Alt Tv Rewind

Benjamin RobinsonSep 21, 2003, 11:34 PM ET↩ Elena M Harzewski

The capsule for "I'm Goin' to Praiseland (CABF15)" is now available at The Simpsons Archive, at "http://www.snpp.com/episodes.html". You may access it by following the link for episode CABF15.

We plan to have "Children of a Lesser Clod (CABF16)" up next, by October 15. (This is subject to change due to schedule and resource demands, however.)

For your convenience, a copy the CABF15 capsule follows immediately. Enjoy!

I'm Goin' to Praiseland                               Written by Julie Thacker
                                                      Directed by Chuck Sheetz
==============================================================================
Production code: CABF15                    Original Airdate on FOX: 6-May-2001
Capsule revision A (21-Sep-03)
==============================================================================

==============================================================================
   [From the Episode Guide] When Ned discovers that one of Maude's goals was
   to build a bible-themed amusement park, he reunites with Rachel in order to
   fulfill her dream. But when an accident dupes the public into believing
   that the park was the site of a miracle, Ned is forced to decide between
   revealing the truth versus enjoying his increased profits. Guest starring
   Shawn Colvin as Rachel Jordan.

==============================================================================

==============================================================================
Blackboard:     GENETICS IS NOT AN EXCUSE

GENETICS IS NOT A at cutoff

Couch:          A cement truck rolls up to the Simpsons' couch.  It pours a
                load of cement, which spontaneously forms into statues of the
                Simpson family.  The top of Homer's figure immediately breaks
                off and lands at his feet.  [Recycled from BABF02]

==============================================================================

==============================================================================
   ... Ned's full first name is apparently Nedward?

Don Del Grande:
   ... Ned said "Now wait just a Maude-gone minute"?
   ... Maggie falls, right after they all agree to build Praiseland?
   ... the "Whack-A-Satan" music is the music played for Homer's clown visions
       in "Homie the Clown"?
   ... the hand stamp just says "PRAISELAND" -- and is much bigger than most
       hands?
   ... Maude's "indentation" was removed merely by tightening the sheets?

Joe Green:
   ... when Homer stuffs Maude's belongings into the trash, some of them
       appear to be Asian dolls?

Zan Hecht:
   ... when Homer goes to the police station to get the fireworks, there is
       red graffiti outside that says "Bart"?  (This is hard to see, it is
       below and to the right of the "FOX" watermark, and many TV's cut it
       off.)

K Tom Johnson: ... Gavin's mother [3F07] in the crowd?

Darrel C. Jones:
   ... Rachel says "diddly" the first time she speaks to Ned?
   ... Lisa admits she doesn't think?

Joe Klemm:
   ... when kicked by a cow, Frink's Jerry Lewis sound sounds like he's saying
       "Ivan Reitman"?
   ... the real lamb skeleton when the Bo Peep figures are burned down?

Alee Molino:
   ... Homer has a cootie catcher, but doesn't have the conventional choices
       under the flaps [See "Comments" section for more -- Ed.]?
   ... Maude slept on her left side?
   ... Ned's still driving his Geo?
   ... of all the outfits Ned preserved in the closet, not one of them matches
       up to the outfit that Maude wore every day (pink vest/pink blouse/skirt
       ensemble)?
   ... Ned wore a blue tuxedo on his wedding day?
   ... Maude colors in the entirety of her amusement park sketches, sky and
       all?
   ... the labels on her ground plans for the amusement park, at least the
       ones we saw, were pretty vague?  "Rides," "food"?
   ... Tex has a problem with starting sentences one way and ending them
       another way, and it goes on without exposition or comment from any
       other character?
   ... the "old woman who lived in a shoe" lived in a high-heeled shoe?
   ... Ned wears a boater hat and a Maude button at the opening of Praiseland?
   ... the refreshment stand menus are written on "stone" tablets a la the Ten
       Commandments?
   ... Chief Wiggum's concept of a Noah's Ark souvenir filled with jellies
       (two of every kind) was much better than Ned's concept (all the same
       flavor- plain)?
   ... when Ned asks why the amusement park isn't working out, Homer and Marge
       nod in sort of an approximation of the head-nodding they did when they
       agreed that he SHOULD build the park?
   ... Jimbo breaks bread over Martin's head?

Benjamin Robinson:
   ... Maude puts a little heart symbol in her signature?
   ... the "I [heart] J C" mug on Wiggum's desk?
   ... Apu, despite being a practicing Hindu, goes to Praiseland?

David Sibley:
   ... the commercials showed Homer actually getting to lick the ice cream but
       in the episode, he didn't?  [See "Comments" section for more -- Ed.]

==============================================================================

==============================================================================
- Starring
   - Dan Castellaneta (Homer, Tex, Krusty, Willie, Mayor Quimby, Mel, Stu)
   - Julie Kavner (Marge)
   - Nancy Cartwright (Bart, Nelson, Todd, Ralph)
   - Yeardley Smith (Lisa)
   - Hank Azaria (Frink, Cletus, Wiggum, Carl, Moe, Nick, Apu, Chalmers, Comic
        Book Guy, Kirk van Houten)
   - Harry Shearer (Lovejoy, Hibbert, Ned, Kent, King David, Lenny, Louie,
        Cap'n McAllister, Skinner, St. Peter [?], Sinatra, Captain Kirk)

- Special Guest Voice
   - Shawn Colvin (Rachel Jordan)
   - Marcia Wallace (Edna Krabappel)

- Also Starring
   - Marcia Mitzman-Gaven (Helen Lovejoy)
   - Pamela Hayden (Milhouse, Rod, Patches)
   - Tress MacNeille (Agnes, Violet, Uhura)
   - Karl Wiedergott (Travolta)

==============================================================================

==============================================================================
   + "I'm going to Disneyland" (theme-park slogan)  {jk}
      - title a spoof

   + "I'm Going to Graceland" (song)  {wja}
      - title could be a spoof of this, too

   + Crucifixion (Biblical event)  {jc}
      - "cruci-fixin's" at ice cream social

   - "Vertigo" (movie)  {bjr}
      - Net fixes Rachel's hair to resemble dead wife; Jimmy Stewart's
        character does something similar to Kim Novak

   - Walt Disney World (theme park)  {jk}
      - Ned accomplishing Maude's dream of building an amusement park is
        similar to Walt's brother, Roy, taking over the construction of Disney
        World.

   + Holy Land (Orlando amusement park)  {jk}
      - amusement park based on the bible [See "Comments" section for more --
        Ed.]

   + Heritage USA (religious theme parks)  {bjr}
      - Praiseland similar in concept

   ~ "Goodbye, Mr. Chips"  {jc}
      - OFF says "Goodbye, Mr. Flanders"

   + Mr. Toad's Wild Ride (theme-park ride)  {jk}
      - King David's Wild Ride

   + Whack-a-Mole (amusement-park game)  {jc}
      - Whack-a-Satan at Praiseland

   + "Saturday Night Fever" (movie)  {jk}
      - in Disco Stu's vision, John Travolta is waiting in line for heaven in
        his white leisure suit

   + "Star Trek" (TV series)  {jk}
      - most of CBG's vision of Heaven

   + "Mork & Mindy" (TV series)
      - CBG says "Shazbat," which was Mork's expletive

   - "Austin Powers: The Spy Who Shagged Me" (movie)  {jg2}
      - in CBG's vision, Captain Kirk (cf. Dr. Evil) sits on a hydraulic chair
        that loses control

   + "Batman" (TV series)
      - Catwoman, the curvaceous nemesis of the Caped Crusader, is in CBG's
        vision of Heaven

   + "Get Smart" (TV series)
      - so is Agent 99, Max Smart's attractive partner

==============================================================================

==============================================================================
- [7F07] "Up With People" theme (really Get Dancin'" by Disco Tex and the Sex-
         O-Lettes) played in Stu's vision and over ending credits
- [2F01], [AABF23] John Travolta appears  {jg2}
- [2F12] the "Whack-A-Satan" music  {ddg}
- [3F03] The family visits Storytime Village in better days
- [3F13] A character must decide if exposing a myth or concealing the truth
         better serves society  {bjr}
- [5F07] Someone hides the horrible truth to make orphans feel better  {dj}
- [5F07] The two orphans appear  {jg2}
- [5F09] Homer stomps delicate gifts into a trash bag  {cl}
- [BABF10] Maude dies  {dj}
- [BABF10] Rachel Jordan appears
- [BABF12] Carl's last name revealed  {fw}

==============================================================================

==============================================================================
- Banner at church  {am}

    +--------------------------+
    |     ICE CREAM SOCIAL     |
    |    "A SUNDAE SERVICE     |
    |      YOU CAN SWALLOW"    |
    +--------------------------+

Lovejoy's concession cart {am}

    +----------------------------+
    |      CRUCI - FIXIN'S       |
    +----------------------------+

Hibbert's tent {am}

    +---------------------+
    |      ICE CREAM      |
    |       HEADACHE      |
    |       STATION       |
    +---------------------+

- Labels on Praiseland plans  {am}
   - Rides
   - Food
   - Tithing pond
   - Someday (in script, inside a heart)

Construction sign (text in red) {am}

    +----------------------+
    |     FUTURE HOME      |
    |        OF            |
    |      PRAISELAND      |
    +----------------------+

- Exhibit themes from Storytime Village  {am}
   - Geppetto's workshop for "Pinocchio"
   - Candy witch's house from "Hansel and Gretel"
   - "Little Bo Peep"
   - Shoe of "The Old Woman who Lived in a Shoe"

Plaque on Maude's pedestal {am}

      --------------------
     /   MAUDE FLANDERS   \
    |                      |
    |  SHE TAUGHT US THE   |
    |    JOY OF SHAME      |
    |      AND THE         |
     \   SHAME OF JOY     /
      --------------------

- Attractions, et cetera, at Praiseland  {am}
   - King David's Wild Ride
   - Hot Dogs
   - Refreshments
   - Whack-A-Satan
   - Ring Toss
   - Souvenirs
   - A big Garden of Eden-esque apple tree with a snake in it
   - Ferris Wheel
   - Rockin' Ark
   - Tickets
   - A large Tower of Babel-esque slide

King David ride sign {bjr}

    KING DAVID'S
     WILD RIDE

Sign under the "Garden of Eden" tree {am}

    +-------------+
    |    DON'T    |
    |    TOUCH    |
    |     THE     |
    |    FRUIT    |
    +-------------+

Sign near the exit, where you can get your hand stamped for re-entry {am}

    +-------------------------+
    |     COME BACK SOON!     |
     -------------------------
    |      E  X   I   T       |
    +-------------------------+

- In the crowd leaving the park  {am}
   - Dr. Nick (says "Bye-bye everybody" as he leaves the park)
   - Mr. Largo (leaving the park)
   - Legs (leaving the park and criticizing it)
   - Manjula (with Apu as they leave the park)
   - Captain McAllister (comments, as he leaves the park, "Yar, she blows!")
   - Luanne Van Houten (leaves the park behind Dr. Hibbert-- hmm, no Gyro!
     perhaps there's something afoot)

- In the crowd, and amazed at the floating mask  {am}
   - Raphael
   - Jasper
   - Sideshow Mel (criticized the park, and in the crowd, amazed at the
     floating mask)
   - Squeaky-voiced Teen
   - Bumblebee Man
   - Ruth Powers
   - Homer's bespectacled co-worker from SNPP
   - Hollis Hurlbut

Banner over the Praiseland gates following the "miracle" {am}

             PRAISELAND
    +---------------------------+
    |        FEATURING          |
    |      MIRACLE MAUDE        |
    +---------------------------+

Label on offering bowl {am}

    +---------------------------+
    |     FOR THE ORPHANS       |
    +---------------------------+

- Waiting in line to get into heaven  {am}
   - John Travolta as his character from "Saturday Night Fever"
   - Brown-haired woman
   - Andy Warhol as he appeared in Homer's nightmare in the art museum
   - White-haired man in brown suit
   - Brown-haired man with goatee in an open yellow shirt
   - The Very Tall Man who drives the Volkswagen Bug .

Ark ride sign {bjr}

    ROCKIN'
      ARK

    (You can see this -- barely -- in the background as Ned is about
     to tell the crowd about the gas leak)

- As Homer tries to convince need to keep Praiseland open  {am}
   - Cletus (sharing wine with Mr. Burns and Smithers)
   - Brandine (sharing wine with Mr. Burns and Smithers)
   - Dolph (breaking bread with nerds)
   - Jimbo (breaking bread with nerds)
   - Kearney (breaking bread with nerds)
   - Data (breaking bread with bullies)

Second welcoming banner {bjr}

PRAISELAND

CLOSED FOREVER <-- banner

==============================================================================

==============================================================================
=  Helen Lovejoy isn't wearing lipstick when Homer comes up for ice cream, but
   she is wearing red lipstick as he leaves.  {am}

= When Homer told Helen to make his ice cream cone "to heaven", Helen starting scooping two scoops at once. {ddg}

Aren't some of the Psalms attributed to Solomon? {bjr}

Who would want Maude-themed souvenirs? Why not, oh, I don't know, Jesus- themed souvenirs? {am}

=  When Apu is leaving the amusement park with a group of other people,
   Manjula isn't next to him, but when they look back and Captain McAllister
   delivers his opinion "Yar, she blows!" she is standing next to Apu.  {am}

+ Patches and Poor Violet now talk with lisps (maybe it's the symptoms of yet another horrible disease). {am}

=  In Disco Stu's vision, there are more people waiting to get into heaven in
   the initial shot than there are in the next shot of the line at the gates.
   {am}

Ned can approach the gas without any noticeable ill effects. {bjr}

+  There's also a quick goof when the second time we see Luanne Van Houten,
   she's wearing a different outfit than the first time we saw her leave
   (behind Dr. Hibbert).  {am}

= When the crowd leaves Praiseland after failed success, Manjula Nahasapeemapetilon is mistakenly colored yellow. {nf}

Why would Apu and Manjula go to a *Christian* theme park? {jg2}

*  Rachel mentions "the AAA magazine" -- in fact, each separate AAA
   organization has its own magazine (for example, the California State
   Automobile Association (which is really just northern California and part
   of Nevada) magazine is "VIA").  {ddg}

==============================================================================

==============================================================================
Don Del Grande:  There was just something missing about this episode; let me
   think ... ice cream jokes ... Ned makes Rachel look like Maude ... Homer
   and Bart throw everything into a shredder ... they build Praiseland ...
   it's not very amusing ... there's a miracle ... there's a gas leak ...
   there are orphans with candles ... somebody thinks Homer and Ned diving at
   orphans with candles is funny ... Ned gets the girl.  I know what was
   missing: the jokes!  I guess there were a few of those particles from that
   "Futurama" [time-skipping] episode left over and time just skipped over the
   funny parts or something.  (B-)

Joe Green:  This was a pretty good episode, aside from two things.  First, I
   didn't care for the portrayal of Ned as having an unhealthy obsession with
   his dead wife.  Second, I thought the ending was a bit too mean-spirited.
   Looking beyond those flaws, this one was still funny enough to earn a  (B-)

K Tom Johnson:  Really nicely done.  I laughed pretty consistently throughout
   this episode (Marge's fetish comment, changing from Christian rock to pop
   music, cutting Rachel's hair, the orphan's cough).  The visions of Heaven
   were just right, I only wish we had a chance to see Mrs. Krabapple's.  It
   was great to see such an unusually Helpful Homer.  I kept waiting for him
   to screw everything up, but instead he was the good-intentioned if
   occasionally clumsy neighbor, although I got a huge laugh from him looking
   at his watch and his alteration of Ned's wedding portrait.  Great work from
   Shawn Colvin ("It's a wig.  Now let's never speak of it again!") and a
   really sweet ending help give this episode a  (B+)

Darrel C. Jones:  Not nearly as good as I thought it would be.  Loved Homer,
   and many good jokes (the ice cream social, Ned's shrines to Maude, and the
   visions of heaven), but the closing of Praiseland fell flat.  The dull
   ending brings this one down to 7/10  (B-)

Alee Molino:  Well ... this was, I suppose, a night of resolutions -- to the
   Maude storyline (which I have a feeling will keep going on anyway) and to
   the Rachel Jordan storyline.  It leaves ends open for some sort of a
   sequel, but we still know nothing's going to get resolved.  The sight gags
   were pretty good, but the ending to the amusement park plot was a little
   too wacky to fit in well with the ending to Ned's mourning for Maude, which
   was more serious.  Not bad, but not great.  I give it an ambivalent  (C+)

Michael Nusair:  Meh.  I really don't know what to say about an episode like
   this.  It wasn't all-out horrible, which is good.  But it certainly wasn't
   great, either.  I think I may have chuckled a couple of times during the
   entire show.  CBG and Disco Stu's visions of heaven were pretty funny, but
   this episode really didn't have too much else going for it.  The plot
   wasn't the best, and the "emotional" parts lacked any real poignancy;
   instead they just made wish I were watching last week's episode instead.
   It seemed that the writers didn't know whether they wanted it to be
   emotional or funny -- but they pretty much failed at both.  I could
   probably say more about this episode, but I'll just say this:  Meh.  (D+)

Mike Reed:  As season 12 nears its end, I am becoming more and more convinced
   that the show is back on the right track for good. CABF15 was another
   episode with great jokes, plot and characterization.  We got to see the
   Ned-misses-Maude side of things that BABF10 ignored, as well as some
   emotion that its predecessor left out.  I enjoyed some of the previous
   episode refs (Storytown Village) and I was relieved to see few BABF10
   flashbacks and still no corny Maude-comes-to-Ned-in-a-vision stuff, which I
   really expected to see here.  The Simpsons are back!  We're in a new golden
   age!  (A)

David Sibley:  Pretty much all of Act 1 was great.  I found myself laughing at
   several jokes throughout most of it.  The Maude-obsessed Ned bits,
   especially the haircut, was pure hilarity.  The episode tapered off at the
   end but still had a few good one-liners to make up for the sub-par plot.
   The happy ending seemed somewhat forced to make up for a half hour of
   things going wrong for Ned.  (B-)

Robin Steinmann:  What could have been a very emotional episode about Ned
   getting over the loss of Maude turned out to be one of the flattest
   offering of this season.  Yes, it was nice to see that they still remember
   her death and the consequences, but apparently they didn't know what to do
   with it. The annoyingly insensitive and childish behaviour of Homer did
   nothing to strengthen to show, on the contrary.  The only highlights were
   the appearances of Patches and Poor Violet, and the way Ned and Rachel
   finally evened out Maude's side of the bed.  Or it would, if they hadn't
   given Homer a last word.  (D)

Fox Wolf:  I was pleasantly surprised.  It wasn't incredibly funny, but it
   wasn't too off the wall or wacky.  I got worried in the second act that the
   resolution would be something alone the lines of the ghost of Maude telling
   Lisa to give everyone leprosy, but glad there was at least a plausible
   explanation for the miracles happening.  There were a few great lines, like
   "We're the neighbors, and we don't think" and "Let's both go sit in the
   car" and things like that.  The second act wasn't too funny though.  (B)

Yours Truly:  This is a middling episode.  The church social gets things off
   to a funny start, and the characters' idea of Heaven was good.  Ned's
   get-togethers with Rachel and third-act crisis, brief as they are, come off
   nicely.  I'm also glad the producers went to the trouble of bringing in
   Shawn Colvin to reprise her role of Rachel Jordan.  There are a lot of
   directions this episode could have gone:  Ned's new relationship with
   Rachel, Ned's accepting Maude's passing, or Ned opening a theme park.  In
   trying to handle all these themes, the episode doesn't do justice to any of
   them.  Supposedly, there's a Chinese proverb that goes, "The man who chases
   two birds gets none."  The sentiment applies quite well to "I'm Going to
   Praiseland."  (C+)

AVERAGE GRADE: C+ (2.48) Std Dev.: 0.8012 (12 reviews computed)

==============================================================================

==============================================================================

Charles Hillers:  The song played over tonight's credits was "Get Dancin'" by
   Disco Tex and the Sex-O-Lettes.  [Alan Hamilton notes, "'Hooray for
   Everything' covered it in [7F07]" -- Ed.]

Benjamin Robinson explains the symbolism of Lisa's empty bowl:  If I have it
   right, the Unitarian Universalist Church doesn't  have a fixed dogma the
   way other churches do.  Some have slammed  this approach, saying it means
   the Unitarians don't stand for  anything at all.  This was the thinking
   behind Rev. Lovejoy's  metaphor of the empty bowl.

Joe Klemm:  When you eat cold items like ice cream and Slurpies, your body
   temperature drops.  Unfortunately, there's a limit to how low a person's
   body temperature can go before it's too much and can lead to death.  Thus,
   to the prevent that, the body has a mechanism which causes a headache when
   you eat cold items.  This thing is referred to as an ice cream headache.
   Luckily, an ice cream headache can easily be cured via eating a hot item.

Alee Molino explains how that folded fortune-teller thingy of Homer's works:
   A cootie catcher is a "fortune telling" device conventionally made by
   children (early grade-school age or thereabouts) out of a folded piece of
   paper.  Hmm. Let's make this as clear as possible, which I have a feeling
   will be ... not so clear.

   The general rules are that one person holds the cootie catcher in his or
   her two hands.  [At my school, this was almost invariably "her" -- Ed.]
   First, the asker picks a color, and then the fortune-teller folds the
   cootie-catcher in and out to spell out the color, then stops with the
   cootie-catcher open to the side that the spelling stopped on.

Asker: Blue!

Fortune-teller: B - L - U - E.

   Then the asker picks one number, and the fortune teller folds the cootie-
   catcher in and out that number of times.  At this point, the cootie-catcher
   will be open to a series of flaps that have numbers written on them.  There
   will usually be four flaps, with a number on the right and left side of
   each flap, for a total of eight numbers to choose from.

   The asker picks one of those eight numbers, and the fortune-teller lifts
   the corresponding flap to reveal some sort of message.  The most common
   messages that I know of are Magic 8-Ball type messages, like "Yes," "no,"
   "maybe," or "probably," in which case the asker had started off by saying
   aloud some question that he or she wanted answered.

   In other cases, you might have a fortune like Homer's, which is a little
   less common: "You have cooties."

   [Elementary-school rituals like this one are notorious for varying from one
   region to the other, so your experience might have been a little different
   -- Ed.]

Benjamin Robinson:  Some Christian pop acts have gone over -- or have been
   accused  of going over -- to the mainstream.  (Amy Grant bears the brunt
   of this.)  If you look at their lyrics in just the right way, they can be
   about a love for Jesus or a love for the girl next door.

Benjamin Robinson: Maude's idea for a Christian-themed amusement park has at least two real-life precedents.

   Heritage USA may be the best-known Christian park.  It was built, owned,
   and ran by the husband-and-wife televangelist team of Jim and Tammy Faye
   Baker (of PTL church fame).  Heritage was a standard G- rated amusement
   park with a thin veneer of Christianity pasted on for effect.  Many of the
   rides -- like a big water slide -- would be at home in Six Flags or Coney
   Island.  The Christian influence showed up in the shops, which sold
   Biblically-themed gifts, and in the entertainers who sang gospel songs.  I
   don't remember any miraculous visions happening there; I don't even know if
   Heritage USA survived the PTL church's scandalous collapse.

   More recently, another theme parked opened near the center of the tourist
   universe -- Orlando, Florida.  Dubbed "The Holy Land," it represented a
   more ambitious concept than Heritage by aiming to provide an idea of what
   life in Jerusalem was like during the time of Jesus.  The Holy Land park
   has been the center of some controversies. Jewish leaders have objected to
   stores that sell little stars of David and menorahs are for sale as
   souvenirs.  (Yes, Christians have sold religious trinkets at pilgrimage
   destinations for years.  Selling the totems of your own religion is one
   thing, though; doing it to someone else's faith is quite another.)  Some
   don't like that the park's owner -- himself a rabbi who converted to
   Christianity -- hopes the park will be an instrument to bring people into
   the Christian fold.  The Holy Land just opened a few months ago.  Time will
   tell if it has a longer run than Praiseland.

[Jeff Cross adds, "Another one called the City of Revelation is still at the proposal level" -- Ed.]

Kyle M. McCowin explains:  On the gas leak: chances are Homer's grill was
   using propane.  You'd think people would smell it, except that propane is
   actually odorless.  The smell you're probably familiar with is artificially
   added to the gas for (obvious) safety reasons.  I'd say the chances are
   pretty decent that Springfield's gas company decided to forgo the additive
   to save a few bucks (as that doesn't seem at all out of sorts for
   Springfield).  (Propane's distinctive odor comes from the injection of no
   less than 1.5 pounds of ethyl-mercaptan per 10,000 gallons of liquid
   propane.)

   And if you don't buy that, then "On rare occasions, propane gas may lose
   its distinctive odor.  This is called "odor fade".  Air, water and rust in
   a propane tank or cylinder may weaken the gas odor, especially if valves
   were left open after the container was emptied. ... Odorant in leaking gas
   can absorb (stick) to building materials such as unpainted or untreated
   masonry and rough wall surface, to furniture, fabrics and drapes, and to
   the inside walls of gas piping and static or periodically used propane
   storage containers and distribution systems."
   (http://www.cuivre.com/newpage22.htm)

Mike Reed transcribes:

   Voice-Over: It's the grand opening of Springfield's first amusement park!
   Homer: Build it to heaven.  To heaven! V-O: And electricity is in the air!
   (Homer takes a lick of his ice cream, only to be shocked and have it melt
   on him.)

==============================================================================

==============================================================================
% The Simpson family attends a church ice cream social.  Bart can't
% quite believe his eyes.

Ice cream at church? I'm intrigued, yet suspicious. -- Bart Simpson, "I'm Going to Praiseland"

% Lisa is impressed by the choice of flavors available.

Lisa:		Wow, look at all these flavors!  Blessed Virgin
		Berry, Command-Mint, Bible Gum?
Lovejoy:	Or, if you prefer, we also have Unitarian ice cream.
		[hands Lisa an empty bowl]
Lisa:		There's nothing here.
Lovejoy:	Exactly.
-- "I'm Going to Praiseland"

% Homer asks for a "Tower of Babel," a cone with several scoops of ice % cream stacked on top. He commandeth Mrs. Lovejoy to build it "to % Heaven," and she does the best she can. As Homer walks away, the % top of his cone hits some electrical wires, melting the ice cream % and giving Homer a shock. % % Professor Frink shows off his new invention, which involves hitching % a cow to what looks like a refrigeration unit. Several gray rubber % tubes are wrapped around her midsection, with wires trailing off to % some equipment. For all that, she doesn't look uncomfortable, and % Frink was nice enough to provide her with a scarf, a pair of % earmuffs, and four boots.

Frink:	I've created the first intra-bovine ice cream maker.  It
	makes use of all four stomachs, the first being filled
	with rock salt, then sugar, cream, and of course Freon, so
	cold it burns me.
Cletus:	I'll have the darkity kind.
Frink:	[to the cow] Ah, one chocolate, Moo-tilda.
	[the cow moos, and dispenses chocolate soft-serve ice
	cream from one of her teats.  Frink hands the cone to
	Cletus]
Marge:	Can I have a swirl of chocolate and vanilla?
	[the cow moos and shakes her head, "no"]
Frink:	Aw, nonsense, you can do it.  [the cow kicks Frink in the
	groin] Ow!  Ivan ... reitman.
-- "I'm Going to Praiseland"

% In a tent, Dr. Hibbert deals with the victims of nasty ice-cream % headaches by administering hot fudge. "You may feel a slight % chocolatey sensation," he says to his patients. % % Reverend Lovejoy calls attention to an outdoor stage.

Lovejoy:	All right, let's introduce this evening's
		entertainment.  They call her "the Christian
		Madonna," Rachel Jordan!
		[the audience applauds as Rachel walks onstage]
Rachel:		[sings] Jesus loves me, of this I'm sure.
		I'm a groupie on His tour.
-- "I'm Going to Praiseland"

% The name rings a bell for Marge, who's in the audience, along with % her family and Ned.

Marge:	Rachel Jordan?  Isn't that the woman you had a crush on,
	Ned?
Ned:	[stammers] I, I didn't have a crush on her.  [blushes
	noticeably]
Lisa:	Are you blushing, Mr. Flanders?
Ned:	No, I'm not ...
Homer:	Let Ned alone.
Ned:	Thank you, Homer.
Homer:	He can't admit he likes her until he's sure she likes him
	back.  And there's only one way to find out.  [pulls out
	one of those folded-paper fortune tellers] Does ... Rachel
	... like ... Ned?
	[shows Ned the result]
Ned:	It says I have cooties.
Homer:	[sing-song] Flanders has cooties!  Flanders has cooties!
-- Yeah, but we knew that already, "I'm Going to Praiseland"

% Rachel finishes up her set, and begins walking toward Ned and the % Simpsons. Instinctively, Ned straightens up and adjusts his % glasses. "I thought you didn't like her," Lisa says, facetiously. % As Rachel walks past, Homer pushes Ned into her path.

Rachel:		Ned Flanders?  Now where have you been hi-diddly-
		hiding?
Ned:		Eh, uh, huh?  Oh, Rachel!  [indicating the ice cream
		cone Rachel is holding] Well, what do you know, we
		both like plain vanilla with nothing on it.
Rachel:		Actually, all the toppings were gone.
		[cut to Bart and Milhouse, sitting under a tree.
		Their bellies are bloated, and their faces smeared
		with fudge]
Milhouse:	[groans] Ants are crawling in my mouth and I don't
		care.
		[cut back to Ned and Rachel]
Ned:		So, uh, uh, where's your band?
Rachel:		They switched from Christian music to regular pop.
		All you do is switch "Jesus" to "baby".
Ned:		Aw, how horrible.
Rachel:		[dismissive] Oh, they'll all go to Hell.  Say, how's
		your life going?
Homer:		[aside to Ned] Ooh, she wants to know how your life
		is going.
Ned:		Well, my wife's passing was rough, but ... I think
		I'm finally ready to move on.
Rachel:		That's great.  Maybe we can have coffee sometime.
Homer:		[aside to Ned] Ooh, she wants to have coffee
		sometime.
Ned:		I can hear her, Homer.
Homer:		[aside to Rachel] He can hear you, Rachel.
Ned:		[clears throat] I'd love to get together, but
		tomorrow I've got lifeguard duty at the baptismal
		pool.
Rachel:		Okay, well, maybe another time.  You know, I'd
		better go check into my hotel.
Homer:		Hotel?  Why don't you just stay at Ned's place?
Ned:		My place?  What would the neighbors think?
Lisa:		We're the neighbors and we don't think.
-- Touchï¿½, "I'm Going to Praiseland"

% Rachel says she understands; Ned's still getting over the loss of % his wife. Ned insists he has gotten over it, and invites Rachel % over to prove it. % % Proving it is going to be tough, if Ned's hallway is any indication. % Ned leads Rachel past the dozens of portraits of Maude to the master % bedroom.

Ned:	All right, I'll take the couch, and you can have my room.
	[Rachel sits on Maude's side of the bed]
	Oh, ah, could you sleep on my side?  I'm trying to
	preserve Maude's indentation.
Rachel:	Sorry.
Ned:	Oh, no problem -- a little starch will fix her right up.
	[sprays some starch on the Maude-shaped dent in the
	mattress]
Rachel:	[shudders]
Ned:	Cold, eh?  This should keep you toasty.  [wraps Rachel in
	one of Maude's robes]
Rachel:	[noticing "Maude" stitched on the robe] How about that?
	It says "Maude."
Ned:	[sniffing the sleeve] I love chenille, don't you?
Rachel:	I don't love it.  I don't hate it.
Ned:	Well, good night Maude.  I mean, Maude.  I mean, Rachel.
	I mean, Maude.
-- "I'm Going to Praiseland"

% With one last spritz of starch, Ned retreats from the bedroom. % % The next morning, Rachel awakens to find Ned hovering over her with % a pair of scissors. While Rachel was sleeping, he cut her hair to % resemble Maude's. Rachel flees, and Ned realizes what everyone else % already knows -- he's not over Maude at all. "Yeah, maybe it was % too soon," concedes Homer, who is hanging from Ned's window. % "Well," he asks, "aren't' you going to invite me in?" % % [End of Act One. Time: 4:57] % % Ned asks the Simpsons to do him a favor. While he's at the eye % doctor, the Simpsons will comb through Ned's house, tossing out % anything that would painfully remind him of Maude. The Simpsons % have their work cut out for them -- Ned's entire house is filled % with Maude memorabilia.

Marge:	Poor Ned.  He can't look anywhere without being reminded
	of Maude.
Homer:	Yep, a lifetime of memories.  [with one hand, he sweeps
	several pictures and trinkets off a dresser into a sack]
Marge:	Homer!  Don't you have any respect?
Homer:	Sure, of course I do.  But life goes on, ashes to ashes;
	turn, turn, turn; long live rock, and so forth.
-- A sentimentalist at heart, "I'm Going to Praiseland"

% Bart helps clear out another room.

Lisa: Don't throw this away, it's Rod's first tooth. Bart: You're right -- we could use this for witchcraft. [pockets the tooth] -- "I'm Going to Praiseland"

% Marge marvels over Maude's three pair of shoes. "Someone had a % fetish," she says. % % Homer decides to speed up the process. Instead of stuffing Maude's % things into a bag, he brings in a wood chipper and goes Enron on % practically everything in the house. Ned walks in just as Homer is % about done shredding things. He notices how bare the room looks, % now that practically nothing is in it. Homer has been so thorough % in eradicating any trace of Maude that he has taped his picture over % Maude's face in Ned's wedding photo.

Marge:	Are you okay, Ned?
Ned:	Yeah.  Just a little shocked.  [pointing to the chipper]
	What's that, some kind of sorting machine?
Bart:	Kind of.  [the machine finishes shredding a pillow that
	had been stuck in it, spraying feathers at the camera]
-- All sorted out, "I'm Going to Praiseland"

% With the job done, everyone gathers on Ned's front lawn.

Homer:	Now for the awkward part.  We gotta talk about money.
Ned:	[gasps]
Lisa:	You said we were doing this out of friendship.
Homer:	What?  That doesn't sound like me.
Bart:	[points to a notebook lying on the lawn] Uh, Dad.
	Something didn't get, um, "sorted."
Ned:	[picks it up] Maude's old sketchbook.  She was quite the
	little artist, you know.
Homer:	[looking at his watch] Huh, is that a fact, you think you
	know someone ...
Ned:	[flipping through the book] There's our house ... a
	rainbow ... oh, a white hand shaking a black hand.  [looks
	at a drawing of an amusement park, labeled "Praiseland"]
	Praiseland?  Rides?  Food?  A tithing pond?
Lisa:	It looks like an amusement park.
Ned:	You're right.  Maude designed a Christian amusement park.
	Aw, it must have been her final dream.
Homer:	[still looking at his watch] Hey, how about that.
-- "I'm Going to Praiseland"

% Todd wants to build the park, but Ned isn't sure he has the % resources to get it done. He looks to the Simpsons, who nod their % heads, encouraging him to go for it. (Homer, distracted, joins in a % bit late.) Bart suggests Ned take over the old, and now closed, % Storytown Village. % % Ned thinks that's a fine idea, and he meets with the Village's % owner, a man with a Texan businessman's outfit, and an accent to % match.

Tex:	Sell Storytown Village?  Why, you gotta be off your
	tuffet.
Ned:	Well, it's been closed for so long, and, and, I thought I
	could turn it into a, a Christian theme park.
Tex:	Christian, eh?  Well, that's different.
Ned:	The thing is, I don't have a lot of money.
Tex:	Then what the hell good are you?  Beat it, you hippie!
Ned:	But, I ...
Tex:	You're right, that was harsh.  Tell you what -- maybe I
	could donate the park as a tax write-off.
Ned:	[gasps] If you could do that, I'll make this place a
	shining beacon for the Lord.
Tex:	Oh, you are so full of it -- God's grace, that is.  It's
	really sickening -- there aren't more people like you.
	Now, get out -- your pen, and we'll make it official.
Ned:	[hugs Tex] Oh, bless you, sir.
-- "I'm Going to Praiseland"

% Ned and the Simpsons take on the task of transforming the decrepit % Storytown Village into the new Praiseland. Homer tries setting a % controlled burn to clear out the weeds. Of course, with Homer doing % the planning, it isn't a big surprise when the burn goes out of % control and torches the Little Bo Peep exhibit. Later, Ned empties % old beer cans from the Little Old Lady's shoe, blaming the mess on % teenagers. Homer looks guilty, and agrees that "teenagers" were the % culprit. % % Marge talks to Ned when he's done emptying the shoe.

Marge:	Ned, I'm worried about you.  You've been working non-stop
	for the past week.
Ned:	Well, it's been a tad harder than I thought, but I'm not
	complaining, 'cause I work for a sweet, sweet boss.
	[looking Heavenward] You're our foreman, Maude.
Homer:	She's still bossing you around from beyond the grave?
	[panicky] Can they do that?
-- No escape, "I'm Going to Praiseland"

% Ned turns his attention to the park's dwindling budget.

Ned: That greenback stack's getting kind of slack. Lisa: How about asking the community for donations? Ned: Oh, I'm not very good at begging people for stuff. Homer: I am. I'd be glad to spearhead the entire begging initiative. Ned: Why, thanks, Homer. Homer: No problem. I'll need a sack and something sharp. -- Give 'till it hurts, "I'm Going to Praiseland"

% Even without the sack, Homer is effective in getting support for % Ned's park. Krusty donates some Biblical costumes he used in a Last % Supper pie-throwing sketch. Wiggum donates fireworks he confiscated % from Chinese people celebrating New Year's day -- in February. (He % and Homer share a laugh over *that* crazy scam.) Groundskeeper % Willie donates a sack of his special blend of sawdust, the better to % clean up after roller-coaster riders who lose their lunch. % % Grand Opening day draws the interest of the local news. As Homer % goofs around in front of the park gates, Ned pledges to make faith % and devotion "the wildest thrill rides of them all." The Mayor % makes a drive-by dedication of the park.

It is with great pride that I dedicate this new school, sports arena, or attraction. -- Mayor "Diamond Joe" Quimby, "I'm Going to Praiseland"

% They Mayor's limo speeds away, fireworks are launched, and with that % the gates of Praiseland open for business. The crowd of townspeople % pours in and begins to check out the attractions, which include a % big statue of Maude kneeling in prayer. "Well, Maude, you dream has % finally come true," Ned says. % % Several children take King David's Wild Ride. A roller-coaster-type % car rolls into a cave. The children are stopped by a big % animatronic statue of David.

K. David: Halt!  Who dares to disturb King David?
	  [no one in the car answers]
	  Silence!  You have invaded the chamber where I wrote all
	  of my 150 psalms.
	  [the children gasp]
	  I hope you enjoy hearing them all.  [pulls out a book as
	  the car's safety bars deploy, trapping the kids]
	  Number One:  Blessed is the man who does not walk in the
	  counsel of the wicked ...
-- "I'm Going to Praiseland"

% Nelson tries to play the Praiseland version of whack-a-mole, with % Satan subbing for the mole.

Nelson: What do you hit 'em with? There's no mallet. Ned: You can stop Satan with your faith. Nelson: My face? You calling me ugly? Ned: No, no, no, no! I think you're beautiful. Nelson: Oh, that's it. [starts after Ned] Ned: Ahh! [runs away] -- "I'm Going to Praiseland"

% Ralph contemplates the offerings of a candy kiosk.

Ned:	Ooh, what can I get you, little Christian.  How about a
	Noah's Ark of jellies?
Wiggum:	Oh, are there two of every flavor?
Ned:	Nope.  They're all the same -- plain.
Wiggum:	Oh.
Ned:	How about a Maude mask?  [takes a mask of Maude's
	likeness, and puts it on]
	[falsetto] I'm Maude.  God is super!
Ralph:	Can I sit in the car?
Wiggum:	Let's both sit in the car.
Ned:	[falsetto] Bye-bye.
-- "I'm Going to Praiseland"

% Sitting in the car is looking like a good alternative to the other % park-goers, as well. Ned can't believe the park doesn't serve beer, % while Carl isn't thrilled with the carob-based candy. Disappointed, % the crowd streams out of the gates.

Ned: Oh, Maude, I've turned your dream of a Christian amusement park into a *be*musement park. Homer: [gasps] Don't say that, Ned. Ned: It is! It's a bemusement park! -- "I'm Going to Praiseland"

% Ned apologies to one of the Maude masks, and then tosses it to the % Maude statue's pedestal. Without any apparent means of support, the % mask rises up in front of the statue, floating in front of Maude's % face. The crowd is amazed.

Marge:	It's a miracle!
	[the crowd gasps]
Ned:	It's almost like she's alive again.
Wiggum:	What's that, floating mask?  You, you want me to shoot
	everyone?  [the crowd gasps as Wiggum reaches for his gun]
	Ha, ha, I'm just screwing with you.  It's -- it's a
	miracle.  [the crowd sounds relieved]
-- "I'm Going to Praiseland"

% [End of Act Two. Time: 13:34] % % The miracle of the statue inspires a broad range of reactions. % Chalmers, after some consideration, rubs his eyes in disbelief. Moe % takes it as a sign from God to go nuts. He punts Agnes's purse into % the next county. Indignant, Agnes orders him to go get it. % % The mask gently floats to earth. Skinner approaches it.

Skinner:	Well, it looks like our phenomenon is actually a
		phenomen-NOT.  [chuckles] 'Cause when you look at it
		rationally --
		[suddenly, Skinner drops to the ground, writhing
		uncontrollably and babbling]
Lisa:		He's speaking in tongues!
Agnes:		Oh, knock it off, Seymour.  [dope-slaps him] Go find
		that boy with my purse!
Skinner:	Oh, it was incredible!  I saw Heaven!  [crowd gasps]
		But it wasn't clouds and angels playing harps, like
		at the end of so many "Three Stooges" shorts.  It
		was a golden elementary school, with a teachers'
		lounge that stretched as far as the eye can see.
		And no one was ever tardy.
Bart:		Was I there?
Skinner:	No!  It was Heaven.  My vision of Heaven.  [crowd
		murmurs] Truly, this was the will of Maude.
-- Maude's will be done, "I'm Going to Praiseland"

% The crowd presses forward.

Lenny:	I want the Maude statue to give me a vision.
Moe:	Yeah!  I want to hallucinate, too.
Homer:	I'm sorry, the ticket price doesn't cover visions,
	miracles, or other Godly hoo-hah.
Bart:	Yeah, folks, the power of Christ compels you to give Ned
	an extra ten bucks.
-- Hallelujah!  "I'm Going to Praiseland"

% People in the crowd wave ten-dollar bills, but Ned is reluctant to % exploit a miracle. Marge tells Ned that he could give the money to % the orphanage, which needs a new wall. ("Three is not enough," % Violet the orphan says.) % % Later, the townsfolk queue up at the statue to experience firsthand % the power of Maude. Disco Stu reaches the head of the line. "Lay % some Heaven on me, foxy dead chick," he says. Immediately, Stu is % overcome, and falls to the ground. % % In Stu's belief system, Heaven is an enormous discotheque. There's % a long line of people waiting to get in, with St. Peter himself % doing bouncer duty. Disco Stu gets out of a limousine made out of % cloud-stuff.

St. Peter:	Ah, Disco Stu.  Right this way.  [pulls back the
		velvet rope, allowing Stu to pass]
Travolta:	But, hey, St. Peter, you said, like, you was full.
Stu:		Oh, yeah.
Travolta:	Ah, Jeez.
		[inside, Stu boogies down to Hooray For Everything's
		"Dancin'" song]
Stu:		[noticing Sinatra standing to his right]
		Whoa!  Frank Sinatra!
Sinatra:	For me, this is Hell.  Ya dig, pally?
-- "I'm Going to Praiseland"

% Back on this mortal coil, Bart sweeps Stu out of the way with a push % broom. Now, it's the Comic Book Guy's turn. % % Heaven manifests itself as the bridge of the original Enterprise % from "Star Trek." The red alert klaxon is sounding, probably % because Captain Kirk's chair has gone amok, wildly raising and % lowering itself, and spinning around.

C. Kirk: My chair -- got a mind of its own!  Help me, Mr. Spock.
	[pan to Mr. Spock's station, which is now manned by CBG,
	wearing a pair of Vulcan ears]
CBG:	Shazbot!  My captain is in peril!  [uses mysterious green
	eye beams to get the captains' chair to heel]
Uhura:	You saved the captain's life.  I want to make out with you
	-- and so do Catwoman and Agent 99.
	[cut to the aforementioned pair, who are puckering up]
CBG:	Ooh.  [squeezes his space burrito so hard it squirts out
	of his hand]
-- "I'm Going to Praiseland"

% Rod has a religious question for his father.

Rod: How come everybody's having visions, Daddy? Ned: Oh, there's no explaining God's will, Roddie. That's like explaining how an airplane flies. -- "I'm Going to Praiseland"

% If Ned could explain how a gas grill works, he might be able to help % Homer, who is having trouble getting one of the concession stand % grills to start. Homer can't see what the problem is, since the gas % is turned on full blast. Bart advises Homer stick to his head in % the grille to find out what the problem is. Lisa more % constructively suggests that there is a leak in the gas line. % Flanders follows the line, and discovers that there is a gas leak at % the base of Maude's statue, right about where people are having % their visions. Flanders realizes that the visions were really just % a side-effect of gas poisoning. % % He tries to warn the people, but Ned spots the orphans in the crowd, % looking pathetic. Maybe a little problem with leaking gas isn't % worth shutting down this important source of charity. He tries % calling the gas company to see how bad the problem really is.

Ned:	[talking on the phone] Hello, Gas Company?  How poisonous
	is your gas? ... Wow.  But, uh, but I'm talking about, you
	know, outdoors with plenty of ventilation, that ... How
	could that be *worse*? ... Okay, permanent brain damage,
	or just temporary? ... I see.  [hangs up]
	[to Homer] I've gotta close Praiseland down.  Somebody
	could get hurt.  [looks at one of Maude's sketches sighs]
Homer:	Could get hurt.  *Could.*  There's a chance they won't.
	Ned, Praiseland has touched the entire town with its
	inspiring message of toxic super freak-outs.  Look at
	those smiling faces.  [camera pans across the crowd as
	Homer speaks] Rich laughing with poor ...  [Cletus and
	Burns share a larf] bullies breaking bread with nerds ...
	[Jimbo bops Martin on the head with a baguette, and then
	offers half the bread to Martin] orphans lighting candles
	over a leaking gas line.  [Patches and Violet do so]
-- And the lion shall blow up with the lamb, "I'm Going to Praiseland"

% Homer and Ned quickly realize the orphans might unwittingly give % half the town a personal meet-n-greet with the Almighty. They run % over and tackle them out of the danger zone.

Patches:	I can't feel my wegs.
Violet:		I taste blood.
		[the crowd gasps in disapproval]
Kirk:		Adults attacking orphans!  I don't think Maude
		Flanders would approve of that.
Mel:		Absolutely not!
Edna:		Never!
Louie:		No freakin' way!
Wiggum:		Yeah, this place is more like Crazeland.  [crowd
		murmurs, confused] Instead of "Praiseland."  [crowd
		gets it]
Moe:		It's a play on words.
-- "I'm Going to Praiseland"

% That's that. Ned closes Praiseland's gates forever.

Tex: May the Lord have mercy on your gas-sniffin' orphan- beatin' souls. [walks away] Homer: Christ be with you! -- "I'm Going to Praiseland"

% Just then Rachel pulls up in her car. She read about Praiseland in % the AAA magazine. Homer shoves Ned over to Rachel's car, and runs % away giggling like a schoolboy.

Ned:	Hey, your hair's growing back real nice.
Rachel:	It's a wig.  And let's never speak of it again.
	So what happened here?
Ned:	How about I explain it to you over a cup of coffee.  That
	is, if you're willing to give me another shot.
	[later, Ned and Rachel are in Ned's bedroom]
Rachel:	Are you sure you want to do this, Ned?
Ned:	I'm sure.
	[together, the grab the side of Ned's bedsheet, and tug
Maude's indentation smooth]
	So how about a movie tomorrow night?
Rachel:	Sounds great.
	[Ned and Rachel leave the room.  Homer crawls out from
	underneath the bed]
Homer:	I think Ned is going to be all right.
-- If he gets a better lock for his door, yeah, "I'm Going to
   Praiseland"

% [End of Act Three. Time: 20:15] % % Hooray For Everything's "Dancin'" plays over the closing credits. % The Gracie Sound is another one of Violet's coughing fits.

==============================================================================

==============================================================================
{am}  Alee Molino
{bjr} Benjamin Robinson
{cl}  Chad Lehman
{ddg} Don Del Grande
{dj}  Darrel Jones
{fw}  Fox Wolf
{jc}  Jeff Cross
{jg2} Joe Green
{jk}  Joe Klemm
{nf}  Ned Farley
{wja} W J. Anderson

==============================================================================

============================================================================== This episode capsule is Copyright 2003 Benjamin Robinson. It is not to be redistributed in a public forum without consent from its author or current maintainer ([email]). All quoted material and episode summaries remain property of The Simpsons, Copyright of Twentieth Century Fox. All other contributions remain the properties of their respective authors. The Quote and Scene Summary itself is Copyright 2003 Benjamin Robinson. This capsule has been brought to you by Praiseland USA.

This work is dedicated to Raymond Chen, James A. Cherry, Ricardo Lafaurie, Frederic Briere, and all of those who made episode capsules what they are today.

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