SEINFELD uses MEDICINE to GROW his HAIR.(Globe) Thoughts: 1) Just one. How does he explain it to his YOUNG girlfriend SHOSHANNA?
Sho: "Jerry, what is that smelly pink goo you've got in your hair?" Seinfeld: "It's a new sort of shampoo. It, uh, gets rids of dandruff."
2) Do you suppose if there were a machine that could ELECTRICALLY stimulate hair that Seinfeld would stick his head into it? How would he explain it to Shoshanna?
Sho: "Jerry, why do you stick your head into that machine? It looks like a huge electrical socket!" Jerry: "Yes, it sends an electrical current through which... stimulates my mind. It helps me think of jokes for the show, actually."
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HOT GOSSIP about.... Prince Charles... Jennifer Aniston... OJ Simpson... Brooke Shields.... Seinfeld.... Heather Locklear.... Cybill... The Single Guy.... Candice Bergen...
SHARON STONE wears BRAS that are one size TOO SMALL!(Enquirer) Thoughts: 1) Do you think Sharon gets clamp marks on her primary areas?
2) You know how when you lean on your leg and cut off the blood supply that your leg falls asleep? Do you think Sharon can feel part of herself falling asleep when she wears those tight bras?
3) Do you think Sharon purposely put parts of herself to sleep in BASIC INSTINCT before she did the love scenes with Michael Douglas?
HEATHER LOCKLEAR VIDEOTAPES her mating with her husband, Richie Sambora!(Star) Thoughts: 1) Another nocturnal film star, eh? Do you think they put on makeup before they film, and if so, where do you think they put it?
2) Do you think they have a script? Heather: "Act 4, Scene 2. Richie goes back and forth rapidly." Richie: "But didn't we just film that scene yesterday?" Heather: "No, that was Act 2, Scene 1, on the kitchen counter. Today we are on the ping-pong table."
3) If they put their video in a time capsule and 4000 years from now aliens unearth it and watch it, do you think they would say, "Why is the female always on top?"
CANDICE BERGEN ("The Dime Lady") has had the wrinkles removed from her neck!(Globe) Thoughts: 1) In the picture I saw her neck also looked LONGER. Do you think they just pulled her head up and away from her body until her neck stretched so much that all the wrinkles straightened out?
OJ SIMPSON was TURNED AWAY from a fancy restaurant in Hollywood!(Star) Thoughts: 1) When OJ orders takeout food thru a drive-thru window, do you think he has to disguise his voice to get good service?
JENNIFER ANISTON ("Friends") smokes CIGARS, gets $100,000 per FRIENDS episode, and just bought a beige Mercedes convertable.(Star) Thoughts: 1) Cigars? When the script requires David Schwimmer to kiss her, does he get hazard pay?
2) $100,000 per episode? Jennifer plays a coffee waitress, right? Wouldn't it be cheaper to get a REAL coffee waitress to play the part? She would be grateful to get $100,000 per YEAR, and producers could use the extra money to find a replcaement for Courteney Cox....
PRINCE CHARLES EATS FLOWERS!(Enquirer) Thoughts: 1) When the royal family goes to the royal gardens, do people walking behind them hear munching sounds and then notice that all the flowers only have stems?
Do you think Charles uses a toothpick to remove thorns?
3) Do you think the Queen can be seen walking around her flowers using a salt & pepper shaker?
4) Do you think the reason that Charles has a long neck is so he can pick the leaves off of low-lying trees?
CYBILL, star of "Cybill", drives around with a LIFESIZE DOLL called "Safety Man".(Enquirer) Thoughts: 1) Can't make it with the real thing, eh?
2) Is he called Safety Man because he's the only guy that Cybill can be with who won't, er, you know....
3) If Cybill ever married Safety Man, do you think that on the Groom's side of the aisle at the wedding would be a series of helium balloons with smiley faces painted on them?
Jonathan Silverman, who plays "The Single Guy", has a JEALOUS girlfriend who HATES IT when he dates women on camera.(Star) Thoughts: 1) How could a plot line be devised that would satisfy his girlfriend? "This season on The Single Guy: The Single Guy joins a monastary! And later this season, The Single Guy will join the all-male crew of the Soviet space station Mir for six months!"
BROOKE SHIELDS ("Suddenly Stupid") has "six tips to be successful".(Globe) Thoughts: 1) Instead of wasting your time with Brooke's useless tips from her public relations department, I'd thought I'd show what might be
BROOKE SHIELD'S REAL TIPS FOR SUCCESS 1) To get a guest spot on "Friends", send a picture of yourself to Matt LeBlanc. Oh, and it helps if you're not wearing anything in the photo.
2) If a producer says that he will get you a part on his show if you sleep with him, first check out whether he really is a producer. There are a lot of strange people in hollywood, and you have to be careful.
3) If you are doing a nude scene on the beach make sure that you are on top. Otherwise you can get some painful sand in your bottom.
4) If you want to get A's at Princeton, major in subjects like candlestick making, acting, or guys.
5) Last but not least, if you want to be like me, pencil in your eyebrows about twice as dark as your complexion and never speak a sentence with more than 8 words. It's always worked for me.
JERRY SEINFELD bought his girlfriend SHOSHANNA a $200,000 engagement ring!(Enquirer) Thoughts: 1) Do you think it costs so much because Jerry got it with a 5 year money back warranty?
2) If Jerry was feeling generous, do you think he included it as a gift to Shoshanna in the pre-nuptual agreement?
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