When Kramer is talking about the library: "A bunch of cheapskates. Reading the newspapers connected to those huge wooden sticks...Trying to save a quarter!"
Kramer talking about the "lonely" librarian: "She needs a little love. She needs a little Kramer."
Bookman: "You put on a pair of shoes when you walk in to the New York public library, fella!"
-From "The Truth":
After Elaine tells Kramer not to pour the sauce on the pasta in the strainer: "No, I like to strain the sauce."
-From "The Apartment":
Jerry on Kramer: "Ya see...you're not normal! You're a pod! I, on the other hand, am a human being."
Kramer: "Occasionally, I like to help to help the humans."
Elaine and Jerry discussing about Jerry loaning Elaine the money: Elaine: "(talking to Jerry)It might take me a while to pay you back. Maybe a couple of years. Is that alright?" Kramer: "(interrupting)..It's OK!"
-From "The Statue":
Kramer: "Make love to that wall, pervert!"
Kramer after Ray says that he thinks he has him confused with somebody else: Kramer: "Is your name Ray?" Ray: "Yeah." Kramer: "Yeah..you're the punk I'm looking for!!"
Kramer after being asked if he's really a cop: "Yeah I'm a cop. I'm a good cop. I'm a DAMN GOOD COP!!"
Y'mean this? The one in Jerry's apartment? The one beginning with Jerry opening the door for our favorite library investigator?
Oh, I'm glad you're here, so we can get this all straightened out. Would you like a cup of tea?
You got any coffee?
Coffee?
Yeah. Coffee.
No, I don't drink coffee.
Yeah, you don't drink coffee? How about instant coffee?
No, I don't have--
You don't have any instant coffee?
Well, I don't normally--
Who doesn't have instant coffee?
I don't.
You buy a jar of Folger's Crystals, you put it in the cupboard, you forget about it. Then later on when you need it, it's there. It lasts forever. It's freeze-dried. Freeze-dried Crystals.
Really? I'll have to remember that.
You took this book out in 1971.
Yes, and I returned it in 1971.
Yeah, '71. That was my first year on the job. Bad year for libraries. Bad year for America. Hippies burning library cards, Abby Hoffman telling everybody to steal books. I don't judge a man by the length of his hair or the kind of music he listens to. Rock was never my bag. But you put on a pair of shoes when you walk into the New York Public Library, fella.
Look, Mr. Bookman. I--I returned that book. I remember it very specifically.
You're a comedian, you make people laugh.
I try.
You think this is all a big joke, don't you?
No, I don't.
I saw you on T.V. once; I remembered your name--from my list. I looked it up. Sure enough, it checked out. You think because you're a celebrity that somehow the law doesn't apply to you, that you're above the law?
Certainly not.
Well, let me tell you something, funny boy. You know that little stamp, the one that says "New York Public Library"? Well that may not mean anything to you, but that means a lot to me. One whole hell of a lot. Sure, go ahead, laugh if you want to. I've seen your type before: Flashy, making the scene, flaunting convention. Yeah, I know what you're thinking. What's this guy making such a big stink about old library books? Well, let me give you a hint, junior. Maybe we can live without libraries, people like you and me. Maybe. Sure, we're too old to change the world, but what about that kid, sitting down, opening a book, right now, in a branch at the local library and finding drawings of pee-pees and wee-wees on the Cat in the Hat and the Five Chinese Brothers? Doesn't HE deserve better? Look. If you think this is about overdue fines and missing books, you'd better think again. This is about that kid's right to read a book without getting his mind warped! Or: maybe that turns you on, Seinfeld; maybe that's how you get your kicks. You and your good-time buddies. Well I got a flash for you, Joy-Boy: Party time is over. You got seven days, Seinfeld. That is one week!