On Thu, 11 Dec 2008 02:21:48 -0800, Gas Bag wrote:
------------------------------------------------------------------- "Elsewhere in Springfield, Superintendent Chalmers walks up to the door of a neatly-kept house. Principal Skinner greets him there. Chalmers just grunts as the two men go inside. Skinner heads for the kitchen, where he notices smoke billowing out from the stove. The worst has happened -- the roast he has prepared is burnt. Skinner, however, has an ace up his sleeve. He plans to purchase fast food from the Krusty Burger across the street and pass it as his own cooking. Skinner starts to climb out the window when Chalmers suddenly comes into the kitchen.
Chalmers: Seymour!
Skinner: Superintendent; I was just, uh, just stretching my calves on
the windowsill. Isometric exercise. Care to join me?
Chalmers: Why is there smoke coming out of your oven, Seymour?
Skinner: Uh, oh, that isn't smoke, it's steam. Steam from the steamed
clams we're having. [rubs stomach] Mmm -- steamed clams.
-- Skinner and the Superintendent,
"Twenty-Two Short Films About Springfield"Either Chalmers is satisfied with this explanation, or decides not to pursue the matter further. In any case, he goes back to the dining room. Skinner jumps out the window and runs over to the Krusty Burger after Chalmers leaves.
A few minutes later, Skinner makes an entrance the dining room carrying a big platter of Krusty Burgers.
Skinner: Superintendent, I hope you're ready for mouth-watering
hamburgers.
Chalmers: I thought we were having steamed clams.
Skinner: Oh, no, I said, "steamed hams." That's what I call
hamburgers.
Chalmers: You call hamburgers steamed hams.
Skinner: Yes, it's a regional dialect.
Chalmers: Uh-huh. What region?
Skinner: Uh, upstate New York.
Chalmers: Really. Well, I'm from Utica and I never heard anyone use
the phrase, "steamed hams."
Skinner: Oh, not in Utica, no; it's an Albany expression.
Chalmers: I see.
-- Skinner and the Superintendent,
"Twenty-Two Short Films About Springfield"Chalmers suspends his disbelief long enough to enjoy some of Skinner's steamed hams.
Chalmers: You know, these hamburgers are quite similar to the ones the
have at Krusty Burger.
Skinner: [laughs] Oh, no, patented Skinner Burgers. Old family
recipe.
Chalmers: For steamed hams.
Skinner: Yes.
Chalmers: Yes, and you call them steamed hams despite the fact that
they are obviously grilled. [shows Skinner the grill marks]
Skinner: Uh ... you know ... one thing I sh-- ... 'scuse me for one
second.
Chalmers: Of course.
-- Skinner and the Superintendent,
"Twenty-Two Short Films About Springfield"Skinner retires to the kitchen for a second. When he walks back into the dining room, we can see that the entire kitchen is in flames.
Skinner: [faking a yawn] Well, that was wonderful. Good time was had
by all. I'm pooped.
Chalmers: Yes, I guess I should be --
[notes entire kitchen is on fire]
Good Lord, what is happening in there?
Skinner: Aurora Borealis?
Chalmers: Aurora Borealis? At this time of year? A this time of day?
In this part of the country? Localized entirely within your
kitchen?
Skinner: Yes.
Chalmers: May I see it?
Skinner: Oh, erm... No.
-- Skinner and Superintendent,
"Twenty-Two Short Films About Springfield"Skinner escorts Chalmers back outside.
Agnes: [offscreen] Seymour! The house is on fire!
Skinner: No, mother. It's just the Northern Lights.
Chalmers: Well, Seymour, you are an odd fellow, but I must say you
steam a good ham.
[Chalmers walks off. He looks back at Skinner, who flashes
him the "thumbs-up" sign]"