For some reason I was given the comic book "simpsons royale" and ten years later I'm reading it. So, here's some excerpts from the article EVERYTHING I KNOW ABOUT LIFE (with a picture of "hey look, there's an old man talking"), by Uncle Matt:
Beware of any entertainment experience described as "zany."
Watch out for anyone who calls himself "Uncle" who's not your uncle.
When an old duffer at a family reunion uses such colorful folksy phrases as "slicker'n snot on a doorknob," beware -- he could very well start doing magic tricks with coins at any second.
In the entire history of popular music, there has never been a listenable demo cassette of an unsigned band.
Don't follow advice from comic books.
People say "Outrageous!" when they really mean "That's mildly interesting."
Contrary to popular belief, honking your horn in a traffic jam does not make cars move faster.
The love you take is equal to the love you make, plus postage and handling fees.
When people say, "Be careful of what you wish for -- you may get it," reply, "I wish you'd shut your big fat mouth."
Before you get that tattoo of Hootie and the Blowfish on your bicep, think very, very carefully.