The TRUE story of seven newsgroup members...

S07E13 The SevenretroJun 20, 19982 years later4 posts by 3 posters
🌀 Off topic

Newsgroup members create an off-topic parody mixing Seinfeld's "The Seven" episode with a fictional roommate scenario featuring intentionally poor spelling and absurdist humor.

4 posts
DAVID H
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PART TOO BY DAVID H:
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ICE: HEY SMUGGRAB HOO DO YOU THING WILL BE OUR SEVENTH ROOMMATE CAUSE IF IT;S A NICE WON THIS CULD BE FUN BUT IF AND UM ITS; A MEAN WON I;M LEEVING!!!1!

SMUBRAB: I HOPE ITS; A NICE WON A I HOPE IT;S A GUY LIKE **SEAN** HOO IS HUNG LIEK A PAMPLONA BULL!!!1!!

LYNNSTER: I HOPE IT IS SOME WON HOO IS NICE TO SMALL ANIMALS AND KNOS HOW TO CLEAN CAGES CAUSE THAOT WOULD BE FUN BUT **NO** MEAN WONS.

INTER DAVID H: HI!!!1!! I;M THE SEVENTH ROOMIE HEY I WAKE UP IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NITE SCREEMING "INCOMING!!! INCOMING!!!" IS THAT GONG TO BE A PROBLEM CAUSE I F IT IS THEY YOLE PROBERLY KICK ME OUT CAUSE THEY ALL WAYS KICK OUT THE GUY NAMED DAVID.

LYNNSTER: UH OH!

SMUBRAB: UH OH!

ICE: HEY HANDS OFF HIM SUMBBRARD HES; **MY** ROOOMATE. DAVID HAVE YOU EVER PLAYED "BRADY BUNCH" BEFORE? I;LL BE THE DAD. YOLE BE BOBBY. AND YOR SCARD OF THE GOST OUT SIDE COMING OUT OF THE ATTIC AND YOU CRALW INTO BED WITH ME. OK??

DAVID: YUCK! NO WAY! I TOLE YOU I WAS BY **POLAR** NOT BY SECXUAL!! OH AND THAT *WAS* DROOL ON MY PILLO NOT *SOMETHINK ELSE*.!!!1!

ML: OH I LOV A MAN HOO DROOLS. HE;S MY ROOMATE.

ICE: NO MINE. ITS; THE STORY, OF A LOVELIE ICEBREKER, WHO WAS BRING UP 3 LOVELIE BOYS OF HIS OWN. ALL OF THEM HAD HAIR OF GOLD, JUST LIEK AN UNDERWEAR MODEL, BUT THEY WERE ALL ALONE.

ML: HEY DAVID H WHOTS; THAT YOU HAVE WITH YOU?

DAVDI: OH THOT THOTS MY ANT FARM BUT I HAVN;T QUITE FIGGERED OUT HOW TO KEEP THEM INSIDE CAUSE THER;S NO LID ON IT.

LYNNSTER: OH THIS WILL WORK OUT JUST FINE. I FOR SEE NO PROBLEMS HEAR...

ICE: DAVID, I MEAN BOBBY, HOW BOUT YOU COME INTO MY DEN AND I;LL MAKE THOSE ANTS HURT SO GOOD!

DAVID: NO WAY! MY BODY IS MY TEMPEL AND ONLY NUMBER ELEVENS ARE ALLOWED IN. AND THEY ALL COME IN THE **FRONT** DOOR!!1!! CAPESH?

SMUBRAD: WHOTS THAT SMELL?

ML: YEAH WHOTS THAT SMELL?

JAY: IT SMELL S LIKE A DEAD ANIMAL!

DAVID H; OH THOTS ME I WAS ROLLING AROUND ON THE GROUND IN THE WOODS CAUSE THEIR WAS A REAL NEAT DEAD POSSUM OUT THERE AND ME THINK IT FUN TO ROLL AROUND WITH IT!! I HAD TO FITE OFF A DOG FOR IT! IT WAS *MY* POSSUMN AND DOGG HAD TO LEAVE! HOO WON;TS SKITTLES?

LYNNSTER: I;M OUTTA HEAR.

SMUGRAP IN CONFESSIONAL: OH AND THEN WHEN DAVID H SHOWED UP SMELLING LIEK A DEAD POSSUM I JUST WENT BALLISTIC CAUSE HE STUNK UP THE HOLE ROOM AND MAN WE WERE ALL GONG WILD OVER IT CAUSE ICE WAS TOSSING COOKIES AND LYNNSTUR LEFT AND JAY WAS VOMITTING TOO. HE HAS TO BATHE MORE. HE JIST HAS TO.

DAVIDH: HEY LETS BE PRETENSHIOUS AND HAVE A STOOPID FITE AND THEN CRY AND MAKE UP CAUSE, AFTER ALL, IT;S GOOD DRAMA TO LEARN AND GROW.

ICE: YEAH LET;S FORM CLICKS AND ISOLATE SOME WON....A *MEAN* WON.

DAVIDH; YOU SOUND MEAN! HOO DO YOU THING YOU ARE VANILLA ICEBREKER. HAHAHAHA. BESIDES MY FEELINS ARE HURT AND I NEED SOME CLOSE UPS OF MY TEERS AND I;LL GET ON THE FONE AND START HOWLING OVER SOMETHINK AND THAT;S A GOOD DRAMA SCEEN FOR TODAY. LITES CAMERA *ACTION*.

SMUGRAT: OK DAVID YOU MUST CLEEN UP THAT FOWL ODER IS DRIVING MY DAINTY LITTLE NOSE NUTS!

DUAVID H: WAHHHHH@@!!! YOU ALL HATE ME@! YOR A MEAN WON! YOU JUS T HAVE NO IDEA WHOT ITS; LIKE BENG ME AND THE INNER TURMOIL YUOUVE CAUSE ME BE UNBEARABLE. AS LONG AS SMUBRAD IS IN THIS HOUSE, DAVID H WILL NOT STAY IN THIS HOUSE!

SMUGRAT: YOR GANGING UP ON THE SMUGRAD! SMUGRAD RULES! DAVID H BLOWS!

DAVID: YOU WISH!

SMUGRAT: I;M GETTINGON MY BIKE AND LEEVING DUDE.

DAVIDH: BUY. LUNNSTER: BUY. ML: BUY. ICE: BUY: JAY: BUY.

LATER THOT NITE ON THE SPEEKER PHONE:

DAVID: SMUBRAF WE TOOK A VOTE AND WERE KICKING YOU OUT. PLUS YOU TRIED TO RAPE SOME WON OR SOMETHINK.

SMU: OH AND *THIS* IS HOW YOU TELL ME ON THE FONE?

ICE: HON WE ASKED YOU TO COME HEAR AND YOU SAID NO.

SMU: I THING THIS IS PRETTY LOUSLY AND YYOU HAVE BEEN TRYING TO SPOONFEED ME YOR PARENTS MORALS.

ICE: OH I;VE BEEN TRYING TO SPOON FEED YOU BUT IT;S NOT MORALS I;VE BEEN PUTTING IN THAT "SPOON".

SMU: LATER DUDE.

DAIVH: SMU IT WAS ME AND YOU JUST ME AND YOU AND YOU WERE THE WIND BENEATH MY WINGS.

SMU: DAVID THAT WASN;T "WIND" THAT WAS YOUR NUMBER ELEVEN. BY.

DAVID: BUY. LYNN: BUY. ICE: BUY. JAY: BUY. ML: BUY.

***********************************3 HOO;S DONING EPISODE THREEE????
DAVID HDAVID H

RATBOY!! JUST WHIN I FERGOT ABOT YOU HEAR YOU POP UP AGAN!!1! I WAS JUST ABOT TO LEEVE THE JEFFREY SENFELT ROOM FOREVR AND THEN YOU DO THIS VIOLATING OUR TREETIE. IT;S NICE TO NO WHEAR YOR HART IS AND WHOT YOR WERD IS WIRTH! THANGS FOR SHWNG YOR TROO COLLERS.

SO LOOK OUT SENFELT HEAR I COM!!!

THIS HAS BEEN A PUBLICK SERVISE ANNOUNSMINT BY YORS TROOLIE DAVID H!

pkirbyDAVID H

Hooked on Phonics really worked for you, didn't it? :-)

J.P. KIRBY | Fredericton, New Brunswick, Canada E-mail me at | From the pages of the 1998 NB Travel Planner: [email] | "Some attractions have extended summer or [email] | operating hours to allow visitors to enjoy
blizzardDAVID H

In article , [email] wrote:

[post snipped]

This post reminded me of a "famous song"...

"Ice, ice baby..." [shot of Vanilla ice looking like a poorman's leather Elvis]

Very truly yours,

Ron

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