Dear Mr. Phoenix Netscum F.N.V.W.

"Hi, Lisa! We're going to be in a pie!"

"No, no, no, you can't lose the pie! The pie's your heart."

"Dad, this might be one of those things you should go to the hospital for."

"After pie."

"King Solomon, these men need you to settle a dispute. They each claim ownership of this pie."

[thoughtfully]   "Hmmm...    The pie shall be cut in two.   [cleaves pie
with a knife and holds out the two halves]   And each man shall
receive................. death.   [pause]   I'll eat the pie."

"Grampa, are you sitting on the pie?"

"I sure hope so."

"What are you cackling at, fatty? Too much pie, that's your problem!"

"When that pie hit your face, I saw my dreams explode in a burst of cream and crust."