I started this discussion, and I feel compelled to end it. I've been collecting eveyone's suggestions, and this post is a list of all of the ones that didn't make it. The next post should be a list of the winners, and who submitted them. Thanks for all the responses.
Mike
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*Jerry* *** Although it's his show, Jerry didn't have a whole lot of lines submitted. *** My theory is that most of his funniest lines are responses to the other *** characters, and therefore aren't as memorable.
"I'm dating a virgin, there's a naked woman across the street, I'm in this contest - something's got to give!!!" (Me)
"salsaaaa" (Joerg 'SPROCKETS' Grau) [[email]]
"It's like the sun! You don't look directly at it!" (Moshe Linzer) [[email]]
"So, Biff wants to be a buff." (Scott Chupack) [[email]]
"You don't aspire to touch the nose, you don't unhook anything to get at the nose, and no man has ever looked up a woman's nostrils." (Chris Gabel) [[email]]
"Hello, *Newman*" (various people) *** we should make a new keyboard symbol specifically for expressing the *** contempt in Jerry's voice when he says "Newman"
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*Elaine* *** Although people often say Elaine doesn't have a whole lot of funny lines, *** and that women comedians aren't funny, Elaine had more lines than Jerry *** or George.
"Just when I think you're the most shallow person I know, you manage to drain a little more water out of the pool." (Julia) [[email]]
"That's my nipple!" (Julia) [[email]]
"Maybe the dingo ate your baby." (Rob Gabbard) [[email]]
"I think I'll go over to my mother's. She just bought me some new panties and they're all laid out for me!" (Dara Lynn Thompson) [[email]]
"Snapple?" {to Marla the virgin} [[email]]
"Love the Drake. Not so sure about the Drake-ette." (Matthew K. Nordhaus) [[email]]
"Do you have a ketchup secret?" (Moshe Linzer) [[email]]
"He asked me my name and I think I said 'Elaine' but who the hell knows...." (referring to JFK Jr.) (Chris Gabel) [[email]]
(to the woman on the subway) "I'm not a lesbian! I hate men, but I'm not a lesbian"(Karl Heichelheim) [[email]]
*************************************************************************** *George* *** George didn't have a whole ton of funny lines, but the situations he *** gets into are hilarious.
"MOOPS!" (Me)
"salsaaaa" (Joerg 'SPROCKETS' Grau) [[email]]
"My boys can swim" [[email]]
"How does one become a buff? I'd love to be a buff." (Chris Gabel) [[email]]
"I think it moved." (Chris Gabel) [[email]]
I think the best physical moment with George was from the Boyfriend... George (with pants around his ankles) - "VanDeLay Industries, SAY VANDELAY INDUSTRIES!!!" (Chris Gabel) [[email]]
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*Kramer* *** Looooooove the Brute! Kramer's one-liner's was a bigger thread than *** the rest of the discussion.
"His father was a mudder. . .his *mother* was a mudder". - The Subway (D. Scott Bargabus) [[email]]
"Up here... I'm already gone!"- (Peter Potrebic) [[email]]
How about a one-liner for Kramer .... "Wood!" (jeff g.) [[email]]
"Levels!" (Ted Schuerzinger) [[email]]
"The Beach!" (Eddie Howell) [howell%[email]]
In the locker room after playing B'ball. "Did you sneek a peek?" [[email]]
"'S refreshing!" (explaining for the umpteenth time why he was convinced that Jerry wanted a Junior Mint) From: [email] (Robert Martin)
"I don't want a movie hot dog - I want a Papaya King hot dog!" (David Borzillo) [[email]]
"You stink." (Tim Ingram) [[email]]
(Eric Rosenquist) [[email]] "Hennigans" as Kramer raves over the brand of Scotch that someone left at Jerry's place: "... and because it's odorless, well, it'll be our little secret." *** This was *very* close. The only reason I didn't pick this one was because *** so many people picked the winner I ended up choosing. The whole scene *** when Kramer's drunk on the Scotch and making up a commercial for it is *** just hilarious. I wish I had that on tape.
"I just came over to borrow your dust-buster."(Kramer facial expression) [loauvax.ucc.nau.edu]
"Bass! Salmon! He just changed from one fish to another!" (Steve Lau - "Guitar Man")[[email]]
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*Newman* *** The best recurring minor character - I had to include him
"You were going to kill yourself because you wanted to be a *banker*"
"He was pissed off about the keys. Yah. That's right. The keys."(Chris Gabel) [[email]]
"You are a piece of crap"
*** I could have sworn there was another Newman line. I can't remember *** what it is. Hmm...
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*Miscellaneous* *** There are some great lines by minor characters...
"First person I talk to on the subway in 35 years and it's the best man at a lesbian wedding" - The Subway (Me)
"He's a loathsome, offensive, brute...yet I can't look away" (T-shirt slogan)
TV Kramer: "They fooled ME, Jerry. They fooled ME." [[email]]
Calvin Klein: "His buttocks are sublime..." [[email]]
Babu: "You're a very BAD man!"
Babu's brother: "No...too fruity!"
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*Conversations* *** There are some funny converstations that can't be given to just one *** person - maybe this will be the next discussion thread...
Jerry: "Well, did you have, ...,you know?" Elaine: "What? Milk?" (Karl Heichelheim) [[email]]
*** This is my personal fav.
Jerry - "You see anything wrong with this picture?" Newman - "Ya. Her nipple is showing. Is that all?" Jerry - "Yah." Newman - "Okay, bye." (Chris Gabel) [[email]]
Jerry/George - "She's got nice cleavage"
"That's why I peeked"
"That's why I poked"
(Karl Heichelheim) [[email]]Jerry: Kramer, you've just been arrested as a serial killer!! Kramer: So? (Dave Schaumann) [[email]]
*************************************************************************** For those of you keeping score at home, here's the count of who had how many: Jerry: 6 Elaine: 9 George: 7 Kramer: 13 Newman: 4
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The next post will be: THE WINNERS!!!!