Best Kramer Quotes

I just love this scene:

Jerry: "Oh, you're crazy!" Kramer: "Am I? Or am I so sane that I just blew your mind?" Jerry: "It's impossible!" Kramer: "Is it? Or is it so possible that your head is spinning like a top?" Jerry: "It can't be!" Kramer: "Oh can't it? Or is your world crashing down around you?" Jerry: "Oh stop it!" Kramer: "Ohhh Yeeeaaaahhhh!!!"

Any others?

Kristen

Kramer: "Polio?"

Sorry SEINFAN U lost me on this one. Where is this Quote from ??

[email]

My favorites are the one-liners:

Kramer: "What's up, digity-dog?"

or

Person: "How do you do?" Kramer: "I do well!"

or

Jerry: "Hey, Jughead!" Kramer: "Hey, Archie!" (to George) "Mr. Weatherbee..."

I guess they're a lot funnier when Kramer delivers them... :)

• Scot R.

In article , Scot Reed wrote:

Similarly,

Person: "What do you say Cosmo?" (I think it's Larry David's voice) Kramer: "Everything my man!"

I also *love* the "are you going crazy" one that started this thread.

And from last nights show:

"When they pull the needle out I let the expletives fly!" said in his novocaine induced state

I just never get tired of these quotation threads. They always bring a smile to my face and build the anticipation for the nights syndicated show!

My Fav is in "The Switch" when the group first finds out about the Kosmo name......

Kramer:"So you know the name.... The cat.. MEEEEOOOOOWWWWW!!!! is outta the bag!"

It Rules......

Shane

I don't have a table!

"These Pretzels are making me thirsty"

[email] wrote:

Q: Are you afraid of clowns?

Kramer: Uh huh

In [email] writes:

poise counts!!!

How about the Fake Breasts/Salman Rushie episode when Jerry and Kramer are watching Salman (or Sal Bass) talk to Teri Hatcher (Sidra) in the gym. Can't remember Jerry and Kramer's dialogue acurately though.

Kramer: There he is talking to that woman. Jerry: You mean the guy talking to Sidra? Kramer: If that's Sidra they are not real. Jerry: If they're not real, that's not Salman. Kramer: I got to find out, I'm talking to Salman. Jerry: I got to find out, I'm talking to Sidra.

Lars J

[email](CHRIS HOFFMAN ) wrote:

When Kramer needs to sleep over at Jerry's(in the same bed)....."We better get to bed"

[email] wrote:

"I can't wear BOXERS...My boys need a HOUSE!"

I don't remember what show this was from, but my favorite Kramer line is when he says:

"I'm like ice buddy. If I don't like you, you've got problems."

mk

In article , [email]� says...

is

One of my favs too!!! It's early in the same episode where George and some bald guy named Mike get into the argument on the street about parallel parking ....backing in or driving in....then they continue to fight over the same spot....BTW backing in is the correct way IMHO.

Situation: Kramer stopped wearing bikini briefs (they lower sperm count). He couldn't stand boxers, so he's going without.

Jerry: So you mean, there's only a couple a feet between ME and IT? Kramer: That's right, Jer. I'm out there, baby, and I'm LOVIN EVERY MINUTE OF IT!"

*Nat*

Also from the same episode...

"My boys need a home..."

and

"I'm flipping, I'm flopping...."

but all time great quote has to be...

"Giddyup.." , "Giddyup again..."

Uh, gotta say that was Jimmy who said "Jimmy's down!!!" Kramer was doped up on novicane (sp?) and couldn't speak.

I disagree, Kramer was talking the whole episode, but I distictly remember Jimmy saying "Jimmy's down!", I watched the episode twice (once two nights before it aired on my local station off satllite Galaxy 4)

How about this one:

But you will use a retractor? Mm hmm...

On Thu, 29 Aug 1996 19:13:18 -0800, [email] wrote:

Sorry, buy Jimmy say's "Jimmy's Down!!!".

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MATT LEBLANC ("Friends") "caught the eye of a busty young lady in a chic restaurant. And within 15 minutes the pair were headed hand in hand to the ladies room. They spent almost a half an hour alone... before Matt emerged lookming rumpled and disheveled."(Enquirer) Thoughts: 1) Matt must have a great pickup line, to get a complete stranger to sleep with him in less than fifteen minutes of talking. What do you suppose he says? POSSIBLE TOP PICKUP LINES OF MATT LEBLANC:

1) "Hi, I'm Matt LeBlanc, the star of Friends. You're looking very beautiful tonight. Would you like to go to the ladies room with me?"

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• LeBlanc. Friends. Bathroom. Now.

.................................................................................. 2) If you go to a famous Hollywood restaurant and there is a long line to get into the women's bathroom, do you suppose that means that Matt LeBlanc is having a long night?

3) I'm still focused on that time. Seduction in 15 minutes! How long do you suppose it would have taken other stars? a) Brad Pitt--2 minutes b) Sean Connery--4 minutes (9 minutes, w/o toupee) c) Jim Carrey--6 minutes (12 minutes, after "Cable Guy") d) Michael Douglas--8 minutes (only if wife is around-- works best under pressure) e) Madonna--3 minutes (but with guys, 7 minutes)

SEINFELD claims he comes up with his "best material" in the middle of the night so he bought his buxom girlfriend SHOSHONNA a life-sized Jerry doll so she won't get lonely when he gets up at night.(Globe)

Thoughts: 1) If Shoshonna isn't getting his "best material", then who is?

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2) If Seinfeld is worried that his YOUNG YOUNG girlfriend thinks him old and lethargic, how do you think he feels when he returns to the bedroom and finds SHOSHONNA and the dummy looking relaxed and each smoking cigarettes?

HEATHER LOCKLEAR makes about $70,000 per episode of Melrose Place.(Globe) Thoughts: 1) $70,000 per episode! If an episode is 44 minutes long without commercials, and figure that Heather appears in about 30 of those 44 minutes, that's about $2,300 a MINUTE! That's almost $40 a SECOND!

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CINDY CRAWFORD's career advice for prospective models: Know what's expected of you and be prepared to do it.(Cosmopolitan) Thoughts: 1) Hm.... but when, where, and how often, and should you insist that the photographer always use protection?

X-Files Gillian Anderson, whose first boyfriend was a Neo-Nazi, said, "I felt if somebody liked me, I was supposed to sleep with them."(Globe) Thoughts: [Gillian sitting around piles of fan mail, two weeks after this is published] "Dear Gillian, I really like you." [opens next letter] "Dear Gillian, I really like you." [opens next letter] "Dear Gillian, I really like you." Gillian looks around. "Jill? I can't weed out all these letters! Listen, can you go through them and just save the Nazi ones?"

TORI SPELLING says that she had a nose job when she was 16.(Star) Thoughts: 1) What exactly does that entail?

2) Do you think she went to the doctor's office, and they showed her a book of noses and told her to "pick one"?

3) What happened to the piece of her nose they cut off? Do you suppose if scientists find it in a million years they can clone some cells and clone a new Tori?

4) Do you think they could clone giant Tori's and put them in TORIASSIC PARK?

GEORGE CLOONEY paid for NUDE LAP DANCERS at a strip club.(Star) Thoughts: 1) I'm confused. A famous star has to pay for nude women?

2) Do you think it would help if Clooney walked around Rodeo Drive in Hollywood wearing a sandwich board which read, "I'm George Clooney. I'm playing Batman in the next Batman movie. Please, someone, go out with me!"

3) Do you think the lap dancers wore high heels? If so, do you think it could, ahem, hurt when they danced in George's lap?

YOUNG WOMEN camp out on OJ SIMPSON's lawn until they get invited inside.(Enquirer ) Thoughts: 1) I express no astonishment that young women everywhere want to flock to OJ's house to make out with the superstar. Instead, I wonder about the mechanics: Do they just go up to his house, ring the doorbell, and say, "We're available?"

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3) Do you suppose that OJ has a hunchback deaf-mute butler answer the door while OJ views the visitor from the window, giving a thumbs up or thumbs down?

Prince Charle's mistress CAMILLA PARKER-BOWLES is dressing up in almost the exact same clothes as Princess Di so she will LOOK LIKE DI!!! (Enquirer) Thoughts:

Camilla: "William, Harry, it's me, your mother, Diana."

Prince William: "Check her legs, Harry!"

Prince Harry, grabbing Camilla's legs: "Cellulite! This isn't Mum!"

MADONNA's fathering instrument, CARLOS LEON, has been spotted with at least two other women.(Examiner) Thoughts: 1) Do you think he's free-lancing?

2) If he's going into the fathering business, what sort of a reference do you think he gets from his past employer? Madonna: "He grunts a lot in bed but is very professional, gets the job done quickly."

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Write to [email] and write the following:

It was Jimmy and not Kramer who said "Jimmy's down!" as you'd typically expect. Kramer's mouth was so full of novocaine, he could hardly even speak.

How about "My boys need a house!"

HOME, HOME, they need a home!!! Typical girl (just kidding).

I do beg to differ, but it is indeed "House."

Typical boy.
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Dr. Jazz

Subject: Re: Best Kramer Quotes From: [email] (HSackerson) Date: 5 Sep 1996 14:41:38 -0400 Message-ID:

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I Second the Motion...My Boys Need a House...=Correct Line yes, I know.. I am a girl...

Lisa
It Shrinks..???
[email]
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