In article , [email] (Lots42 bomb vice president) wrote:
Ned Flanders dies attempting to reenact the crucifixion.
Lisa dies in a bizarre stapling accident while attempting to put up "Meat is Murder" posters.
Bart dies when his jaundice goes untreated because nobody notices.
Skinner is knifed by Snake while in prison after Bart frames him for child molestation.
Homer has an affair with Selma. Patty kills them both, then herself when she finds out.
Marge dies of embarrassment due to the above.
Ralph Wiggum is shot accidentally by his father during a gun safety demonstration.
Millhouse dies of a severe cootie infection.
Maggie grows up and becomes a successful day time talk show host, then is killed by a stalker.
Apu dies when he sees the cost of sending 8 kids to college.
Mr. Burns lives forever due to long term exposure to radiation, but he can never leave the plant.
Smithers dies by his own hand after Mr. Burns marries Anna Nicole Smith.
Barney is beaten to death at an AA meeting when he reveals his last name.
Carl and Lenny die of alcohol poisoning after playing a drinking game while watching a Bob Newhart marathon.
Moe sets fire to the bar in an insurance scheme, but fails to get out in time.
Grandpa Simpsons takes a nap in the wrong bed and is accidentally buried alive.
Nelson becomes an insult comic in the Catskills and dies of food poisoning after eating bad veal.
Comic Book Guy dies of a medical mistake while being treated for Priapism after he downloads a porno movie Lucy Lawless made before she became famous.
Professor Frink finally perfects his time machine, goes back and accidentally kills his Grandfather and erases himself from the time line.
Krusty the Clown takes over the Tonight Show from Jay Leno and is killed by an irate Letterman fan.
Matt Groening is almost executed by the state when he guns downs Fox executives for canceling Futurama. At the last minute he is pardoned and made a national hero.