One thing is for sure, Kramer sure has a wild way of telling a story. Which stories of his do you think are memorable or funny? Please describe what it was about. You don't have to type it up verbatim like I did.
Certainly a good one I recall was when Newman & Kramer (one of them anyway) spat on a NY Yankees baseball player. I'd love to see the transcript on that one.
One of his most memorable stories happened in "The Fire". Transcript as follows (typed up by me):
KK: Why did you go up there to heckle her for? JS: Because she came down to the club and heckled me. I gave her a taste of her own medicine. KK: Oh yeah! You gave her a taste of medicine alright. JS: Well I didn't want her to have an accident. GC: What accident? KK: Well after he heckled Toby, she got so upset she ran out of the building and a street sweeper ran over her foot and severed her pinky toe. GC: That's incredible! KK: Yeah, then after the ambulance left, I found the toe. So I put it in a Cracker Jack box, filled it with ice, and then took off for the hospital. GC: Wha you ran? KK: No I jumped on the bus. I told the driver, "I got a toe here buddy. Step on it"! GC: Holy cow! KK: Yeah yeah. Then all of a sudden this guy pulls out a gun. Well I knew any delay's gonna cost her her pinky toe. So I got outta the seat and I start walking towards him. He says, "Where do you think you're going, Cracker Jack?". I says, "Well, I got a little prize for ya buddy." Plow! Pla! Jiack! [3 punching movements]. Knocked him out cold! GC: How could you do that?!?!?! KK: Yeah then everybody's screaming, because the driver he's passed out because of all the commotion. The bus is outta control! So I grab him by the collar. I take him outta the seat. I get behind the wheel. Now I'm driving the bus. GC: You're Batman! KK: Yeah yeah I am Batman. Then the mugger, he comes to and he starts choking me. So I'm fighting him off with one hand, and I kept driving the bus with the other you know. Then I managed to open up the door and I kick him out the door you know with my foot you know at the next stop. JS: You kept makin' all the stops? KK: Well, people kept ringin' the bell. GC: Well, what about the toe? What happened to the toe? KK: Well, I am happy to say that the little guy is back in place at the end of the line. GC: You did all this, for a pinky toe? KK: Well it's a valuable appendage. [Total time for scene = 2:05]
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"When you're old, they say that your regrets aren't what you did, but what you didn't do. So I like to take every opportunity that I can."
-- Cameron Diaz