best jerry line

I can't, I not an orgy guy. Being an orgy guy changes everything, I'd have to grow a moustache, have all these robes and lotions, I'd hafta get big thick carpeting and weird ole lighting, I'd have to get new friends, I'd have to get orgy friends, nah I'm not ready for this.

Who figures an immigrant's going to have a pony! When you see pictures of them coming in boats into New York Harbor you never see one of them sitting on a pony. Why would you leave a country where you had a pony and come to one where you didn't? I makes no sense!

I lived my whole life in shame! Why should I die with dignity?-George Costanz

I don't remember the exact line but it was when Jerry was upset at George for telling the NBC execs that he refused to change the "nothing" format of his show because of his artistic integrity.

Jerry: Artistic integrity? How did you come up with that?! You're not artistic and you have no integrity!

Ohhh that is my absolute favorite Seinfeld scene!!! I love the rest of the scene too where he goes on about "You know you need psychiatric help--not the $80 once a week job. Ohhh no--you need a team of psychiatrists! Studying you around the clock......."

pulp couldn't make it across the table. pulp can move baby!

this is a jerry and george combo line

Some personal favorites:

Jerry: (Nervously) Who *wouldn't* love a pony? Who wouldn't love somebody who had a pony?

Vanya: YOU. YOU SAID SO.

--------------

Kramer: That's architecturally incorrect.

(Referring to the "door on a diagonal" at the office building of Elaine's boyfriend/psychiatrist.)

-------------

George: (To Jerry) I'm out there rubbing two sticks together and you're walking around with a Zippo!

(From "The Move.")

------------

And my all-time favorite line (well, several lines actually) does not come from a cast regular. (Drum roll, please.)

Timmy: Did you just double dip that chip?

George: Excuse me?

Timmy: (Exasperated) You dipped the chip, you took a bite...(pointing) then you dipped again.

George: So?

Timmy: That's like putting your whole *mouth* in the dip. Listen, next time, just take one dip and *end* it.

The best Jerry line is when He and George are talking about when the junior mint fell into the patient. George said,"Well, I guess it can't hurt him, people eat millions of these things," and then jerry says:

"Yes they eat them, they don't stick them next to vital organs in their abdominal cavity!"

Lee Patrick Kenny wrote in article ...

have

Also in The Junior Mints episode, Kramer is trying to get Jerry to go see the operation, and Jerry doesn't want to. Finally Jerry agrees, and said something like," Give me a sec, and lets go watch them cut this fat bastard up!". I heard on one of the shows that Jerry ad-libbed this line.

The line is actually "All right, all right just let me finish my coffee and go watch them slice this fat bastard up"

I use the .wav as my error notification!

I LOVED it when Jerry was explaining to George about how coughing was a turn off in "The Apology."

"Coughing naked? It's a turn-off, man. When you cough, there are thousands of unseen muscles that suddenly spring into action. It's like watching that fat guy catch a cannonball in his stomach in slow motion."

I loved him imitating the whole thing. I'm still laughing.

(Hasn't Jerry ever heard of calling back to confirm availability of seating?)

the reservation was for a rental car

Matthew Montchalin wrote in article ...

to

seating?)

magis

Aug.

The best Jerry line is by FAR the line about the "magic spit," with Keith Hernandez.

In article ,

I'm not sure which episode it is, but the best Jerry line is where he is alone in apartment and he is trying unsuccessfully to open a jar, and he is cringing and yelling "It says twist off, TWIST OFF! TWIST...OFF!"

Matthew Montchalin wrote in article ... :

how to

the

:

seating?) :

:

This episode didn't refer to availability of seating ... It was about reserving a rental car.

<SNIPUS BLANKUS LATINUS>

Mathew, if you don't know what you are posting about - don't do it. This was one of the great moments on Seinfeld. and, "I DON'T THINK YOU DO!"

Best line? "You know how to TAKE the reservation, but you don't know how to KEEP the reservation. And that's really the most important part OF the reservation."

Actually, the best line came after he said this. The lady behind the desk said something like she knew how to take a reservation and then Jerry said, with great delivery, "I don't think you do!". The way he said it was hysterical.

Not necessarily my favorite, but it cracked me up:

"I didn't say anything"

Another 5 points to whoever can pinpoint the ep and/or scene.

Would you like the insurance?.....................

"Maybe the Dingo ate your baby." Elaine Benes

In the episode where George is a marine biologist and saves a beached whale by removing a golfball from its blow whole:

Kramer "Is that a Titleist"

That's funny? The show will not be missed. rick

best line in my book is from "The Tribble Chronicles" where Jerry after seeing Tribble says "Who the hell is that flaming MIrskhead!!!!"

it is funny. when you're golfing and you're looking for your ball and think you've found it, the first thing you check is what kind it is (titleist, prostaff, ping...) because everyone plays a different ball. a subtle, hilarious line, followed by " whattya know, a hole in one!" rick nelson wrote in article <[email] t>...

whale by

Hands down, (I wish).. "They're Real, and They're Spectacular!!!"

My favorite is Elaine's comment to Jerry: "Just when I think that you can't get any shallower a little more water drains from the pool"

[email] (VicA58) wrote:

I agree...one of the best moments of Seinfeld! Especially after George has just finished giving the speach about saving the whale ("the sea was angry that morning, like an old man returning soup at a deli...")

What makes it is the look on Kramer's face when George produces the
ball and the studio audience goes bezerk.  There's about 5 seconds of
laughter that he has to wait for before delivering the final lines,
and his expression is hilarious.
Joel Williams           [email]
MIS Director            http://www.pmso.com
Physicians' MSO

[email] (Joel Williams) wrote:

You're exactly right about Kramer's expression....it's just a great moment. I never heard anyone else mention it before, but it's always been one of myy favorites..

Marty

I also loved this exchange: George: "I looked into the eye of the great fish" Jerry: "Mammal" George: "Whatever!"

Between George's speech & Kramer's reaction, it was a classic Seinfeld moment.

What, you mean you've never found it necessary to cancel out somebody's reservation?

Yeah, but sometimes the cars just sort of "go" all by themselves... Jerry ought to be more understanding. :) Heck, if /I/ ran a car rental, or an airplane commuter service, or a restaurant, sometimes the reservations end up overbooked, and there's no room left over to accommodate pathetic whining customers (worse, standup comedians) that never bother calling ahead to confirm.