John: Homer, what have you got against gays?
Homer: You know! It's not... usual. If there was a law, it'd be
against it!
Marge: Oh Homer, please! You're embarrassing yourself.
Homer: No I'm not, Marge! They're embarrasing me. They're embarrassing
America. They turned the Navy into a floating joke. They ruined
all our best names like Bruce, and Lance, and Julian. Those were
the toughest names we had! Now they're just, uh...
John: Queer?
Homer: Yeah, and that's another thing! I resent you people using that
word. That's our word for making fun of you! We need it!! Well
I'm taking back our word, and I'm taking back my son!
-- "Homer's Phobia"Bart: What am I supposed to do here?
Homer: Nothing. Just sit. I'll be back.
[walks away, revealing a giant "Laramie Slims" billboard,
featuring a girl in lingerie having a pillow fight with another
girl in a skimpy shirt and panties]
[time passess...]
Homer: Well, it's been two hours. How do you feel?
Bart: I dunno. I kinda want a cigarette.
Homer: That's a good start. Let's get you a pack. What's your brand?
Bart: Anything slim!
Homer: [grunts] [to himself] Okay, that didn't work.
-- All good plans have cracks, "Homer's Phobia"Homer goes back to the drawing board: to make a boy into a man, you need the apex of manhood and virility as your environment. Something like, I dunno... a steel mill?
Homer introduces Bart to a big man in overalls and a hard hat.
Homer: Bart, I want you to shake hands with -- what's your name, fella?
Roscoe: Roscoe.
Homer: Roscoe here runs this mill. He's gonna show us around to let you
get a first-hand look at real all-American Joes doing what they do
best.
Bart: Why the hell would I wanna see that?
Homer: [sotto voce] You'll thank me on your wedding night.
-- Not if he divorces twice, he won't, "Homer's Phobia"A bunch of men are working in the mill when Roscoe, Homer and Bart walk in.
Roscoe: [to all] Hey! Listen up! I want all of youse to say hello to
the Simpsons.
All: [waving in a cliche, sissy-like attitude] Hello-o.
Homer: [gasps] Has the whole world gone insane?!
Worker: [sissy-like] Stand still, there's a spark in your hair!
Worker: Get it! Get it!
Homer: [whimpers]
[another guy walks past Homer holding a vat of hot steel in hot
pants]
Worker: Hot stuff, comin' through!
Homer: [screams]
Bart: Dad, why'd you bring me to a gay steel mill?
Homer: [frightened] I don't know! This is a NIGHTMARE! YOU'RE ALL
SICK!
Worker: [waving his hand] Oh be nice!
Homer: Oh! My son doesn't stand a chance! The whole world's gone gay!
[a whistle goes off]
Oh my god! What's happening now?
Roscoe: We work hard. We play hard. [pulls a chain]
["Everybody Dance Now" starts playing]
-- Oh, that ain't good news, "Homer's Phobia"Suddenly, a hi-tech disco ball slides down and the entire mill turns into a night club called "The Anvil", with smoke and dance stands and everything, with every worker dancing along "Everybody Dance Now." Homer slowly backs away, frightened, hiding Bart's eyes.