"Eric Simpson: The Stuff infertility Legends are made Of"
OPENING SCENE:
Simpson's Living Room, Sunday night, and Homer, beer in hand, and Marge are sitting on the couch as Maggie and Eric, both in their pajamas sit legs crossed on the floor between their parents and the television.
MARGE:
Well, kids, it's nine o'clock and you both have to go to sleep and Maggie--this year, there will be no battle royals, arm wrestling, pro-wrestling, shadow boxing, or kick boxing to try and stay up later. Got it?
HOMER:
Awww...But I wanted to watch! Way to bring down my hopes for the evening, Marge..
ERIC:
Hmmp!
ERIC stands and heads for the stairs as MAGGIE continues to sit.
MAGGIE:
Mom, can't I just stay up all night? I mean, if I go to school with no sleep, I can draw some weird things in art class that I couldn't normally do when I'm fully, or partly, awake.
MARGE:
That's great, Maggie, but you'll flunk everything else.
MAGGIE:
So what else is new? Look full-rest, no-rest, does this concept you call "sleep" really worth spending half of my life with my eyes closed?
HOMER:
Three-Quarters for me...
MARGE:
Look, I'd rather not argue about it, can you just go to bed, Maggie. I'm tired of having this same conversation every year on the night before the first day of school.
MAGGIE lets out a murmur of disappointment and makes her way to the bathroom upstairs .
HOMER:
Marge, can "I" stay up late?
MARGE:
No! Besides, the last time I let you stay up all night, you slept through your first work break.
HOMER:
And I didn't miss a beat~
Upstairs, MAGGIE meets up with ERIC in the bathroom as ERIC is brushing his teeth.
MAGGIE:
Eric, how do you put up with Mom so well, I mean, Dad lets me get away with whatever I want, but mom is starting to get on my nerves!
ERIC:
Maggs, from all the teens that I've heard talk about their parents, it seems 'driving people crazy' is what parents are supposed to do us crazy kids.
MAGGIE:
You don't understand, bro, it's not like I 'try' to get on Mom's bad side...It just happens.
MAGGIE looks to the left of the mirror at a picture of herself as a baby as MARGE holds her. Both are smiling. MAGGIE looks down in a mild sense of angst.
MAGGIE:
Hmm...
Downstairs in the kitchen, MARGE and HOMER are seated at the kitchen table under the single hanging light as they both pour themselves a cup of tea.
MARGE:
(minor murmur) Homer...I can't believe another summer has passed us by. My little princess is now starting the seventh grade and my baby boy is entering the fourth grade.
HOMER:
Maggie? A "princess"? Pffft....get outta here! How many 'princess's' do we know who can win unofficial league schoolyard burp contests? I've also heard through the school yard / main street / power plant lines she's rising in the ranks of the local arm wrestling circuts, too! I think we should really give her that tatoo she wants for her birthday this year, or even more daring, a spiked dog collar like all those 80's bikers wear.
MARGE:
No! ...Homer, I know Maggie's a little over the top, but she's going to be a teenager this year and just the thought of that sends so many icy shivers up and down my spine.
MARGE turns around to notice she's sitting right above the central Air Conditioning duct on the floor.
MARGE:
Oh, my.
MARGE shifts over a few inches.
Upstairs, MAGGIE and ERIC are seated side by side on MAGGIE'S bed as ERIC combs his hair.
MAGGIE:
Eric, you know, if you weren't here, I don't know who I'd talk to.
ERIC:
What about dad?
MAGGIE:
He wouldn't understand. He'd grab a beer, listen, grab another beer, listen, but at the start of the third beer, he'd start dozing off and by then I would be too mad to remember what I was talking about as I pick his drunk ass off the floor...
ERIC:
Maggie, do you ever wonder what your life would be like if I wasn't around?
MAGGIE:
I do and I even remember what it was like before you were born.
ERIC:
Really? You can remember that long ago?
MARGE and HOMER suddenly interrupt as they both peak around the corner into MAGGIE'S room.
MARGE:
"Ahem!" Why are you both still awake? This is the last time I let you do the dew after 5 pm!
MAGGIE makes innocent puppy dog eyes at MARGE.
MARGE:
Oh, stop that, Maggie!
HOMER:
Aww... Quick get my camera! I can enter these two on cute kids dot com. "Only one entry per household"--my ass!
ERIC walks over to HOMER and MARGE.
ERIC:
Mom, Maggie and I were talking about the time just before I was born, so I was wondering....if you could tell me...
MAGGIE:
(interrupting) US.
ERIC:
...us...about what it was like when I came around.
MARGE glances over to MAGGIE'S digital clock which reads 9:32 p.m.
MARGE:
(slyly smiling) Eric, well, I suppose, but you both have to be in bed as soon as the story is over.
ERIC and MAGGIE both shrug their shoulders in a nonchalant agreement.
HOMER:
Heh, heh, Marge, I'LL take it from here!
ERIC and MAGGIE huddle in closer.
HOMER:
Eleven years ago, we were a much different family...Maggie was bubbly toddler who didn't know how--or when-- to shut up....
MAGGIE:
Ha-ha...just tell the tale, baldy.
HOMER pats Maggie on the head as MAGGIE shoots him a sneering glance.
HOMER:
...Bart was excited over the concept of Jr. High football, Lisa was glad to be out of the then Edna "teacher" Krabopple's class, the Swedish musical force, Ace of Base, was interested in some 'Sign' of some sort, and I was in constant pain as I had terrible migraine headaches...
Flashback...A falling shot of the front of a one story medical clinic. Ace of Base's "the sign" is playing as a sign reading: "Springfield Head Trauma Ward" along with the caption below reading: "We don't treat mosh pit victims." Inside the main, generic waiting area, MARGE AND MAGGIE beside HOMER as he grabs his temples.
HOMER:
Owww....the pain, make it stop!
MARGE:
Oh, honey, are the headaches getting worse?
HOMER:
No! I hate this song!
MAGGIE:
Oh...poor daddy.
The music fades as MAGGIE gives HOMER a sad look while MARGE lets out a worried murmur. A rather manly, tall and skinny nurse sits beside Homer.
NURSE:
Excuse me, are you a "Homer J. Simpson"?
HOMER:
(weak) Uh, huh.
The Nurse flips through her clipboard.
MARGE:
Please, you've got to help my husband! I can't stand to see him constantly suffering!
NURSE:
Well, Mrs. Simpson, we've ran some tests and it appears your husband's arteries in his brain have become weaker due to elevated blood pressure and constant exposure to low level radiation.
MARGE:
Meaning...
NURSE:
Homer's constant headaches are being caused by his arteries in his brain swelling to twenty percent larger than their normal size. All that pressure is aggravating the nerves that follow alongside the arteries, thus causing the pain. And, if Homer doesn't ease off the beer, salt and get away from whatever the source of the radiation is, his headaches will be the least of his problems.
HOMER:
Why? What could happen?
NURSE:
You could suffer a stroke before you're fifty.
MARGE lets out a gasp as MAGGIE imitates her.
MAGGIE:
Is that like stroking a cat?
MARGE hushes MAGGIE.
HOMER:
You mean to tell me this state-of-the-art doctor's office can't cure me?
NURSE:
No. The sad truth is medical science hasn't really cured anything in the last fifty years. Now, our secretary would like to discuss how you're going to pay for the bill...
HOMER and MARGE make nervous gestures as MAGGIE glowers at the NURSE.
Cut to Marge's wagon as HOMER is seated in the passenger seat and MARGE is driving. MAGGIE is buckled in in the back.
HOMER:
This is terrible...now I'm supposed to live out my days sober and salt free. I feel like a guest at a Ralph Nader's Bachelor party...
MARGE:
Homer, look at it this way--you have a family that loves you and cares about you no matter what happens....even if you don't have a job.
HOMER:
(apathetic)Thanks for bringing that up, Marge.
MARGE:
Don't be so hard on yourself. Every family has a period where things don't go right--our family that seems to be more often than others--but I'm sure we'll pull through like always. Just yesterday, I realized I had a very good shot at becoming a phone solicitor at Billbo Baggage...
FLASHBACK to yesterday at B.B. MARGE and two other women are with Lindsey Nagel in a colorless, hopeless office full of gloomy, gray cubicles and equally gloomy employees.
LINDSEY:
So, ladies...with BB's new and improved Telezapper Zapper, we have the technology and heartlessness to annoy and find a new customer base. It's like "New Coke", but with the "Drink it and like it!" attitude!
MARGE raises her hand.
LINDSEY:
Yes, Marge?
MARGE:
But won't people be annoyed with us calling them at dinner time and, ah...snuggle time?
LINDSEY:
Actually, snuggle time is a bunch of crap, Marge. You see, the average American is in so much debt from buying stuff from places like us, they work like a dogs to pay their creditors, they don't have time for sex and because they don't have time to actually have sex, much less a real family dinner, their families are in constant chaos, which makes them off-balance, and ready to make snap judgments at "dinner" time, like buy stuff from some stranger over the phone.
MARGE:
Really, how do you know all of this?
LINDSEY leans in for a close whisper to Marge.
LINDSEY:
Marge, between you and me, with the US government is actually serious debt, we actually purchased two-thirds of the FBI on Ebay and now they do what we say, or else we give their family's home numbers and credit histories to less-friendly telemarketers like me and soon to be you!
CUT TO Nelson has he has a printout of phone numbers in his left hand dials a number with his right. A person answers with a 'hello?'.
NELSON:
HA! HAW!
The scene returns to MARGE'S station wagon as she pulls into the driveway. CUT TO the living room where Bart is sitting on the floor while staring at the TV as Lisa is filling out a crossword puzzle as she's laying on the couch.
LISA: Bart, I'm stumped...do you know a nine-letter word for a "Fear of Illegal outer-space life forms"?
BART takes a long pause and scribbles something on a sheet of scratch paper and hands it to Lisa at which she takes a look at.
LISA: "I-Don't-Care"? That's three words, Bart! If you didn't want to help, you should've just said so!
BART:
Yeah, but it is nine letters, isn't it?
HOMER and MARGE enter the living room. BART turns the TV off and LISA sets the crossword puzzle on the lamp table by the kitchen door. MAGGIE runs to BART.
MAGGIE:
Bart! Can you get me Ice Cream?
BART:
Maggie, what is the magic word?
MAGGIE looks at LISA as LISA looks hopefully back at her, then MAGGIE smiles back when she looks back at BART:
MAGGIE:
Now?
LISA hangs her head in disappointment as BART rubs MAGGIE'S hair.
BART:
That's my little sistah'!
BART gives MAGGIE a high-five as they both sing the Chorus of "Whoomp! There it is!" as they run off into the kitchen and exit the scene.
LISA:
Mom, don't you get the feeling Bart's trying to raise Maggie in his image?
MARGE:
No...Maggie hasn't done anything that I'd consider Bart-like, but I would be more worried if Bart started to be more like Maggie. I mean, what if Bart went around and shot people?
LISA stares blankly at MARGE, then lets out a shudder. BART and MAGGIE return with Vanilla Ice Cream cones in hand.
MARGE:
Kids, we've got some bad news about your father--
MAGGIE:
(Interrupting) Daddy's head hurts and you all need to stop talking so much!
BART:
Way to take charge, Maggie!--
MAGGIE: Shut up!
BART:
I've said it once, and I'll say it again--the girl's got spunk! (under his breath) Or, really low self esteem.
HOMER, MARGE, BART and LISA all give MAGGIE an 'aww' look as MAGGIE stands, proudly with her arms crossed.
The Scene changes to the next day at uninviting, cold cubicles of the BILBO BAGGAGE call center. MARGE is show being given a headset as she sits in front of a computer as the computer automatically dials a home phone number. Ringing is heard, followed by a GIRL answering.
GIRL:
Hello?
MARGE (Reading from the computer screen):
(Very Perky) Hello, friend! Are you the primary spouse whom makes the traveling choices and decides what type of luggage you take with you?
GIRL:
No...(sad) Actually, I don't travel very much since I'm single and have no arms. I just stay at home and paint with my left foot and I've started a very interesting collection. You see...
MARGE: (annoyed murmur)
Cut to a shot of the clock on the wall which reads 11:24 am then it fades to 12:02 pm. Cut to a close up shot of MARGE as she has a very pale look on her face.
GIRL:
...and Marge, if you think that is bad, I've had people protest my going to the supermarket because I handle the produce with my feet...
MARGE (interrupting):
Well! Look at the time! I'm sorry you're not interested in our products, thank you! (MARGE hangs up) Yeesh!
LINDSEY enters the scene.
LINDSEY:
Marge, I was just monitoring that phone call and I was amazed at your compassion in listening to that woman's problems.
MARGE:
Really? Well, thank you!
LINDSEY: You're welcome. And don't let it happen again. Remember, you're not a listening lady, you're here to move merchandise. And move it you will! Or, we'll be forced to move you off our team. Oh, and by the way, this is your only warning.
LINDSEY exits and MARGE returns to the computer and clicks 'dial' as the computer begins to dial. The scene changes to a montage, accompanied by the Stevie Wonder song "I Just Called to Say...", of Marge smiling, talking, being disappointed at the various potential customers. Cut to a shot of the clock as it reads 5:00 pm. Cut to MARGE as she takes off the headset and shuts down the computer.
MARGE (with arms in the air):
Woo hoo! (points at the computer) In your face!
MARGE, spikes the flexible headset as it bounces off the floor and onto the chair and raises her arms in the 'touchdown' gesture. Suddenly realizing that the other workers are looking over their cubicles are staring at her, puts her arms down and exits the scene slightly embarrassed.
Cut to the Simpson's living room. Lisa and Maggie are on the couch with a miniature chess set and Bart is in front of the television.
BART:
What the hell is this programming? "The Price is Right!" night edition? Bob Barker must be rolling in his grave!
BART nervously looks at LISA as she turns to BART and MAGGIE stands up.
LISA:
Ha! I knew it! You're sooo in trouble when Mom finds out! I knew you weren't tutoring those sick orphans in front of that Radio Shack right before lunch!
BART:
But I was...or maybe that was the Radio Shack manager....
LISA turns to MAGGIE, but MAGGIE is now headed towards Bart and then sits next to BART by the TV.
LISA:
Maggie! Don't you want to finish your chess lesson?
MAGGIE:
(yawning) No.
LISA: (Sad)
Hmmm...
LISA disappointedly strikes the cushion supporting the chess set with her fist and the chess pieces tumble over . MAGGIE ignores her as she gets up and runs to the kitchen as Bart turns the TV back on. Once again, Lisa is ignored. LISA sadly looks down at the tipped over chess pieces.
Cut to the bedroom, MARGE and HOMER are in bed as HOMER is receiving a head rub from MARGE.
HOMER: (slowly singing and swanky)
"You've got me knocked out...turned me inside out, sure to make head feel goood!"
(speaking) Ah, Marge, this is the life.
MARGE:
Oh, Homer! I'm glad you're feeling better because I wanted to say that today I made my first sale of a Cramsonite CX-13 double padded, pseudo-leather, laptop carrying case. I sold it to a man who really appreciated me calling saying he was glad to have my reassuring voice over the phone...
Cut to GIL as he sits alone in a ratty mobile home, clenching the case at the beat up kitchen table. A ceiling tile falls to the floor, and crumbles upon impact, causing a dust cloud near the floor.
GIL:
Things are looking up for Gil. I've got a mostly leak-proof roof over my head, a three legged table under my elbows and the telemarketers are calling me again without saying: "I've interrupted my dinner by calling you!".
GIL lets out a nervous, but confident laugh. Then, a loud knock on the door is heard as a MAN yells.
MAN: Open up in there! We're here to repossess a Cramsonite CX-13 carrying case!
GIL: Aww crap. I thought that VISA Kryptonite Card was too good to be true. At least the people from the hospital haven't found me and my hip new hip yet...
GIL pats the left side of his hip. An ambulance siren is heard pulling up followed by the screech of stopping tires and closing van doors. An 'oh crap ' look is on GIL'S face as he swallows a lump in his throat.
Cut back to HOMER and MARGE.
MARGE:
...and that's how the first sale of my potentially new career went. Now if I can sell six times the amount of merchandise in a day, we might be able to have enough commissions to pay for food for the week.
Suddenly, the phone rings. MARGE answers.
MARGE:
Mmm...hmm. Yes....I understand. 'sigh' Okay.
MARGE hangs up.
MARGE:
'sigh' Homer, Lindsey Nagel called and said I have to return my commission from the sale today. My first customer was a deadbeat with a phony credit card. I can't believe that in this day and age with our technology, people are still getting away with stuff like this!
HOMER nervously laughs and slides his wallet into the nightstand.
CUT TO Moe's Tavern. HOMER enters.
HOMER: (dejected)
Hey, Moe.
MOE:
Homer! Well, it's about time you'd show up. It hasn't been the same since Barney left town with his new wife, Deb and since you's been unemployed and perscripted to not touch any liquor. So, ah, how's life? Still married to Marge? I'm just askin' because money, or LACK OF money, in a relationship is what leads to divorce. So is Marge happy? Tell me she's happy. She's happy, isn't she Homer?
HOMER: Yeah, she's happy, but I just wanted to come down here just to let you know I still exist and I'm still your friend...
HOMER stops short it in mid-sentence as he notices Moe cleaning the mirror with his back turned to him.
HOMER: Moe?
MOE: I'm sorry Homer, did you say something?
HOMER: Ah, no.
HOMER puts his head down and exits while MOE continues to clean the mirror.
MOE: Oh my god, I can actually see my reflection in the mirror again. No more vampire fantasies for old Moamar! (MOE laughs then notices he's all alone) Aww...Geeze...Good thing nobody heard that...
BARNEY and DEB suddenly emerge from the MEN'S room.
MOE: Barney! Deb! I thought you two were in Mexico!
BARNEY: Moe, you lied about that bathroom being unisex. There's only a urinal in there with a sink that only has cold water.
DEB: It was very unconfortable.
Outside, HOMER stands in the doorway of Moe's and looks up.
HOMER: Maggie, now!
HOMER outstretches his arms and catches Maggie, who has just lept off the roof.
HOMER: Good thing I didn't get too distracted like I did last time. Mommy wasn't too happy the last time you landed on your spikey little head. Whoever said 'bouncing baby girl' was wayyyy off the mark!
MAGGIE: Yeah, she shouted good!
HOMER pulls MAGGIE closer and rubs noses.
HOMER: Yes, she did! Oh, yes she did!
MAGGIE giggles as HOMER and her continue to walk down the sidewalk together. At Bilbo Baggage, MARGE is all smiles as she and LINDSEY shake hands.
LINDSEY: Congratulations, Marge. With two consecutive sales, and three people who quit without notice, you've just been promoted to Junior Sales Manager and I've been promoted to Senior Sales Manager.
MARGE: Well, thank you! I never thought climbing the corporate ladder so fast could be so much fun and rewarding.
LINDSEY: If you think the rewards are big, wait until you feel the ulcers.
MARGE nervously laughs and pretends to smile.
LINDSEY: Oh, relax, I was just kidding about the rewards.
LINDSEY turns and hastily leaves MARGE standing alone. Cut to Main Street as HOMER and MAGGIE board a bus and sit beside a man with unusually short side burs shaved up past his ears, graying brown hair and a white suit. HOMER ignores him as MAGGIE begins to talk to the man.
MAGGIE: Hello, man. My name is Maggie what's yours?
The MAN puts down his bottle of cola and newspaper and points at his name tag which reads "Forrest."
FORREST: My name is FOR-rest, Maggie.
HOMER notices the unusually mentally challenged, southern drawl in FORREST'S voice.
HOMER: Maggie, I told you never to take to strangers--
HOMER: (thinking) And this guy IS pretty strange.
HOMER: --so leave Col. Sanders alone.
FORREST: Sorry, if I scare you with my frown, Maggie, but Momma always said if I gotta smile, don't drink cola as the brown yellows your teeth.
HOMER: What are you? Some kind of Momma's boy?
MAGGIE: Buy cola that ain't brown...
FORREST: I'd do it Maggie, but no one makes a clear cola--
An older man seated on the opposite side of the bus puts down his newspaper.
MAN: I've heard many of crazy ideas in my day, but none this crazy! And I'm the head of Buzz Cola's research and development division and I'd like to buy your idea for a new clear, Buzz cola that looks like 7-UP, but sells better than RC.
HOMER: (upset): Hey, my daughter thought of the idea first!
MAN: Hey mister, no one's going to believe a little girl thought of a million-dollar idea, chrome dome. A man with a 78 IQ, maybe, and who's going to believe you? There ain't no one on this bus 'cept us and the bus driver!
The Bus driver turns around and it's OTTO.
OTTO: Hey, Soda scientist man, I'm still waiting for breathable caffene that smells like Moutain Dew!
MAN: For the last time, Otto, than answer is no! Why the mere thought of something that you inhale to make you get a 'buzz'.
The MAN takes a ciggerette and lights up.
MAN: Oh, yeah, now where were we?
FORREST: (interrupting) Momma always said, a foolish person's pride can be titanic, but once they let it go, their heart will go on--
MAN: Your Momma says a lot of things. Anyway...while you two idea mongers are at it, do you think you can be mostly kind and think of a catchy slogan?
FORREST and HOMER both rub their heads trying to think as the bus stops. HOMER and MAGGIE stand and are just about to leave.
MAN: Well, do I have'ta make this Buzz without a slogan, or what?
HOMER and MAGGIE start to walk away as MAGGIE turns to look back at the MAN.
MAGGIE: Just do it.
CUT TO the Simpson's House as BART and LISA enter through the front door. They both take a short pause.
BART: (yelling) Moooom? Daaaad? Maaaaggie? Oh, great not another night of being left alone! Who's going to cook our supper?
LISA: Bart, you're 12 going on 13, I'm sure you can at least competently operate the stove and make a pizza from the freezer. Besides, dad should be home any time now. I mean there's only so many places he can take a two-year old.
Cut to the Zoo as Homer is nervously fidgeting next to a zookeeper.
HOMER: Oh, please, won't you save my little girl! She's probably terrified beyond all creation.
Near the head of giraffe, Maggie is holding onto its neck has it tries to shake her off. Giggling uncontrollably, she happily yells: "Wee!" was the long neck bobs up and down.
Cut back to the Simpson's House. It's now 5 p.m. as Bart and Lisa are seated at the kitchen table.
BART: Mmm, this Pizza was a good idea. Hey, Leese, what's wrong? You look like you got an "A minus" in Advanced algerbra?
LISA: Bart, do you get the feeling with Mom being the breadwinner of the house and dad spending his free time with Maggie, you and I have become the forgotten Simpson's children?
BART: (makes 'swallowing' noise) Nah! I bet in less than a year, dad will be back at the plant, Mom will be home again, and Maggie will be worshipping the ground I walk on.
LISA: I don't know which Maggie you're paying any attention to, Bart, but our little sister turning into more a reckless youth than you were at that age. If she becomes any more of a rebel, people could mistake her for a former cast member of Different Strokes.
Cut to Marge pulling up in her station wagon as she has a frazzled look in her eyes as she tightly clutches the steering wheel.
MARGE: (muttering to herself) Call, call, call, more calling, luggage, calling, yes, no, thank you....
Then Homer pulls up next to her in the Sedan and exits carrying Maggie and proceeds to tap on the driver's side window.
HOMER: Marge, honey, ah, someone wants to say "Hi!".
HOMER holds MAGGIE up to the window, slightly pressing her face against the glass causing her face to smoosh a little.
MAGGIE: Hi, mommy!
MARGE turns to MAGGIE, and through the glass, smile emerges from the frazzled face. A short while later after dinner, HOMER gives MARGE a back rub while the kids are in front of the TV.
MARGE: Mmm...that feels sooo good, Homie.
Suddenly, MARGE feels a cramp from her midsection and haunches over a bit.
MARGE: Hrmmm...I think I'm starting to let the stress of my job get the best of me, Homer. I really hope I'm not going to get ulcers like Ms. Nagel said could happen.
BART: So, I know how you two both feel. Dad, you have a pain in your head; Mom, you have a pain in your stomach, and Lisa, as of late has been a pain in my ass...
MAGGIE giggles.
LISA: Mom!
MARGE: Bart, how many times do I have to tell you to not curse in front of Maggie?
MAGGIE: 'giggles' Bart's cursed!
HOMER: Listen to your mother boy! You're not old enough to swear in front of Maggie!
MARGE, again, hunches over as another wave of pain comes over her stomach. Then HOMER sees her pain and cuddles her. A worried look forms on MARGE'S face. Cut to HOMER and MARGE'S bedroom. They are both in bed with the reading light by MARGE turned on and they are both looking up at the ceiling.
MARGE: Homer, I forgot to tell you earlier, but I scheduled an appointment with Doctor Hibbert for your headaches and my tummy aches.
HOMER: Upset? (irate) Why the heck would I be upset? You know darn well he nearly misdiagnosed me last year, and if I didn't cry and whine about him being 'wrong' like Mint Skittles, he would've had my right leg amputated! So please don't act all high and mighty by suggesting that I should 'go' there.
MARGE: Oh, Homer, I talked with Dr. Hibbert and since we agreed not to sue, he's a greed to provide with free medical care until you get back on your feet. So, Homie, please give him a second chance? For me?
MARGE puts her head on HOMER'S chest and looks up into his eyes.
HOMER: Oooh...okay honey. But if he comes near my leg with that surgical saw again....
MARGE rolls her eyes. Cut to DR. HIBBERT'S office. HOMER and MARGE are seated in HIBBERT'S private study.
HIBBERT: (cheerful) Good morning, Mrs. Simpson...(coldly) Homer.
HOMER: (sarcastic) What's up, Doc?
A NURSE enters and drops some paperwork onto HIBBERT'S desk. HIBBERT pages through a few and an odd look overcomes his face.
MARGE: (worried) Doctor, I know that look and I know it isn't good. So, please, tell me: is it Peptic, or gastric--
HIBBERT: (Smiles and interrupts) Well, let me start with the good news!
(HIBBERT stands and nervously speaks as he paces around the cluttered office and looks at his reflection in one of his medical degrees)
HIBBERT: Homer, the swelling in your arterial walls in your head have decreased to pre-migrane levels and your new diet has helped you loose about six pounds--
MARGE: (somewhat annoyed) Doctor!
(HIBBERT turns to MARGE and takes a deep breath)
HIBBERT: Fourth time's a charm, Mrs. Simpson.
HOMER and MARGE give each other confused glances. Then Marge suddenly realises the meaning.
MARGE: Oh my god.
MARGE gives HOMER a rather shocked look and then whispers to him.
HOMER's eyes quiver and the scene cuts to an extreme close up of his forehead. His veins suddenly expand, forcing their shape into view. HOMER's right eye twitches as he leans towards HIBBERT and suddenly leans over and grabs him by the throat and chokes him ala BART.
HOMER: Why you big, fat poor man's Huxtable! YOU SAID I WAS STERILE! YOU SAID I WAS STERILE! YOU SAID--
HIBBERT: 'ack' Mr. Simpson---
END ACT ONE.
TBC someday...