"Now, Homer, I don't use the word "hero" very often. But you are the greatest hero in American history."
Lionel Hutz (the best character ever)
"Why is it when I hear the word 'school' and the word 'exploded', I immediately thought of the word 'Skinner'?"
Superintendent Chalmers
"See you in court, Simpson. Oh, and bring that evidence with you. Otherwise, I got no case, and you'll go scot-free."
Chief Wiggum
"Oh, you see a lot more than that when you do my daily mole check!"
Agnes Skinner talking to Seymour
"Mr. Simpson I was just going through your garbage and I couldn't help but overhear that you need a babysitter. Since I'm a highly trained lawyer I'll charge you $200 an hour."
Time for you to get a fucking life, you puss-reluctant, spotty, lonely, pathetic motherfucker!!! I'm sorry about the over the top abuse, but you're a Gayskins fan.
Now fuck off and get a life. Keeping quotes? For fuck's sake, what a boring jackass.
Okay, Senor Forlan or Senor Ruud, as you now like to be called, you can't beat anyone in a football discussion, so you have to come over here to bash me about a Simpsons post? You are such a pathetic troll. Just go to your Eagles or Cowboys, or whoever it is you root for's newsgroup, and don't bother me anymore.
"Senor Ruud" wrote in message news:asmgjq$rsrfg$[email]...
I'm sure we're all tired of this, but anyone who is still with this thread is a glutton for punishment. Here goes:
Since you aren't being very original in your trolling, I will post a very used response:
You swine. You vulgar little maggot. Don't you know that you are pathetic? You worthless bag of filth. As we say in Texas, I'll bet you couldn't pour piss out of a boot with instructions on the heel. You are a canker. A sore that won't go away. I would rather kiss a lawyer than be seen with you.
You are a fiend and a coward, and you have bad breath. You are degenerate, noxious and depraved. I feel debased just for knowing you exist. I despise everything about you. You are a bloody nardless newbie twit protohominid chromosomally aberrant caricature of a coprophagic cloacal parasitic pond scum and I wish you would go away.
You're a putrescence mass, a walking vomit. You are a spineless little worm deserving nothing but the profoundest contempt. You are a jerk, a cad, a weasel. Your life is a monument to stupidity. You are a stench, a revulsion, a big suck on a sour lemon.
You are a bleating fool, a curdled staggering mutant dwarf smeared richly with the effluvia and offal accompanying your alleged birth into this world. An insensate, blinking calf, meaningful to nobody, abandoned by the puke-drooling, giggling beasts who sired you and then killed themselves in recognition of what they had done.
I will never get over the embarrassment of belonging to the same species as you. You are a monster, an ogre, a malformity. I barf at the very thought of you. You have all the appeal of a paper cut. Lepers avoid you. You are vile, worthless, less than nothing. You are a weed, a fungus, the dregs of this earth. And did I mention you smell?
If you aren't an idiot, you made a world-class effort at simulating one. Try to edit your writing of unnecessary material before attempting to impress us with your insight. The evidence that you are a nincompoop will still be available to readers, but they will be able to access it more rapidly.
You snail-skulled little rabbit. Would that a hawk pick you up, drive its beak into your brain, and upon finding it rancid set you loose to fly briefly before spattering the ocean rocks with the frothy pink shame of your ignoble blood. May you choke on the queasy, convulsing nausea of your own trite, foolish beliefs.
You are weary, stale, flat and unprofitable. You are grimy, squalid, nasty and profane. You are foul and disgusting. You're a fool, an ignoramus. Monkeys look down on you. Even sheep won't have sex with you. You are unreservedly pathetic, starved for attention, and lost in a land that reality forgot.
And what meaning do you expect your delusionally self-important statements of unknowing, inexperienced opinion to have with us? What fantasy do you hold that you would believe that your tiny-fisted tantrums would have more weight than that of a leprous desert rat, spinning rabidly in a circle, waiting for the bite of the snake?
You are a waste of flesh. You have no rhythm. You are ridiculous and obnoxious. You are the moral equivalent of a leech. You are a living emptiness, a meaningless void. You are sour and senile. You are a disease, you puerile one-handed slack-jawed drooling meatslapper.
On a good day you're a half-wit. You remind me of drool. You are deficient in all that lends character. You have the personality of wallpaper. You are dank and filthy. You are asinine and benighted. You are the source of all unpleasantness. You spread misery and sorrow wherever you go.
I cannot believe how incredibly stupid you are. I mean rock-hard stupid. Dehydrated-rock-hard stupid. Stupid so stupid that it goes way beyond the stupid we know into a whole different dimension of stupid. You are trans-stupid stupid. Meta-stupid. Stupid collapsed on itself so far that even the neutrons have collapsed. Stupid gotten so dense that no intellect can escape. Singularity stupid. Blazing hot mid-day sun on Mercury stupid. You emit more stupid in one second than our entire galaxy emits in a year. Quasar stupid. Your writing has to be a troll. Nothing in our universe can really be this stupid. Perhaps this is some primordial fragment from the original big bang of stupid. Some pure essence of a stupid so uncontaminated by anything else as to be beyond the laws of physics that we know. I'm sorry. I can't go on. This is an epiphany of stupid for me. After this, you may not hear from me again for a while. I don't have enough strength left to deride your ignorant questions and half baked comments about unimportant trivia, or any of the rest of this drivel. Duh.
The only thing worse than your logic is your manners. I have snipped away most of what you wrote, because, well... it didn't really say anything. Your attempt at constructing a creative flame was pitiful. I mean, really, stringing together a bunch of insults among a load of babbling was hardly effective... Maybe later in life, after you have learned to read, write, spell, and count, you will have more success. True, these are rudimentary skills that many of us "normal" people take for granted that everyone has an easy time of mastering. But we sometimes forget that there are "challenged" persons in this world who find these things more difficult. If I had known, that this was your case then I would have never read your post. It just wouldn't have been "right". Sort of like parking in a handicap space. I wish you the best of luck in the emotional, and social struggles that seem to be placing such a demand on you.
Homer: Look Marge, you don't know what it's like -- I'm the one out there every day putting his ass on the line. And I'm not out of order! You're out of order! The whole freakin' system is out of order! You want the truth? You want the truth?! You can't HANDLE the truth! 'Cause when you reach over and put your hand into a pile of goo that was your best friend's face, you'll know what to do! Forget it, Marge, it's Chinatown!
Beat that!
(ok maybe Moe's 'Hey, everybody! I'm a stupid moron with an ugly face and a big butt and my butt smells, and I like to kiss my own butt.' but I have said that so you can't! )
On Thu, 5 Dec 2002 11:36:39 +0000 (UTC), "Lord Flashheart" wrote:
"Best one" always depends on your mood - there are too many of them. Like trying to name a favorite song. But some of my faves:
"Oh, come on Marge. You know how bashful I am. I can't even say the word 'titmouse' without giggling like a schoolgirl. heheheheheh...." - Homer
"Go to hell, and please come again." - Apu
"Here comes the greaseball!" [the kids are making snowballs out of congealed grease] "Hey, Luigi bring you kids a free pizza, why you make-a da fun?"
"Greased Scotsman coming through! I SAID MAKE WAY FOR WILLIE!" - Groundskeeper Willie
"The knee bone's connected to the something. The something is connected to the... red thing. The red thing's connected to my wristwatch.... uh-oh" - Dr. Nick
"Hey, you went to Hollywood Upstairs Medical College, too?" - Dr. Nick
"Damn it, Smithers! This is brain surgery, not rocket science." - Mr. Burns
"No offense dad, but your half-assed underparenting was much better than your halfassed overparenting." "Oh, but I was using my whole ass."
"Okay, brain. You don't like me, and I don't like you, but let's get through this thing and then I can continue killing you with beer. " - Homer
"Good evening, I'm Leonard Nimoy. The following tale of alien encounters is true. And by true I mean false. It's all lies. But they're entertaining lies, so in the end, isn't that the truth? The answer is "no."
"George Burns was right: show biz is a horrible bitch goddess." - Bart
"At 3pm Friday, local autocrat C. Montgomery Burns was shot following a tense confrontation at Town Hall. Mr. Burns was rushed to a nearby hospital where he was pronounced dead. He was then transferred to a better hospital where doctors upgraded his condition to alive." - Kent Brockman
"They say the greatest tragedy is when a father outlives his son. I've never understood why that is; frankly, I can see an upside to it! Ha ha! " - Grandpa Simpson
"You don't like your job, you don't strike! You go in every day and do it really half-assed. That's the American way." - Homer
"Mr. Simpson, this is the most blatant case of fraudulent advertising since my suit against the film 'The Never-Ending Story'." - Lionel Hutz
" I bent my wookie!" - Ralph Wiggam
"Stupid risks are what make life worth living." - Homer