the camera pans to Nelson and a butler. Nelson has the man flat on his back, and uses the butler's fist to punch him] Nelson: Hey, butler, stop buttling yourself! Butler: Would that I could, sir. -- "The Bart Wants What It Wants"
% Ranier Wolfcastle approaches Bart and Greta.
Ranier: Time to go, Greta. Your mother's custody starts at 1800 hours. Bart: Your dad's "McBain"? Ranier: [laughs] I play many characters: McBain, Officer McVengeance, Sgt. Murder, and I was a voice on the "Frasier." Greta: Would you like to come to my house sometime? If it's okay with my Dad. Ranier: Come! We play Uno, I chase you with hose, no biggie. Bart: Wow, cool! Uh, I guess we're leaving, too. [looks over at the school's front gate. Lisa clings tightly to the bars as Homer and Marge try to pry her away] Lisa: No! I belong here! Please! Homer: Don't worry, honey. We can't afford this now, but when it's time, I promise my darling daughter can go to the finest school there is ... in South Carolina. Lisa: Oh! I will not be a Gamecock! Homer: You will too! [Lisa continues her struggle, until her grip on the bars finally slips] Go Gamecocks! Lisa: No! -- At least it's not Brown, "The Bart Wants What It Wants"
% [End of Act One. Time: 5:19] % % Bart gets ready for his visit to Greta's house. Homer helps him out % with a little friendly advice.
Look, boy, here's my advice on women: Don't give them nicknames like "Jumbo" or "Boxcar," and always get receipts. Makes you look like a business guy. -- Homer Simpson, "The Bart Wants What It Wants"
% The quiet afternoon is disturbed by a loud rumbling sound. The % family runs to the front door just as Wolfcastle's enormous SUV % pulls up.
Marge: That car's as big as all outdoors. Homer: Wow, what kind of mileage does it get? Ranier: One highway, zero city. Marge: [impressed] Ooooh. Ranier: Mmm-hm. -- Something to brag about, "The Bart Wants What It Wants"
% Ranier chauffeurs Bart and Greta back to the Wolfcastle house.
Ranier: Bart, your little tie makes me smile. Bart: Excuse me, but you don't sound as tough as you do in the movies. Ranier: [threatening] If you don't shut your big yap, I will rip off your face and use it as a napkin. [pause, and then everyone laughs] [serious again] Laughing time is over. -- "The Bart Wants What It Wants"
% Greta's room has a lot of cool stuff, including oversize movie % props.
Greta: These are props from one of my Dad's movies, "The Incredible Shrinking McBain." Bart: Wow, the Q-Tip he used to kill Ross Perot! Oh, everything in your house is so cool. Greta: What's your house like? Bart: Aw, it's okay. My bed is stuffed with hay. Greta: [laughs] Sorry. You're so funny. Bart: [awkward laugh] Yeah ... -- "The Bart Wants What It Wants"
% Bart and Greta settle down to watch "Itchy & Scratchy" cartoons on % DVD. First, they watch "Circus of the Scars." This episode finds % the cat and mouse at the circus, where they work as trapeze artists. % Itchy and Scratchy swing toward one another on separate trapezes. % Itchy draws a pair of knives and cut Scratchy's arms off at the % wrists. Scratchy falls *through* the net, under the trapezes, with % the ropes cutting his body into neat little cubes. A circus % elephant eats some of the cat cubes.
Greta: Check out the audio commentary. [pushes a button on the DVD remote. A picture-in-picture box appears on the screen, showing Itchy and Scratchy.] Scratchy: We shot this at four in the morning, and the crew was getting a little cranky. Itchy: You can never get enough takes for Steven Soderberg Scratchy: Always wanting more rehearsal -- [Itchy attacks him, cutting off his head] -- No long-winded commentaries here, "The Bart Wants What It Wants"
% Next, it's the Wolfcastles' turn to visit the Simpsons. Marge % prepares a variety of fine German sausage cuisine, including % bratwurst, sauerbraten, and donderblitzen. Lisa recoils at these % choices, and Ranier dismisses her as a "whale-kissing, Dukakis- % hugging moon maiden." % % Greta shyly reaches for Bart's hand under the table.
Bart: What are you doing? Oh, I gotcha. [pulls Greta's hand on the table] One, two, three, four, I declare a thumb war. [Bart begins to thumb-wrestle Greta] Greta: One, two, three! Bart: Hey, that was a fast count. -- "The Bart Wants What It Wants"
% Ranier eyes the last slice of pie.
[to pie] Remember when I said I would eat you last? I lied. -- Ranier Wolfcastle, "The Bart Wants What It Wants"
% Some time later, the Wolfcastles' doorbell rings. Greta answers the % door.
Greta: Hi, Bart! Milhouse: [jumps into the doorway] Whazzu-u-up! Greta: Oh. You brought someone. Bart: Yeah, this is Milhouse. He's my best friend because ... well, geographical convenience, really. -- "The Bart Wants What It Wants"
% Milhouse brought his bathing suit, and happily splashes around in % Greta's pool. % % Meanwhile, Homer bring *his* new friend to Moe's Tavern.
Homer: Hello, gentlemen. Would you care to meet Ranier Wolfcastle? Carl: Oh, my God, oh my God, oh my God! Lenny: Hey, I've been using that ab-roller you endorsed, but I haven't been gotten any results. Ranier: Right, because you've been using it backwards. [spins Lenny around to reveal an impressively- developed set of abs on Lenny's back] Carl: Are you really Homer's friend? Lenny: After they shoot your movies, who gets the leftover film? Moe: Is it really true that if I kill you, I become you? Ranier: Ugh. This looks like a job for my authorized lookalike. [leaves. A second later another man who looks just like Wolfcastle walks in] Charlie: Hi, I'm Charlie. I live in his trunk. Moe: So, how much you lookalikes make? 'Cause some say I look like Macaulay Culkin. [does a bad impersonation of Culkin's "aftershave" scene in "Home Alone"] -- Whatever Charlie gets paid, it isn't enough, "The Bart Wants What It Wants"
% Ranier -- the real Ranier -- treats Homer, Bart, and Greta to % courtside seats at the basketball game. Greta turns to Bart with a % question.
Greta: Bart, my school's having a dance. It's pretty lame, but maybe you could make it fun. If we went together. Bart: Yeah, I guess. [the crowd cheers a defensive play] Homer: Ouch! I sat on something sharp. Ranier: Oh, that's just Lara Flynn Boyle. Homer: [laughs] I have a Boyle on my ass! -- "The Bart Wants What It Wants"
% Later, in Principal Skinner's office.
Skinner: Now, Willie, don't tell anyone I'm trying my stand- up comedy act tonight. If the students find out I'm performing at Floppy's, I'll never live it down. Willie: I won't tell if you put me on the guest list. Skinner: All right. Plus one? Willie: Nay. Skinner: Now, I'll give you directions starting from the Simpson house. [cut to just outside Skinner's office door, where Bart and Milhouse are eavesdropping] Bart: Oh, ho, we are so there. Milhouse: Aren't you supposed to take Greta to the dance tonight? Bart: Hmm, yeah. Maybe I should keep my promise. Skinner: I just hope the audience is kind, because my material is weak and, uh, and I have that bladder thing. Bart: That's it -- I'm blowing off the dance. This is the biggest thing that happened to me since chocolate milk! Milhouse: They've got chocolate milk now? -- Bart's busy social schedule, "The Bart Wants What It Wants"
% And so the boys go to Floppy's, where Krusty the Klown is the emcee. % Another unlikely comic, Captain McAllister, is finishing his set. % He holds a swordfish with three rolls of toilet paper on its % "sword". The audience isn't laughing. Krusty walks onstage to wrap % things up.
Krusty: That was the prop comedy of the Sea Captain. More like, "Thar he blows!" [audience laughs] Cap'n: Yar, I'm so sorry. Krusty: All right let's keep this train wreck moving. [looks at an index card he's holding] Principal Skinner? I know him; he's not funny. Well, enjoy! [walks offstage. The audience applauds as Skinner walks over to the microphone. He adjusts it (causing a little feedback), and begins his routine] Skinner: So, it's, uh, standardized testing time again. Have you ever noticed how the dumb kids fill in the wrong circles? Bart: [chanting from the back of the club room] Sey-mour! Sey-mour! Skinner: Heh. Lost my place. [clears throat] Maybe, maybe, maybe, maybe a little, uh, improv would raise the roof here. Would someone name a profession? Bart: Loser principal! Skinner: Uh, I think I heard, "California Surfer." [imitates a man on a surfboard] Agnes: You suck, Seymour! [everyone in the audience boos, except for Bart and Milhouse, who laugh] -- The king of comedy, "The Bart Wants What It Wants"
% Bart walks home, still laughing at Skinner's terrible performance. % Lisa meets him at the bottom of the stairs.
Lisa: Greta called. It seems you told her you were sick. Bart: Lisa, I only lied because it was the easiest way to get what I wanted. -- "The Bart Wants What It Wants"
% That's not a good enough excuse for Lisa.
Lisa: Bart, this girl is in love with you. Think about it. [Bart reminisces about the times he's had with Greta, like the ride in the SUV and the thumb-wresting match. Finally, he remembers when the two played Scrabble, where all the words are romantic -- except for the "oblivious" laid down by Bart] Bart: Hey, I didn't lead her on. I always played it light and breezy. Lisa: Well, if you don't feel the way Greta does, you've got to tell her before she gets hurt. Bart: All right, I know what to do. I'll dump her like she's never been dumped before. Then, we'll go right back to being friends. Lisa: [facetious] Well, Bart, you really understand women. Bart: Lis, women are easy. State capitals are hard. -- Bart, about to learn a hard lesson, "The Bart Wants What It Wants"
% Homer comes home from a cock fight. Lisa isn't too approving of % that, either. % % Bart implements phase one of his plan at an ice-cream parlor.
Greta: You're breaking up with me? [sobs] Waiter: [to Bart] Don't worry. We get that a lot here. [points to another booth where Chief Wiggum and Lou are sitting] Wiggum: Lou, you can't leave the force. I can change. Lou: I just think there's more money in private security. Wiggum: What I'm hearing is, I'm too fat. [cries, although not so hard he can't eat his sundae] Aren't I? -- It's not you, it's me, "The Bart Wants What It Wants"
% [End of Act Two. Time: 13:28] % % At home, Ranier tries to console his daughter.
Greta: I can't believe he dumped me. Ranier: In my movies, this is where I would go berserk. Greta: Dad, this isn't a movie. Ranier: Well, let my muscles hug you. -- "The Bart Wants What It Wants"
% The next day, Bart visits the Wolfcastle household.
Bart: Greta, I'm sorry I didn't handle the breakup well, but you're a sweet kid and someday you'll find someone who -- Milhouse: Whazzu-u-up! Bart: Milhouse? Greta? Well, no one has to draw me a picture. Milhouse: Oh, but I did. [shows Bart a drawing of Milhouse and Greta kissing] Bart: [gasps] Greta, is this how it is? Greta: Yes, except he kissed me in the eye. [closes the door] -- "The Bart Wants What It Wants"
% Bart regrets his decision to break up with Greta.
Bart: Oh, I was an idiot. Now I'll be alone forever. Why did I break up with her? Lisa: Oh, Bart, it's human nature. You only want her because someone else has her. Bart: Prove it, using examples from this room. Lisa: All right. Look, Maggie's not playing with this ball right now. But look what happens when I take it. [takes the ball out of Maggie's playpen. The baby tries to get it back] See? Bart: Gimmie the ball! Gimmie the ball! Lisa: [sighs] -- "The Bart Wants What It Wants"
% Bart stalks Greta and Milhouse on their dates, following them to the % park, the beach, and the boardwalk. Finally, he is desperate enough % to leave a message on Greta's answering machine. When she picks up, % Bart tries to ask her to take him back, but Greta cuts him off. % "I'm leaving in ten minutes. My Dad's shooting a movie in Toronto," % she says. "You're going to Spain?" asks the boy who thinks state % capitals are hard. % % Bart explains his situation to his family.
Bart: So to win Greta back, I have to go to Toronto. Homer: Canada? Why should we leave America to visit America Junior? -- "The Bart Wants What It Wants"
% The rest of the family is more willing to take the trip, so Homer % gives in. He decides the family will go First Class ... Bus lines.
It's so clean and bland. I'm home! -- Marge Simpson, upon arriving in Canada, "The Bart Wants What It Wants"
% Bart notes that the Toronto bus station is the birthplace of Paul % Shaffer. Homer jaywalks across the street, figuring Canada's free % health care system will protect him. When a car hits him, he % figures he's rich. % % The family sees the sights in Toronto. Marge takes a snapshot of % the Skydome. Lisa visits the Museum of Draft-Dodgers. Homer and % Bart visit the CN Tower.
Bart: I'm a ten-year-old boy in Toronto. I should be the happiest kid in the world. But I can't stop thinking about Greta. Guard: Oh, you'll win her back, eh? And (b), we're closing in five minutes. Homer: Would a U. S. dollar change your mind? Guard: American currency! What time would you like your breakfast, sir? -- "The Bart Wants What It Wants"
% The Simpsons take a tour of a Toronto movie studio's backlot. Bart % spots the place where Ranier Wolfcastle's "Undercover Nerd" is % filming, and gets off the tour bus. % % Inside the studio is a set built to look like a school hallway. Two % actors, playing bullies, are hassling a third actor playing a nerd. % Ranier is playing McBain thinly disguised as a bookworm. He % approaches the two "bullies."
Ranier: Excuse me, which way to the chess club? Actor 1: What's your name, nerd? Ranier: Melvin Eugene Punymier. Actor 2: Well, well, a big muscle-bound nerd. Actor 1: Huh. Just more of you to pick on. Ranier: The geek shall inherit the earth. [picks up the first actor, and uses him to spear the second] -- The next "McBain" blockbuster, "The Bart Wants What It Wants"
% Homer and Bart find Greta backstage.
Homer: There she is, boy. Bart: I don't know, Dad. What if she's still mad at me? Homer: Listen to me, son. No one loves a quitter, so you go over there and you win her back. Bart: But she might say, "no." Homer: Oh, I quit; there's no convincing you. Oh, I'm going to take a nap. [goes to sleep] -- "The Bart Wants What It Wants"
% Milhouse stops Bart from approaching Greta.
Milhouse: You're not going to win her back. She's with "The House" now. [laughs] Bart: Milhouse, she's only dating you to get back at me. Milhouse: My therapist said that's all I could ever hope for. So take off, hoser! -- "The Bart Wants What It Wants"
% The two boys fight. ("I'm going to knock you into the next % province," vows Milhouse.) The wrestle their way out of the % "Undercover Nerd" building and into the studio next door, where a % crew tapes an episode of "Curling for Loonies."
Announcer 1: Well, we've seen some wild sweeping here today. Announcer 2: Yes, the broom handling has been truly dazzling. [Bart and Milhouse fight their way into the arena] What's this? Two young Yankee Doodles have turned this match into a Dandy. Announcer 1: [laughs] Both our viewers must be thrilled. -- A very special episode of "Curling for Loonies," "The Bart Wants What It Wants"
% The boys eventually fight their way to the end of the curling rink. % Greta is waiting for them.
Bart: Greta, I miss you so much. Please be my girlfriend again. Greta: No. Milhouse: Yes! The House always wins! Greta: Sorry, Milhouse. I thought Canada would save our relationship, but it only made it worse. Milhouse: You're breaking up with me? Why? Greta: I guess I was just looking for someone more ... masculine. Milhouse: I told you, I don't know how that scrunchy got in my hair. Greta: Sorry, guys, but you two have put me off dating for at least four years. I think I'll just buckle down and co-produce my Dad's movie. Bart: Need a unit production manager? [growls] Greta: It's too late, Bart. [walks away] -- "The Bart Wants What It Wants"
% And with that, Greta's out of their lives forever. Bart and % Milhouse reinstate their friendship.
Bart: Well, I guess we're single again. Milhouse: I can't believe I have to give her half my stuff. But are we still friends? Bart: 'Till the next one. -- A realistic pledge of friendship, "The Bart Wants What It Wants"
% The boys figure that as long as they're in Canada, they might as % well do something fun. Soon, they're playing basketball with some % grown Canadian men.
Milhouse: I can't believe we're on the Canadian Olympic basketball team. Bart: Yep. It's just that easy! [He shoots. He misses] Player: Wow, that was close. You can be the center. -- Going for the gold, "The Bart Wants What It Wants"
% Hey! Let's go back to Floppy's and see how Skinner's doing!
Skinner: How come you always run out of tardy slips before you run out of permission slips? Jimbo: How come you suck? Skinner: Uh, I lack confidence? -- Yeah, that would be it, "The Bart Wants What It Wants"
% [End of Act Three. Time: 19:45] % % Normal closing credit music. The Gracie Sound is Milhouse yelling, % "Wazzup!" ==============================================================================
============================================================================== {ah} Aaron Hirshberg {al} Austin Lewis {am} Alee Molino {bb} Bojan Bugarin {bd} Brian Dreggors {bjr} Benjamin Robinson {cl} Chad Lehman {ddg} Don Del Grande {dj} Darrel Jones {jc} Jeff Cross {jk} Joe Klemm {km} Kevin Madden {mg} Matt Garvey {mm} Michael Morbius {ns} Nathaniel Siegler {sc} Santino Ciofani {sx} Stephen X {tm} Tyler McNeil
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============================================================================== This episode capsule is Copyright 2006 Benjamin Robinson. It is not to be redistributed in a public forum without consent from its author or current maintainer ([email]). All quoted material and episode summaries remain property of The Simpsons, Copyright of Twentieth Century Fox. All other contributions remain the properties of their respective authors. The Quote and Scene Summary itself is Copyright 2006 Benjamin Robinson. This capsule has been brought to you by Paramountie Studios.
This work is dedicated to Raymond Chen, James A. Cherry, Ricardo Lafaurie, Frederic Briere, and all of those who made episode capsules what they are today.