Lt. Bookman in "Boggie Nights"

Our favorite library cop (Lt. Bookman) can be spotted in the Oscar winning film "Boggie Nights." In it he plays the investor who trys to cue Burt Renolds in on the changing nature of the porn industry.

I wish the kid had changed his name to Buck Naked instead of Dirk Diggler.

Also in "The Rock"

David A. Tharp wrote in message ...

phillip baker hall, who portrayed bookman, is a terrific character actor. he can be seen in many feature films.

can be seen in many feature films.<<

My all time favorite Seinfeld guest star. I'm ROTFLMAO everytime I see that scene in Jerry's apartment.

-JB

YBoo1976 wrote:

Then you will like....

(From: Andy MacAskill)

The A+ episode known as "The Library" included three scenes total with our favorite "library investigator" played to perfection by Philip Baker Hall. The marvelous material was written by Larry Charles; episode directed by Joshua White.

The first scene, in Jerry's apartment, begins with Jerry opening the door for the curmudgeonly "Lieutenant Bookman":

Oh, I'm glad you're here, so we can get this all straightened out. Would you like a cup of tea?

You got any coffee?

Coffee?

Yeah. Coffee.

No, I don't drink coffee.

Yeah, you don't drink coffee? How about instant coffee?

No, I don't have--

You don't have any instant coffee?

Well, I don't normally--

Who doesn't have instant coffee?

I don't.

You buy a jar of Folger's Crystals, you put it in the cupboard, you forget about it. Then later on when you need it, it's there. It lasts forever. It's freeze-dried. Freeze-dried Crystals.

Really? I'll have to remember that.

You took this book out in 1971.

Yes, and I returned it in 1971.

Yeah, '71. That was my first year on the job. Bad year for libraries. Bad year for America. Hippies burning library cards, Abby Hoffman telling everybody to steal books. I don't judge a man by the length of his hair or the kind of music he listens to. Rock was never my bag. But you put on a pair of shoes when you walk into the New York Public Library, fella.

Look, Mr. Bookman. I--I returned that book. I remember it very specifically.

You're a comedian, you make people laugh.

I try.

You think this is all a big joke, don't you?

No, I don't.

I saw you on T.V. once; I remembered your name--from my list. I looked it up. Sure enough, it checked out. You think because you're a celebrity that somehow the law doesn't apply to you, that you're above the law?

Certainly not.

Well, let me tell you something, funny boy. Y'know that little stamp, the one that says "New York Public Library"? Well that may not mean anything to you, but that means a lot to me. One whole hell of a lot. Sure, go ahead, laugh if you want to. I've seen your type before: Flashy, making the scene, flaunting convention. Yeah, I know what you're thinking. What's this guy making such a big stink about old library books? Well, let me give you a hint, junior. Maybe we can live without libraries, people like you and me. Maybe. Sure, we're too old to change the world, but what about that kid, sitting down, opening a book, right now, in a branch at the local library and finding drawings of pee-pees and wee-wees on the Cat in the Hat and the Five Chinese Brothers? Doesn't HE deserve better? Look. If you think this is about overdue fines and missing books, you'd better think again. This is about that kid's right to read a book without getting his mind warped! Or: maybe that turns you on, Seinfeld; maybe that's how y'get your kicks. You and your good-time buddies. Well I got a flash for ya, joy-boy: Party time is over. Y'got seven days, Seinfeld. That is one week!

The second "Bookman scene" includes Kramer and his "spinster" gal Marion the Librarian. The two, walking hand in hand in the library after hours, think they're alone:

KRAMER: You know, the library is kind of a cool place when it's closed.

MARIAN: Oh, yeah. You don't have to be quiet. Listen to the echo: Hello!

KRAMER: Hello!

MARIAN: Hello!

KRAMER: Hello!

MARIAN: Hello!

BOOKMAN (emerging): Hello!

MARIAN (turning, surprised): Mr. Bookman.

BOOKMAN: I remember when the librarian was a much older woman: Kindly, discreet, unattractive. We didn't know anything about her private life. We didn't want to know anything about her private life. She didn't have a private life. While you're thinking about that, think about this: The library closes at five o'clock, no exceptions. This is your final warning. Got that, kewpie-doll?

And herewith the third and final "Bookman scene," just with Jerry again, who, back in the library now, writes out a check for the never-returned TROPIC OF CANCER and hands it to Bookman:

Anyway, I hope there's no hard feelings.

Hard feelings? What do you know about hard feelings? Y'ever have a man die in your arms? Y'ever kill somebody?

What is your problem?

What's my problem? Punks like you, that's my problem. And you better not screw up again Seinfeld, because if you do, I'll be all over you like a pitbull on a poodle.

JERRY (after Bookman exits): That is one tough monkey!

Does anyone have a transcript of what Philip Baker Hall said in "Boogie Nights"? Something about butter in his @ss and him being a pervert?

Dave wrote in message ...

"Boogie

Check out the actor in the background of that scene. When he mentions the stick of butter up his ass the other guy starts cracking up.