HOT GOSSIP re Seinfeld/Shoshanna!!!!

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Matt LeBlanc... Camilla Parker-Bowles... Seinfeld.... Heather Locklear.... David Duchovny... Madonna Brooke Shields...

HEATHER LOCKLEAR says that when she was married to Tommy Lee that she was "divorced in her head" years before she actually divorced him.(Movieline) Thoughts: 1) Divorced in her head. Do you suppose any other of Heather's divorced body parts started dating other guys while she was still married?

SHARON STONE attracts men by bending over in a short skirt or letting a lacy bra strap slide down one shoulder.(Enquirer) Thoughts: 1) The bending over I understand, but what's with the strap, how can she let that fall on command? Do you think she greases it up beforehand with vasoline, or something?

CAMILLA PARKER-BOWLES smells like a HORSE! (Enquirer) Thoughts: 1) When Prince Charles rides a horse, does he think of Camilla?

2) When Prince Charles rides Camilla, does he think of a horse?

JERRY SEINFELD keeps "Hustler" magazine in his car!(Star) Thoughts: 1) Always in easy reach, eh?

• What reason would Jerry give? Maybe.....

Jerry: "They're really Shoshanna's." OR Jerry: "They're a gift for Shoshanna." OR Jerry: "They're a gift from Shoshanna." OR Jerry: "They're somehow Shoshanna related." OR Jerry: "I'm looking over several possible new castmembers for the show."

BROOKE SHIELDS ("Suddenly Susan") has promised producers that she WON'T GET PREGNANT for 2 years!!!(Star) Thoughts: 1) What kind of promise did she make? Do you suppose she took a vow of celibacy?

2) Do you suppose the network sends a censor to her bedroom every night?

3) If the network sends a censor to her bedroom every night, do you suppose that Brooke's tennis star boyfriend, Agni Agnassi, beats him with a tennis racket?

COURTENEY COX ("Friends") has been dating DAVID DUCHOVNY ("X-files").(Examiner) Thoughts: 1) The X-files detective? Is he dating her, or investigating her? Duchovny: "Scully, this one is definitely an alien."

2) Or do you think that Duchovny is going back to making porno movies, and is looking to audition Courteney for a part?

MADONNA once saw SHARON STONE at a basketball game and sent over a card asking for a "big wet smooch" but Sharon refused!(Enquirer) Thoughts: 1) Do you think Madonna was not Sharon's type?

2) If so, what is Sharon's type? Do you think Sharon only prefers natural blondes? If an aide to Sharon said, "Sharon, we just got this card from Melissa Etheridge, it says she wants a big wet kiss." do you think Sharon would have said "Go away!", or "Clear my afternoon of all other appointments"?

SHARON STONE sexed a guy in an airport bathroom for 15 minutes!(Globe) Thoughts: 1) If Sharon knows all about doing this in bathrooms, shouldn't it be good if she put out a guide? If she did, would it look something like..... SHARON STONE'S GUIDE TO HOT BATHROOM MAKE- OUT SPOTS. a) Hotel bathrooms **** (4 stars) Sharon: "They're very good, very clean. The only problem is the washroom attendant. You always have to bribe him to bring a guy in, and he usually gets suspicious when he hears all the bumping and grinding in one of the stalls."

b) movie theater bathrooms (2 stars) Not bad, but floor littered with popcorn and soda.

c) airport bathrooms (3 stars) Also not bad,actually kind of a turn on when we hear the piped announcements for planes "dropping off cargo" or planes "taking off".

d) roller skating rink bathrooms (2 stars) Again not bad, but the problem is that the guy I'm with keeps rocking back and forth.....

MATT LEBLANC ("Friends") says that the girls he dates don't trust him, "They always think I'm cheating on them."(Star) Thoughts: 1) What can Matt do to convince his women that he is not cheating on them? Do you think it would help if he remembered their names? Matt: "I think you look so beautiful tonight, Kate, er, I mean, Kathy." Girlfriend: "My name is Jane!"

2) Do you think it would help if Matt kept facts about his women straight? Matt: "I really enjoyed that movie we saw last week." Girlfriend: "We didn't see any movies last week!"

3) And do you think it would help if Matt didn't date ONE HUNDRED AND TWENTY NINE different women every week, going thru them faster than a BOX OF TISSUES?

HEATHER LOCKLEAR says that her husband, Richie Sambora, gives her GIFTS after mating to show his appreciation!(Star) Thoughts: 1) What sort of gifts? Do you think Richie gives her a ticket after each sexing, and after Heather accumulates 100 or more she can trade them in for a clock radio or a stuffed animal?

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HOT HOLLYWOOD GOSSIP
          "OVER 9,900 SUBSCRIBERS AND GROWING!!!!"
                      Rated Top 5% by Point Survey
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                       [Composite Sample Issue]

George Clooney... Tori Spelling... Heather Locklear... Jennifer Aniston... Madonna... OJ Simpson... Cindy Crawford.... Seinfeld.... David Duchovny...

JENNIFER ANISTON ("Friends") was seen walking around with her hand stuffed in her boyfriend TATE DONOVAN's BACK POCKET! (Globe) Thoughts: 1) What was her hand doing there? Jennifer: "Oh, I was just looking for my keys" OR Jennifer: "My hand got caught in between-" OR Jennifer: "Tape said there was an engagement ring in there, somewhere." OR Jennifer: "Tape was sore from sitting down recently." OR Jennifer: "This way Tape can never cheat on me."

DAVID DUCHOVNY ("X Files") has convinced WINONA RYDER to date him as long as they "keep things casual".(Star) Thoughts: 1) Their sex too?

At one time, John F. Kennedy Jr. arrived home after a hard day of... whatever he does, to find MADONNA wrapped in NOTHING but plastic wrap.(Star) Thoughts: 1) If he put her in the fridge for later, would Madonna spoil? 2) Do you think JFK Jr has a kitchen cabinet where he keeps all his admiring women for later snacks?

HEATHER LOCKLEAR has signed on for two more years of Melrose Place, but only if she has to do LESS KISSING on the show.(Globe) Thoughts: 1) I'm a lawyer (surprise!) so I know what these sorts of contracts look like. Heather's could be something like this:

Section 41, Erotic Moments off Camera...

Section 42, Erotic Moments on Camera The parties hereby agree that

a) KISSING SCENES will be reduced 22%

b) flirting will be reduced 10%

c) Heather will only seduce characters where essential to the plot line,

d) Heather is not required to wear thongs, except during sweeps week

e) and Heather will not be required to have more than 8 on camera relationships per season in the coming years, PROVIDED THAT ratings do not decline, in which case Heather agrees to adhere to the alternate plot line, "HEATHER GETS AMNESIA AND IS DUMPED IN A NUDIST COLONY" for half a season.

(Globe) had a picture of CINDY CRAWFORD on Oprah talking about her makeup techniques, and the picture showed CINDY sticking her finger in her mouth! Thoughts: 1) Do you suppose she was telling Oprah about her all-star diet as well?

SEINFELD's girlfriend, SHOSHANNA, was seen KISSING an old boyfriend, and SEINFELD laughed when he heard about it!(Globe) Thoughts: 1) Why was he laughing? Do you think he had an attractive woman on his lap when he heard about it?

GEORGE CLOONEY has been linked to Julianne Phillips, Kimberly Russell, Karen Duffy, Naomi Campbell, and Courteney Cox!(Enquirer) Thoughts: 1) He's had a busy week!

TORI SPELLING says she's had "2 [chest] implant surgeries and I love the way they make me look. They make me feel s-o-o-o sexy. They're my trophies." Thoughts: 1) TWO surgeries? Between the first and the second one,do you think she walked around with one side big and one side small? 2) Now about the trophy business. Do you think Tori takes out her implants at night and hangs them on the wall next to moose and elk's heads?

YOUNG WOMEN camp out on OJ SIMPSON's lawn until they get invited inside.(Enquirer ) Thoughts: 1) I express no astonishment that young women everywhere want to flock to OJ's house to make out with the superstar. Instead, I wonder about the mechanics: Do they just go up to his house, ring the doorbell, and say, "We're available?"

2) Do you suppose that OJ's house is like a foreign embassy, with a long line of women snaking around the block, all waiting for entry visas?

3) Do you suppose that OJ has a hunchback deaf-mute butler answer the door while OJ views the visitor from the window, giving a thumbs up or thumbs down?

************************************************ Would you like to see more HOT HOLLYWOOD GOSSIP? Do as over 9,900 people in 49 countries do and subscribe! ************************************************ REAL Comments from REAL Subscribers: [email] said, "Your last issue was one of best. Cracked me up!" [email] says: "I want, no, I NEED Hot Hollywood Gossip!" [email] (90.5 Tahu FM) says: "Hey there! We're a small Radio Station in little 'ole Christchurch, New Zealand, and we LOVE!!!!!!! what we've been reading! ************************************************* HHG has received THREE STARS from Internet Underground magazine and is rated in the TOP 5% of the POINT SURVEY. ******************************************* Subscribe now! 1) IT'S FREE! You will NOT be asked for money 2) You can cancel at any time! 3) Your e-mail address will be kept private. 4) What have you got to lose? Do as over 9,900 people have done and Sign up now!

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See below...

                         HOT HOLLYWOOD GOSSIP!!!
          "OVER 8,600 SUBSCRIBERS AND GROWING!!!!"
                      Rated Top 5% by Point Survey
             Three Stars from Internet Underground Magazine
                       [Composite Sample Issue]

HOT GOSSIP about Heather Locklear... Gillian Anderson... Princess Di... Seinfeld... George Clooney... Tiffany Amber-Thiessen... Jennie Garth... OJ Simpson... Madonna... Courteney Cox.... Pamela Anderson... Xena...

At one time, John F. Kennedy Jr. arrived home after a hard day of... whatever he does, to find MADONNA wrapped in NOTHING but plastic wrap.(Star) Thoughts: 1) If he put her in the fridge for later, would Madonna spoil? 2) Do you think JFK Jr has a kitchen cabinet where he keeps all his admiring women for later snacks?

COURTENEY COX has a psychic named SHOOSHAN, who told her her to break up with MICHAEL KEATON, and COURTENEY OBEYED!!! (Examiner). Thoughts: 1) What else could the psychic get Courteney to do? Rather than leave it to the imagination, we've compiled a purely hypothetical list: ********************************************* THINGS THAT SHOOSHAN CAN GET COURTENEY TO DO A) Dress up like a chicken "It will get you a part in the next Ace Venture movie."

B) Give all her money to SHOOSHAN "I will manage it well for you."

C) Have her send Michael Keaton to SHOOSHAN "The stars say he was meant for me; but not to worry, you will find someone as well."

D) Ask the producers of FRIENDS to replace her with SHOOSHAN. "You need a movie career right now, FRIENDS is just dragging you down."

TERI HATCHER says that she will show the world that she is in such good shape after the have seen her strip NUDE in a new movie.(Star) Thoughts: 1) Such good shape... do you think Teri will be in such good shape that they will show her new film to inmates at the Anorexia Institute?

PRINCESS DI regularly goes to a clinic where she gets a foot massage to relieve nervous tension.(Star) Thoughts: 1) Her feet are nervous?

2) Is Di nervous about working hard at her job, or whether she'll have enough millions to support her family? Or does her nerves center around more important questions, such as "What shall I have for lunch?" and "Should I take these two designer dresses, or all of them?"

SEINFELD uses MEDICINE to GROW his HAIR.(Globe) Thoughts: 1) Just one. How does he explain it to his YOUNG girlfriend SHOSHANNA?

Sho: "Jerry, what is that smelly pink goo you've got in your hair?" Seinfeld: "It's a new sort of shampoo. It, uh, gets rids of dandruff."

2) Do you suppose if there were a machine that could ELECTRICALLY stimulate hair that Seinfeld would stick his head into it? How would he explain it to Shoshanna?

Sho: "Jerry, why do you stick your head into that machine? It looks like a huge electrical socket!" Jerry: "Yes, it sends an electrical current through which... stimulates my mind. It helps me think of jokes for the show, actually."

HEATHER LOCKLEAR caused two cars to collide when their drivers turned their heads to stare at her body.(Star)

Thoughts: 1) Do you think male drivers who live in Heather's neighborhood have to pay higher auto insurance premiums?

2) Don't you think it would be wise for Heather to stay away from busy intersections?

YOUNG WOMEN camp out on OJ SIMPSON's lawn until they get invited inside.(Enquirer ) Thoughts: 1) I express no astonishment that young women everywhere want to flock to OJ's house to make out with the superstar. Instead, I wonder about the mechanics: Do they just go up to his house, ring the doorbell, and say, "We're available?"

2) Do you suppose that OJ's house is like a foreign embassy, with a long line of women snaking around the block, all waiting for entry visas?

3) Do you suppose that OJ has a hunchback deaf-mute butler answer the door while OJ views the visitor from the window, giving a thumbs up or thumbs down?

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see below...

                           HOT HOLLYWOOD GOSSIP
          "OVER 9,900 SUBSCRIBERS AND GROWING!!!!"
                      Rated Top 5% by Point Survey
             Three Stars from Internet Underground Magazine
                       [Composite Sample Issue]

George Clooney... Tori Spelling... Heather Locklear... Jennifer Aniston... Madonna... OJ Simpson... Cindy Crawford.... Seinfeld.... David Duchovny... Garret Wang...

JENNIFER ANISTON ("Friends") was seen walking around with her hand stuffed in her boyfriend TATE DONOVAN's BACK POCKET! (Globe) Thoughts: 1) What was her hand doing there? Jennifer: "Oh, I was just looking for my keys" OR Jennifer: "My hand got caught in between-" OR Jennifer: "Tape said there was an engagement ring in there, somewhere." OR Jennifer: "Tape was sore from sitting down recently." OR Jennifer: "This way Tape can never cheat on me."

DAVID DUCHOVNY ("X Files") has convinced WINONA RYDER to date him as long as they "keep things casual".(Star) Thoughts: 1) Their sex too?

At one time, John F. Kennedy Jr. arrived home after a hard day of... whatever he does, to find MADONNA wrapped in NOTHING but plastic wrap.(Star) Thoughts: 1) If he put her in the fridge for later, would Madonna spoil? 2) Do you think JFK Jr has a kitchen cabinet where he keeps all his admiring women for later snacks?

Star Trek Voyager's GARRET WANG was SUSPENDED from the show for several weeks because he MADE A SCENE when a bartender wouldn't let him have another drink . He also spends a lot of time gambling and is late to work.(Star) Thoughts: 1) Do you think Captain Janeway will punish him? Janeway: "Mr. Kim, please bend over my lap."

Kim complies.

Janeway takes out her phaser, adjusts the setting: "I'll be lenient this time and set it to "moderate spanking"."

HEATHER LOCKLEAR has signed on for two more years of Melrose Place, but only if she has to do LESS KISSING on the show.(Globe) Thoughts: 1) I'm a lawyer (surprise!) so I know what these sorts of contracts look like. Heather's could be something like this:

Section 41, Erotic Moments off Camera...

Section 42, Erotic Moments on Camera The parties hereby agree that

a) KISSING SCENES will be reduced 22%

b) flirting will be reduced 10%

c) Heather will only seduce characters where essential to the plot line,

d) Heather is not required to wear thongs, except during sweeps week

e) and Heather will not be required to have more than 8 on camera relationships per season in the coming years, PROVIDED THAT ratings do not decline, in which case Heather agrees to adhere to the alternate plot line, "HEATHER GETS AMNESIA AND IS DUMPED IN A NUDIST COLONY" for half a season.

(Globe) had a picture of CINDY CRAWFORD on Oprah talking about her makeup techniques, and the picture showed CINDY sticking her finger in her mouth! Thoughts: 1) Do you suppose she was telling Oprah about her all-star diet as well?

SEINFELD's girlfriend, SHOSHANNA, was seen KISSING an old boyfriend, and SEINFELD laughed when he heard about it!(Globe) Thoughts: 1) Why was he laughing? Do you think he had an attractive woman on his lap when he heard about it?

GEORGE CLOONEY has been linked to Julianne Phillips, Kimberly Russell, Karen Duffy, Naomi Campbell, and Courteney Cox!(Enquirer) Thoughts: 1) He's had a busy week!

TORI SPELLING says she's had "2 [chest] implant surgeries and I love the way they make me look. They make me feel s-o-o-o sexy. They're my trophies." Thoughts: 1) TWO surgeries? Between the first and the second one,do you think she walked around with one side big and one side small? 2) Now about the trophy business. Do you think Tori takes out her implants at night and hangs them on the wall next to moose and elk's heads?

YOUNG WOMEN camp out on OJ SIMPSON's lawn until they get invited inside.(Enquirer ) Thoughts: 1) I express no astonishment that young women everywhere want to flock to OJ's house to make out with the superstar. Instead, I wonder about the mechanics: Do they just go up to his house, ring the doorbell, and say, "We're available?"

2) Do you suppose that OJ's house is like a foreign embassy, with a long line of women snaking around the block, all waiting for entry visas?

3) Do you suppose that OJ has a hunchback deaf-mute butler answer the door while OJ views the visitor from the window, giving a thumbs up or thumbs down?

************************************************ Would you like to see more HOT HOLLYWOOD GOSSIP? Do as over 9,900 people in 49 countries do and subscribe! ************************************************ REAL Comments from REAL Subscribers: [email] said, "Your last issue was one of best. Cracked me up!" [email] says: "I want, no, I NEED Hot Hollywood Gossip!" [email] (90.5 Tahu FM) says: "Hey there! We're a small Radio Station in little 'ole Christchurch, New Zealand, and we LOVE!!!!!!! what we've been reading! ************************************************* HHG has received THREE STARS from Internet Underground magazine and is rated in the TOP 5% of the POINT SURVEY. ******************************************* Subscribe now! 1) IT'S FREE! You will NOT be asked for money 2) You can cancel at any time! 3) Your e-mail address will be kept private. 4) What have you got to lose? Do as over 9,900 people have done and Sign up now!

Write to [email] and write the following: